Healing for Every Special Needs Parent’s Heart

by jphilo | May 25, 2016 | Books and Resources, Different Dream, Special Needs Parenting

Healing for Every Special Needs Parent’s Heart

Different Dream welcomes Dove Award winning songwriter, author, and speaker Steve Siler as today’s guest blogger. He shares the story that led to his recently released book about parenting a child with spina bifida and how he and his wife found the healing every special needs parent requires.

Healing for Every Special Needs Parent’s Heart

My wife Meredith and I have always chosen to be rather private about our personal story surrounding the diagnosis of our son’s spina bifida and subsequent four years of surgeries. I first broke that public silence with a blog post on the Music for the Soul website.

But when I decided to write a book about my journey in ministry I felt I needed to be even more transparent about the events surrounding our son’s birth and early years. After all, the experience had gone a long way toward deepening our faith and enlarging our compassion for others.

My wife, understandably, was reluctant to share the details we’d always kept to ourselves. Its amazing how much pain we still carry in our hearts all these years later even though our son’s outcome turned out to be much better than we were originally led to expect.

The Breaking of Every Special Needs Parent’s Heart

Ultimately, my wife graciously allowed me to share part of our story in my new book Music for the Soul: Healing for the Heart. As I was writing I had the chance to relive memories that I believe, although bittersweet, shine a light on the range of conflicting emotions that co-exist for parents loving a child with special needs.

We’d moved to Nashville from Los Angeles a little less than a year before Henry was born. When he was diagnosed I called the pastor from our old church in Los Angeles for comfort, Dr. Larry Keene. He told me, “It’s been my experience that special needs kids are compensated in the spirit.”

There was a side of me that thought he was just trying to make me feel better. But it wasn’t long after Henry was born that I felt as if I began to experience what Larry was talking about.

The Healing of Every Special Needs Parent’s Heart

Henry’s spirit was evident from his first steps. In the beginning there’d been some doubt as to whether he’d ever be able to walk. I still remember how I felt when Henry pulled himself up and took his first steps with casts on both legs!

Overjoyed. Distressed.

In his preschool years the sweetness of his spirit emerged. I found myself saying, “Henry’s the only person in our house with a reason to be upset and the only one who never is.” Even as a little guy he never met a stranger. He’d as soon hug a stranger as look at them.

When he got to be five or six we started playing touch football in the yard. “I’m a fast runner,” he’d proclaim, breaking my heart with his effort. His running was barely a fast walk.

He wanted to play in a soccer league so we signed him up. We’d sit in the stands and watch Henry’s futile efforts to be part of the action. He’d spend the entire game chasing after everyone else. The only time he’d ever get to touch the ball was when someone kicked it to him accidentally. But he worked so hard. At game’s end he’d look like he had taken a shower in his uniform.

So we knew there wasn’t any quit in him. But then came the day of a race at his elementary school. I was so afraid he was going to be embarrassed about finishing last. Instead he “won” the race before it was even over.

The Compensation of Spirit that Marks Every Special Needs Parent’s Heart

The teacher shouted, “On your mark. Get set. GO!” All the kids took off. But when one little girl got her feet tangled up and went down in a heap it was our Henry who stopped, turned around, came back and helped her to her feet.

Compensated in the spirit.

As parents of special needs kids we understand that while our kids may not be the fastest ‘runners’, they win a different kind of race every day of their lives.

How Has God Healed Your Special Needs Parent Heart?

Now that Steve shared how God healed his broken heart, it’s your turn. How has God worked healing in your heart and in your child? Leave a comment.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Steve Siler is a Dove Award winning songwriter, author, and speaker. He is director and founder of Music for the Soul, a ministry that uses songs and stories as a bridge to hope and healing. He and his wife Meredith have two grown children and have recently become grandparents for the first time! Many years ago their son was diagnosed with Spina Bifida in the fourth month of pregnancy. At that time Steve wrote a song called ‘Whole in the Sight of God’ to help him process what he was feeling as a man about to become a father to a son with special needs. This song later became the basis for a Music for the Soul resource for those loving a child with special challenges. Later, after experiencing the prolonged illness of his mother and its impact on his own father, Steve produced a resource called ‘Dignity: Songs and Stories for Caregivers.’ You can read Steve’s blog and see these and other resources at www.musicforthesoul.org.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Travel and Kids With Special Needs, Part 1

School will soon be out for the year, and that means the summer travel season will soon be here. Guest blogger, Kathy Kuhl, is a mom with first hand experience traveling with challenging children. She dropped by Different Dream to offer advice about how to change our attitudes to make summer travel and kids with special needs easier. She’ll be back in a few weeks with more suggestions for parents.

Travel and Kids with Special Needs, Part 1

A young businesswoman walked by me at San Diego airport. She turned, looked at the baby in my arms, smiled, and said, “She’s absolutely perfect.”

I thanked her, but felt compelled to say, “She cried all the way from New York.”

“She’s beautiful,” the woman repeated and walked on.

Why do we dwell on the worst parts of travel with kids? How can we have better attitudes?

Travel with children can be tough. Even if your car runs fine, if everyone stays healthy, if you don’t miss any flights or lose that beloved teddy bear, it is stressful. Kids miss their routine. They tire more easily.

How can we enjoy travel with challenging children?

1. Give thanks for our children.
As New Orleans’ Saints tight end Benjamin Watson wrote, when we travel with our kids, we forget to be thankful. After he and his wife got their four kids under seven through TSA and onto a plane, Watson admitted that he was “a bit perturbed that his kids were acting like… kids.”

For us with children with special needs, it’s harder. Our kids may have sensory issues that make it hard to cope with noise and unfamiliar sensations. Because our son with AD/HD couldn’t tolerate long drives, we rarely drove more than three hours a day. How much more complex travel can be for those managing mobility issues.

Food sensitivities complicate travel, too. We plan and pack extra. But if your child needs protein, or gluten-free, or amine-free, and you’ve run out, what do you do?

It took a stranger to remind Benjamin Watson that his kids are a blessing. A flight attendant told him it was “so great to see a big family,” explaining that he and his wife were childless after twenty years. Ouch.

Yes, our children are blessings to thank God for.

2. Give thanks for safe travel.
On some horrible days, our children may behave like heavily disguised blessings. But we cringe at the thought of them getting hurt. Safe travel is a blessing we usually take for granted.
My recent trip to West Africa pointed this out. Our buses broke down three times in 260 miles and 110 degrees. We were thankful for shade while waiting, for water, and for arriving, finally. Instead of saying “Bienvenue”—“welcome”—the West Africans say “Bonne arrivée!” literally, “Good arrival!” Arriving is good.

3. Recognize who’s in charge.
Travel with kids shows us we aren’t really in charge. Though we plan carefully, things go awry. Travel exposes our limitations. I forget things and I don’t plan perfectly. Travel also exposes the limits of our power and character. Mommy can’t always make it better. Will I remember not to snap at my husband and nag my kids? Will I remember that God is in charge, and be content? Will I trust he will work everything out for good?

In the next post in this series, I’ll look at more ways to make your travel easier with challenging children.

Travel and Kids with Special Needs, Part 2

Your Thoughts About Travel and Kids with Special Needs

What are your best tips about travel and kids with special needs? Leave them in the comment box. And come back in a few weeks for the final post in this series.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Kathy Kuhl is the author of Encouraging Your Child, Staying Sane as You Homeschool, and Homeschooling Your Struggling Learner. She advises parents to help them teach exceptional children at home. Visit her website and blog at Learndifferently.com.