When God Redeemed My Worst Christmas Ever and Used It for Good

When God Redeemed My Worst Christmas Ever and Used It for Good

by | Dec 23, 2024 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting, Spiritual Support

When God Redeemed My Worst Christmas Ever and Used It for Good

 When God redeemed my worst Christmas ever by using it for good, it came as a big surprise. Most likely because 1982 was the year of my worst Christmas ever, and the using it for good part didn’t come along until December of 2024.

42 years is a long time, which explains my surprise.

When Christmas of 1982 rolled around, our medically fragile baby was 7 months old. He’d already been through major surgeries, airplane rides, hospital stays, tube feedings, and who knows how many doctors’ appointments. Had I not been too sleep deprived to muster a single creative thought, I could have penned the lyrics for “The Twelve Days of a Medically-Fragile Kid’s Christmas.”

All we wanted for Christmas that year was to stay home.

So we did. It wasn’t the first time my husband hadn’t gone home for Christmas, but it was the first for me. Thanks to dear friends in the town where we lived, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Those friends—he was our pastor, his wife was our son’s back-up babysitter, and their 2 older kids were my students—invited us to Christmas dinner. Their extended families were there, too, and our baby was the center of attention all day.

Even so, Christmas 1982 was my worst Christmas ever.

That changed this past November when one of their sons texted us. Having visited his parents during the summer, we were aware of our former pastor’s dementia and increasing care needs. We’d told his kids to call us if they needed extra help. In his text, the son asked if we could come and stay with his parents for the final week of his mom’s recovery from surgery.

To read the rest of When God Redeemed My Worst Christmas Ever and Used It for Good, please visit Key Ministry’s blog for special needs parents.

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly with Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dig!, the fourth book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2024.

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Creating Unique, Disability-Friendly Christmas Traditions

Creating Unique, Disability-Friendly Christmas Traditions

by | Dec 13, 2023 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Creating Unique, Disability-Friendly Christmas Traditions

Creating unique, disability-friendly traditions may feel like one more task to add to your holiday to do list. These ideas from guest blogger Kristin are anything but one more thing. In fact, her ideas will simplify some of what you’re already doing and give you permission to let other things go.

It can be easy to feel pressure from family, friends, or work to participate in typical holiday activities. But usual Christmas traditions and gatherings can be challenging for families with special needs. Taking a child with medical needs or developmental disabilities to loud, large, or crowded places can be difficult. Just leaving the house can cause more stress than enjoyment. If this sounds like your family, consider modifying usual activities and making new Christmas traditions and memories unique to your family’s needs.

Evaluate Holiday Plans

Start by reflecting on these seven questions as you create your family’s best holiday experience:

    1. What kinds of activities does your family enjoy together?
    2. What kinds of activities does your family not enjoy?
    3. What types of social situations or outings work well for your family?
    4. What types of social situations or outings do not work well for your family?
    5. What expectations or pressures from family and friends might you be trying to fulfill that might not be best for your family?
    6. What could you do differently this year that would decrease stress and create more enjoyment for your family?
    7. What’s one new special tradition you can start that will be unique for your family?

Modify Typical Holiday Activities

Here are some ways for modifying and creating unique, disability-friendly Christmas traditions to fit your family:

    • In place of going to a large family gathering, invite a few family members to your home or schedule a different time to go visit family when only a couple of people will be there.
    • In lieu of going to a Christmas show or large light display at a crowded center, pile into the car, turn on Christmas music, and drive around looking at Christmas lights or go to a drive through light show.
    • Instead of going out to eat, decorate your table and order carry out. Or have a fondue or pancake party.
    • If opening a lot of presents on Christmas morning causes stress for your child, open a few presents at a time throughout the day.
    • If getting pictures made at the mall with Santa scares or upsets your child, take pictures in a private setting in which your child feels more comfortable with a Christmas toy or decoration they like.
    • In place of going to a party, invite one family over for a fun night.
    • If making Christmas cookies or other traditional goodies usually ends in a meltdown, have your child help with only one step of the process.

It might feel like your child or family is missing out. But what you all are likely going to remember most is how the holiday made you feel. Creating unique, disability-friendly Christmas traditions may look different from those of other families, and that’s okay. What’s most important is that you enjoy the holiday together, however that might look for your family.

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Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. She is an author, speaker, mental health counselor, and a mom of two children with rare genetic disorders and complex needs. Her greatest passion is teaming up with her husband to empower other parents of children with disabilities, mental health disorders, and medical complications. She hopes that you may find encouragement and support on their website www.DisabilityParenting.com

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Introducing the See Jane Advisory Board

Introducing the See Jane Advisory Board

by | Dec 31, 2022 | Mystery Update, See Jane Dance!, See Jane Dig!, See Jane Run!, See Jane Sing!

Introducing the See Jane Run Advisory Board gives me great pleasure. The board’s formation came about when the 7 and 4-year-old grandchildren were back seat passengers in our car a few days after Christmas, 2022. Hiram was driving so I directed all my attention to the following conversation. It began when the 7-year-old became curious about the box on the seat between him and his sister. It contained copies of See Jane Run! and See Jane Sing!. The 7-year-old opened the box and used his burgeoning reading skills to read the titles, emphasis on burgeoning as you’ll see below.

“Is Seejane the girl on the front of these books?” he asked.

“Yes, but since there’s a space between ‘See’ and ‘Jane’ it’s pronounced ‘See Jane.'” I explained.

“Oh, I see. Jane is the girl. Why are there different covers?”

“Because they’re two different stories. The first is See Jane Run! and the second is See Jane Sing!”

“What kind of books are they?”

“They’re mysteries. Jane catches bad guys.” I added a bunch more, but all of you have heard the spiel, so there’s no need to subject you to it again.

The 4-year-old piped up. “Are you going to write more of these books?”

I told them about the upcoming titles, See Jane Dance! and See Jane Dig! With that the floodgates of their imaginations burst wide open.

“Grammy, you should write See Jane Christmas!” said the 7-year-old.

“That’s a great idea, and there’s actually a Christmas program in See Jane Sing!”

Back to the 4-year-old. “How about See Jane Halloween! instead?”

“I have a better idea,” said the 7-year-old. “See Jane Underground! where they go to London and catch bad guys in the underground subway.”

“Or See Jane Invisible Hole! where they dig a hole and it’s invisible and Jane jumps in and the bad guys don’t see it and they fall in…”

The 4-year-old went on and on, but I missed the gist of her plot line because my mind was on how anyone would see Jane do anything in an invisible hole.

“Grammy,” interrupted the 7-year-old. “You could make Jane statues to sell. And tee-shirts.”

“And earrings,” added the 4-year-old. “And you could give Jane a sword and a shield and a gun to shoot bad guys,”

“Jane doesn’t like guns. She doesn’t own one.”

The 4-year-old gasped and after a dramatic pause proclaimed. “You could write See Jane Freeze! and Elsa from Frozen could freeze the bad guys.”

“How would you two like to be members of the See Jane Advisory Board? I’ll serve treats at meetings.”

“Yes,” they shouted as my husband pulled into the garage.

That, dear reader, is the humble beginning of the See Jane Advisory Board. Leave a comment if you’d like to join the team. I’m not sure how much we’ll get done at our meetings. However, I can assure you that our gatherings will be entertaining and there will be treats!

 

How the Christmas Story is a Special Needs Story

How the Christmas Story is a Special Needs Story

by | Dec 14, 2022 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Holidays, Uncategorized

How the Christmas Story is a Special Needs Story

How the Christmas story is a special needs story is something guest blogger Mark Arnold is thinking about this time of year. What he has to say will help you see how Emmanuel, God with us, is with caregiving families in a deep and meaningful way.

Every year we hear the Christmas story of Mary and Joseph heading to Bethlehem, of the innkeeper, angels, shepherds, wise men, and of course the baby Jesus. Have you ever looked at it as a metaphor for special needs families? Here’s a look at how this story parallels the story of parents of children with special needs or disabilities.

Unexpected news

Mary is visited by the angel Gabriel who tells her that she will have a very special child. This surprised Mary. She was ‘greatly troubled at his words’ before she accepted his message and said, “May it be to me as you have said.” (Luke 1:26-38)

For the families of children with special needs, unexpected news can arrive during a pre-natal scan. It can be troubling, devastating even. Not every parent accepts the news as Mary did. For some who learn their child will not survive or will be significantly disabled, parents grieve all that their child might have been.

A different location

Mary and Joseph traveled to Bethlehem for the census. Joseph, belonging to the house and line of David, had to register with Mary in Bethlehem, the town of David. (Luke 2:1-5)

Places where a baby with pre-birth concerns can be delivered may be limited. This might require a journey to an unfamiliar town. Though the trip won’t involve a ride on a donkey, it may still be a difficult journey.

Unexpected kindness

Mary needed somewhere safe to give birth to her baby in Bethlehem. Although there are no rooms available for them to stay in the inn, the innkeeper allowed them to use the stable, and the newborn baby was placed in the animals’ manger. (Luke 2:6-7)

Families of children born with special needs or a disability often mention one person who brought a cup of tea and a kind word during an overwhelming medical crisis. A simple act of kindness transformed their profoundly challenging situation into something a little more bearable.

Strangers

A bunch of shepherds turned up shortly after Mary gave birth. Goodness knows what she thought about this, exhausted as she was. Still Luke’s Gospel says that “Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” (Luke 2:8-20) Later, wise men or Magi from the East brought gifts and wanted to see the baby. (Matthew 2:1-12)

Families like ours get used to the arrival of strangers with impressive lists of medical and social care credentials, professionals involved in the care and support of the child and their family. We also ponder the support and care the professionals provide and wonder what the future holds for our child.

Hateful people

Mary and Joseph were warned that Jesus was in danger and fled to Egypt. King Herod ordered the death of all boys under two years old in the Bethlehem area, but was too late to catch Jesus and his family. (Matthew 2:13-18)

There are people today who do not understand or accept children with special needs or disabilities. They do and say hateful things. Some believe babies with special needs or disabilities should be euthanized. Families who encounter these views find them hurtful.

Home

Mary, Joseph, and Jesus eventually returned and set up a home in Nazareth near Galilee. It was Jesus’ earthly home during most of his life. (Matthew 2:19-23)

Many families of children born with special needs or disabilities wait a long time to bring their child home. Some never make it. Those who do come home to a different future than originally envisaged. Still it is a future that can be wonderful.

Seeing how the Christmas story is a special needs story can help us live more fully knowing that Jesus, God with us, and his parents experienced the challenges, and struggles we and other families face each day.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email.

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Mark Arnold is the Additional Needs Ministry Director at Urban Saints, a leading national Christian children’s and youth organization. He is co-founder of the Additional Needs Alliance, a national and international advocate for children and young people with additional needs or disabilities. Mark is a Churches for All and Living Fully Network partner, a member of the Council for Disabled Children and the European Disability Network. He writes an additional needs column for Premier Youth and Children’s Work (YCW) magazine and blogs at The Additional Needs Blogfather. He is father to James, who has autism spectrum condition, associated learning disability, and epilepsy. To find out more about how Mark’s work can help you, contact him at: marnold@urbansaints.org or @Mark_J_Arnold

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The See Jane Sing! Book Cover Is Here

The See Jane Sing! Book Cover Is Here

by | Aug 4, 2022 | See Jane Sing!

The See Jane Run! Book Cover Is Here

The See Jane Sing! book cover is here and ready for the world to see.* Even better, the publisher will soon list it on Amazon. I’ll give you a head’s up, as well as roll out the pre-order bonuses, when the time comes. Here are some tidbits to whet your bookish appetite until then.

  • Midwestern Books will release See Jane Sing! in October or November. That’s a month or two later than originally planned, but not by much.
  • The events in the story start the Saturday after Thanksgiving and end on Christmas Eve. Which means this book is a Christmas mystery. That wasn’t my intent, but I must stay it worked out quite nicely.
  • Hiram, my husband, is of the same opinion. In fact, he gave it the coveted Hiram Seal of Approval.
  • Back to the Christmas theme…the wreath hanging from the “G” in the title was my idea. I’m very proud of my contribution.
  • In my humble opinion, this book has Hallmark Christmas Movie potential.
  • A call to join the See Jane Sing! launch team will be coming soon. It would be great to have you be a part of it.

So what do you think of the cover? Leave a comment below to share your thoughts.

*Those who attended the See Jane Run! book launch party in June got a sneak peek at that event and free chocolate. Which proves that live events are replete with amazing perks!