Special Needs Goals for My Tuesday Child

Special Needs Goals for My Tuesday Child

by | Jan 23, 2014 | Advocacy, Different Dream, Special Needs Parenting

Special Needs Goals for My Tuesday Child

Ahhh, the holiday hubbub has come to an end. The tree and the decorations are down. The recycling truck hauled away the wrapping paper and boxes. The holiday leftovers are almost gone. The kids are back in school. My jeans still fit, though they’re snugger than normal. Now’s the time to sit down with a doughnut and cup of coffee—um, scratch the doughnut and make the coffee black—and ponder special needs goals for 2014.

Sounds like the right scenario. Except for one thing. Setting goals for the new year has never been my cup of  coffee. As an organizationally-challenged, right-brained child, I either forgot my resolutions or lost the list within hours of making it. Once my left brain kicked in as a survival instinct during my first few years of teaching and I was cranking out personal goals and lesson plan objectives on a daily basis, making resolutions at the beginning of each new year seemed superfluous. And after the arrival of our special needs baby…well, I was too busy pumping breast milk, administering antibiotics, and trying to persuade a baby with an oral aversion to eat to clutter up January with anything extra. The idea of writing goals flew out the window and didn’t return.

Until 2014.

A year in which goals are vital in order to meet the deadlines for three book contracts, redesign this website, and pursue the speaking path God seems to be forging. So here I am, with a fresh cup of coffee, trying think of appropriate goals while trying not to think about doughnuts. Or the fact that my child with special needs is an independent adult. Or asking myself, So Miss Special Needs Parent Imposter, why are you trying to come up with a special needs goals anyway? Oy! 

To read the rest of this post, visit the Not Alone Blog at SpecialNeedsParenting.net. 

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly with Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. The first book in her cozy mystery series, See Jane Run!, features people with disabilities and will be released in June of 2022.

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3 Things to Do When the Special Needs Parenting Life Is Not Fair

3 Things to Do When the Special Needs Parenting Life Is Not Fair

by | Jan 21, 2014 | Different Dream, Self-Care and Stress, Special Needs Parenting

3 Things to Do When the Special Needs Parenting Life Is Not Fair

During my early years as the parent of a child with special needs, I never would have confessed my deep-down feelings. Because, deep down I thought God wasn’t being fair to my child. Or to me.

God wasn’t fair to allow my baby to suffer when other babies his age were thriving.
He wasn’t fair to fill my first four years of parenting with sleep deprivation.
He wasn’t fair to allow us to live hours from the nearest hospital.

My list of complaints against life and God grew exponentially, and I didn’t know how to stop adding to it. I could have used the tips Laurie Wallin shared in a post at her blog. Here’s what Laurie would have told me to do when life is not fair:

Tip #1: Rest More

Why is rest essential? Because Jesus modeled the importance of rest in his time on earth. As Laurie says in her post, “Before AND after major moments in ministry, he and his closest friends withdrew away from the crowds for some rest and quiet.”

Tip #2: Breathe Prayer

Citing 1 Thessalonians 5:17, Laurie advises unceasing prayer when life seems unfair. Inhale unfair circumstances. Exhale prayers. An old friend of ours calls those quick yells for help arrow prayers—very pointed, very focused, very fast.

Tip #3: Fight Back

Finally, Laurie encourages those struggling to accept the unfairness of life to fight back. And she suggests three strategies to fight back:

  • Memorize scripture.
  • Enlist friends to help.
  • Find other resources to help.

Laurie’s ideas would have been a godsend when I was a new parent. May they be a godsend to you today!

How Do You Fight Life Is Not Fair Thinking?

Do you have tips to add to Laurie’s? Leave them in the comment box, and I promise to pass them on to Laurie…and other parents like you and me:)

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop-up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly with Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. The first book in her cozy mystery series, See Jane Run!, features people with disabilities and will be released in June of 2022.

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Becky Hallberg’s Special Needs Resolution: Trust

Becky Hallberg’s Special Needs Resolution: Trust

by | Jan 17, 2014 | Different Dream, Self-Care and Stress, Special Needs Parenting

Becky Hallberg’s Special Needs Resolution: Trust

Is January really half over? It must be true, since today’s guest post from Becky Hallberg marks the halfway point through Different Dream’s 2014 special needs resolution series. Here’s what she has to say about her resolution for 2014.

Trust

As the parent of a special needs child, I have to trust a lot of other people with various aspects of his care. Some of those include his pediatrician, several specialists, his therapists, and his school team. I trust them to have answers for my questions, solutions for his problems, and the ability to meet his needs. I listen to all they say. For the new year, though, I am resolving to listen more to my son.

My son is 9 ½ years old and has Asperger Syndrome and sensory issues. Part of his therapy is to work on his understanding of language, and he is doing very well with this particular therapy.

But as his mom, I find that I still view him as the 5-year-old who was just starting this therapy journey. He needed me for everything—for personal needs in caring for his physical well-being, to emotional needs, understanding others, and being understood in life.

He has learned so much and grown in so many ways, and I realize that my perception of him is probably hindering his growth in some ways.

The fact of the matter is that we’ve made a significant jump—one from where he needed me for almost every part of everything he did, to now when it seems he hardly needs my help for most of his day-to-day activities.

He has gained tools to help him be successful in his day-to-day life. He has learned to ask questions, to listen to the words others use, to (occasionally) notice their facial expressions, and (sometimes) how to put all those things together.

I need to trust in the tools he has received, from those I have trusted to provide him with the tools he has needed. Enough people in his life know how he struggles and know how to help him work through situations.

I will try to trust all of the tools my son has in place to make his daily life more successful. I intend to see my son as the young man he’s becoming, and to help him grow into that part of his life. I resolve to trust my son as he speaks up more for what he can do, as he speaks out more for who he is, as he shares more of his likes and dislikes.

For 2014, I resolve to trust in my son!

How About You?

Do Becky’s words hit home? Is there some way you need to trust your child with special needs? Leave a comment to share your resolution if you like.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop-up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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5 Tips for a Healthy Marriage, Special Needs Style

5 Tips for a Healthy Marriage, Special Needs Style

by | Jan 16, 2014 | Different Dream, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

5 Tips for a Healthy Marriage, Special Needs Style

Maintaining a healthy marriage takes work. Maintaining a healthy marriage while parenting kids with special needs requires even more work. So when posts surface with good advice about keeping a marriage healthy, they deserve to be passed along. So thank you to Enabled Kids, a Canadian website, for featuring the issue on their blog.

5 Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Marriage

The post was written by Janice Yeung, a journalist who frequently writes for Enabled Kids. Yeung says this to parents: “We asked some couples to give us honest insights into how parenting a special needs child has affected their marriage, and came up with a list of tips to help your marriage go from standstill to smooth.” Here are the tips the parents suggested:

  1. Set aside time daily to chat one-on-one. Talk daily to eliminate frustrations and grudges that could build up.
  2. Preserve intimacy. Hire a baby sitter and go on dates so your spouse remains a priority.
  3. Face challenges as a team. For the child’s well being, a team attitude is imperative.
  4. Stick to the positives. Dwell on the positives of parenting kids with special needs instead of the challenges.
  5. Be around a supportive community. Surround your family with a positive group of friends who offer practical support.

What Advice Do You Offer?

How do you maintain a healthy marriage? What tips can you add to the list above? Leave them in the comment box. And if you’d like to read more on the subject, check out these other marriage-related Different Dream posts:

Special Needs Parenting and Marriage by guest blogger Amy Stout
12+ Ways to Make Your Marriage Strong Again by guest blogger Laurie Wallin
Special Needs Parent Asks, “What’s a Date?” by guest blogger Kimberly Drew

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop-up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly with Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. The first book in her cozy mystery series, See Jane Run!, features people with disabilities.

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Stephanie’s Special Needs Resolution: No More Fairy Tales

Stephanie’s Special Needs Resolution: No More Fairy Tales

by | Jan 13, 2014 | Different Dream, Self-Care and Stress, Special Needs Parenting

Stephanie’s Special Needs Resolution: No More Fairy Tales

Welcome to Part 3 of Different Dream’s 2014 Special Needs New Year’s resolution series. True to form, guest blogger Stephanie Ballard offers her resolution as a poem. Enjoy!

                                       Fairy tales are more than true;

not because they tell us that dragons exist,

but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

~ G K Chesterton

I think if this previous year has taught me anything, it is this: Life isn’t meant to be a fairytale. (If it were, would we really learn anything of value?)  Becoming the parent to a child with both chronic health and behavioral issues has never been easy. If I were to be honest, there have been moments when I wish that things could be different. I have been known to have this idyllic idea in my mind about how life was supposed to turn out. I am certain that I never imagined financial hardships, frequent doctor’s appointments with my special needs child, or a less than perfect marriage. And then I watch as my son makes the most serious of his specialists crack an unprecedented smile in the hospital elevator. I hear him singing the words, “I am Yours,” while he’s lying in his bed thinking no one is watching, and I feel his tiny hands rubbing my hair when I’ve had a long, stressful day. He is always happy, and he loves people with a depth that I have yet to understand, or emulate.

            If I were to make a New Year’s resolution for 2014, it would be this:

Let go of the fairytale, and embrace the story being written before your eyes.

Dragons and all.

The Fairy Tale

I once asked for the fairy tale
Complete with a white horse
But life is unexpected
It takes an unknown course.

I would put on my Barbie heels
My bracelets, pearls… crown
A dash of mommy’s lipstick
My fancy most grown up gown.

And everything was magical
A place where all daydreams come true
And in this perfect “pretend” world
I always knew just what to do.

With one dash of my magic wand
My fairy Godmother would show up
But real life just isn’t that easy
And someday we all have to grow up.

And life’s responsibilities
Amidst the turmoil and laughter
Remind me to look for the small things
To find my happily ever after.

And all of my preconceived notions
About how life should have turned out
Leave me feeling overwhelmed
And just a little burned out.

I once dreamed that I was a princess
Awaiting my most noble knight
He would slay every dragon to save me
Our life would be just perfect…right?

The truth is marriage sure takes work
And it can’t be revived with one kiss
It’s a challenge to hold it together
Real life doesn’t end with such bliss.

When things get tough, I lose myself
And some days I sure find
That I am one small step away
From losing what’s left of my mind.

I got no invitation
To the Prince’s Royal Ball
The clock struck midnight way too soon
And the glass slipper won’t fit at all.

Perhaps as we get older
We need to seek anew
To find the fairy tales of life
In what we say and do.

In the laughter of our children
In the hope for a brighter tomorrow
In the silent, still small voice of God
Amidst all the heartache and sorrow.

Life has no perfect endings
Sometimes it’s hard to see
The unnoticed, everyday blessings
That mean the most to me.

And when I feel a little sad
About the things I’ve missed
I try to find the fairy tale
That does in fact exist.

It’s not the way I’d imagined
Nor what I had hoped for
But some things come into your life
To bring you so much more.

~Stephanie Ballard

What fairy tales has your special needs parenting experience caused you to release? What New Year’s resolution do you want to make? Leave a comment.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

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Kimberly Drew’s Special Needs Resolution: Dear Self

Kimberly Drew’s Special Needs Resolution: Dear Self

by | Jan 10, 2014 | Different Dream, Self-Care and Stress, Special Needs Parenting

Kimberly Drew’s Special Needs Resolution: Dear Self

Today’s post is the latest installment in Different Dream’s 2014 Special Needs New Year’s Resolution series. Guest blogger Kimberly Drew writes a light-hearted letter about her resolutions for the next 12 months.

Letter to Myself

Dear Self,

Please do your best in 2014 to pull it together.  The following are just my humble suggestions in an attempt to help you do that.

  1. Stop crying so much…it’s ridiculous and extremely unattractive!
  2. A pen. It’s called a pen. Pick it up and write down your commitments with it. It will revolutionize your life.
  3. Since they do not make a binky-clip for your phone, I would recommend keeping it in a single spot so that you can find it. Also, the charger is in the second drawer of the desk. You could, periodically, choose to plug your phone in. Just a thought…do what you like with it.
  4. Facebook has potential to be evil. There is this really helpful feature called “HIDE so and so from your newsfeed.” They won’t know you did it, and you will be better for not hearing their drama or how self-obsessed they are. Not everyone can run 6 miles, bake a cake, clean their house, do their hair, read the Bible, and put dinner in the crock pot before 9 am. Seriously? You don’t need the added pressure to be perfect.
  5. CALL. YOUR. MOTHER
  6. There is a reason everyone compliments your hair when you do actually do it. Some genius worked really hard to invent the hair dryer–USE IT!
  7. Rest. You are all around a nicer person and more productive when you get eight full hours of sleep. You’ve been this way your whole life, don’t try to fight it!
  8. Take the word “sure” out of your vocabulary and replace it with the phrase, “I’d love to but I can’t. Thanks anyway.”
  9. Smile more and love more…now, THAT’S what makes you attractive.

Sincerely,
ME

What Would Be in Your Dear Self Letter?

Which of Kimberly’s resolutions would make it into your Dear Self letter? What would you add? Leave a comment.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s desire to write. In addition to being a stay-at-home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.

Author Jolene Philo

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