Special Need Breakthrough Just Around the Corner

Special Need Breakthrough Just Around the Corner

Special Need Breakthrough Just Around the Corner

 Photo Credit: jscreationz at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Many parents learn patience while waiting for the special needs breakthroughs that mark progress for their kids. Guest blogger Rebekah Hallberg spent much of the summer waiting for a special needs breakthrough and nearly gave up. In this guest post, she encourages parents…and kids…to hang in there. Because, she says, the special needs breakthrough you’re hoping for may be just around the corner.

Special Needs Breakthrough Just Around the Corner

As special needs parents, we often operate on a different timeline. We know that milestones may get hit, but probably not in the typical time frame. We know that friendships may happen, but not necessarily in the most normal pattern. And we know that skills will become acquired, but your guess is as good as mine as to just when that might happen. But that’s the thing – we never know what’s just around the corner. We must press on, we must keep giving it our all, no matter how hard the situation may be, for we never know what milestone, friendship or skill may be just around the corner.

This year, we did not have Extended School Year (ESY) services, meaning we had the summer “off” from therapy. I was looking forward to that, because it meant I could catch my breath a little. We had a few activities planned for the end of June and early July, but after those activities, my son’s behavior started to plummet. It looked as though we were hitting a major regression.

I got so worked up because he had been doing so well for so long. So long. And here it seemed to all be unraveling in front of me. We were back to being in the trenches, and we haven’t hung out there for a long time. We were back to some of the most basic techniques we’ve tried with him in times past.

I was heartbroken.

It just so happened that I bumped into someone within the special education department at our school when I was attending a parent volunteer meeting. This woman is just lovely – she doesn’t just view the kids as a case load, but really as individuals. She asked how our son was doing.

For a split second, I debated saying that he was doing well. I mean, he was healthy, he had gone to a week of sleep-away camp, he had successfully completed several other activities, and had been generally happy…until the structured activities ended. I thought back to the last few weeks when screaming, crying, and yelling had become the norm for him – where movement consisted of what seemed like stomping in 20-pound work boots, rather than just walking across the room.

And so I told her the truth – that things had gone moderately well, until all the structured activity was done. And then…and at that point, it seemed like we lost our happy son. She asked what he had done, how his school skills were, and somehow we landed on talking about his writing. He’s 10 years old, and can write, but doesn’t write much – hence, many of the therapies he has. She looked rather shocked. He struggles in many areas, and one of them is writing. She promised to get in touch with his Special Education teacher as soon as possible, and before long we had a back-to-school transition plan in place.

When I talked with the lady from the school, I had no idea what was just around the corner. I had told her, in no uncertain terms, that my son can write, but that we can’t get him to do it, no matter what.

And then it happened.

My son sat down one day to work on a school assignment (to write a letter) and he produced an entire hand-written page. It was beautiful. It took a long time for him to do it, but he did it! He threw a little of his own flavoring into it and I didn’t even cringe (which, I think, surprised him)!

When it was done, he looked over it and proclaimed, “It’s a whole page of ME!”

Complete and utter perfection – just 10 days after I told someone that he can write, but doesn’t.

Friends, we have no idea what’s just around the corner. The end of July and the month of August were some of the hardest times that I’ve faced in a long time. His actions, his behaviors, they hurt – physically, emotionally, and they sent me back to God asking, “Why?”

God’s answer was consistent – just keep loving Him. He is mine, and even when you don’t understand, I have every hair on his head numbered, and he hears my voice.

Maybe you’re facing a tough time with your child. Please share that with us so we can be praying with you. And please, just keep loving your child. We don’t know what’s around the corner – we don’t know when that breakthrough is going to come. Like me, you may not even realize it’s in process. But remember, ultimately, these children – all our children – are a precious gift from God, entrusted to us for a season. Keep walking; keep watching for what’s just around the corner.

Special Needs Breakthrough Shout Out Time

Want to brag about your child’s most recent breakthrough? Leave a comment in the comment box so we can celebrate with you!

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Expecting a Baby with Special Needs: We Are Not Afraid

Expecting a Baby with Special Needs: We Are Not Afraid

Expecting a Baby with Special Needs: We Are Not Afraid

It’s my pleasure to introduce you to Philip Masterson. He and his wife are expecting their first child, and they know their little boy will most likely be born with special needs. In today’s post, he talks about how he and his wife have adjusted to this news and are prepared to nurture their baby in very special and a few humorous ways.

Expecting a Baby with Special Needs: We Are Not Afraid

Parenting completes life for many adults. I was so happy when I first found out my wife was expecting. My wife and I have hoped for a baby for a long time. But, my high hopes were crushed when we learned our baby might have special needs. My wife and I feared what our baby’s life would be like when he came into the world. Would he ever lead a happy and productive life? Or would he live through an eternity of misery.

After talking to friends and loved ones, I learned that other parents are going through similar experiences like ours. One of our family friends, who has given birth at the age of 40, just had a baby with a similar developmental disability. They helped us see life holds many promises for our unborn child. At first, I may struggle to parent a child with special needs. However, I know there will be a bright side to raising this child, too.

Expecting a Baby with Special Needs: Non-Verbal Challenges

We’ve prepared ourselves for a child who may have delayed communication skills. I want do my part in guiding our child in learning how to get his message across to other people smoothly. With my wife’s help, I’ll probably teach him a thing or two about making hand gestures when talking to others.

Expecting a Baby with Special Needs: Obsession Challenges

We’ve read that some children with special needs have obsessions. I’m hoping that means he’ll eventually become an organized person we can put in charge of organizing disarrayed stuff at home. I know he will feel important if he is given a responsibility in the family.

Expecting a Baby with Special Needs: Learning Challenges

It will be no surprise if our child has some form of learning disability. In that case, storytelling will be one of the best things about raising him. I plan to have have fun role-playing with him while reading fairy tales. I want to inspire his creativity and develop his learning skills.

Expecting a Baby with Special Needs: Challenges and Benefits

True, my child may be more dependent on me because of his special needs. I hope that will make me feel more special and loved. I know there’s a lot in store for us. But, we’ve learned to look at the situation positively. This child deserves the love and care he needs, just like any other baby.

We know there’s a reason why God wants us to raise this baby. Having children is a blessing. I encourage all parents out there to nurture and protect all their children, including their unborn babies.

What Suggestions Do You Have for Parents Expecting a Baby with Special Needs?

Now it’s time for experienced parents of children with special needs. What advice do you have to prepare Philip and his wife and other couples for the arrival of a baby with special needs? Share them in the comment box!

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Philip Masterson is a market specialist, researcher, security advocate, and freelance writer. He has written a range of topics including home and community security, technology, environment, world market, and world businesses. For more updates about Philip, follow him on Twitter.

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8 Parenting Truths Learned as a Grandparent

8 Parenting Truths Learned as a Grandparent

8 Parenting Truths Learned as a Grandparent

 Photo Credit: Catherine Scott

Our first grandchild was born two years ago, and somewhere in the past few months he’s transformed from a baby into a charming toddler. I recently spent three delicious days playing with him while his parents and my husband tended to some weekend projects.

The long drive home gave me time to reflect upon how many parenting truths one small person could teach his grammy in such a short time. Several of them would have made a difference in how I parented our children way back the 1980s and 1990s. Since it’s too late for that, I’m passing them along for you to use in the here and now of 2014.

Parenting Truth #1: More Alike Than Different

The first parenting truth learned was this. Parenting kids with special needs is more like parenting typical kids than it is different. Both kinds of parenting takes a great deal of time and energy. Both require constant and continual sacrifices. Both are incredibly rewarding endeavors, as long as you’re good at the delayed gratification thing and can handle snot, slobber, pee, and poop.

Parenting Truth #2: Parenting Is a Young Person’s Game

Suffice it to say, I would not have survived three days with a toddler had I been in charge of meeting all his needs. Yes, we spent many hours together each day. But I did not change diapers, do laundry, feed him, or get up with him at night. Even so, it took me a day or two to recover after we arrived home. Parenting really is a young person’s game.

Parenting Truth #3: Appropriate Choice Is Essential

This is one of those parenting truths that requires translation. Here it is: I used manipulation rather than appropriate choice far too often during my parenting years.

To read the rest of this post, please visit the Not Alone website.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Nurture Kids with Special Needs through Play

Nurture Kids with Special Needs through Play

Nurture Kids with Special Needs through Play

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How can parents nurture kids with special needs through play? That’s the question Anna Rodriguez answers in this post. Take a look and then add your own ideas in the comment box.

Raising a child with special needs is one of the daunting tasks parents can ever face. The cases of children having special needs are on the rise. Amy Fenton Lee stated in her article for The Inclusive Church that a recent statistics study reveals 19% of Americans are known to have been suffering from one or more disabilities.

Play nurtures your child’s physical and emotional well-being. An article in the American Journal of Play reveals that a lack of play contributes to emotional problems among kids, such as anxiety, depression and issues of attention and self-control. Here are nine ways to nurture kids with special needs through play.

Nurture Kids with Special Needs with Mind-Boggling Games and Puzzles

Special children enjoy getting their hands on games and puzzles. Let your kid figure out how to work on some games and puzzles in the playground equipment in your backyard. Challenge your kid’s brain. Train your kid in easing difficulties in doing tasks using fine motor skills. Adjust the level of difficulty of the games and puzzles according to your child’s needs to get the best results.

Nurture Kids with Special Needs through Hearing

A talking laptop that teaches words, letters, games and characters makes a great partner for a playground activity. Engage in an interactive running contest with your kid in your backyard, while referring to the prompts coming out of the talking laptop as signals. Kids learn from the cause-effect scenarios by using the talking laptop, as he pushes its button and gets a response.

Nurture Kids with Special Needs through Independence

Of course, as a parent, you’d want your kid to be not too dependent on you and other family members. If your kid has a problem with upper joint mobility, look for accessible playgrounds that work great in partnership with a toy that accommodate your child’s weaknesses. Elefun’s cascading butterflies match slower movements of your child.

Nurture Kids with Special Needs through Sensory-Rich Activities

Kids have fun playing with big toys such as Lego on an accessible sand and water table. Let your kid enjoy your indoor play area and give him toys that will cater to his specific physical accommodation needs. Playgrounds empower children with special needs and give kids opportunities to escape the daily chaos in life. Hours of endless fun crawling inside playground equipment, like tunnels refocus kids’ concentration. The infinite loop exercises the upper body dexterity of your kid if he is in a wheelchair, while keeping him entertained for hours on his seat.

Nurture Kids with Special Needs from the Heart

When you take care of your special kids, you need to keep in mind that your kid needs your love and support more than anything. Have an open mind that your kid may be struggling with many issues other kids may not face. Extend extra patience and love when caring for your child’s welfare and needs. Make him feel that he is no different than anyone but is equally valued.

How Do You Nurture Kids with Special Needs?

What would you add to this list? Leave a comment in the box below. Thanks!

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Anna Rodriguez is the author of HomeyGuide.com. She writes about family, business and health. Follow her @annrodriguez021

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Prom Dream Comes True for Kids with Special Needs

Prom Dream Comes True for Kids with Special Needs

Prom Dream Comes True for Kids with Special Needs

As parents of kids with special needs, we’ve all had to accept different dreams for our children. But what about our children? What about the dreams they have for themselves? Guest blogger Stacey Laho is here with the story of her daughter’s prom dream and how it came true.

Prom Dream Comes True for Kids with Special Needs

Debbie and I became friends through our shared journey of caring for children with disabilities. My daughter Alisha and her son Cory had been placed in a contained special education room smack in the middle of a giant general education high school. The school’s student council generously offered Alisha and Cory complimentary tickets to the prom. Debbie called early in the spring to discuss it.

“Stacey, have you considered the offer the school gave us to take the kids to prom? I thought Cory could take Alisha as his date.” She giggled.

“You know I really hadn’t thought about it. That’s a cute idea but I’m not sure Alisha will enjoy it, crowds don’t appeal to her. Let me think on it and call you back.” I didn’t want to give an answer. I didn’t want to say what I really thought.

Sighing as I hung up, I reflected on how hard I had tried for nearly twenty years to prove my daughter with severe disabilities could participate in typical milestones. The energy I had invested had dried up long ago. Fatigue replaced determination and fatigue constantly reminded me my eighteen year old daughter still loved the big purple dinosaur on T.V. and gazing at rattles strapped to her baby-sized wrists. Did I really want to exert energy to include Alisha in another “typical” milestone she will most likely not enjoy or appreciate?

Pain and shame entered my heart. The strenuous details involved to get her ready for such a big event hardly seemed worth what Alisha would get out of it. Trying on dresses in stores would be impossible with lifting her dead weight in and out of her wheelchair. I would have to buy the dresses and bring them home. Once I got them home there would be the battle of dressing her pretzel-like arms tightened up from years of spasticity and contractures. Did I want to labor for something I suspected would be a letdown?

I envisioned bringing her to the prom. I thought about the dinner being served and how she would be the only one eating her food through a feeding tube. I pictured the dance floor with teens jumping and spinning. I thought about how often Alisha dislikes large crowds and hangs her head down to cope. Her severe hearing loss has always dictated how long we could linger in noisy places. I remembered a time when I worked harder to make our world “normal.” Why couldn’t I recapture the fire I once had?

Then my thoughts drifted to Cory and Debbie. If AIisha didn’t go to prom neither would Cory. I didn’t think Alisha would enjoy the brash music and glitzy crowd, but I knew Cory would. He loved music and dancing and was known for standing up in front of his church, moving freely to the worship songs. He also loved eating. What would it mean to Debbie and Cory to attend prom?

What would be the outcome if I accepted any outcome and surrendered my expectations?

I called Debbie.

“Debbie, let’s do this,” I said half-heartedly.

Once I told friends Alisha was going to prom, prom dresses to borrow poured in. I wouldn’t have to make the trip shopping to find one. There were about twenty beautiful dresses. One by one the dresses seemed to say “Give this up” because not one of them fit until we got to dress twenty. I tiredly gazed at Alisha’s radiance. She looked into my eyes and busted out with a boisterous, unrefined laugh. “This moment” I thought, is exactly why for years I’ve spent tireless energy for Alisha to be typical. I smashed my lips into her grinning face and said, “I love you girly!”

A few weeks before the date night would take place we had a big birthday bash at our neighborhood club house to celebrate Alisha turning eighteen. Although I loved seeing all of our family and friends, Alisha went into her own world at the party. It seemed too much for her. It seemed too much for me. I felt letdown as we pulled into our driveway after the party but the sight of giant pink flamingos on our lawn brightened my day. The flamingos held up words: Alisha, will you go to prom with me? Love Cory

The surprise of finding a typical invitation to prom for our daughter temporarily made it seem like she could be a typical eighteen-year-old. Her birthday blast ended up being one more time where my exertion exceeded expectations but maybe attending prom would be different.

The day arrived a couple weeks later. I primped Alisha with sparkles on her face and nails. I kept telling her she was a princess going to the ball. We left for our prom photo shoot at a nearby church.

Prom Dreams 2

The flower pinning ritual…

Prom Dreams 3 DSC01301

We arrived at the banquet center. It looked like Cinderella’s ball! Cory ate his dinner scooping uneaten rolls off his neighbor’s plate and Alisha watched with delight while she ate her tube feed.

Prom Dreams 5

Once we got onto the dance floor I prepared myself for her glee to transform into gloom, instead I was again reminded of why I’ve always worked so hard.

Prom Dream 6

Cory did his dance moves and Alisha tore up the floor in her wheel chair with swivels and spins, laughter escaping
What I thought was going to be one more laborious attempt to have my daughter be typical ended different than what I imagined. Really that’s how it usually has gone. Nothing I have ever done had a predictable outcome. There have been times where Alisha closed herself off from her surroundings causing a fun planned event to end abruptly but then there have been nights like this one. A night I could have never imagined filled with joy and blessing.

All the effort in the world is worth nights like prom!

What Dreams Does Your Child Have?

Have you struggled with tiredness and fulfilling your own dreams rather than your child’s dreams as Stacey did? Have you helped your children with special needs realized some unexpected dreams? We’d love to hear about them if you’d like to leave a comment.

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Stacey Laho lives in Michigan with her endlessly supportive husband, Jeff and their three children; Alisha, Hannah and Caleb. When not attending to the needs of her gang, she runs as far as her body will go, reads anything from the Bible to politics, practices writing, enjoys growing things in her garden and stopping to grab a Chai Tea, and conversation with a friend. She has experienced the journey of loss through the death of her first born son, Kodey, when he died at the age of eleven from a virus that attacked his heart. She also lives with the ever-changing path of caring for her daughter, Alisha, who has been severely multiply impaired since birth when a virus (Cytomegalovirus) attacked her brain in utero. Watching two of her children suffer from viruses has led her to explore her faith in her Savior Jesus and find His comfort. She desires to write to connect with others longing to make sense of the pain and find hope when dreams are busted and souls are battered. She writes to heal.

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4 Things Parents of Kids with Autism Have in Common

4 Things Parents of Kids with Autism Have in Common

4 Things Parents of Kids with Autism Have in Common

 Photo Source: Hero Network

Today, I’m pleased to introduce you to guest blogger Ruth Stieff. Among other things, she’s an ABA therapist and the owner of One Piece LLC. She’s also the parent of a young adult son who lives with autism, and a friend of mine. She’s here to share the common needs among the parents she serves.

4 Things Parents of Kids with Autism Have in Common

I spend my days with families who live with autism. This was not what I believed I would be doing at this stage of my life, but there are always surprises in this world. Almost 20 years ago, I gave birth to my third child, a son. I had no idea that he would be diagnosed with autism. I started down this road as a mom rather than an autism professional. My skills developed as I dealt with our family and the challenges it brought to my son specifically. Life can be very difficult for a family dealing with any type of special needs. I understand that since I have been living in that world for a long time.

Along the way, I have received training in a variety of areas related to autism. I have trained in applied behavioral analysis, social skills, communication, sensory integration, advocacy, and mental health. But when asked why a family would hire me instead of another provider, I answer, “Because I go home to this world at night. Many families want someone who ‘gets’ it. They also want someone who lives it.”

As I started a business a few years ago, one of my goals was help parents normalize family life. As I enter into a family’s world, there are a few things that I find.

  1. Parents are often overwhelmed and are looking for help. They don’t know where to start and are looking to me to develop a workable plan.
  2. Discouragement is seen in almost all the members of the family. Parents are exhausted and often feel like they are failing. The child with autism, many times, is overwhelmed and feels like giving up. The other children are often confused because things seem so different than what they experience with their friends families.
  3. There is a lack of confidence in everyone. The child with autism has not been very successful and doesn’t know that is a possibility. Other members of the family don’t know how to approach and work with the child on the autism spectrum and it seems to paralyze them from trying.
  4. A mom wants a person to talk to, someone who understands what she is going through. She longs for the emotional support of another women who has been through a similar experience. She needs a mentor mom.

I work with the child by modeling strategies in skill development. I am there to teach the child but also walk with the parents so that they can develop the structures in a home to normalize life for the long haul. Life is demanding with children but with a child(ren) with special needs it becomes extremely complicated. Families need support, encouragement, hope and skills. With these life can settle into a “new normal” that will enable parents to run the marathon called special needs parenting.

Other Things Parents of Kids with Autism Have in Common

Now that Ruth’s shared her four items for the list, now it’s your chance to add some more. Add your observations in the comment box. And then, stop by Connecting One Piece at a Time to learn more about Ruth and her work.

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Ruth Stieff is a wife, mother and owner of One Piece LLC . She is passionate about helping children with learning differences make progress and helping parents normalize family life.

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