Small Things Are Saving Me This Winter

by jphilo | Feb 28, 2022 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Self-Care and Stress

Small Things Are Saving Me This Winter

Small things are saving me this winter. Just like they did last February when I wrote about how small acts of mothering and fathering add up to create a big thing—a caregiver’s sacrificial life.

The small things saving me this year are more mundane, but no less crucial, as the pandemic has not allowed life to return to what the rest of the world hoped it would be by now. Once the pandemic does wane, the lives of many parents raising kids with disabilities and special needs will still be marked by health concerns, sacrificial caregiving, and constant stress. We will still need to identify the small things that spark gratitude and help us persevere.

I created such a list to remind myself that God is at work in the small things of my life. Written in no particular order, it’s obvious that the small things are saving me, and that many of them are very small indeed.

My Yeti thermos. I like my hot beverages really hot. My Yeti keeps my tea or coffee hot for a really, really long time. That means I can sip whatever’s in the thermos for an hour or more, something I also love.
Libraries. Reading is my favorite leisure time activity, and libraries allow me to read in whatever format I want—hardcover, Kindle, or audio—without spending a penny. I also check out books and movies to share with our multigenerational family and take my 3-year-old granddaughter to library story time every week, also for free.
Our Instant Pot. My daughter and I purchased one on Black Friday. I still have a lot to learn about it, but already enjoy throwing ingredients in the pot an hour before supper and serving up soup that tastes like it’s been simmering all day.

To read the rest of Small Things Are Saving Me, visit Key Ministry’s blog for special needs parents.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. The first book in her cozy mystery series, See Jane Run!, features people with disabilities and will be released in June of 2022.

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The Importance of Self-Care for Caregivers, Part 1

The importance of self-care for caregivers is a reality Heather Johnson lives with. In this post she tells how her efforts to save fighting conchs on the beach reminded her of the importance of self-care for caregivers.

As I walked along Marco Island’s shore, I saw hundreds of fighting conchs brought in by the tide with life inside their shells. I knew I couldn’t save them all, but I scooped up all my hands could hold. All had special needs.

You see, fighting conchs try their best to survive being beached. Sometimes they try to claw themselves closer to the water where high tide will take them home. But sometimes they are washed up with their shell openings facing up. Only a sweep of high tide might save. Or someone might notice and help.

Had I simply thrown the fighting conchs back into the sea, they would mostly likely have died from the impact. Fighting conchs are fragile creatures despite their hard exteriors. They must be placed gently onto their soft seabed to recover their strength.

Cradling them in my cupped hands, I stepped into the salty water, past the surf’s pushing and pulling, and placed them where they would not just survive but thrive.

After turning and walking back to the beach, I thought about the three children my husband and I scooped up in our arms and carried gently to their new home far from the Russian orphanage near the Bay of Finland’s shore.

Our quarter-century family journey has had its ebbs and flows, its crashing and calm as I’m sure all families have. Within a couple years, however, our family had files full of testing reports with numerous diagnoses—all three kids had invisible, permanent disabilities stemming from fetal alcohol exposure. Specialists and therapies became a permanent part of our family. Many still help us today, now that our kids are adults.

But our kids aren’t the only ones with special needs. Trying my best to take care of our kids, I neglected my own needs and developed my own disability—debilitating depression with agonizing anxiety. My brain defied me. I felt washed up, desperate, and vulnerable as a fighting conch unable to claw its way back to sea. I’m thankful for the compassionate care of family and friends along with medication and therapy that brought me gently back to health. And I learned the importance of prioritizing self-care so I’m able to offer the best care long-term to those I love.

Where are you today with self-care? Swimming along just fine, living well with the stress of life? Or are you washed up, in desperate need of compassionate care from yourself and others? If you’re anything like me, sometimes it’s hard to let people see beyond your shiny shell to care for your sometimes fragile soul. Might I gently encourage you to take care of you?

Be kind to yourself by taking care of yourself. Seek health in all forms—mental, physical, and relational. You work so hard at helping others. Do them the best favor by giving yourself the same compassionate care.

For tips on specific ways to improve self-care mentally, physically, and relationally, see The Importance of Self-Care for Caregivers, Part 2.

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Heather MacLaren Johnson and her husband have three kids, all five and under when adopted from Russia. Now young adults, all need regular help with their multiple, permanent, invisible disabilities stemming from prenatal exposure to alcohol (FASD).

Heather has B.S. in Education and a doctorate in Clinical Psychology. She is the author of Grace, Truth, & Time: Facilitating Small Groups That Thrive and has published personal essays in The Wonder Years: 40 Women Over 40 on Aging, Faith, Beauty, and Strength (Kregel Publications) and Your Story Matters: Finding, Writing, and Living the Truth of Your Life (NavPress). She’s writing a memoir about her family’s journey through hidden disabilities and mental illness to encourage others to greater intimacy with God and each other through times of desolation and lament.

Heather and her husband of 27 years live with two horses, two dogs, two barn cats, and a bunch of silk plants she just dusts. Heather writes and photographs at www.truelifewithgod.com.