Parenting lessons don’t end when our kids become adults. Guest blogger Kathy Guzzo is here to share some parenting lessons she’s learned since her children, one of whom has special medical needs, reached adulthood.

Parenting Lessons in Letting Go

Years ago when we began our journey as parents, our goals included nurturing and guiding our children on the path where each step would bring them closer to becoming independent and responsible adults. We learned early that this desire would definitely be easier said than done, yet through all the tantrums of toddlers trials of four teenagers at once, and many mistakes made by us, we feel our children all in their mid twenties to early thirties, have become even more than we expected.

Parenting Lesson #1: The Good and Bad of Raising Responsible Children

Raising responsible children is great, right? Yes and no. Yes, because they have become hard workers, striving to improve the world around them and loving and loyal to friends and family. However, the downside of raising children that become self-sufficient responsible adults is that as parents, we have to step back and let them live their lives. No, because I had to let go of knowing all that’s going on in their lives and release total control. I had to accept the fact that they didn’t need me in the same capacity any longer. I thought watching them from the sidelines would be easy as they learned from their mistakes as they pursued their dreams, and it was—until it came to our daughter’s health issues.

Parenting Lesson #2: Need vs. Want

Although she is 28 years old, I’ve really struggled the past few years with not knowing everything that’s going on regarding her health issues. Of course, it doesn’t help that she lives alone and 500 miles away. Since the day she was diagnosed with lupus and Epstein Barr Replication over ten years ago, I’ve convinced myself that I need to know when she’s too tired to get up, not able to eat, has had to increase her medications, is getting IVs for dehydration, or when she just feels blah. After all, how can I help her if I don’t know what’s going on with her health? The answer is simple—I can’t.

I’m learning to accept the fact that I not only can’t help her, but at this point in her life she doesn’t need my help, and that’s hard to swallow. I have to acknowledge the reality that through all her struggles with illnesses, she has become what her dad and I had hoped—a well-rounded, responsible adult able to care for herself and make good decisions.

Another thing God in His graciousness is teaching me is that sometimes what I perceive at needs are really just wants, and that is so true in this situation. I don’t really need to be involved in her life—I want to.  She’s my daughter, so part of me feels I have a right to know how she is. Yet she’s an extremely capable adult, so I’m forced to step back and relinquish that desire. A few years ago, I was forced to deal with this same issue as my son left for his first deployment while in the Marines, and it was just as hard.

Parenting Lesson #3: Relinquishing Control

The only feasible solution is to allow God to help me let go, and the only way I can do that is to trust that He is more than able to care for her when I can’t. He blessed me with the opportunity to raise four amazing children, and although we dedicated each of them to Him at a young age, I now need to relinquish total control of their lives over to Him.

When Andrea was younger she used to say, “Do your best and let God do the rest.” and that’s where I’m at now. As a parent I did all I could to protect, love, and nurture our children, and now I have to let go and let God take over. It’s not an easy process and it probably won’t ever be unless I continually ask for His help in learning my role on the sidelines. I have to allow Him to be the coach now, and become the cheerleader on the sidelines. Regardless of what happens during the game of life my children, especially Andrea, are playing, I will trust God to be with them each step of the way.

What Parenting Lessons Have You Been Learning

Thanks, Kathy, for sharing your parenting lessons. How about you? What lessons have you learned lately? Leave a comment.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop-up box and the second at the bottom of this page.