What Did Mary Worry About?

What Did Mary Worry About?

What Did Mary Worry About?

What did Mary worry about after her baby was born? 

Gasp and sacrilege! How dare I entertain the idea of the mother of God worrying about the divine child entrusted to her care. Until I remember that though this baby boy was fully divine and fully human, his mother was not.  

The divinity of Jesus came from the Holy Spirit who is God. The humanity of Jesus came from Mary, who was wholly human. 

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit didn’t have to worry–it’s a perk of being the triune God. 

But Mary–she’s a different story. Especially in light of her story.

She was a first time mom. An unwed teenager.
She endured a grueling donkey ride late in her pregnancy.
She went through labor and delivery in a stable without electricity or running water.
Her baby slept in the manger where hungry animals bellied up for breakfast.

Other than those immediate, trifling matters, what did Mary worry about when they took their baby home?

Infanticide. The Magi had told Herod the Great that they were going to worship a great king born in Bethlehem in Judea. To stomp out the competition Herod the Great, ruler of Judea, ordered the slaughter of all baby boys in Bethlehem ages 2 and younger (Matthew 2:16). 

Illegal immigration. God warned Joseph of what Herod was about to before it happened, so Joseph and his family fled to Egypt. (Matthew 2:13-14). The same Egypt where the Israelites had been enslaved before God appointed Moses lead them to freedom. Perhaps not a country that welcomed Jewish illegal aliens.

To read the rest of What Did Mary Worry About?, visit Key Ministry’s blog for special needs parents.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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The Dread of the Unknown

The Dread of the Unknown

The Dread of the Unknown

The dread of the unknown grabbed hold of our grandson when he was three. He was playing in the living room when a sun came out from behind a cloud, striping the floor with light and dark.

“Grammy, what’s that?” he asked, pointing at the dark bit.

“It’s called a shadow.”

“What’s a shad-e-ow?” He got the “shad” part right, but pronounced the “ow” like the end of radio.

“It’s what objects and people make when they stand in the sun. The light can’t get through so it forms a dark outline–a shadow.”

“I don’t like shad-e-ows. Make them go away.”

In that moment, a fear was born.

No matter what we said.
No matter that we showed him how shadows come and go without harm.
No matter how often we showed him it didn’t hurt to stomp on someone’s shadow.
No matter how many times we grabbed at shadows and couldn’t catch them.

His fear of shadows was real. It was debilitating. It ruled his days for almost a year. And then it slipped away, as silent and insubstantial as a shad-e-ow.

My grandson’s dread of the unknown wasn’t much different than what I experienced after our medically fragile baby was born. I spent the first year of his life in the grips of fear.

What if he died? He didn’t.
What if he got sick again? He did get sick. A lot. And then he got better.
What if I couldn’t pump enough breast milk for him? Somehow, there was always enough.

No matter the good things that happened.
No matter how often my fears didn’t come true.
No matter how many times our baby fought off illness.
No matter how many times we had just enough and no more.
My fear was real. It was debilitating. It ruled my days for my baby’s first year of life. While my grandson’s fear slipped away almost unnoticed, my fear for my baby departed kicking and screaming, lurking in corners eager for a chance to return.

The dread of the unknown, I now realize, is part and parcel of parenting a child with special needs and disabilities. The decisions, the diagnoses, the outcomes, the timelines are different for our kids. Our parenting journey contains many unknowns. It can be hard. It can also be unsettling. But we can’t let the dread of the unknown magnify the hard bits of parenting our children and block out the joy and delight of their lives. Instead we must understand the distinction between fear and faith.

Fear is the dread of things unknown, the terror of things unseen.

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things unseen. (Hebrews 11:1)

Fear is grounded in what we don’t know about parenting our kids.
Faith is grounded in the hope of one wants to be known.

The dread of the unknown may be part and parcel of raising our kids, but we can loosen its grip by looking to the Savior who came to earth to be seen. The one who lives in the light and not the shadows. The one who loves you and your child with an everlasting love that casts out fear. The one who is ever and always the hope of all who seek to know him.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Building Is a Slow Process

Building Is a Slow Process

Building Is a Slow Process

Building is a slow process.

God has been hammering that truth home since we signed the loan papers for a construction project which will turn our one family dwelling into a duplex.

“When will the addition be completed?” the loan officer asked as we signed the papers in April of 2020. At the drive up window. Because of the pandemic shutdown.

“We’re hoping for September.” My husband spoke into the microphone, and I nodded in agreement.

Silly us.

When the projected completion date arrived, the only work that had been done were the footings and the foundation walls. Despite having gutted and remodeled the kitchen, dining room, and living room of our previous home, my husband and I had forgotten that building is a slow process. So far during this remodel and addition, illness—the excavator’s emergency appendectomy and the truss builder’s bout with COVID— have contributed to the delays, as did a widespread, destructive windstorm that shut down parts of our state for weeks and drove up lumber prices.

Sigh.

To us, this project feels like it’s going nowhere. My husband and I suspect it may not be done before winter, and we’re requesting a building permit extension. We think it will be granted because the city inspectors know that building is a slow process. I was just coming to grips with our adjusted timeline when our church began a new sermon series it began as it reopened its doors after the pandemic shutdown.

To read the rest of Building Is a Slow Process visit Key Ministry’s blog for special needs parents.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Praying Scripture over Your Child with Special Needs

Praying Scripture over Your Child with Special Needs

Praying Scripture over Your Child with Special Needs

Praying scripture over your child with special needs is important, but we often struggle with how to do it. Today my friend Sandra Peoples explains the resource she created to help us. You can even enter a drawing to win a free copy. 

When my son James was a baby, I searched Scripture for just the right verse to pray over his life. As I would rock and feed him at 2:00 am, I wanted to whisper a verse that he would remember as he grew. One that would be true of him when he was two, twenty-two, and forty-two. After reading and praying, I finally picked a verse.

“And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.” -Luke 2:52

That is exactly what I wanted for him—to grow smarter, stronger, and for God and others to show him favor.

When he was diagnosed with autism in 2010 at age three, this verse became even more important. The truth was he wasn’t growing smarter or stronger. At that point he was losing communication skills and was well below average for weight and height. Others weren’t showing him favor—he was excluded from friends’ birthday parties and kept to himself around others. 

As we struggled with our new role as special-needs parents, juggled doctors, drove to therapies, tried new diets, and learned acronyms, I continued to pray: “God, I’m begging you—help him to grow smarter and stronger. Show favor on him. Cause others to include him, be patient with him, and love him.” Night after night. Again and again.

And over the last ten years, I’ve seen my prayer being answered. He is learning. He is growing. And overall, people are patient and kind with him. So I will continue to pray this verse over James. To ask God for more. To remind myself of what He’s done in our lives. To give Him all honor and glory.

Sometimes it can be hard to know how to go about praying for your child with special needs. It can feel overwhelming to list out every worry we have for them and their futures. Or, we can feel like our prayers aren’t effective. They aren’t being answered the way we wished they were. (If you can relate to that, check out the podcast episode I did a couple weeks ago, An Invitation to Those Who Have Stopped Praying.)

That’s why I love praying Scripture over James (and his big brother David too). I say back to God the words He has said to us. God says His Words won’t return void, they won’t be ineffective. So I can have confidence that praying Scripture aligns with God’s purpose for James and my entire family. 

Here are some of my favorite passages to pray:

  • “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:13 & 14
  • “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13
  • “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.” Psalm 16:6
  • “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

I think praying Scripture over your child with special needs is so important that I partnered with Million Praying Moms to create a prayer journal for moms of children with special needs. It includes twenty focus verses, prayers that go along with each verse, and reflection questions, plus there’s space for you to write what’s on your heart as you pray for your children.

You can order your copy today for $10 + $5 shipping by emailing me at sandra@sandrapeoples.com and letting me know how many copies you want, if you want an invoice via PayPal or Venmo, and your address! Or you can enter to win a giveaway copy just for Different Dream readers by leaving a comment below by midnight on Friday, November 20, 2020.

Praying Scripture over our children doesn’t just matter in their lives—it changes us as well! Grow closer to God as you lift up what’s on your heart in prayer. He answers His children and works out His plan for their good!

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Sandra Peoples is a special needs mom and sibling. She and her family live outside of Houston, TX where she serves her church as the director of special needs ministry. She’s the author of Unexpected Blessings: The Joys and Possibilities of Life in a Special-Needs Family and the host of the podcast, Self Care and Soul Care for the Caregiver. You can connect with her at sandrapeoples.com.

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When Life Is Not as It Should Be

When Life Is Not as It Should Be

When Life Is Not as It Should Be

When life is not as it should be, whether the cause is a global pandemic or a child’s diagnosis, we have a choice to make. As our hearts break and our faith is tested, we have to decide to respond from either a short term or long term perspective.

In 1959 my parents were in that “when life is not as it should be” place.

They were not yet 30 when Dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. People gave them plenty of support, from a woman advising Mom to go on welfare to co-workers taking out a life insurance policy for Dad. Somehow, in the midst of conflicting advice and mounting fear as Dad’s health deteriorated rapidly, my parents chose a long term perspective. To that end, they set two goals they felt were best for the long term well-being of their children.

First, they decided to keep Dad in our home as long as possible so their kids could grow up around their father.
Second, they would provide the support their kids would need to graduate from high school and go to college.

The goals they set drove every short term decision they made for two decades. To this day my siblings and I, as well as our children and their children, are benefiting from those long term goals.

In 1982 my husband and I landed in that “when life is not as it should be” place.

Our newborn was diagnosed with a birth defect. My husband was taking a shower at a friend’s house when the doctor relayed the diagnosis to me at the hospital. Our baby needed to get to a major medical center for immediate surgery to save his life. When my husband returned and had time to absorb all that had changed in his short absence, we set long term, eternal goals for our son and for us.

To read the rest of When Life Is Not as It Should Be click on over to the Key Ministry blog.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is both parent and daughter of loved ones with special needs and disabilities, as well as a former educator who worked with children for 25 years. She’s written several books about caregiving, special needs parenting, and childhood PTSD, including the recently released Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilties, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman. She speaks internationally about caregiving and parenting children with special needs and blogs at www.DifferentDream.com. Jolene and her husband live in central Iowa.

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Jesus, Kids with Special Needs, and Their Parents, Part 4

Jesus, Kids with Special Needs, and Their Parents, Part 4

Jesus, Kids with Special Needs, and Their Parents, Part 4

Jesus, kids with special needs, and their parents mattered to Jesus. He showed compassion to parents who brought their children into his presence. In part 4 of this series about Jesus, kids with special needs, Mark Arnold takes a look at a Gentile mother and her suffering child.

What Happened in the Story

In this story, which is found in Jesus travels to Tyre and Sidon, and a Canaanite woman comes to him. She acknowledges that he is the “Lord, the Son of David.” Then she asks for mercy for her and her daughter, who is suffering terribly and is described as demon-possessed. Initially Jesus ignores her and after the disciples ask him to send her away, tries to dismiss her. She persists, reasoning that though she is not a Jew, she believes and should be helped. Jesus sees her faith and heals her daughter.

How the Parents Reacted

Persistence and Determination: It was hard for a Canaanite woman to approach Jesus before he and the disciples rebuff her. Still, she persists and keeps asking.

Theological Reasoning: She ends up in theological and Christological debate with Jesus. Such a response was unheard of for a Gentile woman, and her faith changes the mind of God! . She changes the mind of God! Her persistence, reasoning, and faith are rewarded. Her daughter is healed.
What We Can Learn from Jesus, Kids with Special Needs, and their Parents

We are often persistent and determined when advocating for our child. How many times do we go into a meeting about your child with boxing gloves on? I know I have. But are we also persistent and determined in our prayers for our child before God? Are we afraid to push back on God if we feel rebuffed? It’s not wrong to argue and debate with God, and sometimes it is in the persistent, continued, debating prayer that we can see the breakthrough.

To read more of this series, check out the links below:

Jesus, Kids with Special Needs, and Their Parents, Part 1

Jesus, Kids with Special Needs, and Their Parents, Part 2

Jesus, Kids with Special Needs, and Their Parents, Part 3

Jesus, Kids with Special Needs, and Their Parents, Part 4

Jesus, Kids with Special Needs, and Their Parents, Part 5

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Mark Arnold is the Additional Needs Ministry Director at Urban Saints, a leading national Christian children’s and youth organization. He is co-founder of the Additional Needs Alliance, a national and international advocate for children and young people with additional needs or disabilities. Mark is a Churches for All and Living Fully Network partner, a member of the Council for Disabled Children and the European Disability Network. He writes an additional needs column for Premier Youth and Children’s Work (YCW) magazine and blogs at The Additional Needs Blogfather. He is father to James, who has autism spectrum condition, associated learning disability, and epilepsy. To find out more about how Mark’s work can help you, contact him at: marnold@urbansaints.org or @Mark_J_Arnold.

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