by jphilo | Dec 23, 2011 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting
Christmas, the holiday of joy and peace and hope, is almost here. But for parents of kids with special needs, it can be a time of sorrow and restlessness and despair. We wonder how a perfect and all powerful God can identify with the struggles our children live with every day.
The more I learn of God, the more convinced I am of his complete understanding and empathy for our children. After all, God is the creator of the special needs Christmas. When his Son came to earth in human form, he laid down perfect power, knowledge, and communion. Encased in human flesh, he was encumbered, dependent, and limited. The Son, both as a child and as an adult, lived with his own version of a special needs life, and it all began with a special needs Christmas.
May that thought provide a new perspective as you read the Christmas story (Luke 2:1-40, The Message Version) below.
The Birth
About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David’s town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiance, who was pregnant. While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel.
The Announcement
There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God’s angel stood among them and God’s glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.” At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God’s praises: Glory to God in the heavenly heights, Peace to all men and women on earth who please him. As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. “Let’s get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us.”
The Joy
They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed. Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they’d been told!
The Dedication
When the eighth day arrived, the day of circumcision, the child was named Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived. Then when the days stipulated by Moses for purification were complete, they took him up to Jerusalem to offer him to God as commanded in God’s Law: “Every male who opens the womb shall be a holy offering to God,” and also to sacrifice the “pair of doves or two young pigeons” prescribed in God’s Law.
The Promise
In Jerusalem at the time, there was a man, Simeon by name, a good man, a man who lived in the prayerful expectancy of help for Israel. And the Holy Spirit was on him. The Holy Spirit had shown him that he would see the Messiah of God before he died. Led by the Spirit, he entered the Temple. As the parents of the child Jesus brought him in to carry out the rituals of the Law, Simeon took him into his arms and blessed God: God, you can now release your servant; release me in peace as you promised. With my own eyes I’ve seen your salvation; it’s now out in the open for everyone to see: A God-revealing light to the non-Jewish nations, and of glory for your people Israel. Jesus’ father and mother were speechless with surprise at these words. Simeon went on to bless them, and said to Mary his mother, This child marks both the failure and the recovery of many in Israel, A figure misunderstood and contradicted – the pain of a sword-thrust through you – But the rejection will force honesty, as God reveals who they really are.
The Hope
Anna the prophetess was also there, a daughter of Phanuel from the tribe of Asher. She was by now a very old woman. She had been married seven years and a widow for eighty-four. She never left the Temple area, worshiping night and day with her fastings and prayers. At the very time Simeon was praying, she showed up, broke into an anthem of praise to God, and talked about the child to all who were waiting expectantly for the freeing of Jerusalem. When they finished everything required by God in the Law, they returned to Galilee and their own town, Nazareth. There the child grew strong in body and wise in spirit. And the grace of God was on him.
God had a great purpose in mind for the Christ child encumbered by special needs. He has a great purpose for your child, too.
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by jphilo | Dec 12, 2011 | Daily Life
Small mercies.
Those are the words that come to mind to describe yesterday afternoon. Two other women and I went to Des Moines to visit a friend. Her husband collapsed on Thursday and was rushed to Mercy Hospital where he was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. He’s been unresponsive ever since.
God, in his mercy, has not yet answered our prayers for healing.
Our friend and her husband have three sons. Just before we arrived, she sent the two older ones back to college for finals week. The family moved from our town to the Des Moines area this fall. So their younger son, a junior in high school, is still adjusting to a new high school and doesn’t have many friends there yet.
Where’s the mercy in that?
Our friend’s faith is strong, but her heart is broken. She is grieving, facing hard decisions during a week when she’d planned to wrap Christmas presents, plan meals, and buy groceries so her three sons could eat their parents out of house and home during Christmas break.
Instead, they face a grim and seemingly merciless holiday.
And yet, her sister’s family was with her at the hospital. Her mom flew from Arizona to be with her daughter. Her boss and her husband’s boss are compassionate men who have shown great kindness. Friends have been visiting, bringing food, giving hugs, praying, laughing, crying.
Small mercies.
Too small for the enormity of the decisions they must make. Too small for the changes they face. Such small mercies cannot be enough, I think. And then the image of the Christ child in the manger comes to mind. So small. So weak. So humble. So poor. The Son of God who would one day bear the sin and suffering and pain of the world.
Small mercy it seemed at the time. Yet, more than enough.
Dear God, by your people, continue to pour mercy upon this family. Give us and them hearts to trust your mercy to be enough and more than enough. Amen.
by jphilo | Aug 11, 2011 | Different Dream, Grief, Spiritual Support
What a hard questions to have to ask. And what a hard question to try to answer. No doubt, some of you have had to ask such a question, and I can’t imagine the grief and sadness you have had to bear.
An Email from Miranda Gardner
A couple weeks ago, my editor at Discovery House Publishers emailed. “I read this article and thought of you and your new book,” Miranda said. (Miranda’s been thinking a lot about Different Dream Parenting: A Practical Guide to Raising a Child with Special Needs, since she’s the one shining it up before its release in October.) I clicked on the link that took me to Two Minutes to Eternity, an article at the Christianity Today website.
Two Minutes to Eternity
The article was written by Marshall Shelley. He’s the editor of Leadership Journal which is published by Christianity Today. Shelley wrote the article in 1994 after he lost two children. Son Toby died from complications of Trisomy 13 after two minutes on earth. Daughter Mandy had severe developmental delays and died just before she turned two. And yet in the midst of his grief and pain, Shelley found comfort in the promises of God. Because his thoughts were so profound, filled with truth and hope, the article was recently republished at www.ChristianityToday.com.
Thank You, Marshall Shelley
Thank you, Marshall Shelly, for sharing your journey. Thank you for this wonderful resource to pass on to grieving parents who need hope. May we respond to others with equal sensitivity and compassion when families we love lose children they love.
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
by jphilo | Jun 23, 2010 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support
Today’s post will be the last in the interview series with Greg Lucas. (Click on these links to read Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four, if you haven’t already.) Today, Greg gets very transparent and shared some advice he wishes he’d followed much sooner than he did. See what you think about what he has to say.
Greg Lucas Interview, Part Five
Turn to God
The most important advice I could give any parent (or person) is this: Take all your anxiety, pain, frustration, confusion, concern, disappointment, loneliness and weariness and cast it on the Lord (1 Peter 5:7; Psalm 55:22). Turn away from sin and selfishness and turn in faith to Jesus’ death on the cross for the payment of your sin. Exchange your death for His life; His death for your life. Only then will you be truly able to see the amazing story of grace that God is writing through your adventure and the disability of your child.
Get Help
Then, get help—lots of help. Surround yourself with advocates and professionals and family and friends. Realize you can not do this on your own. Take advantage of respite in order to rebuild and refresh. The divorces rate in America is right around 50%. For parents of special needs children it is right around 75% (conservatively). Some sources claim the rate is in the high 80% range.
Let People In
One of the biggest mistakes I have ever made was the mistake of not letting people into my life with Jake. For years I had the mentality that no one could care for my son like myself. I held on until I nearly self-destructed, along with my ministry and marriage.
Today I am (somewhat) sane, still serving God and still married to my wife of 21 years. Not because we have it all together, but because we trust in Him who holds everything together. Not because I held on tightly in my own strength, but because I finally and humbly released my grip and reached out to those who were waiting to help all the while.
Your Advice is Welcome, Too
If you have advice to add to Greg’s, please leave a comment. And if you haven’t yet visited Greg’s blog, Wrestling with an Angel, be sure to take a peek. It’s great!
Wrestling with an Angel, Part 1
Wrestling with an Angel, Part 2
Wrestling with an Angel, Part 3
Wrestling with an Angel, Part 4
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
by jphilo | Apr 30, 2010 | Book Updates
Yeah, that’s me in the back row with the oh-no-what-have-I-gotten-myself-into expression. The other two are my brother and a cousin. There’s another cousin kneeling in front, but I can’t get her to show up. (Sorry Nell!)
When the good people at Discovery House Publishers emailed on April 13 to say they accepted my proposal for Different Dream Parenting: Raising a Child with Special Needs, my response was similar to the one in the picture. It was the day after we returned from our son’s wedding so my energy level and brain functions were nil at the time.
Needless to say, it took awhile for the news to sink in. Once the old brain cells revived, my first response should have been of the whoop-and-holler-of-joy variety. But no. It was more of the what-have-I-gotten-myself-into and why-did-I-think-I-could-write-a-book-on-this-subject variety.
After a few calming breaths and some positive self-talk, the panic subsided, at least until I printed off the chapter summary that was part of the original proposal. After reading the plan written last December, panic returned, along with self-doubt. I felt as poorly trained and utterly inadequate for the task at hand as I had each August of my twenty-five year teaching career.
But over the next several days, God calmed me down, patted my head, and held my hand. Every Bible passage I read was about how God prepares his people for his work. Every book I opened contained valuable resources. Visions of experts and parents I’ve met in the past few years – many since Different Dream was released – came to mind.
“Write them down,” a voice whispered inside my head. “Make a plan.”
I started a list of people, books, websites, and organizations. In minutes, the list was two pages long. Their expertise matched many of the subjects to be addressed in my book, though a few holes remained. In the next few days, previously unknown experts appeared on my radar screen. The timing was uncanny.
The voice in my head was clear and insistent. “You’re not in this alone. I’ve spent my life preparing you to do this. You take the logical next step and leave the rest to me.”
Living by faith. Writing by faith. That’s what I’ve gotten myself into.
Let the adventure begin.
