August Is for Setting Goals

by jphilo | Aug 28, 2019 | Different Dream, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

August Is for Setting Goals

August is for setting goals. I developed that mindset during my first 47 years of life, 42 of which were spent going to school or teaching school. I left the classroom in 2003, but to me August still feels more like the beginning of a new year than does January. Therefore, it continues to be my month for setting goals for the upcoming fall, winter, and spring.

Many Different Dream readers are parents, so it makes sense for them to set achievable goals to make the most of the time when kids are in school. As parents raising kids with disabilities and special needs, we already live with extra demands and stress. We can’t afford to set unachievable goals that create more stress. These 3 criteria are key to setting goals that are achievable rather than stressful.

Create goals that are within your power to achieve. For example, “lose 50 pounds” may not be completely within your power because of metabolism or a health condition, but “consume fewer calories each day by eating more fresh produce” is. “Spend 15 minutes practicing sight words with my child each day” is achievable. “Teach my child to read” may not be.

Create realistic goals. Depending on your budget and time constraints, a goal to remodel your entire house to be handicapped accessible may not realistic. But a goal to purge unneeded clutter and rearrange your living room so a wheelchair can maneuver more easily is very realistic.

Create beneficial goals. A goal to relax by a pool and eat bon bons sounds delightful, but in reality it could lead to skin cancer and diabetes. A beneficial goal could be to create a quiet corner at home to pray, relax, and sip a cup of tea.

If you’d like to set some realistic, beneficial goals that are within your power as a caregiver, these Different Dream blog posts might spark some ideas.
Ministering To and With Those Who Teach Our Children with Special Needs
Measuring Milestones in Micros
9 Ways to Start the School Year Well

If you have suggestions for setting goals that are achievable, you’re invited to add them in the comment box. I’d love to hear from you!

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Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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Behaviors in Kids with Disabilities

Behaviors in kids with disabilities are something we like to sweep under the rug and ignore. But Trish Shaeffer, mom to 3 sons with disabilities, is transparent about her boys’ behavior issues. In this guest post, she deals with the topic head on.

Behaviors in kids with disabilities–let’s talk about them.

Anyone who says their child with a disability is a perfect angel is lying. In my experience around the age of 9, you’ll see behaviors in your child similar to the terrible 2’s or 3’s. I think this is because children starting to notice their disability. They get frustrated with their own body and possibility compare themselves to their peers or siblings. This is true even if they have an intellectual disability.

My son Alex may have the mindset of a 4 or 5-year-old, but he understands that he is different. He has a temper and holds his wheelchair wheels so you cannot push him or he refuses to push himself. He has epic meltdowns. He will throw toys or bite or hit. People see his big smile and say he’s such a sweet boy and well-behaved. They need to spend some time with him at home. As we know, children tend to display behaviors in a safe place such as home.

Despite his meltdowns, I give Alex space and time to cool down while giving him options to communicate his frustrations. Communication of feelings is hard for Alex. He can talk, but he cannot express what’s really going on. Is he mad, sad, in pain? Sometimes we don’t know. We have a visual chart for pain and feelings for him to use when he cannot express what’s bothering him. He is also learning to use the same chart in school. Many can be downloaded and printed out online.

Right now we do wheelchair time outs. We put him in a safe place during meltdowns and leave him to cool down. Those time outs are timed. It took trial and error to find the amount of time that works for calming him down. For Alex it’s a half hour, but it could be different for your child.

We also take away his iPad time for the day, which helps. If your child uses the iPad as a communication device, this may not work. You’ll have to look for another motivator such as removing a favorite toy, snack, or TV show.

We make a big deal when Alex expresses his feelings verbally and without a meltdown. This instill the concept that it’s okay to have feelings and to express them in a healthy way. We also talk about his feelings when he’s calmed down after a meltdown. This doesn’t always work, but it’s still good to let him know he’s not alone. It shows him that adults, even Mommy, can have a bad day.

Remember, no child is perfect, disability or not. You and your child do not have to meet society’s expectations of what is normal or perfect. Some days will be harder than others. Some days our kids will push us and give us grey hair. When that happens, it’s okay to walk away and regroup. You may feel like you’re heart is breaking watching your child cry or scream. Pick up the pieces of your heart and keep going. On days when you are at your wits end, leave a comment here. We all have your back. We will cheer you on!

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Trish Shaeffer is the mom of 3 active boys with special needs. She’s a peer supporter for Parent to Parent and volunteers with the United Cerebral Palsy Network, Special Olympics, and the United Way. She’s also an equine volunteer at Leg Up Farm. She’s married to her best friend and biggest supporter, Chris Shaeffer.