I Press On

I Press On

by | Mar 15, 2023 | Different Dream, Encouragement, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

I Press On

I press on is all a special needs parent can do sometimes. Guest blogger Kelly Simpson returns to talk about what she’s learned about pressing on while raising a child with special needs. She ends with some great ideas to help you press on during hard times, too.

During my husband’s deployment, our newborn was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for 19 days. That stay was short compared to other families, but long enough and overwhelming for a first-time mother who was also walking through her husband’s first deployment. Our son’s first year was also long and hard—nine plus surgeries and procedures. I pushed through this season while working full time. Sulking and rolling around in my circumstances would have been easy to do, but it would not have been a healthy choice.

With each surgery or procedure, I had faith that it was going to get better. It had to get better.

It was going to be okay. We were going to be okay.

Eventually I ran dry on my own determination and drive. I could only be sustained from endurance given to me through Christ Jesus, so with His help, I pressed on.

Seasons of life take me high and leave me low. Jesus has to be my cornerstone—He is who I have to build my life on. 2 Peter 2:6 it says, “I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” My walk in life must bring God glory—the surgeries, the tears, the mess, the mountains, and the valleys. I am his and chosen. He will walk with me each step of the way on my journey. He is with me, and he will be with you too.

But I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
Philippians 3:12.

Doesn’t the Lord know His plan for me? Doesn’t he know every hair on my head? Hasn’t he stood before time and seen every second of my life? Because he is God, there’s not a place where I’ll go that he has not already stood.

So I press on.

Rolling around in self-pity, asking why, and running conversations over and over in my mind only leaves me dry. I have to go past that. When worry, fear, and doubt are heavy in my mind, I lift it up and I press on! I ask for His presence and strength, then I press on! It’s not the easiest to do, but each time it gets a little easier.

I’m writing this article from a valley and that is no surprise to God. I know when I am in my deepest pain, at my darkest point, my brokenness can be used when I surrender it to Him.

I want to leave you with encouragement and steps so that you can press on!

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:14

5 Steps for Pressing On:

  1. Prepare to move on. It’s natural to question and to be upset, confused, and hurt. Accept and realize you cannot stay in that place.
  2. Completely give your situation over to God. If you find your mind wandering, give it back to Him again, and again.
  3. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you and point you back to Christ.
  4. Try one or more of the following ideas. Listen to uplifting music, read and hold on to God’s promises and His word, read a book about a helpful topic, journal.
  5. Keep going in your life. Take each day as it comes. Take steps forward. Times get hard, but life does not stop, and neither can you.

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Kelly has lived her whole life in Kentucky. She and her husband, Jeremy, have an almost-four-year-old son, who, born during a deployment, was diagnosed with tracheoesophageal fistula (EA/TEF). She has always felt a calling to serve others and is living the dream as an Army wife, middle school teacher, and now, as an encourager to those who are living a dream different than they had planned.

Author Jolene Philo

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Empowering Kids with Disabilities, Part 1: Meet Basic Survival Needs

Empowering Kids with Disabilities, Part 1: Meet Basic Survival Needs

by | Feb 27, 2023 | Different Dream, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

Empowering Kids with Disabilities, Part 1: Meet Basic Survival Needs

Empowering kids with disabilities is important, right? I mean, parenting is about empowering and equipping our kids to self-advocate to the best of their abilities, right?

And yet.

If my experience of raising a child with special needs is anything like yours, empowering my kid with disabilities rarely reached the top of my parenting priority list. For a long time, we were too busy keeping our son alive. Once he was healthy, we were too busy recovering from the trauma of keeping him alive.

You know what I mean.

Many years later, during my career as an elementary teacher, I took a professional development course based on William Glasser’s Choice Theory. The name of the course is long forgotten, but it revolutionized my teaching. It changed my relationships with students because it showed me how to empower them, whether or not they had disabilities, by addressing their basic human needs every single day.

It was powerful stuff.

Even after I left teaching, Glasser’s principles found their way into my books. They now inform my work with adult learners and parents raising kids with disabilities. They shape how I interact with my adult children and my four amazing grandchildren. The principles work because they focus on the needs common to humans of all ages. So what are those needs?

I’m so glad you asked!

As identified by Glasser, the five basic human needs, all powerful motivators in children and adults, are survival, love and belonging, power, fun, and freedom.

To read the rest of Empowering kids with disabilities, visit Key Ministry’s blog for special needs parents.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email.

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Sing!, the second book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in November of 2022.

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When Life Turns Out Differently Than You Had Planned

When Life Turns Out Differently Than You Had Planned

by | Jan 17, 2023 | Different Dream, Encouragement, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

When Life Turns Out Differently Than You Had Planned

When life turns out differently than you had planned, the first reaction may be fear or anger. Or a sense of being overwhelmed. Four years ago, guest blogger Kelly Simpson was completely overwhelmed when her husband was deployed overseas and their son Oliver was born and quickly diagnosed with tracheoesophageal fistula (EA/TEF). She’s here today to share five realizations that helped her overcome her state of overwhelm.

A job you love, a white picket fence, a caring and loving spouse, children—everyone can picture the life they want to make for themselves. I sure had mine all mapped out! In early 2019, my husband, Jeremy, left for development overseas. This was our first deployment, and our first child was due in the next eight weeks.

“It will be a quick eleven months.” That’s what I told myself. I was ready to take on a deployment as a solo parent to a newborn with a full-time job.

The next eight weeks passed quickly and at thirty-nine weeks, our precious baby boy was born. April 5th was a day with many emotions—happiness, joy, and love—but also despair, heartache, and loneliness. Other feelings I can’t describe quickly set in when Oliver was diagnosed with tracheoesophageal fistula (EA/TEF).

I felt overwhelmed. How could I take care of my child with these “problems”? Nineteen days in the NICU, nine or more procedures and surgeries in his first year of life. This was not in my expectations of becoming a mom.

I struggled for at least the first year with feelings of being overwhelmed and wondered “why me?” Here are a few things I learned during Oliver’s first three-and-a-half years of life:

1. I had to hand over my expectations to God—many times, everyday. What I have planned and expect from my life is nowhere near the goodness that He has planned for me. When I am in shock or despair, He is not. When I hand my expectations over to Him, there is room for His way and His glory.

2. Be content in my role. Shewww! This was so hard and can be an everyday battle. I struggled with “Why me?” for many months. Every person can think of their “Why me?” reasonings to argue with God. But they really amount to nothing—they will not change my circumstances. So, the more quickly I got over myself and looked for God and His purpose in my story, the more quickly I was able to embrace my new outlook on life and life to the fullest.

3. Jesus came to give me life to the fullest. John 10:10 states “…I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” I can have life and have it to the fullest—best, more than I could ever imagine even with these circumstances. And you can too! Consider Daniel in the lions’ den from Daniel 6. God did not pull Daniel out of the den of wild and hungry lions. God did not change Daniel’s circumstances. He simply came down into the circumstance to be with him. God gave Daniel his presence in verse 6:22, “My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions.” God’s presence is with us in every circumstance. If God sent His presence to Daniel, he will surely come down here to be with me, right here, in this situation, during the many doctor visits, surgeries, and procedures, and during the night while I lie awake crying. His presence is a promise I hold on to.

4. God will use this circumstance for His glory—submit it all to Him.There’s such a weight lifted when I surrender my circumstances over to God. Whatever your circumstances are, your feelings are valid and real. I needed someone to tell me that in my new walk. But I could not stay there and let the feelings fester. My trials would not go to waste, and neither will yours. Your circumstances, trials, and feelings allow you to empathize with others who are hurting. Even though your situations may not be the same, your feelings may be. You will be able to help validate others and bring them comfort and wisdom. Don’t miss out on this opportunity. It will bring you and God great joy!

5. Do not be afraid to set boundaries. Others will not always understand and that’s okay. If others are not being respectful of child/family member’s needs, set boundaries. Do not feel bad for doing so. During these times you need those who are supportive and helpful to you.

I hope these realizations ease your sense of overwhelm when life turns out differently than you had planned.

Additional Links:
Pediatric Tracheoesophageal Fistula and Esophageal Atresia | Children’s National Hospital. (n.d.). 
Tracheoesophageal Fistula. (2012, April 29).

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Kelly has lived her whole life in Kentucky. She and her husband, Jeremy, have an almost-four-year-old son, who, born during a deployment, was diagnosed with tracheoesophageal fistula (EA/TEF). She has always felt a calling to serve others and is living the dream as an Army wife, middle school teacher, and now, as an encourager to those who are living a dream different than they had planned.

Author Jolene Philo

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Organizational Strategies Are Saving My Life Right Now

Organizational Strategies Are Saving My Life Right Now

by | Nov 10, 2022 | Different Dream, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

Organizational Strategies Are Saving My Life Right Now

Organizational strategies are saving my life right now, and my 94-year-old mother is the reason. Our family is in a season similar to the early 1980s when my husband and I were parenting a medically fragile baby. Back then one medical crisis after another meant dropping everything, buckling our son into his car seat, and racing to the doctor’s office or hospital. Nowadays, calls from Mom’s long term care facility require snap decisions regarding her medical care or unexpected trips to her bedside.

Thankfully, I cut my organizational teeth as my son cut his baby ones. The process was drawn out and painful for both of us. Still, I’m grateful for lessons learned in those years because they taught me that organization can ease the stress of caregiving. Several organizational strategies are saving my life right now, and today I’m sharing seven of them.

#1: The Lazy Genius. Kendra Adachi is host of the The Lazy Genius Podcast and author of two amazing organizational books, The Lazy Genius Way and The Lazy Genius Kitchen. She approaches organization as principles to apply in your circumstances rather than as tips that worked in her life. Her method helps me—a “lazy genius”—know how to deal with my caregiving situation, and it can do the same for you.

#2 Sticky Notes. 3-M introduced Post-It® Notes in 1980. I wrote notes to the substitute teachers who took over my classroom on a moment’s notice. Now I use them to write notes to myself about what I was doing before being called away. They are also handy for instructing my husband, daughter, son-in-law, and grandkids what to eat or not eat in the fridge or freezer. Those stickies are assurance that there will be food when I arrive home exhausted.

To read the rest of this post, visit the Hope Anew website.

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Sing!, the second book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in November of 2022.

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Caregiving Spouses Are FOR Each Other

Caregiving Spouses Are FOR Each Other

by | Nov 2, 2022 | Different Dream, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

Caregiving Spouses Are FOR Each Other

Caregiving spouses are FOR each other in a marriage. That’s Heather Braucher’s message in the third post in her Different Dream guest series. You’re going to love what she has to say about the power of caregiving parents being FOR one another as much as you loved. Part 1 and Part 2 of this series.

I still remember the first time I heard my husband say, “I am FOR you.” The first time I tangibly felt and received this message of hope and truth. It was during a moment when my husband and I were discussing our kids. It was one of those tense conversations when we both began sharing our concerns, but it evolved into a desperate quest for validation. Unfortunately, sometimes what we intend to be simple venting can come off more like a competition over who is more burnt out! Deep down our intentions are simply to cry out to one another for connection and affirmation. Thank goodness in this instance, my husband was wise enough to discern what needed to be said next.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and with a bit of firm pressure he said, “I am for you. We are FOR each other.” In that moment I felt an overwhelming sense of safety. Safe because I felt affirmed. He could see how hard I was going and he knew exactly how I felt. I could sense his eyes saying, “We are both weary, but let’s remember and let’s promise that we as caregiving spouses are FOR each other.”

13 years ago

This phrase has become a household constant. And every time we voice it, it speaks life and creates connection. Our family’s life often looks like a tangled mess of electrical cords that results from too many devices plugging into the same power source, overlapping and overwhelming one another. On a daily basis we are juggling the needs of our 3 children and our own needs. Most of our discussions end up being completed via email and text message. It is the only way to break through the noise! Decisions need to be made daily on who is taking which child to which therapy or which doctor or even which school. And then there are debriefs for said appointments. Because without debriefs how are we meant to help them generalize what they are learning to the home or other contexts?

Most weeks, there is an urgent need to discuss a school or social situation that went awry. Sometimes as parents we do not agree on the appropriate follow up. We both want to support our boys to be more successful the next time. When there is a disability involved, navigating these situations can be quite confusing and complex. For a child with special needs, impairments in areas such as executive functioning, self-control and emotional regulation caused by a syndrome or disorder can result in social interactions that can make a parent hold their breath, never knowing how it will turn out.

Parenting a child with extra needs is often an all-encompassing job. The management and discussion of the child’s needs can be overwhelming. The temptation to beat yourself up for not always parenting with therapy skills is constant. It is easy to condemn yourself for getting irritated or impatient. It takes ongoing awareness to control the amount of time spent sharing these thoughts, battles, schedules, and strategies with your spouse.

Parenting is a juggling act, no matter how many children you have and regardless of their abilities or needs. And at the end of the day most of us just want to rest knowing that we loved them well. When we keep in mind that our spouse knows what we are going through and is feeling the same, we can love them better too. Remember to let them know that as caregiving spouses, you are FOR one another. Chances are you both need to hear those words.

I look forward to the next post in the series when I’ll be talking about how moms can be FOR each other too!

Part 1: We are FOR Parents and Children
Part 2: Mothers are FOR their Children with Disabilities and Special Needs
Part 3: Caregiving Spouses are FOR Each Other
Part 4: Caregiving Moms are FOR Other Caregiving Moms
Part 5: Jesus is FOR Caregiving Parents

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Heather Braucher is a member of the “Braucher Bunch” aka her energetic family of 5. The bunch includes her husband and their three children, all of whom are dominant and extroverted and are going to change the world (if she can keep them alive!) She has always held a passion for writing, but motherhood has given her a reason to share her experiences, heartaches, and victories with others. In her writing you will hear stories of hope as well as grief, as her family has navigated life in ministry in the US and overseas, all while discovering that 2 of her children have special needs. Her desire is to provide others with connection, understanding, encouragement and laughter, all washed with the love of Christ.

Author Jolene Philo

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How to Organically Enter into Life with a Caregiving Family

How to Organically Enter into Life with a Caregiving Family

by | Oct 24, 2022 | Different Dream, Encouragement, How-Tos

How to Organically Enter into Life with a Caregiving Family

How to organically enter into life with a caregiving family has been on my mind since September when my dear Aunt Donna died. Since then memories of how she, her husband Jim, and their four children embraced our family after my dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1959 have simultaneously caused and comforted my grief for the woman who loved our family well.

In honor of Aunt Donna, who taught me how to organically enter into life with a caregiving family, I’m sharing some of the ways she did so and changed our lives for the better.

Daycare: Donna watched her first child and my brother, both one-year-olds, and four-year-old me while Mom taught school. This was a godsend for Mom as she taught school while attending night classes, cared for Dad, and took my older sister to first grade. My aunt eased Mom’s burdens and made me and my brother feel secure and loved.

Substitute Teacher: Aunt Donna substitute taught in the elementary building I attended. The sight of her in the hall and sometimes in my classroom always rendered me speechless. I couldn’t reconcile her presence at school. She never pushed me to acknowledge our family bond. Instead she waved or winked and treated me like everyone else. This simple act made me feel safe.

Sunday Afternoon Visits: Donna, Jim, and their kids came over a couple Sunday afternoons a month. The adults played cards. The kids played together. At some point Mom and Donna gave each kid an apple and sent us to the living room to watch The Wonderful World of Disney. Because Sunday visits to their home, with steps and small bathroom Dad couldn’t negotiate, were out of the question, they made themselves accessible to us instead.

To read the rest of How To Organically Enter into Life with a Caregiving Family, visit the Key Ministry blog for parents.

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country.  Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Sing!, the second book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, will be released in November of 2022.

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