We Are FOR Parents and Children

by jphilo | Sep 7, 2022 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Self-Care and Stress, Special Needs Parenting

We Are FOR Parents and Children

We are for parents and children with special needs and disabilities here at Different Dream. Therefore, I am delighted to introduce you to new guest blogger Heather Braucher. Today she begins her five part I Am FOR You series. In it she’ll share her thoughts about how God demonstrates how He is FOR every member of your special needs family and how we can show others that we are with them too.

The room was pitch black, minus the dull glow from the star stickers on the ceiling. The sound of pouring rain from the white noise app was at max volume, but it still couldn’t drown out Garrett’s tapping and Jackson’s clicking as they waited for sleep to wash over them. Every tap and click made my body tense. At this point, I was convinced that my boys would never fall asleep and this day would never end.

This was a typical bedtime experience so my brain did know the boys would inevitably fall asleep. But fatigue—be it emotional, physical or mental—did not care what my brain should know to be true. Fatigue doesn’t care how much I actually love my sweet boys and their cuddles. Fatigue pays no mind to the fact that once they fall asleep, my heart will leap a little as I peek at their peaceful faces. No.

Fatigue only wants to hijack the brain with feelings of desperation. So as I stare at the stars on the ceiling and try to remain perfectly still, my fatigue-hijacked mind struggles to keep hope that the bit of solitude I am desperately clinging for is within reach.

But then, it happens. Stillness and slow breathing. They are asleep! I made it! The day’s requests and whines have ceased. No more sibling arguments and sensory overload for mommy. And if I can keep my eyes open, I can enjoy a couple hours to myself. But as I move on to this long-awaited part of my day, like clockwork, instead of resting in my solitude my brain starts to reflect and condemn! I ask myself questions.

Why does it take them so long to fall asleep?
Will they ever grow out of this?
Why do they even want to cuddle with me?
Was I even nice to be around? I wish I didn’t get so impatient!

And then I pray, “Lord, help them not remember me like this, exhausted, irritable, and quick-tempered.”

I remember early on a veteran mom told me, “You are going to make mistakes as a parent. It is impossible not to. But thank God we can ask for HIS mercy to wash our mistakes away and HIS grace to fill in the gap.” She encouraged me to bring self-condemnation to the Lord when it came.

So every night, I bring it all to the Lord.

And you know what happens? Instead of receiving a “Yup, you’re right Heather. You could’ve done so much better,” I feel a calm in my spirit and an affirmation that flawed as I am, I have a God who sees me, knows my heart for my family, and knows my desire to love well.

The Lord helps me see that at the end of those long arduous bedtime routines, when that silence finally comes—after all the those repetitive clicks and taps—HE reminds me that no matter how much fatigue will try to hold me captive, I am FOR my children! And the same for you too mama. WE are FOR our children!

When you are weary and your lens is muddied by fatigue, remember in your heart of hearts, that fatigue can often be a side effect of great love poured out. And don’t worry, the well will never run dry!

In this next installment of this series I look forward to sharing how I work to communicate to my children that I am FOR them.

Part 1: We are FOR Parents and Children
Part 2: Mothers are FOR their Children with Disabilities and Special Needs
Part 3: Caregiving Spouses are FOR Each Other
Part 4: Caregiving Moms are FOR Other Caregiving Moms
Part 5: Jesus is FOR Caregiving Parents

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Heather Braucher is a member of the “Braucher Bunch” aka her energetic family of 5. The bunch includes her husband and their three children, all of whom are dominant and extroverted and are going to change the world (if she can keep them alive!) She has always held a passion for writing, but motherhood has given her a reason to share her experiences, heartaches, and victories with others. In her writing you will hear stories of hope as well as grief, as her family has navigated life in ministry in the US and overseas, all while discovering that 2 of her children have special needs. Her desire is to provide others with connection, understanding, encouragement and laughter, all washed with the love of Christ.

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Is Medicating Mental Illness the Best Plan?

Is medicating mental illness the best plan? This important question often feels like the elephant in the room. In today’s post, guest blogger Lisa Pelissier discusses both sides of an issue concerning to many parents raising kids with special needs.

Conventional western medicine is steeped in pharmaceutical tradition.

Headaches mean ibuprofen. Does your stomach hurt? Take Pepto Bismol or Tums. Or have the doctor give you something stronger. High blood pressure? Prescription. Infection? Antibiotics. Want to avoid sickness altogether? Vaccinations.

For every problem, there’s a remedy.

In the unconventional circles in which I walk, largely the homeschool world and the church, people lean toward natural remedies over drugs. Herbs. Essential oils. Amber beads. Avoiding meat. Eating only meat. Keto. Gluten-free. The GAPS diet. Chicken soup. Elderberries. The list goes on. Everyone has an answer.

But in the case of mental illness, there seem to be no good answers.

There are drugs that can treat mental illness. The battle to determine which one may work for the particular condition being treated can be daunting. Once you find something that mitigates the symptoms, there are side effects. Weight gain. Drowsiness. Rash. Muscle spasms. Patients are left to navigate which is the lesser of two evils.

What about natural remedies? Do they exist? Maybe. Some things help some people. The same things don’t help someone else. And no essential oil is going to quiet the voices in the head of someone with psychosis.

Where is the church in all this?

Often, the church insists that mental illness is a soul-sickness, not a physical one. “Just have more faith,” someone will say. Or “Confess your secret sins.” Then you’ll be freed from depression and anxiety. Maybe an exorcism will drive away the demons. Maybe the demons are attacking a person because their soul was on the wrong path in the first place. Maybe the patient deserves to be sick. I think most people, if they stop to think logically, will realize that mental illness is not the same as demon possession or demon oppression.

It shouldn’t be assumed that someone with mental illness has slipped away from the faith, has secret sins, or deserves what they got. If mental illness were merely a soul-sickness, then psych medications would not work. You can’t medicate the devil away from you. You can’t drug yourself into having faith. You can’t prescribe a remedy that sucks the secret sins out of your heart.

Psych meds do work. I’ve seen it happen to members of my immediate family. Multiple members of my immediate family.

Still there is a reluctance to try medications for what is obviously a physical ailment. Some of this hesitance is legitimate. The side effects of psych meds can be unacceptable. Sometimes the medications don’t fix the problem, or they even make things worse. Some of the unwillingness is misguided. Like worrying that you will lose your personality or become someone different if you take medications that affect your neurological system. Or worrying that people will think less of you if you take medications meant to affect your mood. (They will—but that’s because of their mistaken assumptions.) Some people are reluctant to medicate their children because they feel like it mean’s they’ve failed, or because they don’t want to admit that their children are sick, especially when, to all appearances, their children are just fine.

Should you put your child on psych medication?

Maybe.
Maybe not.

But it is definitely something to seriously consider. Let your prejudices go. Mental illness is a physical illness and a degenerative one. That is, it gets worse. If left untreated it will get worse more quickly. Statistics show that 8.4% of all U.S. adults have had a major depressive episode. In 2020 alone, 581 Americans aged 10-14 committed suicide. And 21% of all U.S. adults are living with mental illness. That’s one in five people. And less than half of those are receiving treatment.

This is not rare. It’s not the patient’s fault. It’s not the parents’ fault. It’s not a reflection of a person’s spiritual health.

On the contrary, constantly living with this kind of a “thorn in the side” builds both character and strength. So consider your options carefully. Love those around you. And take time to look at the mentally ill the same way you would look at cancer patients—as people fighting for their lives.

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Lisa Pelissier lives in Oregon where she is a homeschooling mother of four (three with disabilities) and author of three middle-grade fiction novels. Lisa owns SneakerBlossom Books, offering Christian, classical homeschool Study Guides and curriculum. She also works as a freelance copy editor, an artist, a substitute teacher, and a tutor. In her spare time Lisa enjoys playing the piano and fretting about things over which she has no control. Email Lisa at sneakerblossom@yahoo.com or connect on Facebook.