Enjoying the Holidays with a Food Allergy

Enjoying the Holidays with a Food Allergy

Enjoying the Holidays with a Food Allergy

Enjoying the holidays with a food allergy sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? After all, eating together is an integral component of the holiday season. I looked forward to making our traditional holiday foods until I was diagnosed with a dairy allergy in 2012. What was to enjoy about the holidays when the foods associated with it were off limits to me? I experienced a sense of separation from my family members as they enjoyed foods that were now off limits to me.

That holiday season was not enjoyable. At all.

My New Year’s resolution was to learn to make dairy-free versions of my holiday favorites so I could once again enjoy holiday baking and eating. In subsequent years, my commitment to the cause ramped up when we embarked on a multigenerational living adventure with our daughter’s family. She also has a dairy allergy, our son-in-law is lactose intolerant, and two of my grandchildren were dairy, gluten, and soy intolerant when they were young. Until they outgrew their food allergies, we were one of “those families” that made enjoying the holidays with a food allergy difficult for us and our hosts.

Slowly my daughter and I developed several strategies to make attending and eating at holiday gatherings not only doable, but also enjoyable. Here are some of our favorites.

  1. Gather recipes. Compile allergy-free recipes all year long so you’ll have plenty of options to consider when the holidays roll around. A kid favorite at our house is Rice Krispie treats. They’re naturally gluten free. To make them dairy free, we use a butter substitute instead of butter. Many of my dairy-free recipes (which taste as good as their traditional counterparts) are housed at my website jolenephilo.com. Type “dairy-free” or “gluten-free” in the search bar to find our family favorites. Or do an internet search with those terms to get ideas from all over the world.

To read the rest of How to Enjoy the Holidays with a Food Allergy, visit Key MInistry’s blog for parents raising kids with disabilities and special needs.

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly with Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dig!, the fourth book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2024.

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Addressing Faith Struggles and Doubts as Special Needs Parents

Addressing Faith Struggles and Doubts as Special Needs Parents

Addressing Faith Struggles and Doubts as Special Needs Parents

Addressing faith struggles and doubts as special needs parents is normal says guest blogger Kristen Faith Evans. In today’s post she describes her journey and ways she found to draw closer to God when she doubted his goodness.

When my disabled daughter was younger, I didn’t understand how common it is for special needs parents to experience faith struggles. Gut-wrenching questions and chronic grief can create spiritual angst. I now realize that during this time of pain and confusion, we can deepen our intimacy with God and receive His comfort and help. But instead of drawing closer to God in my heartache, I pulled away in hurt and anger. I felt guilty for my thoughts toward God, so I stopped praying. As a result, I grew disillusioned with God, and my depression and anxiety worsened.

Consider these ways of drawing closer to God:

  1. Honestly cry out to God.

It can be easy to distance ourselves from God when shame-provoking thoughts arise. We may experience intense emotions and serious questions such as these:

  • Confusion: “Why is God allowing my child and family to suffer?”
  • Guilt: “Is God punishing me?”
  • Bitterness and anger: “Why did I not have a healthy/typically developing child? or “Why did God allow the accident/illness to happen?”
  • Doubt: “How could God be good?”

Many parents believe they shouldn’t be wrestling with these feelings or that they would be sinning if they admitted their questions. However, in Scripture we have the example of Job crying out to God, “Therefore I will not keep silent; I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul” (Job 7:11). Job expressed his honest emotions and questions without cursing God or sinning (Job 1:22).

Distancing ourselves from God can cause us greater mental, emotional, and spiritual suffering. We learn in Psalm 139:1-4 God already knows what we are thinking and feeling. So, I encourage you to not delay in having an honest conversation with God.

  1. Find comfort in the promises of Scripture.
  • For guilt and shame: “Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.” (1 John 3:20, NLT)
  • For sadness: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
  • For confusion: “The Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.” (Romans 8:26b, NLT)
  • For doubts: “The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.” (Psalm 145:9)
  • For hopelessness: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
  1. Seek support in Christian community.

It can be tempting to isolate and hide our true thoughts from others. Yet, other parents who have walked through similar spiritual struggles can support and encourage us with their faith and wisdom. They can pray and intercede for us. We also can uplift others. God “comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” (II Corinthians 1:4, NLT)

I hope these practices bring you strength and healing while addressing your faith struggles and doubts as special needs parents.

All Scripture references are from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.

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Kristin Faith Evans, MA, MS, LMSW is an award-winning author, national speaker, Licensed Master Social Worker, and a special needs mom. She is passionate about empowering caregiving parents with the skills to thrive, as well as equipping the professionals and ministry leaders who support them. Kristin and her husband recently released their new book, How to Build a Thriving Marriage as You Care for Children with Disabilities. She has served in ministry for over a decade and is experienced in couples, child and family, substance abuse, and crisis interventions. Connect with Kristin and find lots of free resources at DisabilityParenting.com.

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God’s Plans for our Children are Like a Puzzle

God’s Plans for our Children are Like a Puzzle

God’s Plans for our Children are Like a Puzzle

God’s plans for our children are like a puzzle larger than any Sandy Ramsey-Trayvick has ever completed. In today’s post she describes how putting together jigsaw puzzles had shown her to trust in God’s plans for her kids.

I began doing jigsaw puzzles again while we were sheltering in place during the COVID pandemic. As I got back into my reactivated hobby, I remembered what I’d always enjoyed about putting them together. I loved watching the emergence of the picture or landscape as it was slowly revealed with the addition of each new piece. Of course, it was no surprise to see the picture revealed; I knew it was already there waiting to be displayed. However, knowing the picture was already there didn’t take away from the pleasure of its revelation.

God’s plan for our children—the potential he has placed uniquely in each of them to help move his kingdom forward—comes in pieces. Like a puzzle. And he provides our kids with opportunities and experiences for those pieces to come together—step-by-step, one piece at a time. The Lord already knows the picture he wants to reveal, yet he requires us to trust him with what it will look like. We don’t get to decide what his planned outcome for our kids will be; he does. However, we do get to participate in the picture’s emergence as we help our children step into the opportunities and experiences he provides.

The most challenging puzzles for me are the ones which include varieties of shapes and sizes in the puzzle pieces—no two exactly the same. Some of the pieces are so oddly shaped that it appears initially they’d fit nowhere. Yet, each piece of the puzzle, even those with the most convoluted shapes and unexpected sizes, is needed to complete the final picture. One of my greatest puzzling pleasures is discovering the spaces where those hard-to-fit pieces actually belong.

Though Scripture promises each of us that God has a good plan for our lives, it can be challenging to understand how a particularly difficult circumstance or a long, hard season could ever contribute to something good. These are the puzzle pieces that seem initially like they’d never fit anywhere in God’s good plan. And they may continue to look that way for a while, until more of the picture, the plan, emerges.

There is a process involved in putting jigsaw puzzles together that must be followed in order for the correct picture to be displayed. Each puzzle piece has to be added at the right time. Some pieces won’t fit into the puzzle until other pieces are in place first—to create the connection to the rest of the puzzle. If we try to circumvent the process by forcing pieces into places where they don’t actually fit or if we leave out pieces we don’t like, the finished puzzle will not reflect the intended outcome. In fact, the finished product will look wrong and confusing. Yet when we adhere to the process of adding each piece at the point when it can be connected to other pieces, the beauty and purpose of each piece becomes evident and clear.

God’s plans for our children are like a puzzle. He adheres to his process of revealing his plan for our children and so must we. When pieces of our child’s life don’t seem like they could ever fit into something good, we can trust God to provide the opportunities and experiences for every piece to come together at the right time for something beautiful to emerge.

We are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything
to work toward something good and beautiful
when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan.
Romans 8:28 (The Voice)

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Sandy and her husband of 34 years live in NJ and have 3 young adult children. She became a special needs mom, caregiver and advocate 24 years ago, after a childhood illness left her son multiply disabled.

Sandy works now as a Certified Professional Coach with a desire to help other special needs parents move forward into the powerful story that God wants to write through their family’s unique special needs journey.

Sandy is also a writer and speaker, a community group leader for other special needs moms, and a frequent podcast guest. She has just released her first book, When Dreams Are Disrupted – A Story of God’s Faithfulness.

You can learn more about Sandy, her work and her blog on her website: www.UNDisabledLIVES.org and on IG (@undisabled_lives).

Author Jolene Philo

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Middle-Grade Fiction about Kids with Special Needs

Middle-Grade Fiction about Kids with Special Needs

Middle-Grade Fiction about Kids with Special Needs

Middle-grade fiction about kids with special needs is gaining traction in the writing world, though the stories tend to focus on conditions that can be seen and easily identified. In this post, guest blogger and book writer Lisa Pelissier introduces readers to characters in her middle-grade fiction who have invisible special needs. Be prepared to fall in love with Millie and Stasia and Andie like I did!

I never thought I would find myself occupying the niche of writing middle-grade fiction about kids with special needs. But then, I never thought I’d be parenting kids with special needs. But here I am. They say you write what you know, and I certainly know the struggles and triumphs my kids have had.

All my books feature characters with (mostly) invisible special needs. In some books, it’s more prominent than in other books. There’s always a hint of neurodivergence, anxiety, or mental illness. And sometimes, there’s more than a hint.

One of the things I want to come across to those who read my middle-grade fiction about kids with special needs, is that no one has to be perfect before they can do good, before they can become a hero, before they can be the main character in the narrative. And when the “good guys” win in the end, the disabilities don’t go away. That’s not the battle they’re fighting.

My first book to prominently feature a main character with a disability was MilliM, a wacky dystopian middle-grade novel published in 2020. The main character, Millie, has extreme OCD and has to have everything in her world be symmetrical. When Millie and her best friend Silas (who is autistic, though I never say so in the book) find a baby on her front porch—a baby with a very asymmetrical face—Millie loses it. She knows her mom will want to keep the infant, but she also knows if she has to look at that distorted baby face every day, she’s going to lose her mind. She and Silas get on their bikes and ride to the city center, to the Council of Benevolence (remember—this is a dystopian book), to see if they can trade the baby in on another grandmother. It goes on from there. But one of my favorite things about MilliM is that Millie doesn’t overcome her disability. She is who she is. Sometimes her OCD drives her to do the wrong thing—and sometimes it’s the reason things turn out okay. But it doesn’t go away. And she’s still a hero—albeit a broken one. Like any of us—with or without a disability—would be.

A huge chunk of the goal of not making the disability the central focus and issue to be solved is smashed to smithereens in my upcoming book, Speechless. The main character, Stasia, has been diagnosed with selective mutism, a disability preventing her from speaking aloud with anyone but her best friend, Andie, who has non-verbal autism and a bunch of other diagnoses. Stasia finds out that the reason she can’t speak isn’t actually her neurology, but a fairy curse, laid on her when she was only three years old. Together, she and Andie puzzle out the riddles the fairy gives her in order to break the curse and free her voice. In the process, both she and Andie learn some valuable lessons about what it means to be a friend.

This book was my daughter’s idea—the one with selective mutism. I’ve been working on the book for four years now, and in that time, my daughter has made big strides. She’s never told me why she dreamed up the backstory behind this novel. Sometimes I wonder if pretending her disability was the result of something outside of herself could be helping her cope with it. I mean, believing you’re inherently broken is devastating. But if it’s just a fairy curse, then what? It’s not your fault. It takes the burden away. Not that any of my kids’ disabilities are their fault, but I know from my own life that it’s easy to absorb responsibility—and blame—for things that are not yours to bear. But other times, I just think she has a really good imagination.

Having Stasia’s disability be a curse was uncomfortable for me. I didn’t want to send the message that disabilities are something that will magically go away. I fought with myself about whether to write this novel. I pressed on because I love my daughter and wanted to follow through with her idea. And I think, in the end, I’ve succeeded in what I wanted the book to say. The presence of non-verbal, autistic, really messy Andie redeems the story. She’s broken in ways that won’t be fixed. But she is who she is. She’s valuable. She’s one of the heroines of the story. She’s real. I hope the sweet friendship between these two girls who were born inside my mind and eventually became middle-grade fiction about kids with special needs will inspire children to look for friendship in places they would never have expected to find it.

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Lisa Pelissier

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Lisa Pelissier lives in Oregon where she is a homeschool mom and author of five middle-grade fiction novels, the second-grade Monsters series, and a YA fantasy novel. Lisa owns SneakerBlossom Books, offering Christian, classical homeschool Study Guides and curriculum. She blogs at Eleventh Willow, offering encouragement for Christians parenting the mentally ill. She also works as a freelance copy editor, copy writer, and a marketing editor. In her spare time Lisa enjoys playing the piano and writing books.

Author Jolene Philo

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God’s Power Is More than Sufficient to Answer our Prayers

God’s Power Is More than Sufficient to Answer our Prayers

God’s Power Is More than Sufficient to Answer our Prayers

God’s power is more than sufficient to answer our prayers. As Christ-followers, we know that. What we don’t know is how he will do it. Guest blogger Mark Arnold is here with a story about how his prayer was answered on a very rainy day.

Each Thursday, we take our son James to his craft session at the community center. It is one of the few things that we can get him to attend. Even then, he does the craft activity in the car. To get him there, the weather needs to be “Goldilocks” weather… not too hot, not too windy, and not wet at all. Otherwise, James struggles to transition from home to the car, and massively struggles to transition back from the car to the house when we get home.

Today we took a massive risk. It was raining lightly when it was time to go to the craft class, but we went for it anyway. James only realized that it was raining when he got outside. I quickly shut the door so he had to dash for the car. He quickly settled in the back seat and was fine. I, however, was still worried.

It’s one thing hurrying James from the front door to the car, but it would be an entirely different one to get him to leave a dry, warm, car to dash through the rain to the house when we returned from the craft activity. It once took an hour and a half to get him out of the car and into school while I held an umbrella to shelter him from the rain while I got soaked. Today I had visions we might be having tea in the car, a sleepover in the car, Help!

Humanly, this day would be really hard, so I sought higher help.

“Lord, you know this is looking really difficult, please when we get home help James to transition quickly from the car to the house. In human terms, this is unlikely, but to you nothing is impossible.”

We drove on. My worries remained. What would happen? Had God heard my prayer? Would he answer in the way that I hoped?

Home got nearer, and my anxiety increased. As we were pulling onto the drive, the rain got stronger. It was time to get James out of the car. I prayed again.

James noticed the rain when it dripped on his leg as the car door was opened. He shrank back into the car. He noticed some rain on the inside of the open car door and wiped it away too. He showed no sign of being willing to come out of the car.

Where was God? Had he heard my prayer and ignored it?

I got an umbrella. I did everything in my power to coax James out. Nothing worked. My power was not enough.

I noticed that the rain had stopped. James noticed it too. One leg emerged from the car followed by another. He shuffled forward.

I wanted to rush in and encourage him, but felt a sense of “Stop. Wait.” I stopped. I waited. James hesitantly stood up and headed for the house.

My power had not been enough. In this case, it was not needed. God’s power was more than sufficient.

He had answered my prayer and used it to teach me something. It’s not all about me and what I can do. Sometimes it’s about standing back, watching, and seeing that God’s power is more than sufficient to answer our prayers in ways we don’t expect.

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Mark Arnold is the Additional Needs Ministry Director at Urban Saints, a leading national Christian children’s and youth organization. He is co-founder of the Additional Needs Alliance, a national and international advocate for children and young people with additional needs or disabilities. Mark is a Churches for All and Living Fully Network partner, a member of the Council for Disabled Children and the European Disability Network. He writes an additional needs column for Premier Youth and Children’s Work (YCW) magazine and blogs at The Additional Needs Blogfather. He is father to James, who has autism spectrum condition, associated learning disability, and epilepsy. To find out more about how Mark’s work can help you, contact him at: marnold@urbansaints.org or @Mark_J_Arnold

Author Jolene Philo

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Emotions Are Information: A New Way to View and Interpret Big Feelings

Emotions Are Information: A New Way to View and Interpret Big Feelings

Emotions Are Information: A New Way to View and Interpret Big Feelings

Emotions are information.

I was astounded when Margaret Vasquez, the therapist conducting a virtual workshop for parents about trauma-proofing kids, made that statement. Ever since her August workshop, I’ve been chewing on what she said. Thinking about the impact those three words have changed the way I now perceive my big feelings. About how those words could do the same for other parents raising kids with disabilities.

So bear with me as I attempt to unpack what Margaret meant when she said, “Emotions are information” and explain what that means for us as we parent kids with disabilities and special needs.

Margaret explained that emotions aren’t who we are. Rather, they are similar to physical sensations. When we feel something hot, cold, sharp, or painful, our bodies are alerting us to approach with caution something in our environment. When we feel emotions—big and small—our mind is alerting us to something internal that deserves our attention.

Her explanation was a revelation to a midwesterner like me. I grew up in a culture uncomfortable with displays of emotion—not only negative ones, but positive ones like joy, delight, and happiness.

As children, my siblings and I were not allowed to acknowledge the grief we felt as multiple sclerosis ravaged our Dad’s body and mind. As the young mom to a son who endured numerous surgeries and invasive medical procedures, I thought being a good mother to my child meant stuffing down the fear and grief, the anger and guilt I felt in order to concentrate on meeting his emotional and physical needs.

Yet here was Margaret saying that my emotions—and yours—were information designed to show us a better way to respond to them. By recognizing what our fear, anger, guilt, grief, shame, and a sense of abandonment are telling us, we can respond in healthy rather than unhealthy ways.

To read the rest of Emotions are Information, click here to visit the Key Ministry blog for parents.

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly with Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dance!, the third book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2023.

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