This Is the Hope of Christmas

This Is the Hope of Christmas

by | Dec 14, 2017 | Different Dream, Grief, Spiritual Support

This Is the Hope of Christmas

This Is the Hope of Christmas

I almost talked myself out of writing a December column this year, and for good reason. I didn’t have the heart to write about the joy of Christmas after first receiving a message that my husband’s stepmom, who had been in hospice for a week, wasn’t expected to make it through the day. Minutes later, news came that my dear friend Carol was gone barely 2 months after the breast cancer she’d conquered came back as brain cancer.

Tears replaced words as I cried for Carol’s husband and one living son. I cried at the cruel timing of my broken foot which kept me from traveling to see her and say good-bye. And I cried for a world without Carol, a gentle and strong woman who used the experience or losing her younger son to minister to others.

A thought from my morning Bible study came to mind as I wheeled to the counter for a handful of tissues. While reading John’s account of Lazarus being raised from the dead, I’d been struck by how Jesus responded to Mary’s grief. He could have revealed His divinity by immediately bringing Lazarus back to life. Instead He first revealed His humanity by entering into Mary’s grief and crying with her. Now, Jesus knew Lazarus would soon be restored, so He wasn’t crying about his absence. Jesus was crying for the pain of separation borne by Mary, Martha and all those who loved Lazarus.

Jesus was the Word become flesh in that moment, fully human and dwelling among those He loved. By joining in Mary’s grief, Jesus sanctified her tears and showed a broken world how to grieve well and without sin. Then a few minutes later, He revealed the glory of His divinity as the only Son from the Father by bringing Lazarus back to life.

Though God once again graciously revealed His beauty through His word, my heart is still hurting. But it is also rejoicing as Christmas approaches. Not with glitter-and-tinsel giddiness. But with born-in-a-manger gratitude for the God of all glory who took on flesh and came to earth as a helpless babe. First and foremost to save us, but also to be human with us. To cry with us. To grieve with us.

To show us that the power of the resurrection resides in Him and is freely given to all who believe. This is light in the darkness to a weary and broken world. This is the hope of Christmas.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us,
and we have seen His glory,
glory as of the only Son from the Father,
full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

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Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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Special Needs Parenting WILL Get Better

Special Needs Parenting WILL Get Better

by | Dec 6, 2017 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

Special Needs Parenting WILL Get Better

Special needs parenting WILL get better says guest blogger Kimberly Drew. And since she’s going through a rough patch as a parent and still says that, struggling Different Dream readers can trust the reassurance she offers below.

Special Needs Parenting Will Get Better

I can’t quite figure out what I can say at this particular time in our journey raising two children with special needs, so I have decided to go with utter honesty.

I am in a familiar place emotionally and spiritually.
I’ve been here before, and had hoped to never re-visit.

I find that there are days where I don’t want to get out of bed and others where I am championing our daughter’s needs with passion and fervor. At times the simplest idea can take root in my mind and draw me back to a Scripture or a lesson that I have previously learned and fill me with comfort and the motivation to press on. At other times, I feel a dark and empty void hovering in and around my soul. I don’t have the energy to pray, or truthfully to even care, about the deeper things because I’m just trying to get through the day.

There is no formula to the ebb and flow of emotions that come with raising children with special needs. If there were, I would jot down the changes and prepare for them accordingly. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with these feelings of sadness, exhaustion, and doubt. I have talked to too many other parents to think I was the only one who felt these things.

You should know that you are not alone.
I know from past experience that it will get better.

Appointments will calm down, new meds and specialists will feel more like routine than hassle. Milestones will come in their own sweet time and in their own special way. Someone will drop off a meal when it’s needed most. A card will come in the mail to encouragement. The hand of a friend will rest on my shoulder and prayers will be whispered over us, inspiring my faith to move forward. Mom will show up for a surprise visit and do a laundry blitz, or my best friend will drag me out to shop the endcaps at Target. I will open up the Bible and it will come alive in my heart and fill me so full of wonder that it practically bursts out of me.

Special needs parenting will get better for our family and for yours.
But until it does, I will read passages from the Bible like Psalm 143.

My Soul Thirsts for You
A Psalm of David.

“Hear my prayer, O Lord;
give ear to my pleas for mercy!
In your faithfulness answer me, in your righteousness!
Enter not into judgment with your servant,
for no one living is righteous before you.

For the enemy has pursued my soul;
he has crushed my life to the ground;
he has made me sit in darkness like those long dead.
Therefore my spirit faints within me;
my heart within me is appalled.

I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all that you have done;
I ponder the work of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Selah

Answer me quickly, O Lord!
My spirit fails!
Hide not your face from me,
lest I be like those who go down to the pit.
Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,
 for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord!
I have fled to you for refuge.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God!
Let your good Spirit lead me
 on level ground!

For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life!
In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!
And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies,
and you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul,
for I am your servant.”

What do you do when you don’t think special needs parenting will get better? Leave your thoughts in the comment box.

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Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have three amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s  desire to write. In addition to being a stay at home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.

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When Disability Reveals the Depths of My Dependence

When Disability Reveals the Depths of My Dependence

by | Nov 27, 2017 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

When Disability Reveals the Depths of My Dependence

This year, I cooked Thanksgiving dinner in a wheelchair.

Not to raise funds for my favorite disability organization. Not as a show of solidarity with my friends who get around in wheelchairs. Not in memory of my father, who used a wheelchair to get around for 38 years.

No, I cooked Thanksgiving dinner in a wheelchair because I’m clumsy.

So clumsy that I fell getting out of the car, thanks to malicious purse straps that wound themselves around my leg, and broke my right foot. Since that day in early October I’ve had surgery, worn a boot while the foot heals, and am using crutches or a wheelchair to get around.

Mostly the wheelchair because crutches are not a safe choice for people who trip getting out of cars.

After the doctor pointed out the break in metatarsal #5 and issued strict non-weight bearing orders for what seemed like (and still seems like) an inordinate number of weeks, I vowed to do as much for myself as possible. As a result of that vow I can now do the following:

  • Bump up and down stairs on my behinder
  • Housecleaning chores such as sweeping, vacuuming, scouring sinks, scrubbing toilets, and emptying garbage cans in a wheelchair
  • Entertain a 2-year-old with wheelchair rides around the house
  • Cook meals, bake cookies and muffins, make granola in a wheelchair
  • Empty the dishwasher and do dishes at the sink with my trusty wheelchair right ready to catch me if I fall
  • Exercise for 30-60 minutes a day to Caroline Jordan’s hurt foot videos
  • And of course, cooking Thanksgiving dinner

To read the rest of When Disability Reveals the Depths of My Dependence go to Special Needs Parenting.

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Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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I Want to Come Home

I Want to Come Home

by | Nov 16, 2017 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

I Want to Come Home

My longing to come home intensifies each time my body fails me, when loved ones die, and upon hearing of another child receiving a different special needs diagnosis. One day when the longing was especially strong, I tried to explain the source of my growing desire to come home. Words failed in the end, but the longing remains. Perhaps you feel it, too.

I Want to Come Home

The news wasn’t what I’d hoped for. After three weeks of pampering, the broken bone in my right foot hadn’t healed much. The polite, young doctor didn’t say the lack of progress is age-related, but I’m pretty sure it is. He advised surgery as the next step (no pun intended), which means five to seven more weeks with a boot, wheelchair and crutches as unwanted companions.

The day after the diagnosis was difficult. I pondered two more months of relying on others to take me to appointments. Two more months of carefully maneuvering a wheelchair into the bathroom and bedroom. Two more months of waiting for others to open doors to get into bathrooms labeled “handicapped accessible.” Two more months of the foot injury exercise video created by a woman who thinks the human body can bend in ways mine never has.

I scrolled through Facebook as a distraction and clicked on a post about a cancer run dedicated to a dear friend who lives in northwest South Dakota. She had been treated for breast cancer a few years back. In a phone call early this summer, her husband said her prognosis was good. Two months ago, someone posted a picture of my friend in glowing good health. But the picture of her at the cancer run was a different matter. She was in a wheelchair, on oxygen, her head covered with a floppy hat.

I messaged a mutual acquaintance to learn more, and the reply was sobering. This dear friend–who befriended me when we moved far from home after college, who lost a son to a freak accident when he was 17–is now battling brain cancer. “She is in good spirits,” our mutual acquaintance said, “and she’d love to hear from you.”

Surprisingly, I felt no guilt about being discouraged earlier in the day. My feelings are valid. The next few months will be difficult. My situation isn’t as serious as my friend’s, but it is an unwelcome reminder that my earthly tent will need more and more repairs as the years go by.

My heart ached for her and her husband, who is my husband’s dear friend. A longing for heaven welled up inside me, the longing that comes to all who are separated by distance and death from those we love. I wanted to throw off the chains that bind us to this earth and to be finished, once and for all, with this temporary life. I yearned to leave behind the good things of this world, none of which compare to the good things waiting in heaven–reunion with loved ones, restoration of relationships, and best of all, eternity in the presence of our Savior.

I want what we all want when life is not as it should be, what all who love Jesus desire as they complete the years ordained for them. At the end of all things, what we as believers truly want, what we want forever and for always, is simply to be where we belong. We want to come home.

For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down,
we have a building from God,
a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.
2 Corinthians 5:1

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Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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I’m Just a Carpenter

I’m Just a Carpenter

by | Nov 15, 2017 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

I’m Just a Carpenter

Guest blogger Scott Newport often introduces himself as “just a carpenter.” But he’s also a man of great dreams, and today he shares a story of an act of kindness that is encouraging him to be “just a carpenter” and much more to parents of kids with special needs.

I’m Just a Carpenter

Even though I’m just a carpenter by trade, on occasion I spend time working in a pediatric I.C.U. setting with doctors and nurses. I know it sounds crazy, but I have a son, Evan, who had Noonan’s syndrome and is now waiting for me in heaven.  Because of my seven years with him, I use that experience to mentor other families of sick kids.

Last month I spent time with first-year medical students, teaching them about the patient and family side of medicine. Yesterday, though, I was at a training session for parent and professional teams. The two-person teams were either from health care organizations or state agencies that help kids with special needs.  The purpose of the all-day event was to develop stronger leadership abilities.

I didn’t know anyone there except for Dr. D’Anna Soul, a young physician who agreed to attend with me. D’Anna and I had never spent much time together, even though we share a common mission of helping families of terminally ill children. Our team represented C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital at the University of Michigan. A prerequisite was to identify a project we are working on, which for us is to rename our hospice and palliative services at the hospital  as Stepping Stones.

The meeting started out with an ice breaker—you know, one of those activities with the purpose of getting folks acquainted and making people feel less nervous.

“Okay, teams,” the facilitator said, “I want you to interview someone in the room you don’t know and find out what their likes, dislikes, and hobbies are. When you get done, you will introduce your new friend to the group.”

Across from D’Anna and I were two ladies. Before I knew it, one of the women said, “Hi Scott, my name is Linda and I’m a speech therapist.” While I listened to Linda, Dr. D’Anna listened to the other woman who wore a yellow, flowery dress.
When it was time for the woman in the yellow dress to introduce D’Anna, it became apparent that the middle-aged woman had a severe speech impediment.  I found out later that this woman had had a stroke and struggled to form the words her mind wanted to convey.

I immediately became nervous and felt helpless, though in my heart, I felt I should do something. Afraid to even look around the room, I knew everyone probably felt the same. It was like someone had shut the windows and the room would soon suffocate us.

“D’Anna go—,” she said. She tried to form a sentence , but it was like shoveling out heavy concrete that was now setting up, with no way to slow down the solidification.

“D’Anna go—,” the woman tried again. There was more silence, then more struggling for the right words.

Within seconds D’Anna helped her new friend articulate words in a gentle voice.  I’d never seen anything like that. The woman’s eyes tilted up slightly in acknowledgment. Her yellow dress seemed even brighter than it had been before.

Every time the woman said, “D’Anna go—”, D’Anna filled in the blanks.  “D’Anna likes to read and help heal sick children.”

When the two sat back down, it felt like a window had been opened and a subtle September morning breeze had entered the room. I desperately wanted to write down a reflection of that moment; to write something I could share with D’Anna one day. I learned so much about D’Anna and how proud I am she took time to attend the training.

I’m just a carpenter but D’Anna and I share a passion for families. Today I feel like I have a true partner that will never let me down. She will surely fill in the blanks when I get jammed up and don’t know the rights words to say. And I hope to become a person who opens a window for families when they suddenly find themselves feeling suffocated by their child’s diagnosis of a complex medical condition. Together I think we can do it.

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Scott Newport is a carpenter who has a vision for unwanted, damaged wood. His finds are treasures to his soul. Each discovery he makes unfolds into a beautiful piece of furniture for which he finds a home, usually with a child or caregiver of a child with special needs. He writes about the life lessons he learns from his 3 children, especially from Evan who died in November of 2009 after 7 years of joyful life. To access all of Scott’s guest posts, click on the magnifying glass at the top of the page and type “Scott Newport” in the search box.

Author Jolene Philo

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Hope When It Hurts

Hope When It Hurts

by | Nov 8, 2017 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

Hope When It Hurts

Hope when it hurts. Guest blogger Sarah Walton has learned where to find hope when it hurts, when she and her children are overwhelmed by what Lyme Disease has done to her family. Please welcome Sarah as she debuts as a Different Dream guest blogger.

Hope When It Hurts

I sat quietly, listening as each family went around and shared stories about their lives. Children with autism, Down Syndrome, ADHD, paralysis, behavioral disorders and undiagnosed but devastating symptoms. Each family had a story — a heartbreaking, but beautiful, story.

I tried to give my full attention to each speaker, since this was our first time attending a special needs support group, but I found my mind spinning with doubts, denial and fears.

How did we end up here? Do we really belong?

Even after seven years of seeing doctors and searching for answers to our child’s neurological and behavioral challenges, I was still struggling to accept that I was living a life I’d never imagined or expected.

In fact, life has been nothing like my dreams. Instead it’s brought special needs, financial loss, chronic pain and our family of six all suffering with the painful and devastating symptoms of Lyme Disease.

However, this is the life God has lovingly and purposefully chosen for me, and each and
very aspect of it contains an eternal and glorious thread that’s woven into the tapestry of God’s sovereign plan.

One of those threads weaves in the truth that circumstances we never would have chosen for ourselves may be the very platform God uses to bring the hope and comfort of Jesus to others hurting in our sphere of influence.

For example, while I never would have chosen to be thrust into the world of special needs and Lyme Disease, it’s allowed my family the unique opportunity to offer the comfort and hope of Christ to many people who suffer in a similar manner.

While sharing Christ’s comfort is not limited to those suffering in the exact way we are, it’s a unique blessing when the Lord brings someone alongside us who can understand our specific pain and bring the comfort of Christ they’ve received as they’ve walked a similar road.

As much as we struggle to understand why God allows certain circumstances in our lives, His ways and purposes are often far beyond our limited understanding.

However, we can be assured our suffering will not be wasted as we walk with Christ. He will use it to make us more like Him and bring Him glory. Second Corinthians 1:3-4 promises God will comfort us in our affliction as we trust in Him and, in the overflow of our own comfort, we are able to bring that same comfort to those around us.

Friend, if we who are Christians never suffered or found hope and comfort within it, how could we bring any real hope when it hurts?

Though we may not understand why God has allowed certain trials into our lives, let’s trust He has chosen our path of suffering for His greater purpose of drawing us near to Him in comfort, while bringing that hope when it hurts to those He’s placed in our path. And ultimately glorifying Him through it.

This article first appeared at Proverbs31.org.
 

 

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 Sarah Walton is a stay-at-home mom with four kids under ten years of age, all who suffer with Lyme Disease. She is the author, along with Kristen Wetherell, of Hope When It Hurts: Biblical Reflections to Help You Grasp God’s Purpose in Your Suffering. Follow Sarah at her blog Setapart.net

 

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Author Jolene Philo

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