Special Needs Grandparenting: The First Word Is Never the Last Word

by jphilo | Jul 16, 2015 | Different Dream, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

Special Needs Grandparenting: The First Word Is Never the Last Word

Thanks for stopping by DifferentDream.com for the next installment of our series about special needs grandparenting. Guest blogger Kimberly Drew is here to share some lessons her mother has learned as grandparent to Abbey, Kimberly’s daughter with special needs.

Special Needs Grandparenting:
The First Word Is Never the Last Word

A year or so ago, I asked my mom to answer some questions as if she was sitting across the room having coffee or tea with another grandmother who just found out their grandchild was disabled. I wanted to share with you some highlights of that conversation. If you are a grandparent in this situation, I hope you are encouraged.

Special Needs Grandparenting Fears

My mom shared that she had grown up with a deaf sister. Therefore, she wasn’t so fearful of Abbey’s hearing loss because there was a close association with memories of her sister. Rather, her fears were for Abbey’s mind and physical abilities. She says, “It continues to evolve as a new normal for Abbey and our family. I was especially glad our prayers were answered that Abbey can walk.”

Having had many conversations with my mom about Abbey’s disabilities, she wants you to know that. Miracles happen every day, and my mom still prays for that after thirteen years. I need her realistic understanding of what we are going through, but I also need her hope that it won’t be as scary as we think it might be.

Special Needs Grandparenting Lessons

When we talked about what some of the hardest things have been are, she said, “Seeing other girls without disabilities sometimes makes me feel sad for Abbey. On the other hand, when you see a four-year-old girl throwing an absolute fit in a store over not getting their way and your disabled four year old granddaughter is happily strolling through the store, you are in that moment, somewhat thankful she is not the other girl.” My mom has commented many times on how happy Abbey is, and how glad she is that Abbey won’t suffer great heartbreak or loss like the rest of the world.

Special Needs Grandparenting Blessings

There are other unexpected blessings that come with having a disabled grandchild. My mom especially said that she would want to tell you to appreciate the strong family and extended family bond that a child’s disability can bring.

She has also learned how to be a better friend. She shares, “My friend Barbara chose to come to me when she found out her grandson was born with Down Syndrome. She sobbed on my shoulder and said no one would understand like I would. And after a good cry we celebrated his life and his new normal. Three years later she is filled with joy when she talks about him.” I know she would encourage you to find a friend who can understand what your family is going through, and to be a friend when someone gets a new diagnosis. Her bond with Barb has deepened as they share this journey together.

Special Needs Grandparenting Advice

Last, I asked her what advice she would give to me. I was really touched by her words. She was very adamant, “You are my child…I celebrate your joys and share your sorrows. Share your joys with me and don’t spare me your sorrows.”

Be sure to communicate this to your own adult children. I know it will mean the world to them, because it did to me.

Your Special Needs Parenting Experience?

What’s your experience as the grandparent of a child with special needs? What have you learned from your parents as they interact with your child who has special needs? Share them in the comment box.

Part 1: Different Dream’s Special Needs Grandparenting Series Begins
Part 2: Special Needs Grandparenting 101
Part 3: Special Needs Grandparenting–The First Word Is Never the Last Word
Part 4: The Special Needs Grandparenting Tug of War
Part 5: Special Needs Grandparents Are Part of the Village
Part 6: What’s It Like to Be a Special Needs Grandparent?
Part 7: From a Special Needs Grandpa

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s desire to write. In addition to being a stay at home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Music Can Ease Pediatric Pain

You know how when your child is in the hospital and in pain, we turn into mama or papa tigers and demand the docs and nurses do something about it? Well, a recent study unearthed another way parents can make their kids’ owies less ouchy.

Listening to Music and Stories Eases Pediatric Pain

A National Public Radio story described the study as follows:

The study involved 60 patients between 9 and 14 years old. All the patients were undergoing big operations that required them to stay in the hospital for at least a couple of days, things like orthopedic, urologic, or neurological surgery. Right after surgery, patients received narcotics to control pain. The next day they were divided into three groups. One group heard 30 minutes of music of their choice, one heard 30 minutes of stories of their choice, and one listened to 30 minutes of silence via noise canceling headphones.

And here’s what the study found:

After a 30-minute session, the children who listened to music or a book reduced their pain burden by 1 point on a 10-point scale compared to the children who listened to silence. That might not sound like much, but Sunitha Suresh says it’s the equivalent of taking an over-the-counter pain medication like Advil or Tylenol.

You will find the complete story and links to more information at To Ease Pain, Reach for Your Playlist to read or listen. And before the next trip to a children’s hospital with your child, load your phone, tablet, or iPod with lots of good listening!

What Do You Think of the Findings?

What do you think of the study and its findings about easing pediatric pain? Has listening to music or stories helped you or your child deal with pain after surgery? Leave a comment.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.