Coping Mechanisms for Traumatized Parents of Kids with Special Needs, Pt. 5

by jphilo | Jan 14, 2016 | Different Dream, In Parents, PTSD

Coping Mechanisms for Traumatized Parents of Kids with Special Needs, Pt. 5

Thanks for stopping by Different Dream to check out our question and answer series about special needs parenting stress, trauma, and PTSD. It continues to move full steam ahead in 2016. Here’s a quick recap of what’s been covered so far. The first post introduced the series, while the second explained the difference between trauma and PTSD. The third post answered two question: Can the stress of raising a child with PTSD result in a parent with PTSD? What other kinds of parenting trauma can lead to PTSD? In the fourth post, child psychologist Liz Matheis explained how hypervigilance can be both a cause and a symptom of PTSD in stressed-out parents of kids with special needs.

In this post, Matheis answers some very practical questions submitted by the mom of a child with significant special needs. What are some tools or coping mechanisms when I feel anxiety building? What should I do when I find myself remembering the traumatic events that led to my PTSD? As you will see, Dr. Matheis answers these practical questions with some equally practical advice.

You may find your anxiety is being triggered by the day’s events, or what you still need to accomplish before the day’s end for yourself, your child, your job, or all three. That anxiety experience is real, and it sometimes triggers a more intense anxiety response when something isn’t going as you planned. And let’s face it, there are a lot of variables that can go out of whack at any given time!

First and foremost, embrace how you are feeling even if there is no real identifiable source for your anxiety. When feeling distressed, acknowledge your feelings and don’t try to deny, distract, or run away from them. Today’s trigger may have been a sudden flashback, a scent, a sight, or a feeling. It’s okay.

Secondly, allow yourself to leave the situation you are in and take a break. Do not force yourself to stay or handle a situation your tolerance and resources are at a minimum. Find a quiet place, make a cup of tea and allow your body to process your emotions and come back down from the roller coaster ride you just took.

Thirdly, keep a journal with you, or find a phone app that you can use to write down your thoughts and feelings in that moment. Answer these questions honestly as you write: What is it that you are feeling? Why do you think you are feeling this way? Have you felt this way before? When did you feel like this before? What are you thinking of? The answers to any of these questions will give you insight into how the current situation is resulting in flashbacks and the experience of anxiety.

Bottom line, do not try to run away or hide from the anxiety you are feeling or the memories. Feed your body and mind the message that, ‘It’s okay to feel like this,” and “You will get through this.”

Your Questions about Parenting Trauma and PTSD

Do you have questions about the coping mechanisms Dr. Matheis outlined above? Or do you have other questions about parenting trauma, stress, and PTSD? If so, you’re invited to leave them in the comment box for Dr. Liz.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.

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Is Hypervigilance a Cause or Symptom of PTSD? Pt. 4

The Different Dream’s series about special needs parenting stress, trauma, and PTSD is back in 2016 after a few weeks off for the holidays. The first post introduced the series, while the second explained the difference between trauma and PTSD. The third post answered two questions: Can the stress of raising a child with PTSD result in a parent with PTSD? What other kinds of parenting trauma can lead to PTSD? Today, child psychologist Liz Matheis takes a look at another question submitted by the stressed-out parent of a child with special needs. Does the state of hypervigilance that special needs parents experience lead to PTSD or is it a symptom? Read on to find out why the answer to the question isn’t a simple one.

People who experience anxiety tend to be exceptionally aware of their environment. They are familiar with where they are in space and time in relation to others. Some are always aware of the location of the closest exit. This extra aware state of mind is referred to as hypervigilance. It also kicks in when people with anxiety enter into a new or unfamiliar environments and are not familiar with the floor plan. They consider it a potential threat or harm. It is exhausting to live with the constant need to scan the environment and look for potential dangers.

Parents of children with special needs scan the environment for potential dangers or triggers for their kids. They are looking for new or unfamiliar environments that serve as potential triggers for a child with anxiety or a sensory processing disorder. Parents know that just entering a friend’s home or going to a birthday party are loud, scary, and smelly enough to trigger meltdowns or aggression.

At times, it is okay to be hypervigilant, especially when entering a novel situation, like a new job. Hypervigilance allows people to stay aware long enough to process the office culture, norms, worth ethic, and relationships. Eventually non-hypervigilant people let their guard down and function as they should. However, for someone who is anxious or under excessive stress, continual hypervigilance results in increased physical and psychological arousal that becomes physically exhausting over time. Constant hypervigilance leads to sweating, increased heart rate, shallow or rapid breathing, and an inability to ‘let go.’ This can result in a inability to sleep, engage in conversations, and maintain relationships.

Over time, this pattern of constant hypervigilance can become a bigger part of PTSD, especially if the parent feels traumatized by her/his child’s special needs and journey. In the early phases, hypervigilance is simply a sign of anxiety. But over time, a person who has been severely or repeatedly traumatized is likely to experience other symptoms of PTSD, also.

So the answer to the question Is hypervigilance a cause or symptom of PTSD? the answer is yes. Hypervigilance can cause PTSD if it continues over a long period of time. But it can be also be a symptom of PTSD, too.

Your Questions about Parenting Trauma and PTSD

Do you have questions about parenting trauma, stress, and PTSD? If so, you’re invited to leave them in the comment box for Dr. Liz. Who knows? Her answer may appear in one of the posts in this series.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.