Meeting Sensory Needs with Fidgets and Fiddles

Meeting Sensory Needs with Fidgets and Fiddles

Meeting Sensory Needs with Fidgets and Fiddles

Meeting sensory needs with fidgets and fiddles is one way to make church events accessible and welcoming for children. Guest blogger Mark Arnold is here to help you better understand sensory needs and to provide ideas about what to put in a sensory box.

All of us are sensory creatures. That means our senses can be under-responsive (hyposensitive), or over-responsive (hypersensitive) at times. Because of this we regularly have to balance our sensory systems, often subconsciously. This sometimes takes the form of sensory seeking behaviors, which try to activate the senses in any way possible. In children and adults this may result in feet, finger or pencil tapping, hair twirling, nail biting, or pen clicking.

In the absence of anything to support their sensory seeking needs at school or church, children may become distracted, disengage, or even use a peer as a fidget or fiddle item!

Meeting sensory needs with fidgets and fiddles offers a safe way to assist children and young people. What to include in a sensory kit can be up to program leaders, with input from kids and their parents, too. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
Things to twist: a string of wooden twist and lock blocks or pipe cleaners.

  • Things to stretch: stretchy snakes or stretchy people work well.
    Things that squish and squeeze: modelling clay or putty, a soft mesh ball or a cuddly toy.
  • Things with weight: a bean bag, a weighted lap pad or a weighted.
  • Things that click: pop or push sheets (similar to bubble wrap) or fidget cubes.

In addition, children sometimes need things to do with their hands while listening, ideally things themed around what’s been said. Items that can help them concentrate and focus could be a craft activity, coloring pages, or a jigsaw puzzle.

While meeting sensory needs with fidgets and fiddles, it is important that all children can choose something from the fiddles box. Initially, the excitement might be a short-term distraction, but the kids will settle down quite as the fiddles box becomes normalized.

For more examples of a fiddles and fidget box as well as a video I’ve recorded about them (scroll to the bottom of the page), visit: https://theadditionalneedsblogfather.com/fiddles-boxes/

Now, where did I put my stretchy snake…

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Mark Arnold is the Additional Needs Ministry Director at Urban Saints, a leading national Christian children’s and youth organization. He is co-founder of the Additional Needs Alliance, a national and international advocate for children and young people with additional needs or disabilities. Mark is a Churches for All and Living Fully Network partner, a member of the Council for Disabled Children and the European Disability Network. He writes an additional needs column for Premier Youth and Children’s Work (YCW) magazine and blogs at The Additional Needs Blogfather. He is father to James, who has autism spectrum condition, associated learning disability, and epilepsy. To find out more about how Mark’s work can help you, contact him at: marnold@urbansaints.org or @Mark_J_Arnold

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Extended Family Members Can Use the 5 Love Languages to Encourage Caregiving Parents

Extended Family Members Can Use the 5 Love Languages to Encourage Caregiving Parents

Extended Family Members Can Use the 5 Love Languages to Encourage Caregiving Parents

Extended family members can use the 5 love languages to encourage caregiving parents. Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities walks grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and churches through the process.

The first order of business is to determine the love languages of the members of a family you love. Paper and pencil quizzes for adults, teens, and children are located at the end of Chapter 1 of Sharing Love Abundantly. Online versions are available at www.5lovelanguages.com. With that information in hand, all you need is creativity and intentionality to begin speaking each of the 5 love languages to caregiving parents and their kids.

If your creative juices could use a jump start, check out Chapter 8 of Sharing Love Abundantly. It offers practical strategies about how extended family members can use the 5 love languages to encourage caregiving parents. Here are a few examples:

  • Words of Affirmation: Send a congratulatory note to a family after the birth of a child with a birth anomaly or medical condition.
  • Quality Time: Spend a morning or afternoon a week with a caregiving family learning to care for their loved one with special needs. Then arrange to come every few weeks to be with the loved one while the caregivers get away for a few hours.
  • Gifts: Mail gas cards or grocery cards (anonymously if you wish) to ease the financial burdens many caregiving families deal with every day.
  • Acts of Service: Make a double batch of your favorite casserole and drop off one pan to a caregiving family you know. (Hint: Do some sleuthing beforehand regarding any dietary restrictions or food allergies so the whole family can enjoy the meal.)
  • Physical Touch: Provide tactile experiences for the entire family. For example, horseback rides for the family or free childcare while parents go dancing.

For more ideas about how extended family members can use the 5 love languages to encourage caregiving families, check out Sharing Love Abundantly. Every suggestion in the book was provided by parents raising kids with special needs and disabilities. Be assured they will encourage the caregiving family you love in practical and profound ways.

Links to other articles in this series:

The Love Languages and Special Needs Families: A Good Combination

Basic Love Language Concepts to Ease Stress and Increase Joy in Caregiving Families

Threats to Caregiving Marriages and How To Fight Them 

Love Is a Child’s First Language

Determining the Love Language of a Child with Special Needs or a Disability 

Ways to Speak Words of Affirmation and Quality Time to Kids with Special Needs 

Ways To Speak Gifts and Acts of Service to Kids with Special Needs 

Speaking Healthy Physical Touch to Kids with Special Needs

Using the Love Languages with Siblings of Kids with Special Needs and Disabilities 

Communicating Your Child’s Love Language to Medical Professionals

Communicating Your Child’s Love Language to Educators 

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Discovering the Gift of Simple Moments: Ways to Create Special Family Memories

Discovering the Gift of Simple Moments: Ways to Create Special Family Memories

Discovering the Gift of Simple Moments: Ways to Create Special Family Memories

Discovering the gift of simple moments while raising kids with special needs requires a new set of eyes. Kristin Faith Evans is learning to capture those moments and share them with her family. She explains how she does it in this post.

“What dat?”

“Fireflies, Honey. It’s fireflies!”

My ten-year-old daughter, Bethany Grace, and I were swinging on the front porch. Lightning bugs began to dance around the yard. I marveled at her anticipation for the next one to flash. Then the next. Every time, her face lit up like the glow from the bug, and so did mine. We had never really stopped to just sit and watch fireflies before.

We created this special memory in the Summer of 2020, when the Covid pandemic taught our family even more about the gift of enjoying simple moments together. Both of my children live with rare genetic disorders and complex medical conditions. So, going into isolation was not even a question for our family. 

We began to create a fun backyard adapted to Bethany Grace’s abilities. We repaired the playset, added a firepit and furniture, installed a small above-ground pool, and planted a garden. We even placed chairs and a swing on our front porch. We spent more time playing outside together in the following four months than we had in the past seven years combined.

Discovering the Gift of Simple Moments by Living in the Present

I often find myself worrying about Bethany Grace’s future and grieving the loss of a typical family life. She was born with a severe chromosomal disorder called Cri du Chat Syndrome which causes significant intellectual disabilities, developmental delays, and medical fragility. Due to frequent medical emergencies, we do not know how much longer we will have to spend with her. And I will never experience those big moments—planning her wedding or witnessing her baby’s birth. But I have realized that living in future worry and sadness pulls me away from enjoying my family today. I have discovered that the little present moments are what really create deep meaning and purpose in my life.

Discovering the Gift of Simple Moments by Creating Opportunities 

Intentionally slowing down and living in the present can help us discover ways to enjoy simple moments together. Here are some ideas for creating special family memories (adapt according to your family’s needs):

  • Plan fun theme meals
  • Hold little celebrations
  • Sit on the porch
  • Have a picnic in the yard or living room
  • Play a game at dinner
  • Watch a movie on the floor with blankets and pillows
  • Cook a meal at the table (fondue, pancakes on an electric griddle, etc.) 
  • Go for a walk
  • Build a fire pit
  • Plant a garden
  • Gaze at the stars
  • Watch fireflies
  • Look for glimpses of God’s beauty

Those fireflies glowed for only a brief moment in time; but that memory we made together will last forever. Simply stopping to swing on the porch together created the opportunity for us to experience that magical moment.

What ideas do you have that could help other families create a space for discovering the gift of simple moments and special family memories?

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. As an author and mental health therapist, her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper emotional, psychological, and spiritual wholeness. As both her children have rare genetic disorders, Kristin especially loves supporting other parents of children with special needs. She hopes that you may find encouragement and support through her two websites and blogs, www.KristinFaithEvans.com and www.SpecialNeedsMomsBlog.com.

Author Jolene Philo

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Anxiety in a Post-Covid World

Anxiety in a Post-Covid World

Anxiety in a Post-Covid World

Anxiety in a post-Covid world is the latest new reality in over a year of new realities. Clinical psychologist Liz Matheis is here today with 3 strategies to tame your anxiety as you and your family begins the process of re-entry.

Hooray, hooray! The end of the pandemic is coming!

Wait. Is it a hooray?

In one breath, you may feel relieved that life is returning to normal. But in the same breath you wonder what is normal 14 months after a pandemic that suddenly and drastically changed our lives.

Fourteen months ago, anxiety about a virus that we had never seen before entered our lives. Before we knew it, it was deemed a global pandemic.  I remember where I was exactly and who I was with when I first heard that news. It was mind blowing and overwhelming.

This virus was far more than just a flu. Our anxiety became intense and constant as it created fierce symptoms and many didn’t survive.

For many of us, that anxiety has actually not yet settled. We carry a residual level of worry. We’ve adopted functional rituals such as disinfecting surfaces, washing doorknobs, washing our hands and wearing masks.  We ask questions such as: “Does that restaurant have outdoor seating? Are those tables too close? Did that person just touch the door handle? Are my kids safe to go to school? What if I’m carrying the virus and pass it on to my parents/elderly relatives?” The list goes on and on.

In the next few months, we will be transitioning from isolating to socializing. Many of us haven’t spoken to another person in close proximity for a long while. During the pandemic our conversations were shorter and at a distance, whether it be a driveway, lawn or a street. What’s been the topic of those conversations? The pandemic.

This transition will mean shifting our mindset from “it’s not safe to be around other people,” to “It’s okay to be around other people again.”  We need to give ourselves permission to re-integrate back into the world and to deal with our anxiety in a post-Covid world. These 3 strategies can help us do that.

Acknowledge Your Fears

Letting go of fears about the COVID-19 virus won’t be easy. These thoughts have grown over 14 months so changing them will take some time. Be patient with yourself. Acknowledge your fears often. Write them down. Speak with a therapist about them. Rather than allowing them to consume you, recognize that they exist. Give them credence but avoid letting them hold you back.

Identify Your Preferences

Begin to think about your preferences regarding re-entry. You may wish to socialize with other families where the parents have been vaccinated and their kids have had limited interaction with other kids. Whatever your preferences, you may wish to have a conversation with others prior to socializing or play dates. How will we greet each other? Can we hug, or should we fist pump or wave?

You’re going to be creating the “do’s and don’ts” of meeting with other people and find your clan who is on the same page with you. 

Ease In

We are best able to adjust to change when we can take baby steps. Therefore you should identify how you would like to ease into socializing. For example, you may want to socialize outside as the warm weather is approaching with a limited number of people. Once you have greater data about the virus and feel a bit more comfortable, you may want to increase the number of people you are willing to gather with and expand your parameters.

Create a “hierarchy” of least anxiety provoking to most anxiety provoking situations for yourself and the parameters around them. For example, gathering with 2 other families inside my house with no masks may be very anxiety provoking so you won’t start there.

As the world begins to open up, sit down with your significant other and decide on how you would like to re-enter the post-COVID world. Think about which safety precautions you wish to continue to take and which ones you wish to let go.  There is no manual for anxiety in a post-Covid world, so whatever you decide works for you is what you should do.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.

Author Jolene Philo

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Aligning Priorities as Caregiving Demands Change

Aligning Priorities as Caregiving Demands Change

Aligning Priorities as Caregiving Demands Change

Aligning priorities as caregiving demands change became part of my world in February. That’s when the residential facility where my mother lives reinstated room visits. Wahoo!

After a year of staying home all day every day, I dedicated a half day a week to running errands for and visiting Mom. Since then her health has slowly declined and the visits have become more frequent. She’s 92, and I think the trend’s going to continue. 

What I’ve discovered in the past few months is this: the process of aligning priorities as caregiving demands change is almost identical for parents of kids with disabilities and adult children caring for elderly parents. 

It’s a daily reality.
It’s a continual process.
It’s a schedule buster.
It’s a flexibility booster.
It’s a character builder.
It’s a daily exercise of grace toward the loved ones we care for and for ourselves.

As a caregiver, you know what I’m talking about. Here’s how aligning priorities as caregiving demands change have impacted my life lately:

  • Culver runs. Mom loves Heath concrete mixers made with their frozen vanilla custard so I schedule enough time to pick one up before visits. 
  • Amazon search. Tooth brushing is hard for Mom, so I ordered her some kidney-shaped basins (also known as emesis basins) used by hospitals. That way the workers at her care center can bring the basin, her toothbrush, and a glass of water to her while she’s sitting in her easy chair. Me too, after she finishes her Culver’s ice cream.
  • Asking for help. For example, when scheduling group Zoom meetings, I ask for a volunteer who can lead the meeting in my absence if something comes up for Mom. Knowing that the show can go on without me brings great peace of mind and gives someone else a chance to gain skills.
  • Saying no. I belong to several committees and planning boards that advocate for people with disabilities. Normally, I volunteer to do my share of the work. This spring I’m saying no because other committee members can do that work in this season when only my siblings and I can provide what Mom needs.
  • Hiring another VA. My current part time VA, who keeps the Different Dream website bright and shiny, is amazing and wonderful. She recently took a full time job and doesn’t have time to assist with social media posting and some website cleanup. So I hired a second part time VA who is being trained by the other one. Now there are 2 people who know the ins and outs of Different Different. More peace of mind. Ahhh!
  • Expanding childhood trauma education.  Because I’ve scaled back in other areas, this has become a priority, second only to Mom’s needs as the pandemic has increased interest in and requests for childhood trauma training. A small college asked me to develop a class for their online master’s in education program. My virtual online classes for educators scheduled for June are already full. Schools are booking inservice trainings for next year. My siblings and I are good at tag teaming when one of us has an unbreakable work commitment. Again, great peace of mind.
  • Fewer Different Dream posts. Because of changing priorities and because the website has a huge stock of exceptional content, the website is now posting only 1 or 2 posts a week. Some are from me and some are from guest bloggers. 

Are you in a season ofaligning priorities as caregiving demands change for your child or elderly loved one? What do your new priorities? How did you determine them? If you would like to write a guest post about your experience with changing priorities  (or any other caregiving topic), you’re invited to check out the guest blogger guidelines and learn how to contact Different Dream here. I’d love to hear from you!

 Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Ways to Speak Words of Affirmation and Quality Time to Kids with Special Needs

Ways to Speak Words of Affirmation and Quality Time to Kids with Special Needs

Ways to Speak Words of Affirmation and Quality Time to Kids with Special Needs

Ways to speak words of affirmation and quality time to kids with special needs aren’t hard to cook up. Doing so requires three simple ingredients. 

The first is determining the child’s love language, a process described in the previous post in this series. The second is to review the two child development concepts mentioned in Love Is a Child’s First Language, another post in the series. The third is Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilties. 

Chapter 5 of Sharing Love Abundantly is packed with accounts from parents raising kids with disabilities and special needs about how they use words of affirmation and quality time with their kids, as well as more ideas list at the end of the chapter. Here’s a taste of what it contains.

Words of Affirmation

  • Creating a victory wall
  • Throwing a hero party
  • Singing a customized bedtime song
  • Writing lunchbox notes
  • Giving specific praise
  • Compiling a “My Quotable Kid” book

Quality Time

  • Attending sensory movies
  • Completing Highlights magazine puzzles in doctor’s waiting room
  • Chase Pokemon together
  • Walk the dog together
  • Take bike rides with an adaptive or tandem bike
  • Use the summer to find the best vanilla ice cream in town

These are just the tip of the love language ideas found in Sharing Love Abundantly. The next post in this series will feature ideas about how to adapt Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch for our kids. Until then, try out the ideas above and see how your child responds to them.

Other articles in this series:

The Love Languages and Special Needs Families: A Good Combination

Basic Love Language Concepts to Ease Stress and Increase Joy in Caregiving Families

Threats to Caregiving Marriages and How To Fight Them 

Love Is a Child’s First Language

Determining the Love Language of a Child with Special Needs or a Disability 

Ways To Speak Gifts and Acts of Service to Kids with Special Needs 

Speaking Healthy Physical Touch to Kids with Special Needs

Using the Love Languages with Siblings of Kids with Special Needs and Disabilities 

Extended Family Members Can Use the Love Languages to Encourage Caregiving Parents

Communicating Your Child’s Love Language to Medical Professionals

Communicating Your Child’s Love Language to Educators 

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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