The Blessings of Caregiving

by jphilo | Sep 14, 2022 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Special Needs Parenting

The Blessings of Caregiving

The blessings of caregiving may not be readily apparent to families raising children with special needs and disabilities. Kristin Evans, a Different Dream guest blogger and mother of two amazing kids, describes the blessings her family experiences daily in their caregiving life.

Some people might look at my family and think that we have more to mourn than celebrate. My daughter, Beth, faces extraordinary medical and developmental challenges every day. Yet my husband, Todd, and I have discovered that we are just as blessed, if not more, than the average family. We’ve identified numerous reasons our lives are much richer as a result of having fought sixteen years to save both of our children’s lives. These are just three of the blessings of caregiving that families of loved ones with disabilities often experience.

Blessing #1: A New Perspective on Life

As a disability and medical mom, I’ve experienced how difficult it can be to express gratitude. When I’ve been surrounded by loss, the serious illnesses of my children, and seemingly-impossible circumstances, my tendency has sometimes been to become bitter and sad. Watching my children suffer doesn’t naturally prompt a thankful attitude in me.

But it has been through our difficult circumstances that our family has received the rare gift of seeing life through a different lens. Our greatest desire is for everyone to be at their health baseline and not in the hospital. The days that all four of us are able to just be together at home are the greatest blessings in life.

We’ve learned to be thankful for simple moments together—laughing, enjoying a meal, or playing outside. Sometimes we have to look for the blessings of caregiving and choose gratitude, but God’s good gifts are always there—big and small.

Blessing #2: More Reasons to Celebrate

Little wins are big reasons to rejoice. Beth may not be earning trophies in soccer or straight A academic awards, but she is working very hard on her individual goals. When she reaches a new milestone or learns a new skill, we feel like throwing a big party! Families with disabilities may not celebrate for the typical reasons, but we often have more reasons. When our children make progress in therapy, have a good day, or their health improves, these are the many moments to recognize and enjoy.

Blessing #3: Becoming Better People

My children have taught me how to truly live. I’m a better person because I’m their mom, and I’ve had the privilege of loving and advocating for them their whole lives. As parents caring for our children with disabilities or complex medical needs, we face regular obstacles. And we walk with them through their own unique challenges. In doing so, we can develop a deep empathy for other hurting parents and people in the world. We learn what’s most important in life and to not take a single special moment for granted.

What blessings of caregiving has your family experienced?

Please share your celebrations with us in the comments section!

Blessings,

Kristin

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Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. As an author and mental health therapist, her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper emotional, psychological, and spiritual wholeness. As both her children have rare genetic disorders, Kristin especially loves supporting other parents of children with special needs. She hopes that you may find encouragement and support through her two websites and blogs, www.KristinFaithEvans.com and www.DisabilityParenting.com.

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We Are FOR Parents and Children

We are for parents and children with special needs and disabilities here at Different Dream. Therefore, I am delighted to introduce you to new guest blogger Heather Braucher. Today she begins her five part I Am FOR You series. In it she’ll share her thoughts about how God demonstrates how He is FOR every member of your special needs family and how we can show others that we are with them too.

The room was pitch black, minus the dull glow from the star stickers on the ceiling. The sound of pouring rain from the white noise app was at max volume, but it still couldn’t drown out Garrett’s tapping and Jackson’s clicking as they waited for sleep to wash over them. Every tap and click made my body tense. At this point, I was convinced that my boys would never fall asleep and this day would never end.

This was a typical bedtime experience so my brain did know the boys would inevitably fall asleep. But fatigue—be it emotional, physical or mental—did not care what my brain should know to be true. Fatigue doesn’t care how much I actually love my sweet boys and their cuddles. Fatigue pays no mind to the fact that once they fall asleep, my heart will leap a little as I peek at their peaceful faces. No.

Fatigue only wants to hijack the brain with feelings of desperation. So as I stare at the stars on the ceiling and try to remain perfectly still, my fatigue-hijacked mind struggles to keep hope that the bit of solitude I am desperately clinging for is within reach.

But then, it happens. Stillness and slow breathing. They are asleep! I made it! The day’s requests and whines have ceased. No more sibling arguments and sensory overload for mommy. And if I can keep my eyes open, I can enjoy a couple hours to myself. But as I move on to this long-awaited part of my day, like clockwork, instead of resting in my solitude my brain starts to reflect and condemn! I ask myself questions.

Why does it take them so long to fall asleep?
Will they ever grow out of this?
Why do they even want to cuddle with me?
Was I even nice to be around? I wish I didn’t get so impatient!

And then I pray, “Lord, help them not remember me like this, exhausted, irritable, and quick-tempered.”

I remember early on a veteran mom told me, “You are going to make mistakes as a parent. It is impossible not to. But thank God we can ask for HIS mercy to wash our mistakes away and HIS grace to fill in the gap.” She encouraged me to bring self-condemnation to the Lord when it came.

So every night, I bring it all to the Lord.

And you know what happens? Instead of receiving a “Yup, you’re right Heather. You could’ve done so much better,” I feel a calm in my spirit and an affirmation that flawed as I am, I have a God who sees me, knows my heart for my family, and knows my desire to love well.

The Lord helps me see that at the end of those long arduous bedtime routines, when that silence finally comes—after all the those repetitive clicks and taps—HE reminds me that no matter how much fatigue will try to hold me captive, I am FOR my children! And the same for you too mama. WE are FOR our children!

When you are weary and your lens is muddied by fatigue, remember in your heart of hearts, that fatigue can often be a side effect of great love poured out. And don’t worry, the well will never run dry!

In this next installment of this series I look forward to sharing how I work to communicate to my children that I am FOR them.

Part 1: We are FOR Parents and Children
Part 2: Mothers are FOR their Children with Disabilities and Special Needs
Part 3: Caregiving Spouses are FOR Each Other
Part 4: Caregiving Moms are FOR Other Caregiving Moms
Part 5: Jesus is FOR Caregiving Parents

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Heather Braucher is a member of the “Braucher Bunch” aka her energetic family of 5. The bunch includes her husband and their three children, all of whom are dominant and extroverted and are going to change the world (if she can keep them alive!) She has always held a passion for writing, but motherhood has given her a reason to share her experiences, heartaches, and victories with others. In her writing you will hear stories of hope as well as grief, as her family has navigated life in ministry in the US and overseas, all while discovering that 2 of her children have special needs. Her desire is to provide others with connection, understanding, encouragement and laughter, all washed with the love of Christ.