Single Parents, Special Needs and PTSD, Pt. 9

by jphilo | Feb 18, 2016 | Different Dream, In Parents, PTSD

Single Parents, Special Needs and PTSD, Pt. 9

Single parents are the focus of this post in the Different Dream series about PTSD, stress, and special needs parenting. Before moving on to what child psychologist Dr. Matheis has to say to dads and moms raising kids without a second parent in the house, here’s a look at what the series has covered so far:

Post One: Series Introduction
Post Two: Three Difference between Trauma and PTSD.
Post Three: Can the Stress of Raising a Child with PTSD Result in a Parent with PTSD?
Post Four: Hypervigilance as a Cause and Symptom of PTSD
Post Five: Coping Mechanisms for Anxiety and Traumatic Memories
Post Six: How to Explain Secondary PTSD to Friends and Family
Post Seven: Finding Balance while Raising a Child with Special Needs
Post Eight: PTSD, Stress, and Moving On as Special Needs Parents

Now, let’s take a look at what Dr. Matheis has to say to single parents who ask this question every single day: What advice can you give single parents who have PTSD and do everything themselves with little outside help?

Raising a child or children as a single parent is hard. When you have a child with special needs, your resources and stamina will be depleted even quicker. Here are some easy and inexpensive ways to find some relief:

Trade child care with other parents. Find other moms with children with special needs and set up a rotating schedule so that each you can take a break while knowing that your child is with another person who is not afraid of special needs
Involve the extended family. Get your child’s grandparents, aunt, uncles, and other willing adults to take your child one time per month for a few hours so that you can take a break and re-invest in to yourself
Create a schedule for your child. Then, stick to it. That is, adhere to a set bed time so that you know you have down time at the end of the day for you to catch up on emails, paying bills, or reading a book
Tap into your school. If your child is at a school for children with special needs, ask them to schedule a parent’s night where you can drop off your child for 2-3 hours for a nominal fee.
Find respite. Look into respite care and use it as often as is available. (More on this in the next post in this series.)

Your Suggestions for Single Parents?

Are you a single parent living with trauma while raising a child with special needs? What can you add to Liz’s answer? Leave your advice in the comment box.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.

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PTSD, Stress and Moving On as Special Needs Parents, Pt 8

The Different Dream series about PTSD, stress, and special needs parenting is ready to address a conundrum common to many parents. Simultaneously dealing with stress and moving on as special needs parents and as children growing up with special needs.

Before taking a look at child psychologist Dr. Matheis’ answer to the question, here’s a run down of what the series has covered so far:

Post One: Series Introduction
Post Two: The Difference between Trauma and PTSD.
Post Three: Can the Stress of Raising a Child with PTSD Result in a Parent with PTSD?
Post Four: Hypervigilance as a Cause and Symptom of PTSD
Post Five: Coping Mechanisms for Anxiety and Traumatic Memories
Post Six: How to Explain Secondary PTSD to Friends and Family
Post Seven: Finding Balance while Raising a Child with Special Needs

With those topics under her belt, Dr. Liz is more than prepared for this week’s question: How can I allow my child to move on without trauma, but remain aware of the physical issue is part of her DNA and continues to influence her life?

The good news is that even though your child (and maybe you) have been traumatized, you will both heal enough to move on. You won’t ever forget your experiences, but you don’t want to keep them vividly alive either. Rather, you and your child want learn to incorporate your experiences into your lives, and use them as a way to understand other people’s struggles and sensitivities.

You can have a conversation with your child about strengths and weaknesses. Identify the strengths, what makes your child unique, first. List your child’s trauma as strengths as badges of courage and bravery.

Although your child’s physical issues will be dealt with often and may be considered weaknesses, remind your child that all of us have special needs of some sort. Some of us are nearsighted, some of us have nut allergies, some of us have food allergies. The list goes on. The important thing for you and your child to remember is that though each person has an ailment (physical or emotional) of some sort, those ailments do not define us as people. They are part of us, but not all of us.

A helpful exercise to help your child visualize this truth, write the physical ailment on a piece of paper. Have your child fold it as small as possible and then hold it in his hand. Next, have a conversation about how a physical condition is a part of a person, a small or big part that won’t be forgotten, but there is much more to a person. This visual can be helpful if you and your child sometimes feel the physical issue is bigger than everything.

Your experiences also give you and your child incredible perspectives. Never again will your child smirk at or avoid children with visible disabilities. You will both become more embracing and accepting–a wonderful gift to give to another person. Giving is a great way to heal. It will build strength, compassion, and perspective. You and your child will understand that a person can have a disability but still be artistic, competitive, passionate, and just plain old AWESOME!

How Do You Handle Stress and Moving on as Special Needs Parents?

Have you been able to handle stress and moving on as special needs parents? How do you help your children with special needs do the same? Leave a comment so we can learn from you.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.