Who Are You? A Biblical Answer

Who Are You? A Biblical Answer

by | May 12, 2020 | Different Dream, Encouragement

Who Are You? A Biblical Answer

Who are you? That’s a question we ask about our children, but perhaps more often about those with disabilities and special needs. Guest blogger Mark Arnold gives a hope-filled, biblical answer.

How do we view children or young people with additional needs? Do we think about them as problems to solve? How do we perceive how God can use them to evangelize? Are they just children who are autistic, dyslexic, blind, deaf, physically disabled, or non-verbal? 

They may be many of these thing, but are they just what people see them to be? Or are they so much more than they seem? God sees them as much more. He speaks through them to share the gospel with the world? Here are words from God about how he answers the question, “Who are you?”

You are made in the image of God. So God created human beings in his own likeness. He created them to be like himself. Genesis 1:27a

You are amazingly and wonderfully made. How you made me is amazing and wonderful. I praise you for that. What you have done is wonderful. I know that very well. Psalm 139:14

You are eternally loved by God. I have loved you with a love that lasts forever. I have kept on loving you with a kindness that never fails. Jeremiah 31:3

You are God’s children. Some people did accept him and did believe in his name. He gave them the right to become children of God.  John 1:12

 You are Jesus’ friend: I am the vine. You are the branches. If you remain joined to me, and I to you, you will bear a lot of fruit. John 15:5a

You are full of joy. And that is not all. We are full of joy in God because of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:11a

You are at peace with God. Those who belong to Christ Jesus are no longer under God’s judgment. Romans 8:1

You are on God’s side. What should we say then? Since God is on our side, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

You are inseparable from the love of Jesus. Who can separate us from Christ’s love?… No! In all these things we are more than winners! We owe it all to Christ, who has loved us. Romans 8:35…37

You are God’s temple. Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple? Don’t you know that God’s Spirit lives among you?” 1 Corinthians 3:16

You are one with Jesus in spirit. Whoever is joined to the Lord becomes one with him in spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:17

You are part of the body of Christ. There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. And so we are formed into one body. 1 Corinthians 12:12-13a

You are the sweet fragrance of Christ. God considers us to be the pleasing smell that Christ is spreading. 2 Corinthians 2:15

You can do anything through Christ’s strength. I can do all this by the power of Christ. He gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

You are completely forgiven through Jesus, Because of what the Son has done, we have been set free. Because of him, all our sins have been forgiven. Colossians 1:14

You are complete. Because you belong to Christ, you have been made complete. Colossians 2:10a

You are a child of light. All of you are children of the light. 1 Thessalonians 5:5

You are Jesus’ brothers and sisters: Jesus is not ashamed to call them his brothers and sisters. Hebrews 2:11

You are holy and chosen: “Holy brothers and sisters, God chose you to be his people. Hebrews 3:1

You are children of God, and Jesus protects them: “We know that those who are children of God do not keep on sinning. The Son of God keeps them safe. The evil one can’t harm them. 1 John 5:18

Our children are more than what people may see. They are loved more than they, or we, can imagine. They are valued more than all the gold and jewels on Earth. Let’s remember these verses when we meet these wonderful people and ask the question, “Who are you?”

All Bible verses were taken from the Biblica NIrV Accessible Edition, with permission.

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Mark Arnold is the Additional Needs Ministry Director at Urban Saints, a leading national Christian children’s and youth organization. He is co-founder of the Additional Needs Alliance, a national and international advocate for children and young people with additional needs or disabilities. Mark is a Churches for All and Living Fully Network partner, a member of the Council for Disabled Children and the European Disability Network. He writes an additional needs column for Premier Youth and Children’s Work (YCW) magazine and blogs at The Additional Needs Blogfather. He is father to James, who has autism spectrum condition, associated learning disability, and epilepsy. To find out more about how Mark’s work can help you, contact him at: marnold@urbansaints.org or @Mark_J_Arnold.

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Sacred Story, Sacred Space

Sacred Story, Sacred Space

by | Apr 21, 2020 | Different Dream, Encouragement

Sacred Story, Sacred Space

Sacred story sacred space. This is a phrase friends and family need to remember when parents of children with a special needs or disabilities share their stories. Guest blogger Kimberly Drew explains why it’s important to give a parent’s sacred story sacred space. 

Every parent of every child with special needs has as sacred story. Just like not one child with a disability is like another, so no one parent’s story is like another. They are varying degrees of joy and pain, of strength and failure, tragedy and celebration. When a parent of a child invites you into their story, it’s important to tread carefully. This is sacred space to them. I have found over the years that this has become increasingly difficult to do because people aren’t really sure how to give my sacred story sacred space. 

18 years ago when I was 22, I struggled to deliver our firstborn. When I got induced that morning, I knew it would be a memorable and life changing experience. I had no idea what that was actually going to look like. All these years later, I find myself texting my childhood friends and asking for prayer as I sort through the emotions of not only one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, but also of an altered future. Of a child who became a woman before my very eyes and yet will never be able to leave my care. It’s not always a beautiful story, and it requires a sacred space in which to be told. 

I’m sure that I’m not the only parent who has had a frustrating conversation with friends and family when talking about the specific challenges that come with raising our children. When we need a moment to vent or cry, having people try to talk us out of that emotion is invalidating. It also doesn’t help us heal and move on. I try very hard not to complain about what my day to day life looks like. However, there are times when I need to sort it out, to be free to be frustrated, or to grieve over something that happened 18 years ago. 

When I’m willing to share that, and the response is “But she’s so happy….she’s healthy….at least she isn’t…” it just shuts me down. In the same vein, I have heard many parents of children with high-functioning autism express frustration because people say to them, “It doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong with him/her,” or “At  least he’s high-functioning.” Trust me, autism in any degree is life-altering and those are not words they need to hear.  

One of the greatest conversations I ever had with a friend didn’t end with advice or even a long response. She simply said, “I’m so sorry you went through that, and I want to thank you for sharing it with me.”

Friends and family, I encourage you to tread lightly when someone shares feelings of sadness or frustration with you. Yes, be a voice of encouragement! But be careful to not invalidate the experience or feelings that were shared. Give their sacred story sacred space. Listen thoughtfully, thank your loved one for sharing with you, remind them they are doing a great job, or offer to pray over them.  There are so many ways to encourage without trying to talk your loved one out of feeling what they feel. 

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Kimberly and her college sweetheart Ryan have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Cooper, and Ellie), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughters have special needs and are the inspiration behind Kimberly’s desire to write. Kimberly enjoys working with senior high girls in their church’s youth program, scrapbooking, reading, and music.

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The Coronavirus Is Scary But I Have Hope

The Coronavirus Is Scary But I Have Hope

by | Apr 9, 2020 | Different Dream, Encouragement

The Coronavirus Is Scary But I Have Hope

The coronavirus is scary but so was the day the bottom dropped out of my parents’ world. They were both 29, parents of 5 and 2-year-old girls when the doctor diagnosed Dad with multiple sclerosis. My father was in the third year of his dream job as a county extension agent, but my parents knew the swift progression of the disease would lead to a very early retirement. The early days of his disease were grim and frightening, and yet my parents kept going and made a good life for our family. Perhaps not the life we expected, but a life full of joy and sorrow as all lives are. 

The coronavirus is scary but so was the night my 2-month-old baby quit breathing in my arms as I nursed him. My husband revived him, and the ambulance took him to the hospital, where the doctor discovered the problem. My baby and I (but not my husband) were life-flighted 750 miles away for a corrective surgery with no guarantee of success. I sobbed for the entire flight and begged the nurse on board for reassurance she couldn’t give. I felt more alone than I’d ever been before or since, and yet I kept going. After many more surgeries and procedures, our baby recovered. Our parenting journey wasn’t what we expected. We grieved, and sometimes still do, for the pain he experienced. But we found joy, and still do, in being our son’s dad and mom.

 The coronavirus is scary but so was day my husband learned the factory where he worked was closing. The day he learned he would soon be out of a job. We had 2 young kids, 1 of whom had big medical needs. We’d just bought a house, and didn’t know how we would make ends meet. But the job loss led to retraining money, and my husband became a nurse and got a job at a regional hospital where he’s worked for almost 30 years. In a few weeks, he may be caring for COVID-19 patients in their ICU. Perhaps not what we expected for his last few years before retirement. We are concerned, and we are taking precautions. And yet we are not fearful. Instead, we find joy in our daily walks together and in the life we have shared.

The coronavirus is scary but so was Christ’s arrest on a Thursday night more than 2000 years ago. The disciples had given up jobs and family to join His ministry. They had followed Him for 3 years and dreamed of the kingdom He promised would come. In a moment of betrayal by one of their own, everything they had hoped for the future vanished. The next day they watched as their Leader was mocked, tortured, crucified, and laid in a grave. Most certainly, this end was not what they had expected.

For 3 days they mourned.
For 3 days were utterly bereft.
For 3 days they despaired.

But then, in the most amazing “but then” in human history, He rose from the dead. 

Mourning turned to joy.
Bereavement turned to amazement.
Despair turned to hope.

The coronavirus is scary and we can’t see how this pandemic will end. But because Jesus rose from the dead, we know He is with us. We know that life on this earth will forever be a mixture of sorrow and joy mingled together. We can look back and see how God has been faithful in past hard times, and we can trust Him to work in our present circumstances in ways we can’t yet imagine or conceive. 

This Easter, we can celebrate without fear because we serve a risen Savior. 

He is with us.
He is for us.
He is our hope.

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Jolene Philo is both parent and daughter of loved ones with special needs and disabilities, as well as a former educator who worked with children for 25 years. She’s written several books about caregiving, special needs parenting, and childhood PTSD, including the recently released Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilties, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman. She speaks internationally about caregiving and parenting children with special needs. Jolene and her husband live in central Iowa.

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Social Distancing 101

Social Distancing 101

by | Mar 26, 2020 | Different Dream, Encouragement

Social Distancing 101

Social Distancing 101 is a mandatory class for parents raising kids who are medically-fragile. My husband and I weren’t eager to receive our class syllabus when our baby was born and rushed to surgery before he was a day old. But what choice did we have? To give our newborn son the best opportunity to live, we had to dig into the subject. So dig in we did. Way back in 1982, our Social Distancing 101 class was highly effective. Though our baby had many setbacks during his first year he made it, and he’s still alive. With our entire nation enrolling in Social Distancing 101 by the millions, I’m to passing along 3 lessons that contributed to his successful outcome.

Lesson #1: Limit Visitors and Wash Your Hands

Before we were allowed to visit our baby in neonatal intensive care (NICU) for the first time after his surgery, we were the only visitors he was allowed to have. To further protect his fragile health, we had to spend 5 minutes washing our hands with soap and then betadine antiseptic solution. This routine was strictly enforced throughout his 3 week hospital stay. I didn’t like the rule. I wanted to be with my baby, not standing at a stupid sink washing my hands until they were almost raw. But I did it because the experts said it was the best way to reduce chances of infection, and it was the one thing I could do to help my baby. It worked then. It works now. So limit visitors and wash your hands.

Lesson #2: Keep a Well-Stocked Pantry and Freezer

When our son was released from the hospital, we took him to the remote South Dakota town where we lived. That town was 23 miles from the nearest grocery store and 65 miles from the nearest supermarket. (I’m not making this up.) Our baby’s condition was a roller coaster of heath concerns for over a year. We never knew when the next mad dash to the doctor or a hospital stay would be. But we knew it would happen, and we knew that when it did we couldn’t take him to the store or a restaurant. We developed a habit of keeping our pantry and freezer stocked with at least 2 weeks worth of food. 37 years later the habit remains strong, and we don’t have to hunt for toilet paper when panic buying hits.

Lesson #3: Cultivate Hobbies and Friendships

During our long ago Social Distancing 101 class, our television brought in 2 channels. VCRs were just coming into being. The library was a bookmobile that came around once a month. Our phone was mounted on the wall and had a long cord. Long distance calls were expensive, so we only called family on the weekends when rates were lower. But we kept busy, thanks to hobbies and friendships. My hobbies were reading, sewing, and cooking. My husband’s were yard work, chopping wood, and fix it projects. And even though our town boasted a population of only 92, which made social distancing simple, we had friends. We went to their houses for meals, and they came to ours. We were and still are grateful for their friendships, for their hand washing skills, and for the creative fun times we had. Without hobbies and friends, Social Distancing 101 would have been excruciatingly boring.

Social Distancing 101 wasn’t a class my husband and I wanted to take in 1982. It’s probably not the class you wanted to enroll in during 2020. But let our experience be an encouragement to you. You can do this. You will do it. And these 3 lessons are a good place to start.

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Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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Sweet Joy in the Middle of Goodness

Sweet Joy in the Middle of Goodness

by | Feb 24, 2020 | Different Dream, Encouragement

Sweet Joy in the Middle of Goodness

Sweet joy in the middle of goodness was an unexpectedly delightful part of our trip to an Arizona fruit orchard in January. I walked around in shirtsleeves and sandals, admiring trees laden with yellow and orange fruit. I breathed in the tang of fresh citrus. I sampled variety after variety of grapefruit, oranges, lemons, and limes with greedy joy.

The orchard was heady fare for a midwesterner eager to escape an Iowa winter for a week. When it was time to leave the orchard, I didn’t want to go. And I didn’t want to leave Arizona’s warmth and sunshine when our vacation ended.

Even so, part of me was ready to return home and resume interviews with parents raising kids with special needs and disabilities for a book proposal about stress and compassion fatigue in caregiver.

I was ready to return to the sweet joy of hearing their stories.
The sweet joy of witnessing their pride in their children.
The sweet joy of crying with them in their grief.
The sweet joy of learning from their wisdom.
The sweet joy of being in the middle of goodness incomprehensible to those not part of our world.

Talking to these families, on the phone or in video chats, has been as sharp and delicious as an orange eaten in a citrus grove. Our conversations take me back to my days as a caregiver, and we connect as only parents of kids with disabilities and special needs can. As they describe their lives, common threads, common needs, and common desires emerge. Here are 5 many parents have expressed.

To read the rest of this post visit Key Ministry’s blog for parents raising kids with special needs.

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Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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Why Did God Make Me with Special Needs?

Why Did God Make Me with Special Needs?

by | Feb 20, 2020 | Different Dream, Encouragement

Why Did God Make Me with Special Needs?

Why did God make me with special needs? When an 8-year-old boy asked his parents this question, they sought the advice of Mark Arnold, today’s guest blogger. He turned his thoughts into this post and hopes you find it helpful.

Made in God’s image?

Starting at the very beginning we see that God created people to be like him, in his image; “Then God said, “Let us make human beings so that they are like us…” So God created human beings in his own likeness. He created them to be like himself…” Genesis 1:26-27a (NIrV)

Later in the Psalms, we see that God creates each of us individually. You created the deepest parts of my being. You put me together inside my mother’s body. Psalm 139:13 (NIrV) The passage also tell us that it is good. How you made me is amazing and wonderful. I praise you for that. What you have done is wonderful. I know that very well. Psalm 139:14 (NIrV)

So, we are all made in God’s image, individually, perfectly, amazingly, and wonderfully.

Does that include children with special needs?

Yes. God doesn’t make mistakes. He doesn’t screw up and make second-rate people. Psalm 139: 13–14 applies to everyone. Because God makes each of us individually, there is wonderful diversity in the world. Even identical twins are ever so subtly different.

So why can life be hard for children with special needs?

Perhaps this is the ‘question beneath “Why did God make me with special needs?” Maybe what he wanted to ask was this: If God made me this way, why is life sometimes hard for children like me? Is God cruel to have made me this way?

My answer is that God isn’t cruel, but he doesn’t promise us an easy life. He recognizes, as we should, that we live in a fallen, broken world. Bad stuff happens. Special needs children can find it hard to be understood and to understand themselves. They may be bullied, abused, locked away. None of this is from God. None of this is his will. But he doesn’t stop these things either. To do so would make us puppets with no free will to choose to do good or to do evil.

However, God does promise that we will never struggle alone. He will always be with us. Be strong and brave. Don’t be afraid… Don’t be terrified… The Lord your God will go with you. He will never leave you. He’ll never desert you. Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIrV)

God  also the best life for us that we can live on this earth, a life following him and making the right choices In John 10:10, Jesus says, “I have come so they may have life. I want them to have it in the fullest possible way.” (NIrV)

What does “the fullest possible way” look like for a child with special needs?

Perhaps what brings together the experience of every child, whether they have special needs or not, is the love of God being lived out in their lives and the lives of those surrounding them. If children are loved and celebrated for who they are instead of them being forced to change into someone they are not. If they are included, welcomed, helped to belong. If every child is given the tools and encouragement needed to engage with and explore the world in their own way, then they can live life in “the fullest possible way.”

Maybe the question to ask is not, “Why did God make me with special needs?”  but “What can we do to create an environment where everyone has life in all its fullness? What can we do to enable each unique individual, each hand-crafted, wonderfully made child of God to thrive, to enjoy life, and be all they can be?”

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for both at the bottom of this page.

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Mark Arnold is the Additional Needs Ministry Director at Urban Saints, a leading national Christian children’s and youth organization. He is co-founder of the Additional Needs Alliance, a national and international advocate for children and young people with additional needs or disabilities. Mark is a Churches for All and Living Fully Network partner, a member of the Council for Disabled Children and the European Disability Network. He writes an additional needs column for Premier Youth and Children’s Work (YCW) magazine and blogs at The Additional Needs Blogfather, He is father to James, who has autism spectrum condition, associated learning disability, and epilepsy. To find out more about how Mark’s work can help you, contact him at: marnold@urbansaints.org or @Mark_J_Arnold.

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