No Room at the Inn: Special Needs Rejection

No Room at the Inn: Special Needs Rejection

by | Dec 16, 2015 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

No Room at the Inn: Special Needs Rejection

Parents know the sting of special needs rejection. We experience it as parents when we are excluded because of our children. And we experience it even more painfully when our children are rejected. Guest blogger Sheri Dacon relieves the sting of special needs rejection in this lovely Christmas devotion.

No Room in the Inn:
When Your Child with Special Needs Is Rejected

Special needs parents know the sting of special needs rejection. We know what it’s like when our child is excluded.

Here in the throes of the Christmas season, it’s easy to forget about that night. The night that changed everything. The night when the time came for God to be born.

Door after door the answer was the same.

No.

No room.

People had to realize, didn’t they? Didn’t they hear Mary’s cries of pain? Joseph must’ve been frantic as he rushed through town, desperate for a place, a room, ANY ROOM, for the Savior of the world to be delivered.

Why didn’t anyone let him in? Why did no one make room? Was there so little compassion for a young girl in labor and her flustered, terrified husband?

Well, we all know the story, don’t we?

There was no room.

When your special needs child is rejected

Parents of special needs kids know that feeling.

  • That frantic, desperate knocking.
  • That last-ditch attempt to get their foot in the door.
  • That aching need to have their child included, wanted, welcomed. If only we could have one more chance to squeeze in, just one more do-over.

“Please let us in!” we beg. Distraught, focused, impassioned almost to the point of hysteria.

“LET US IN!”

Can’t you see how we need to come in?

But all too often the answer is:

No. No room.

Our children are often teased and bullied and made to feel less than. Jesus was, too. Our children aren’t recognized as the special people they are, but are often shunned and despised. Jesus knew that road well.

Parents, we are in the best of company.

Yes, the pain of being locked outside when everyone else is inside is frighteningly real.

But the true wonder is happening outside. . . in the stable. We are in good company.

I pray you will experience that wonder. That you would contemplate this: the God of all creation made Himself small enough, not only to be born as an infant, but to be born excluded. Outside. With no room.

He knows. He understands what it’s like.

With His wailing entry into this lowly earth He made a bold statement.

He was born outside because there was no room for Him.

Oh, how He loves our precious little ones. Oh, how he loves each of us as well.

Hope for all who are rejected

One of my favorite Christmas books is The Crippled Lamb by Max Lucado. It is the story of a lamb named Joshua who is unable to go out with the other sheep because he is lame. He stays in the stable and, as a result, is privileged to witness the birth of the Christ child. It is because he was excluded that he experiences such a gift.

The moral of the story? There is glory and awe and worship happening outside, under the stars, beneath that one brightest holy star. Only those on the outside get to experience it.

Whether you’re a special needs parent or not, haven’t you felt the sting of rejection? The sadness of being excluded, left on the outside?

Jesus was born for you. On the outside.

So you could understand that He really does know how you feel. He gets it. He lived it. He died for it.

There may not be room in the inn, but there is room for all at the manger.

With Jesus, there is always a place for your child. And for you.

Merry Christmas,
Sheri Dacon

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

You can learn more about Sheri by visiting her website at sheridacon.com.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

When Special Needs Parenting Resists Resolution

When Special Needs Parenting Resists Resolution

by | Dec 2, 2015 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

When Special Needs Parenting Resists Resolution

After watching a movie, guest blogger Rebekah Benimoff was slightly dissatisfied with its neatly wrapped up resolution. Today she shares how the film did and didn’t resonate with her special needs parenting life.

When Special Needs Parenting Resists Resolution

Today I watched God’s Not Dead. A compelling plot. I loved the courage of the college student, the bravery of the young woman who left a domineering and abusive relationship, the unwavering faith of the missionary, whose joy was simply contagious.

Most of all, I loved… well, I’ll tell you a bit later.

First, I have to confess that the conclusion was a bit neatly wrapped for my pragmatic sensibilities. I get why there is resolution in the main plot: it’s meant to encourage Christians to stand firm in faith, in the face of ridicule, abuse, even sacrifice.

Still, I grapple with the realism quotient.

We humans are problems solvers, so we long for resolution. Yet in my special needs parenting life, this is not a daily reality. All is not finally and perfectly resolved. Life is unpredictable, even chaotic.

If I can’t have resolution, will I settle for assurance?

Assurance that eventually, somehow everything is going to be all right?  I used to pin my hopes on the idea that all will be resolved if I stay faithful. Until what I’d built my Christian existence upon evaporated, and my hopes for a nominal, normal Christian life were shattered.

The song, Worth It, written by Francesca Battistelli says, “Whatcha gonna do when the bottom falls out and you’re left with nothing but your fear and your doubt to hold you? Who will hold you?“

And here’s the thing.

The loss and the grief and the fear and the doubt are real, and at times, overwhelming. But we are not left alone in them. We are not left gaping, with hope only for an eternity in heaven. When my tidy Christian existence was swiftly and summarily incinerated, do you know what was left?

The presence of God.

The chaff burned away; all those Christian maxims and platitudes held no power, and the choice became: fall into the embrace of the One who is Hope, or hold Him at arm’s length. I had nothing left to cling to but God, himself.  He was enough… and still is. 

What I loved most about the movie God’s Not Dead was this question: Where do you find your hope?

I know where I find mine.

I do not have all the answers to life’s problems. I can’t prove to anyone that God exists. What I can share is my experience: When my dreams were in tatters and I was at the end of myself, I cried out “Jesus help me!” and I found  myself cradled. No judgement, no expectations, only unconditional acceptance and the purest, deepest love I had ever known.

God is where I find my hope.

Where Do You Find Hope?

Does your special needs parenting story lack resolution, too? We’d love to hear where you find hope and assurance in your uncertain circumstances, so leave a comment in the box if you wish. To read more about Rebekah and her special needs parenting journey, visit her website at Just Me Mama.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Rebekah Benimoff is the wife of a husband with PTSD and the mother of two young men, both of whom grew up with medical and special needs. She blogs at In the Chaos…. and In the Calm (justmemama.blogspot.com).

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

6 Disability Lessons Learned from a Kitchen Knife

6 Disability Lessons Learned from a Kitchen Knife

by | Nov 18, 2015 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

6 Disability Lessons Learned from a Kitchen Knife

About six weeks ago, the knife I was using to remove the label from a container slipped and severed the tendon in my left thumb. After waking up from repair surgery to a left hand swathed and immobile in a ginormous splint, the surgeon outlined a list of restrictions.

No lifting with the left hand.
No driving.
No getting the splint wet.

Those three restrictions plunged me into the world of disability. Not only was I completely dependent upon others to get to speaking engagements, appointments, and the grocery store, many simple, everyday tasks were now exceedingly complex or beyond my scope of ability. Such as:

Tying shoes.
Dressing.
Bathing or showering.
Opening plastic zipper bags or screwtop containers.
Washing one hand.
Carrying a full laundry basket.
Carrying and washing large cooking pots.
Chopping all foods.
Lifting pans from the oven.

About two days into a one-handed life, I realized how little caring for a father in a wheelchair, a son with medical special needs, and an elderly mother with dementia prepared me for living with my own disability. As the days spun into weeks and months, my temporary limitations resulted in several crucial lessons that have changed the way I view disability.

Lesson 1: “Disability” Is a Reality, Not a Dirty Word

Some people don’t like the word “disability” because to them it has a negative connotation.  But the reality of my one-handed life is that I am not able to do many things two-handed people can do, or I have to do them differently. Whatever word I choose to use to describe them, the reality of my limitations doesn’t change. The word “disability” is an accurate description. But it’s never an excuse to do less than I’m able. Nor should either the word or the situation be a cause for pity or discrimination.

To read the rest of this post, go to the Not Alone website at specialneedsparenting.net.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

Fighting Special Needs Parenting Fear

Fighting Special Needs Parenting Fear

by | Oct 28, 2015 | Different Dream, Grief, Spiritual Support

Fighting Special Needs Parenting Fear

Guest blogger Rebekah Benimoff is back with a post about fighting special needs parenting fear. The kind of fear that pounces in the middle of the night and catches us unaware. In the post she shares what she’s learned about fighting special needs parenting fear so she stays strong for her children.

Fighting Special Needs Parenting Fear

Why do these things always seem to happen in the middle of the night? 

I wake at 4 am for a routine check of my son’s blood glucose levels and discover that the insulin pump stopped working four hours ago. Bleary-eyed, I muscle through drowsiness, giving a shot of insulin to bring down a blood glucose level of almost 600… and wait. I restart the pump; it kicks back into gear.

I pray and wait.  Every hour, on the hour, I check blood glucose levels and pray.

Mid morning the pump shuts down again. It’s apparent that this time the pump will not re-boot. After a conversation with the insulin pump company, a new pump is sent out. I find an older pump, stored in the pantry as a back up, and continue to check Blood Glucose levels hourly,  “correct” high BGs via syringe. Late in the afternoon, the “substitute” pump stops working…

and I panic.

I have back up “24 hour” insulin on hand, but as we have not had to actually use this type of insulin in years, I am unsure of dosage. I call the endocrinologist’s office and wait.

And wait.

Wait to see if he’ll switch over to “shot therapy” til the new pump arrives, or simply be admitted to the ER and hooked up to an IV machine. Nervous energy streams through me and I grasp at housework to burn it off… but it doesn’t help. I feed my youngest and prepare for the worst-which at this point I believe would be the trip to the ER; a long night spent seeking stability.

Fear is rampant… until I recognize the battle.

A trip to the ER is not the worst that could happen. Not my preference, but still not The Worst. For the first few years after my son’s diabetes diagnosis, I lived in fear that my precious boy would die. I tried to reason with myself, to talk myself into believing all would be OK, but fear cannot be reasoned with.

Fear must be fought.
 
When life becomes an emergency, I tend to panic first, then pray. Today I was urged to grab my Bible and pray scripture over our situation. Ephesians 1:2 reads May God the Father and the Lord Jesus the Anointed surround you with grace and peace. (The Voice Translation)

Oh, how I need peace in these moments. I pray: God, grant me peace; I ask you to calm my heart, so I will hear your voice speaking Truth. May I turn a deaf ear to the enemy and walk in YOUR plans and purposes for me- even if this includes that which I would not choose.

Words from an old Bible, binding worn ’til pages fell out, are secured to my bathroom mirror that truth might wash over me daily, granting comfort and courage when I begin to fall apart.

Psalm 91:1-5  

1He who takes refuge in the shelter of the Most High

will be safe in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 He will say to the Eternal, “My shelter, my mighty fortress,

    my God, I place all my trust in You.”

3 For He will rescue you from the snares set by your enemies…

4 Like a bird protecting its young, God will cover you with His feathers,
will protect you under His great wings;
His faithfulness will form a shield around you,
a rock-solid wall to protect you.
(The Voice Translation)

 

Prayer and God’s word form a double edged sword which slices through my fears, as I choose to take refuge. When I recognize anxiety, I raise the battle cry- “Help Me Jesus!” I find shelter, as I pour out every fear, every concern. It helps me to visualize an altar- a place to lay to rest my anxieties. I release, let go, breathe deep of the safety God’s presence provides. Then I picture God joining the battle, fighting off the enemy of my soul, speaking the truth–”This one is Safe in Me.”

I seal the alliance with powerful words of hope: “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Psalm 56: 3-4
  When struck by fear,  

I let go, depending securely upon You alone. 

In God—whose word I praise—in God I place my trust.

I shall not let fear come in!

(The Voice Translation)

~Just Me, Secure in the Lover of My Soul

How Do You Fight Special Needs Parenting Fear?

Do you battle special needs parenting fear? When does it strike? What weapons do you use to combat it? Leave a comment. To read more about Rebekah and her family visit her website at Just Me, Mama.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Rebekah Benimoff is the wife of a husband with PTSD and the mother of two young men, both of whom grew up with medical and special needs. She blogs at In the Chaos…. and In the Calm (justmemama.blogspot.com).

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

5 Tips to Help Create an Inclusive Church Community

5 Tips to Help Create an Inclusive Church Community

by | Aug 5, 2015 | Different Dream, Special Needs Ministry, Spiritual Support

5 Tips to Help Create an Inclusive Church Community

Different Dream is happy to introduce guest blogger Dan Vander Plaats to readers today. Dan works for Elim Christian Services in Palos Heights, Illinois, a ministry that exists to equip people who live with disabilities to answer God’s call on their lives. He’s also the creator of 5 Stages, a vehicle for changing attitudes about people with disabilities. Today, he’s here with some tips churches can use to create a more inclusive church community.

5 Tips to Help You Create a 5 Stages Inclusive Church Community

Over the last few years, I’ve spoken more and more often to groups of people that want to help their churches become more inclusive of people with disabilities. One of the questions I always hear afterwards is, “What do you do when your church has no interest in including people with disabilities?”

What a challenge it is to convince others to come with us on our journey, to care about people with disabilities! They have their own families, their own challenges, and their own causes. Why should they care about yours?

And there’s the rub, after all. Why should they care? And how will anything change until they do care?

Getting people to care was always a challenge for me too. I live with a speech disability, so the cause of people with disabilities has always been an important one to me. I spent many years trying to convince others to care about the issue as much as I did.

The 5 Stages was developed to allow easy self-assessment of attitudes. Used for that purpose, the tool will help users conclude that their attitudes about people with disabilities need to change. The point of The 5 Stages is that we “are all God’s handiwork, created… to do good works, which were prepared in advance” (Ephesians 2:10). And since we all have work to do for God’s Kingdom, then it isn’t optional. We all must change our attitudes. We must develop a “Stage 5 attitude” and see people with disabilities as “co-laborers” in the Kingdom.

So how can you help your church or other community become a 5 Stages community? The following is the process I’ve been pursuing in my own church, and in other places as well. The process requires patience, prayer, and persistence. But there’s one more thing. There’s also pay-off. So, here are 5 tips for creating a 5 Stages inclusive church community:

  1. Be convicted that progress only comes when attitudes get changed. Demanding rights and equality have achieved some changes to our sidewalks and buildings, but no matter how much we do on the surface, we don’t make real change unless it’s in people’s hearts. Getting a church to install a ramp can take years of convincing. How could that be different if we focused on changing attitudes first? If you are convicted that attitudes are the first priority in changing your community, then you have laid a foundation for progress.
  2. Develop a team that shares your goals. You can’t expect everyone to buy into your vision right away, but the more you share your hopes to ‘change attitudes’ in your church or community, the more you’ll find people who agree or are receptive to the idea. Help these partners capture the vision to change your community, and you are well on your way! There’s no ideal size, but it may be a good idea to get people that represent a cross-section of your community, if possible.
  3. Convince leadership of the importance of this vision. Once you have your group pulled together, enlist their assistance in helping your church or community leadership to see how this could change the church. Help your leadership understand that this does not need to compete with any other priorities, but that it can support all the community’s priorities (i.e.–if your church isn’t getting enough volunteers, what about equipping people with disabilities to participate and support what’s going on?)
  4. Identify goals. If you’ve got leadership on your team, it’s time to start addressing some specific needs. Here are some suggestions:
    •  Do an assessment of disability attitudes in your church
    •  Create more disability awareness by doing a 5 Stages presentation in your church’s education program or showing a 5 Stages video to your church council or to the education or missions team.
    •  Connect your church to a local group home or disability organization
    •  Identify specific special needs of members already in your church
    •  Investigate the creation of a Friendship group
    •  Consider including people with disabilities on your worship team or in leading prayers or scripture reading
    •  Think about the possibility of a respite group, or a support group for area families
  5. Accept setbacks and keep pressing. Okay, maybe this is two tips in one, but they go hand in hand. You won’t always succeed. A friend at Elim Christian Services, where I work, once told me that the best special education teachers aren’t those with advanced degrees or the best practicums or grades. They were the ones who were willing to try and fail. And try again. And keep trying until they made progress. You will run into obstacles, and into people who discourage you. You simply need to keep going.

I hope these tips were helpful and practical, even though they were intentionally broad. I also want you to know that there are lots of great resources out there for you. Feel free to share your favorites in the comments below. In the meantime, I hope the following resources will help you start creating an inclusive church community that sees people with disabilities as “co-laborers!”

Resources:
The 5 Stages: We provide a number of resources, including 10 different translations of The 5 Stages, from our website
Disability Concerns: Links to the disability ministries for the Christian Reformed Church in North America and to the Reformed Church in America
MNA Special Needs Ministry: Special needs resources offered by the Presbyterian Church in America
Friendship Ministries: Developers of Sunday School curriculum based on different special needs
Key Ministry: An online resource for learning more about a wide range of disability-related topics
Faith Inclusion Network: A fantastic ecumenical advocacy resource for people with disabilities
Rising Above Ministries: A phenomenal organization that helps churches build special needs ministries
All Belong (formerly CLC Network): Publishes of the GLUE manual and resources, along with being the working home of the late Barb Newman
Joni and Friends: This international ministry offers resources and lots of opportunities for your community to get involved.

What Do You Think?

Do you have questions for Dan? Or ideas of your own about creating more inclusive church communities? Leave your ideas in the comment box.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Dan Vander Plaats is the Director of Advancement at Elim Christian Services in Palos Heights, Illinois, a ministry that exists to equip people who live with disabilities to answer God’s call on their lives. He is also a member of the advisory committee for Disability Concerns for the Christian Reformed Church and the Equipping Team of the Chicago office of Joni and Friends. In 2009, he developed “5 Stages: Changing Attitudes” as a resource for Elim. The 5 Stages helps churches and individuals assess their attitudes toward people with disabilities. He is married to Denise (Hiemstra), and is father to Ben and Emma. They are members of Orland Park Christian Reformed Church in Illinois, where Dan also serves on the Disability Concerns team.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

God Kissed this Tiny Child

God Kissed this Tiny Child

by | Jun 24, 2015 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

God Kissed this Tiny Child

 Guest blogger, Stephanie Ballard offers up a new poem for parents of kids with special needs in today’s post. When I asked her where she came up with the idea, she said this:

The first source was a poem by Erma Bombeck, in which God is speaking to the angels about how he chooses mothers. The second was from stories my oldest son told me when he was about 3. He noticed a locket with a picture of my grandmother who died when I was 12. He asked me why I had Nini’s picture in it. I couldn’t recall telling him Nini was her name, so I asked him how he knew it. He said he’d seen her before he came here and had talked to her many times. Of course you can imagine my surprise, but kids are so intuitive. I like to think that God knew Braeden, our son with special needs even before I held him in my arms for the first time.

God Kissed this Tiny Child

Once upon a perfect day
In heaven up above
The tiniest souls sat at God’s feet
Surrounded by his love.
The time was coming very soon
God said, “Do not be scared.”
Your family awaits your arrival.
Now let us get prepared.

And so… God looked upon these souls
In mute consideration.
He knew the life each one would live
He weighed each situation.
The souls chatted among themselves
And wondered who they’d be.
They knew the day grew closer…soon
They’d meet their family.

Then God grew very quiet,
As if in deep reflection
And spoke so softly to each soul
About their life’s direction.
“How would you like to change the world?
Now, what would that be worth?
Would you like to make a difference
From the moment of your birth?”

“I’m going to make the world laugh,”
One soul said with a smile,
“For laughter heals a broken heart
And helps us through each trial.”
“Then take with you good humor,
And share your laughter well.”
The soul thanked God immensely
And down to earth he fell.

“And I’ll remind the world to sing,”
A sweet little soul told the Lord.
“I have the gift of a beautiful voice,
I can hit every note…every chord.”
“You’ll have the gift of music then,
A voice…lovely and strong.
Share your gift with others
And let them hear your song.”

“I’ll show the world goodness.”
The next little soul raised his hand,
“As people only need a friend
Someone to understand.”
“Compassion is a good thing,”
God said with unveiled pleasure.
“To you… I will give mercy,
Kindness beyond all measure.”

And so each soul…shared every thought
Their plans, their hopes, their dreams
As God explained that life…it is
Much harder than it seems.
And as each soul began to leave
In a scurry of laughter and fun
Heaven became quiet
Leaving…only one.

“Come sit with me my little child,”
The Lord said, with a sigh.
“Do you know how many you will touch
In a world left wondering why?
From the moment that your life begins
You will know of strife
But you’ll teach those who know you
To cherish the small things in life.

And some may only know you
Through a simple photograph
They’ll never hold you in their arms
Or memorize your laugh.
Some may only meet you
Through the things your parents say.
But you’ll do something wonderful
You’ll make them stop…to pray.”

The tiniest soul raised her head up
To touch God’s firm, strong hand
“Father, I am ready for
The life that you have planned.
And I will do the best I can
Without a word or deed.
For you Lord, are the planter
And I will be your seed.”

She could already hear many praying
And although they had not seen her face.
They were praying for her safe arrival
They were asking for mercy and grace.
“What talent do I leave with Lord?
What gift do you impart?”
“All that you will need,” God said,
“I’ve placed within your heart.”

And so God kissed this tiny child
Knowing all that she would be
And whispered as he watched her go,
“You’ll teach them to see me.”

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.
Psalm 139:16

How Has God Kissed Your Child?

Does Stephanie’s poem resonate with you? If you like, leave a comment about how God kissed your child.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts