Hospital Chaplains: Who Knew They Can Do So Much?

Hospital Chaplains: Who Knew They Can Do So Much?

Hospital Chaplains: Who Knew They Can Do So Much?

Hospital chaplains provide valuable support when loved ones are dying. Guest blogger Laura Spiegel recently learned they can do much more.

When you think of hospital chaplains, what comes to mind? A bearer of bad news? An imminent turn for the worse? A symbol of death and dying? That’s what I used to think. Chaplains showed up in end-of-life situations, and I never wanted to encounter one.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Last week, I had the privilege of listening to a chaplain at my local children’s hospital as he “demystified” spiritual care and chaplaincy. It turns out that hospital chaplains offer interfaith care, but their role in hospitals is not confined to death and dying. In fact, a big part of the chaplain role is supporting families emotionally as we navigate changes, struggles, or tipping points that occur throughout our lives.

Hospital chaplains help us identify our own resources and strengths so that we can better cope with situations that are causing distress. For some, these situations are indeed life threatening. But for many, they are merely tipping points on a longer journey.

A new diagnosis.
A first hospitalization.
A significant change in treatment plan.

Throughout these tipping points, chaplains can help us explore shifts in identity, roles, and meaning. This often includes grieving the future “story” we’ve envisioned and beginning the process of rewriting a new narrative for our children and our families.

While many chaplains are focused on in-patient hospital encounters, some are expanding their role into outpatient centers. I can’t tell you how excited this makes me!

When my daughter was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis eight years ago, I was shaken to the core. I had naively envisioned a life for my daughter where health could be taken for granted. Where doctor’s appointments were limited to annual check-ups and benign bouts of strep. Where I could swat down stress with the knowledge that this was my second child, and this time around, I knew what I was doing.

With my daughter’s diagnosis, my identity as a woman and mother shifted. My roles as a spouse, daughter, friend, businesswoman, and caregiver collided in messy, unexpected ways. I began to question where I spent my time and with whom I spent it. I mourned the loss of the “future” I had envisioned for my family — and slowly but surely began to write a new one.

Over the years, I have been fortunate enough to partner with care teams that recognize the importance of physical and emotional health. My daughter’s quarterly appointments have allowed the space and time to explore both her and my emotional well-being. But what if a chaplain was included on the care team with the sole role of offering emotional support?

I would latch onto that in a heartbeat.

Our children’s hospital hopes to expand the role of hospital chaplains into more outpatient centers over time. When this resource hits the CF center, I can tell you this: I’m gonna come a-runnin’.

Do you like the idea of a chaplain joining your care team? Ask your doctor how hospital chaplains work in your hospital — and how you can access chaplaincy support!  

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Laura Spiegel spent 12 years at the world’s largest biotech company, partnering with professionals and care teams to help people with special needs and disabilities lead full and happy lives. In 2013 her daughter was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Laura now hosts Paint Her in Color, a website that offers emotional support to parents of children with special medical, developmental, or behavioral health care needs. When she isn’t reading, writing, or soaking up time with her husband and kids, Laura can be reached at Paint Her in Color, by email at laura@paintherincolor.com, and on Facebook and Twitter.

Author Jolene Philo

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I Need a Vacation from Vacation

I Need a Vacation from Vacation

I Need a Vacation from Vacation

“I need a vacation from vacation,” I wanted to say soon after we came home after celebrating my husband’s retirement by traveling for most of July. The aftermath of being gone for so long was substantial–

Catching up everything that didn’t get done due to lack of reliable internet access.
Paying bills.
Dealing with on my mother’s latest health crisis.
Following up with workers about why the latest phase in our house remodel hadn’t been completed.
Digging out canning jars because the tomatoes and green beans are producing.

My immediate inclination was to throw a hissy fit and shout, “I need a vacation from vacation! I will never leave home for this long again. Not ever!”

My second inclination, which had to be the Holy Spirit’s intervention because I’m not capable of such restraint on my own, was to reflect upon the dear friends and familiar places visited during the past month. Without conscious thought my eyes closed. The inner movie reel of our vacation began to play.

I saw delight light up our six-year-old grandson’s face as he learned to Old Maid, Go Fish, and Slap Jack during the week he went camping with my husband and I. I heard his sweet voice when the time came for him to go home with his parents while Hiram and I continued our travels. “I could stay with you,” he lisped through the gaps where his baby teeth used to be, “because I know you’re going to miss me a lot.”

 To read the rest of I Need a Vacation from Vacation, visit the Key Ministry website.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Mask Mandates

Mask Mandates

Mask Mandates

Mask mandates has been tough, but for the special needs community, it’s nothing new. Today guest blogger Stephanie Ballard writes about a different kind of mask mandate she’s decided it’s time for her to end.

 “I’m sorry but I don’t feel safe taking care of Braden any longer.” I gasped when I received that text from my sister just about a year ago.

She had been my son’s respite worker for five years. Sleep overs, weekend visits and the occasional run to the emergency room were part of our normal. 

Her text sent me into a panic. “How will I be able to do this alone?”Braden has kabuki syndrome, along with half a heart, known as hypoplastic left heart syndrome. His recent diagnosis of autism explains, but doesn’t help improve his chaotic behavior and ongoing rage that seems to come with no cause.

The same week as the text from my sister, Braden’s special needs school called with the message, “We are sorry to inform you the school will be closed again.” The news came without warning.

It’s been a year since my sister’s text and the message from the school. Braeden’s hanging in there. Mask mandates have been hard on him. This past Monday before school, he squawked, “No mask. No mask. I no breathe.”

Later, I cupped the Sponge Bob mask over his face while the bus driver pressed the thermometer up to his forehead. Braden has not gotten used to the morning drill, his new normal.

The yellow bus pulled away and melted into the distance. I sipped my second cup of coffee and pondered about the mask mandate. It reminded me of the mask I, and other parents of kids with special needs, have been wearing for years. This past March was the two year anniversary of removing that kind of mask mandate. 

It started out with a text.“Hey honey when you ask me ‘Will you have me just as I am?’ I will always say ‘of course.’”

I texted back to Scott, my boyfriend. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

“Can you repeat that 100 times before I see you today.”

“Yes.”

“I will always be an audience of one for you, Stephanie.”

Scott knows what masks look like. His son, died Evan had a lethal heart disease and spent his whole life technically in pediatric hospice and palliative care.

This morning Scott and I talked about the last year of pandemic and the mask mandate.

“If only we could share our stories about new normals and mask mandates and social distancing within the special needs community,” he said.

“Yeah, we’ve been living with those mandates for years. Wouldn’t it be great if we could tell some of those experiences on how to survive and even blossom?”

“Let’s just not wait too long.”

We talked more about our hope in a new normal and future for us. We talked about divorce, death, and sick kids–things we both know so well–knowing that one day Scott will help me with the “death-of-a-child normal.”

I’m not sure how that’ll work out, but I’m willing to go the distance. I’m getting better at navigating new normals instead of saying “I can’t do that any longer” like my sister did.

“Now, let’s just do away with mask mandates when we’re together.” I said.

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Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

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6 Caregiving Advocacy Tips I’m Learning All Over Again

6 Caregiving Advocacy Tips I’m Learning All Over Again

6 Caregiving Advocacy Tips I’m Learning All Over Again

The 6 caregiving advocacy tips I’m learning all over again come with compliments from my mom. She’s 92 and still teaching me life lessons by the bucketful. She’s experienced some health challenges over the past few months, so we (my older sister, younger brother, and me) to advocate on her behalf.

This isn’t my first advocacy rodeo. My husband and I were thrust in to that role in 1982 when our firstborn was diagnosed with a life-threatening birth defect. We were his voice and his caregivers for 4 intense and sometimes terrifying years until his health stabilized. During those years we gradually discovered 6 caregiving advocacy tips. They worked on his behalf then, and they’re working on Mom’s behalf now. Which goes to show, as I’ve said before, that caregiving is caregiving is caregiving.

Tip #1

Write everything down. From the beginning of whatever health issue you’re dealing with. A sentence or 2 may be all you need, along with the date, to keep track of what’s happening. How your loved one feels. Vitals. Conversations with medical personnel. Voice mails left. Record everything, preferably in an electronic format so it’s easy to copy, send, update, and resend as needed.

Tip #2

Be a squeaky wheel. One advantage to writing things down is that you know when someone hasn’t returned your call or email after a day or two. Or an hour or two, depending on the urgency of the situation. Because you have it written down, you know when it’s time to become a squeaky wheel. In other words, call again after a reasonable amount of time. “Reasonable” could be a day or two after someone promised to get back to you. Sooner only if the situation is urgent. If your second call or email doesn’t garner a response, become an even squeaker wheel with daily calls or emails. During all of this, keep recording everything.

The rest of 6 Caregiving Advocacy Tips I’m Learning All Over Again can be found at the Key Ministry blog for parents. 

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Learning to Embrace a Special Life

Learning to Embrace a Special Life

Learning to Embrace a Special Life

Learning to embrace a special life as the parent of a child with a disability is a journey. New guest blogger, Kristin Faith Evans, describes the spiritual crisis that brought her to acceptance and shares 4 practices that bring her joy and peace.

Beginning My Unexpected Journey

As long as I could remember, I had believed in God and trusted Him. Nothing could shake my faith—or so I believed. We thought we had it all. My husband, Todd, was in his third year of serving as the Director of Youth Ministries, our son’s health and developmental progress were stabilizing with his extremely rare genetic disorder, and we had just discovered that I was pregnant with our second child. We felt so blessed by God. Then, I would begin a journey that took me through a nightmare pregnancy and delivery; learning that our daughter, Bethany Grace, had sporadically developed a more-severe genetic disorder called Cri du Chat Syndrome; three months in the NICU; the continual battle to save both of our children’s lives; then my dark crisis of faith and long war with severe depression and anxiety.

Obsessing with Finding Answers

Shortly after Bethany Grace’s homecoming from the NICU, I become overwhelmed by the stress, anxiety, grief, and guilt. I spiraled into a deep pit of depression and began to walk through a dark, terrifying wilderness of spiritual anguish. Doubt. Anger. Disillusionment. My life-long faith that I had naively believed was unshakable had easily shattered. I was desperate to understand and find answers that made sense to me. How could God be sovereign and benevolent, and at the same time allow my daughter and son to suffer like this? Why is he letting all this happen to our family?

The more I questioned, the further I distanced myself from God, and the more powerful the grip of depression grew. “But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God’” (Psalms 31:14, ESV). I could no longer bring myself to utter this prayer. I found myself not even wanting to go to church anymore.

Discovering What Faith Is to Me

Sitting on my therapist’s couch, her questions helped me realize that I had a choice to make. I could continue to fight reality and be angry with God, trudging on through each day miserable; or I could release the need to find answers or understand. Two days later, I found myself hiking through the woods where I came upon a shimmering lake. The colors reflecting off the boulders created a magnificent scene. How could God create something so good and beautiful but allow darkness and pain? Then it hit me—Is this what faith is? I don’t understand how God could be good and have allowed our family to endure all of this suffering, but I let go of the need to know. I embrace the mystery of faith. “I trust you, God.” I finally began to understand and discover deep meaning and purpose in my life. I began Learning to embrace a special life, to be free to sing a new and joyful song throughout my days. Now, I am not saying that when I grew in my trust in God that my depression resolved on its own. I still had to work very hard in therapy. But letting go of the need for answers freed my soul and lightened my heart which helped me in my recovery from depression. I also began to depend on God on my journey to wholeness and healing.

So, how does learning to embrace a special life cultivate joy each day?

I have found that sometimes experiencing joy takes making a choice, despite how difficult and painful my circumstances are that day. These four practices have helped me live in a more joyful mood throughout most days:

  1. Living in gratitude for each new day (even if I can only find one thing to be thankful for)
  2. Trusting God’s good promises to me in Scripture
  3. Remembering all the times that God has helped my family and blessed us
  4. Fully enjoying the little moments

I hope that you, too, are learning to embrace a special life in deeper ways and find joy on your unique journey.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. As an author and mental health therapist, her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper emotional, psychological, and spiritual wholeness. As both her children have rare genetic disorders, Kristin especially loves supporting other parents of children with special needs. She hopes that you may find encouragement and support through her two websites and blogs, www.KristinFaithEvans.com and www.SpecialNeedsMomsBlog.com.

Author Jolene Philo

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See Jane Run into 2021

See Jane Run into 2021

See Jane run into 2021. Or to be more accurate, see me dance for joy because the revisions to See Jane Run! requested by the publisher are done. That means the manuscript is off my plate for a few months as it’s now with book coach Anne Fleck for a consistency edit. She’ll check it over to see how the book flows with t he odd bits that have been added and those that have been removed. Once she’s done, I’ll look over her suggestions and decide what and how to incorporate them.

If you’re looking for an editor, I highly recommend her. Not because she’s my daughter, but because she’s really good at what she does. Her website is being revamped at the moment, but if you need a good fiction book coach or editor, you can contact her at novelspiritsbooks@gmail.com.

Back to what I was talking about. Writing time’s going to be scarce in January as I’m teaching some virtual workshops. I’m hoping for a little time for polishing first draft of See Jane Sing!, but I’m not banking on it. Teaching workshops is tiring and time-consuming. They also pay very well, so I’m not complaining. By the end of January 2021, I will have earned more income than in all of 2020. Maybe that’s why I’m dancing for joy.

Before 2020 runs out, I want to say thank you to all of you for your encouraging messages throughout this writing journey. It began over 10 years ago when I first wrote the idea down in the notebook pictured above. The theme, the names of characters, and the story have evolved since then, but my reason for writing has not. You are the reason I keep working to get the West River Mysteries published. Which is going to happen in 18 months. Here’s the timeline for the first three books in case you missed it before.

Summer 2021: See Jane Run!
Fall 2021: See Jane Sing!
Winter 2022: See Jane Dance!

After that, the plan is to publish a book a year until I run out of ideas. So here’s to running into 2021 and beyond! I hope you’ll run with me.

Sign up to receive website updates and See Jane Run! book news on Gravel Road’s home page right under the picture of–you guessed it–the gravel road.