by jphilo | Mar 7, 2012 | Books and Resources, Different Dream, Spiritual Support
Peter and Amy Julia Becker weren’t expecting a special needs diagnosis after the birth of their first child. When the doctor said he suspected their daughter Penny had Down syndrome, Amy’s life and her expectations for her daughter changed.
A Good and Perfect Gift: A Mother’s Memoir
A Good and Perfect Gift: Faith, Expectations, and a Little Girl Named Penny is Amy Julia Becker’s memoir about the first three years of her journey as the parent of a child with special needs. Becker describes the grief she experienced after the diagnosis. She details her reluctance acceptance of her role as Down syndrome advocate and expert, as well as her anger and frustration with the responses of well-meaning, uninformed friends and acquaintances.
Questions Pondered
The book also provides an accounting of the faith questions that plagued Becker during her daughter’s first months and years. Was Penny’s Down syndrome caused in part by Becker’s struggle with eating disorders in high school? Would her faith be strengthened or broken by this special needs diagnosis? Was God in control? Did Penny’s Down syndrome make her less perfect than other people? The author honestly recounts her thought processes, tracing her changing perspectives as she sought answers.
Beautiful Writing and Quiet, Intelligent Faith
Clear, beautiful prose mark this memoir. Becker writes transparently, sharing her doubts and feelings without becoming overly emotional or sentimental. She presents her faith quietly and intelligently, never shying away from complex theological dilemmas. She accomplishes this without being preachy or self-righteous. In fact, humility and brokenness pervade the pages of this memoir.
Thank You, Amy Julia Becker
I am thankful someone recommended Becker’s book to me. It is, perhaps, the best special needs parenting memoir I have read in either the Christian or general market. I will recommend A Good and Perfect Gift to friends whatever their faith affiliation may be. In fact, if you haven’t read it yet, I recommend you do so as soon as you can. If you have read it, what did you think of the book. Leave a comment about your response to Amy Julia Becker’s memoir about being the parent of a child with special needs, A Good and Perfect Gift.
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
by jphilo | Feb 17, 2012 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support
Guest blogger Rebekah Benimoff is back today to complete this series about special needs lessons she’s learned in the midst of chaos. Today she writes about clinging to faith in the midst of a couple chaotic days with her son who has juvenile diabetes. Read on to see if it’s a lesson you learned or are learning in your life, too.
Belief in the Midst of Chaos
Having been in ministry for as long as I can remember, I am used to being the one serving. As a chaplain’s wife, I’ve lifted up many families in similar situations. Yet I am often reminded that we never outgrow the need to be ministered to- no matter where we are in life. It is incredibly valuable to learn to receive. Before saying good-bye, the chaplain shared that it was so good to be paged to visit a family who was getting better. She was blessed by serving, just as we were blessed by receiving.
There were many others who saw to our needs today, many reminders that God is with us. Roger’s chaplain friends stopped by. One stayed with Tyler while the other took me in search of gluten free options for Tyler who’d been cleared to try some food. She helped me carry my son’s needs and supplies and reminded me to see to my own hunger needs, as well. I was never so thankful for a breakfast taco! Prayers streamed in and the staff was more attentive than I could ever have asked for.
At the end of a long, tiring day, we headed home, weary but grateful. Quite ready to continue recovery from the comfort of home. In the mirror, I caught a glimpse of the shirt I had thrown on this morning in the dark.
Purple with little silver sparkles that spelled out B-E-L-I-E-V-E.
What I do believe? I believe that God was with us every moment, holding me and my precious boy. I believe He directed the staff with His wisdom, and that He sent many to minister to a troubled mother’s heart. And I believe that sometimes it is quite blessed to receive!
My prayer is that in the chaos that life throws our way, we will learn how to better receive from the heart of God and the hands and feet He sends our way!
Blessings,
~Rebekah
Part 1
Part 2
Lesson Three Complete
I don’t know about you, but God has to remind me often, especially in the hard times, that he’s with me and those I love. I know it’s true, but sometimes it is so hard to believe. How When you’re in the midst of chaos, how do you hang on to what you believe about God? What special needs lessons have you learned? Leave a comment so we can learn from you!
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
by jphilo | Dec 28, 2011 | Different Dream, Self-Care and Stress, Special Needs Parenting
Yesterday, guest blogger Nancy Flanders talked about two issues parents of kids with special needs should consider when thinking about expanding their families – level of support and finances. Today, she shares four more issues to help parents wondering about having more children gain clarity about their family’s future.
On Having More Children, Part 2
#3 – How’s Your Faith?
How is your faith? Seriously, faith matters. For those with faith, special needs aren’t a curse, but part of a plan. God doesn’t wish for us, especially children, to suffer. It breaks His heart too. But He finds use for our suffering, as in John 9 when the disciples ask Jesus why the man was born blind. Jesus answers, “this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” We know that we as parents aren’t choosing to have a child with a special need. We are choosing to have a child. This is a gift, no matter what the future holds. We must have faith in order to survive. And your level of faith will make a difference in whether or not you could handle having another child with a special need.
#4 – How Does Your Spouse Feel?
How does your spouse feel? This is obviously important and should not be overlooked. Planning another baby on purpose when your spouse isn’t ready or is uncertain is a bad idea. You should talk to each other and listen to each other openly and honestly before making the decision.
#5 – Are You Afraid?
Are you afraid? We are all anxious at times when wondering how our decisions will affect the rest of our lives and the lives of others. But you shouldn’t let fear be the reason you make a decision. Logic and reason, trust and love should play a part. Fear should never win.
#6 – What About Adoption?
What about adoption? You don’t just have to add to your family biologically. There are thousands of children waiting for a home, and more are born every day. But this is just as big a step as having a baby and all of the above considerations must be taken into account.
Only Time Will Tell
There are plenty of other considerations when deciding if you should have another child who might have a special health need including your living arrangements and your ability to give attention to each child. But for each setback, there is a solution. You just need to be willing to find it. It all comes down to what is best for you and your family. As for mine, only time will tell.
What Would You Add to the List?
What do you think of Nancy’s list of things to consider about having more children? Does one of the items speak to you? Do you have more considerations to add to the list? Leave a comment to share your wisdom. Nancy and I would love to hear from you.
Nancy Flanders is a wife and mother of two girls, one with cystic fibrosis. After her daughter’s diagnosis at just 6 days old, she altered her career path to focus on writing about raising a child with a special health need. She spends any free moment she can find fundraising for a cure for her daughter and volunteering for her hospital’s cystic fibrosis advisory group. Visit Nancy at www.chronicadmissions.blogspot.com and www.parentingsquad.com.
Part One
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
Save
by jphilo | Dec 23, 2011 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting
Christmas, the holiday of joy and peace and hope, is almost here. But for parents of kids with special needs, it can be a time of sorrow and restlessness and despair. We wonder how a perfect and all powerful God can identify with the struggles our children live with every day.
The more I learn of God, the more convinced I am of his complete understanding and empathy for our children. After all, God is the creator of the special needs Christmas. When his Son came to earth in human form, he laid down perfect power, knowledge, and communion. Encased in human flesh, he was encumbered, dependent, and limited. The Son, both as a child and as an adult, lived with his own version of a special needs life, and it all began with a special needs Christmas.
May that thought provide a new perspective as you read the Christmas story (Luke 2:1-40, The Message Version) below.
The Birth
About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David’s town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiance, who was pregnant. While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel.
The Announcement
There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God’s angel stood among them and God’s glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.” At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God’s praises: Glory to God in the heavenly heights, Peace to all men and women on earth who please him. As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. “Let’s get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us.”
The Joy
They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed. Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they’d been told!
The Dedication
When the eighth day arrived, the day of circumcision, the child was named Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived. Then when the days stipulated by Moses for purification were complete, they took him up to Jerusalem to offer him to God as commanded in God’s Law: “Every male who opens the womb shall be a holy offering to God,” and also to sacrifice the “pair of doves or two young pigeons” prescribed in God’s Law.
The Promise
In Jerusalem at the time, there was a man, Simeon by name, a good man, a man who lived in the prayerful expectancy of help for Israel. And the Holy Spirit was on him. The Holy Spirit had shown him that he would see the Messiah of God before he died. Led by the Spirit, he entered the Temple. As the parents of the child Jesus brought him in to carry out the rituals of the Law, Simeon took him into his arms and blessed God: God, you can now release your servant; release me in peace as you promised. With my own eyes I’ve seen your salvation; it’s now out in the open for everyone to see: A God-revealing light to the non-Jewish nations, and of glory for your people Israel. Jesus’ father and mother were speechless with surprise at these words. Simeon went on to bless them, and said to Mary his mother, This child marks both the failure and the recovery of many in Israel, A figure misunderstood and contradicted – the pain of a sword-thrust through you – But the rejection will force honesty, as God reveals who they really are.
The Hope
Anna the prophetess was also there, a daughter of Phanuel from the tribe of Asher. She was by now a very old woman. She had been married seven years and a widow for eighty-four. She never left the Temple area, worshiping night and day with her fastings and prayers. At the very time Simeon was praying, she showed up, broke into an anthem of praise to God, and talked about the child to all who were waiting expectantly for the freeing of Jerusalem. When they finished everything required by God in the Law, they returned to Galilee and their own town, Nazareth. There the child grew strong in body and wise in spirit. And the grace of God was on him.
God had a great purpose in mind for the Christ child encumbered by special needs. He has a great purpose for your child, too.
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
Save
by jphilo | Dec 12, 2011 | Daily Life
Small mercies.
Those are the words that come to mind to describe yesterday afternoon. Two other women and I went to Des Moines to visit a friend. Her husband collapsed on Thursday and was rushed to Mercy Hospital where he was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. He’s been unresponsive ever since.
God, in his mercy, has not yet answered our prayers for healing.
Our friend and her husband have three sons. Just before we arrived, she sent the two older ones back to college for finals week. The family moved from our town to the Des Moines area this fall. So their younger son, a junior in high school, is still adjusting to a new high school and doesn’t have many friends there yet.
Where’s the mercy in that?
Our friend’s faith is strong, but her heart is broken. She is grieving, facing hard decisions during a week when she’d planned to wrap Christmas presents, plan meals, and buy groceries so her three sons could eat their parents out of house and home during Christmas break.
Instead, they face a grim and seemingly merciless holiday.
And yet, her sister’s family was with her at the hospital. Her mom flew from Arizona to be with her daughter. Her boss and her husband’s boss are compassionate men who have shown great kindness. Friends have been visiting, bringing food, giving hugs, praying, laughing, crying.
Small mercies.
Too small for the enormity of the decisions they must make. Too small for the changes they face. Such small mercies cannot be enough, I think. And then the image of the Christ child in the manger comes to mind. So small. So weak. So humble. So poor. The Son of God who would one day bear the sin and suffering and pain of the world.
Small mercy it seemed at the time. Yet, more than enough.
Dear God, by your people, continue to pour mercy upon this family. Give us and them hearts to trust your mercy to be enough and more than enough. Amen.
