Obedience can be a difficult behavior to instill in children. But guest blogger Amy Stout’s series on the topic can help. In Part 1, she discussed first steps parents need to take so their kids will be inclined to obey. In Part 2, she provided an illustration to use with kids. In the final post in her series on the topic, she shares easy ways for kids to practice obeying their parents.

Obedience: The Formula for Fall Blessings, Pt. 3

Obedience: How to Practice It

Obedience is comprised of listening/processing and following directions. When caregivers say to my child, “Kylie, you need to listen,” it drives me C-R-A-Z-Y. Kylie has auditory processing issues. She HAS listened. The time lapse in response is due to her brain trying to process the information so she can act.

Some children (a LOT of children) require object cues, picture cues, sign language cues, lists, or other things to help them understand what it is that you are asking of them. Otherwise, your directive sounds like that of Charlie Brown’s teacher “wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.” No child has a chance at following that direction.

If it is time for Kylie to pick up toys, we don’t generalize and say, “Kylie you need to pick up toys.” Instead, we use a white board and we write on it:

1. Pick up markers
2. Pick up Barbies
3. Pick up coloring books

Or, we will use a First/Then method and say, “Kylie, first pick up Barbies. Then eat popsicle.” Both strategies allow her some flexibility in making the decision for herself, but both also accomplish the task needing to be completed.

It is also important to give your child the tools and scenarios to be successful. Do not set them up for failure by keeping them up too late at night and demanding obedience when they are too tired to respond appropriately. Don’t attempt a clean-up routine when lunch has been delayed by an hour. All they can think of is how hungry they are. They are in no mindset to be obedient. Make sure your child’s needs are met first and then work on practicing obedience together.

Obedience: Easy Ways to Practice It this Fall

• Follow directions according to a recipe for food or for play dough. If the recipe is not followed correctly, the item does not turn out as it should. Here is my recipe for pumpkin pie scented play dough.
• Do an activity together that encourages following a pattern. Here is a pumpkin nailing activity that we did with Kylie.
• Play a game with 2 step directions. Here is a game that we play with Kylie that not only focuses on following directions, but also on counting and sensory integration.
• Work on boundaries: We do this by creating seasonal sensory bins for Kylie to play in. We put a large sheet under the sensory bin and the rule is that the items in the sensory bin HAVE to stay within the boundary of the sheet. If they end up on the carpet or in another room, we have to put away the sensory bin for a time. Here are links to our Halloween bin, our Icky Sticky bin, and our November/Thanksgiving bin.

Anne Sullivan, Hellen Keller’s teacher, once said, “I have thought about it a great deal, and the more I think, the more certain I am that obedience is the gateway through which knowledge, yes, and love, too, enter the mind of the child.”

What Do You Think?

Thank you, Amy, for these practical ways to practice obedience. Do you have some ideas to add to Amy’s? Leave a comment.

Obedience: The Formula for Fall Blessings, Part 1
Obedience: The Formula for Fall Blessings, Part 2

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Obedience is the topic of guest blogger Amy Stout’s current series. In Part 1, she discussed first steps parents need to take so their kids will be inclined to obey. Today, she’s back with tips for teaching kids how to obey. Take it away, Amy!

Obedience: The Formula for Fall Blessings, Pt. 2

Many children have issues with obedience due to auditory processing, maintaining focus, having control over their own body systems, the ability to respond quickly or on demand, hearing, attention, and hyperactivity. The list goes on. These things are very important to know and recognize in any child.

Once you know about your child’s abilities and have repaired your own character (see Part 1), you are ready to initiate obedience training.  Obedience is a skill that needs to be modeled, taught, and practiced.

No one likes to be TOLD what to do. But we all like to be offered choices; It gives us the illusion of being in control. (Offering choices works like magic in our own home: “Kylie, which would you like to pick up first, the markers or the crayons?” or “Kylie, you may either pick up your toys and watch a movie afterwards or you may leave the toys out and head to bed now.” And it seriously becomes her choice.)

Obedience: How to Model It

The best place to model obedience is in the car. The law of the land has posted signs that must be obeyed: speed limit signs, yield signs, stop signs, crosswalks, etc.  Your children know if you are obedient and respectful toward the law. If you don’t obey those in authority over you, why should it matter for them to obey you?

Obedience: The Basic Formula

The basic formula is:

(O) + DR = Blessing
Obedience plus doing right equals blessing.

This formula is based on Ephesians 6:1-3
Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother – which is the first commandment with a promise attached to it- “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.”

Obedience: A Key Illustration

I recently saw this illustration that beautifully teaches the obedience/following directions concept on a child’s level. (See photo above) It is basically a key ring concept. The key ring has a tag with the Ephesians 6:1-3 verses typed out on it. On the key ring, 4 laminated paper keys teach how to obey:

• Obey: Immediately
• Obey: Cheerfully
• Obey: Completely
• Obey: Without complaining

If a child obeys, but is grumpy about it, you simply point out that they are missing a key and suggest that they find it and use it to unlock the blessing.  These small tangible reminders help to reinforce exactly what it means to obey.

Your Keys to Obedience

What an effective visual reminder for our kids! Thank you for the idea, Amy. How about the rest of you? What are your family’s keys to teaching obedience? Leave a comment to share your great idea. And come back tomorrow for Part 3, the final installment in Amy’s series. 

Obedience: The Formula for Fall Blessings, Part 1
Obedience: The Formula for Fall Blessings, Part 3

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop-up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

Obedience is an important skill to teach every child. Guest blogger Amy Stout is here with strategies parents can use to train their children to be obedient. Today, she talks about first steps parents need to take so kids will want to obey.

Obedience: The Formula for Fall Blessings, Pt. 1

Let’s face it.  Not many people like the word “obey.”   Anytime I use that word around Kylie’s therapists – Kylie, you need to obey Miss Therapist – they quickly change the wording to, “Yes, Kylie, please follow directions.”

People don’t like the word obey because it implies submission, and so many of us have a problem with authority. We want to be THE BOSS. I get it, I truly do. (I, also, have a slight issue with authority—we creative types always do.) Even though I don’t particularly LIKE the word “obey,” I still use it.  I use it because Jesus used it, and Jesus never did anything without a reason.

Obedience: Placing It Before Kids

My daughter at age 6 (and on the autism spectrum) knows the meaning and definition of the word “obey.” We have placed it before her since she was tiny. Did you notice what I just wrote? I used the phrasing “placed it before her” rather than “drilled it into her” for a reason.

You see, as a person who would rather be my own boss, I realize the importance of strategy and diplomacy. There is a way to get our children to obey without always placing a figurative yoke around their neck and dragging them to the task at hand. The thing is, kids are people pleasers. They WANT to make you happy, but they want to do it in their own time and in their own creative way. Sometimes, this poses a problem when REAL life enters the picture. Kids don’t understand that things in the adult world happen on a schedule. That some schedules are flexible and can change, but that other schedules absolutely cannot be changed.

Obedience Needs to Be a Habit

Charlotte Mason, a great educator from the past, once referred to the fact that obedience needs to be a HABIT, and that out of everything you can teach a child, obedience is the “single greatest pattern to be formed.” (Taken from For the Children’s Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay.)

If for no other reason, our children need to know how to obey for safety reasons. Let’s say they are running toward a rolling ball that has left the playground and ventured into the parking lot. If we shout “stop!” and they don’t obey, their very life could depend on it.

Obedience Requires Respect

Many children—and especially children who experience special needs—have very valid reasons for not obeying. These reasons vary from they simply don’t respect the elder giving the directive to they didn’t hear the directive. If a child does not respect you enough to obey you, you might want to take a look at your personal character:

• Are you trustworthy? (Or do you make promises that you don’t keep?)
• Do you behave like an adult? (Or do you throw loud and uncontrolled temper tantrums?)
• Do you control your emotions? (Or do you use emotions in an attempt to manipulate your child?)
• Do you follow through? (When the sticker chart is full do you implement the reward? When the chore is completed, do you pay the allowance?)
• Do you practice what you preach? (Or do you violate your own directives?)

These are just a few of the things that may cause your child to disrespect you.  If you are guilty in one or more area, apologize to yourself and then to your child and let them know you are going to be a better parent.  THAT will be a great first step toward reconciliation and restoration of the relationship.

Obedience and You

Ouch! Amy’s challenge may require some soul searching. Guess what I’ll be doing until tomorrow when Amy is back with Part 2 of the series. Until then, feel free to share your thoughts about the series so far in the comment box.

Obedience: The Formula for Fall Blessings, Part 2
Obedience: The Formula for Fall Blessings, Part 3

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop-up box and the second at the bottom of this page.