Fighting Weariness at the Start of the School Year

by jphilo | Sep 13, 2023 | Different Dream, Encouragement, School/Education, Special Needs Parenting, Spiritual Support

Fighting Weariness at the Start of the School Year

Fighting weariness as a new special needs homeschool year begins makes the whole endeavor feel impossible. That sensation is dragging down guest blogger Lisa Pelissier as she helps her daughters deal with unexpected mental health challenges. Read on to discover how she’s finding the strength to keep going.

I have not been looking forward to homeschooling this year because last year was hard. I was working a lot. My girls were sick with depression, fatigue, stomachaches, anxiety, and whatever else they had. I had homeschooled four kids simultaneously for years. Now, two have graduated—the one with autism and the one with dyslexia and PANS. The hard part was supposed to be over. These were supposed to be the easy years.

But they aren’t.

As soon as my son with dyslexia and PANS graduated, the girls got sick with mental health conditions and fatigue—probably long covid, but there’s no way to prove it. Instead of looking forward to teaching, it feels like I’m going to war.

I know I’m not alone.

Other parents are facing the same sorts of battles and fighting weariness as a new special needs homeschool year begins. How do you teach complicated subjects to students who have difficulty focusing? How do you get your child excited about ancient history when their stomach hurts and they’re too tired to get up? How do you infuse them with your own enthusiasm when you… don’t have any?

Here’s my plan to get me through this tough season:

1) Remember the goal. The goal is not “finish algebra” or “make sure they know all the state capitals.” The goal is to raise adults who love God, love others, act with integrity, and work hard. If all we accomplish this year is facing adversity in a steadfast manner, trusting God to provide and protect, then they’ll have learned a more valuable lesson than they would if they just memorized the periodic table.

2) Enjoy them. Even when illness or disability seems to loom large, it’s never bigger than who my daughters are. They are delightful people. I can love them and love being with them, even when trying to make school stick in their brains is too much.

3) Tick off the right boxes. I don’t remember much of what I learned in high school. I don’t think most people do. The things my daughters will remember are the friendships they make, the special times when something touches their hearts and changes their outlook, and the lessons God imparts to them over the years.

4) Remain hopeful. My son who suffered from PANS was very sick for over four years. Today, he is healthy and is doing wonderfully well. My son with autism has struggled with the transition to adulthood, but he’s a good man and a hard worker. He will get there. And so will the girls. God is good, and His plans will be accomplished—even if they don’t look like the future we dreamed of having.

Isaiah 40:28-31 says this:

Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint. (ESV)

I am weary. I am exhausted. But God is not. He is my strength.

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Photo by Alex Beholder on Unsplash

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Lisa Pelissier lives in Oregon where she is a homeschool mom and author of four middle-grade fiction novels as well as a YA fantasy novel. Lisa owns SneakerBlossom Books, offering Christian, classical homeschool Study Guides and curriculum. She blogs at Eleventh Willow, offering encouragement for Christians parenting the mentally ill. She also works as a freelance copy editor, an artist, and a marketing editor. In her spare time Lisa enjoys playing the piano and fretting about things over which she has no control.

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Looking for Lessons after Hard Times

Looking for lessons after hard times is not what blogger Janae Copeland thought she would be doing this summer. Not after the increasingly good health her daughter Clark had been enjoying for several years. Yet, Janae has found much to be grateful for and to pass along to her daughter and you.

A year ago, I composed a post for the Different Dream blog entitled What a Difference a Decade Makes. In it, I outlined all the differences in the life of our daughter, Clark (and our whole family) since the early years of her life with EA/TEF. That version of me was in a place of reflection. My distanced recollections were a little blurry around the edges, not nearly as piercing as they had been ten years earlier. Little did that version of me know that in less than a year I would be thrust so forcefully back into that reality that it would take a few days to (literally) get my feet back under me again.

Let me explain…

Although Clark always had continued difficulties with eating and recurrent respiratory infections, we were eventually convinced by her doctors—and began to believe ourselves—that this was her baseline, the best she would be. We were told to be patient, that improvement would come with growth, and that things would eventually level out. And most of the time, that was true.

Except when it wasn’t.

In January and February of 2023, it REALLY wasn’t! Those months were some of the darkest days we’ve had in a while. Round 2 of COVID, which had been of little consequence the first time, was quickly followed by pneumonia that just wouldn’t give up. Now living in a new city, we commenced our journey anew, prepared to recite the facts of her early diagnoses, procedures, struggles, and histories to new doctors. Fortunately, every medical professional we encountered did all the things we so desperately needed them to do. They believed, they listened, and they looked at her from all angles with fresh eyes. By mid-May, we had an answer. Clark had another tracheoesophageal fistula.

No biggie, you might be thinking. TEF kids have recurrences often, They’re not terribly out of the norm. But hers wasn’t a recurrence. It was congenital. It had been there from the beginning and had never been detected, presumably because of location, position, and size. When we got the results, I couldn’t find my physical balance for a few days. But I had to quickly transition to action mode, and I did. Within days, Clark was scheduled for surgery at a hospital four states away.

As I write, Clark is now officially TEF-free for the first time in her life. We’ve had to adjust to our new reality. As her mom, I have had to rewrite her story. Until a few months ago, my spiel was “Clark was born with EA/TEF Type C, repaired at Day 2”. Now, the truth is a bit more complex. She’s an EA/TEF Type D, repaired at Day 4,089.

Even Clark is having a bit of an identity crisis. A month after the surgeries she began saying things like, “I can’t make my dragon sound anymore, Mom” and “I don’t really know how to cough now.”

As in the past, I am looking for lessons after hard times. Admittedly, this time was the hardest for me yet. Before, I took comfort in the fact that we bore the brunt of Clark’s early medical procedures for her, that her young age would protect her from the trauma and memories. Now, we were processing them with her instead of for her. I couldn’t take the burden from her again. So what have I learned?

Clark still lives up to her name. She is our Supergirl—brave, aware, and even on her hardest days, still looking out for everyone else.
God’s provisions are ever present and sufficient. As we had seen before, there were gifts and graces at every turn.
I have to give myself grace instead of beating myself up for not pushing harder when I suspected that there was more going on, when pushing could have saved her from years of needless suffering.
Only God knows the plans he has for Clark, plans that will help and not harm her, plans for a prosperous future.
Perhaps this time the lessons were as much for Clark as they were for us. My hope is that she will be able to look back one day and know how this journey was designed to bring her toward her purpose. That this is just a small part of what makes her special. That with God’s grace and the support of everyone that loves her, she can continue to grow into the brave and unique soul she was born to be. And that looking for lessons after hard times will bring her closer to her creator.

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Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

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Janae Copeland is a wife and mother of 3 daughters. She lives in Jacksonville, NC where she is a K-5 music educator. She became a Different Dream mom when her oldest daughter, Jayda, was born in 2002 with hydrocephalus and cerebral palsy. Nine years later, her daughter Clark was born with EA/TEF and right microtia/atresia. Janae is grateful to have been entrusted with the care all 3 of her special daughters and seeks out opportunities to help other young mothers who may need support as they begin these same journeys with their own blessings from God.