Why God Allows Children to Suffer

Why God Allows Children to Suffer

Why God Allows Children to Suffer

A very brave mom asked the question many parents of kids with special needs are scared to ask. She wanted to know why God allows children to suffer. God didn’t answer that question, but what He said brought me and many others to tears.

For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things,
and through whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory,
to perfect the author of their salvation through sufferings….
For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, 
He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.
Hebrews 2: 10 & 18

“I don’t believe in God,” she said, “How can I believe in Someone who lets me and my son suffer so much?”

The audience attending a panel discussion about why God allows children to suffer gave a collective gasp. The other panel members tried to answer her question, but her body language said she wasn’t listening.

My friend and I found her afterwards. We hugged her and thanked her for her honestly. We told her we and wrestled with the same question. We gave her our room number and offered to talk to her any time.

We made the offer on Tuesday evening, and for the next four days of family camp in Pelchi, Latvia, she avoided us. She was polite in the cafeteria and friendly when she relayed our appointment times at the mom’s spa she had created. But she didn’t come to our support group meetings for moms. And she never stopped by our room for a chat.

My friend and I prayed for her all week. We asked our prayer partners in the states to pray for her. But by Saturday morning, the last full day of camp which included our last support group meeting, nothing had changed.

This hurting mom was on my mind as I opened to the chapters listed in my read-through-the-Bible plan. As I read Hebrews 1–4, verses 2:10 and 2:18 jumped off the page and into my heart. I copied them into my journal and quickly filled two pages with my thoughts and reflections.

Later that morning, she came to our final support group gathering. I opened my journal and, through our translator, shared the words God had spoken into my heart.
“If it was fitting for Jesus to suffer,” I said, “with my salvation in mind, then perhaps He is using my suffering as part of his salvation plan for others. Furthermore, even Jesus was tempted to sin by His suffering–to become bitter, to nurse anger and resentment and discontent. But, He resisted temptation and leaned into God. He trusted His Father to work good through His suffering and the evil that caused it.

“These verses don’t tell us why God allows children to suffer, or why he allows parents to suffer either. But the verses do tell us how to respond to suffering when it tempts us to sin. Like Jesus, we need to lean into God. We need to trust Him to work good through our pain and the pain of our children.

“The only way I can do that,” I said, blinking back tears, “is to remember that God is both Father and Son. He is a parent who watched His Son suffer so that I could become His child. He is also the Son who suffered on my behalf. He is the Father and Son who have experienced both my child’s suffering and my own. He is a God I can trust.”

She remained composed as I closed my notebook and the rest of us wiped our eyes and noses. But she came to stand beside me for our group picture, and her hugs for my friend and I were warm and long when we said good-bye.

“We will be praying for you and your son,” we said.

“Thank you,” she said and hugged us once more.

Would you pray with us, too?

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Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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A Special Needs Happy Ending

A Special Needs Happy Ending

A Special Needs Happy Ending

Once upon a time, in a tiny country church, a handsome man married a beautiful woman. The handsome man and the beautiful woman had three lovely daughters and a charming son. They were a healthy, loving family and could have lived happily ever after in their own little house, in their own little world.

But they chose to do more.

You see, the woman had a sister. This sister was sturdy and strong and married to a jolly, gregarious man. The sister and husband had two shy daughters and a hearty son. When their children were very young, the jolly man started to stumble when he walked. His vision blurred. His limbs felt numb and tingly. So he went to the doctor and was told he had multiple sclerosis. Very soon, the jolly man couldn’t walk or work. He was in a wheelchair. And his family nearly lost its bearings.

That’s when the other family chose to do more.

The handsome man and the beautiful woman, their three lovely daughters and charming son stepped in, and in innumerable ways, gave back to the strong sister and her jolly husband, their nieces, and nephews much of what multiple sclerosis had snatched away.

The beautiful woman babysat when her sister went back to work.
The handsome man climbed up on a roof with his children, his nieces and nephew so they could see the view.

To read the rest of this post visit Key Ministry’s website for parents of kids with special needs.

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Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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A Special Needs Prayer: Just a Bit Longer

A Special Needs Prayer: Just a Bit Longer

A Special Needs Prayer: Just a Bit Longer

The special needs prayer of one parent may be different from the prayer of others. But for parents raising kids with complex medical problems, their prayer is similar to the request their children make when it’s time to leave the park or the pool or other play. Please, please. Just a bit longer?  Guest blogger Stephanie Ballard explores that prayer in this poem.
 

A Special Needs Prayer: Just a Bit Longer

A picture perfect summer day
Spent playing at the park.
Soon it’s time to head on home,
It’s starting to get dark.
And so, I yell, “It’s time to go,”
(My child starts to cry.)
He looks at me with pleading eyes,
And then he asks me, “Why?”
Of all the answers in my mind,
None seems quite adequate.
I prepare for what I know will come:
A full blown crying fit.

He throws himself onto the ground,
Forgetting Mommy’s much stronger.
I lift him up into my arms.
He wails, “I wanna stay longer!”
And ask we walk on toward the car
He says, “Oh, Mommy, please?”
I say, “I’m sorry, sweetheart,”
Then give his hand a squeeze.
Strapped in his car seat,
We’re leaving the part of the day.
He’s giving me that petulant look
That says, “Why can’t I have my way?”

And as I’m driving homeward,
I think, “Imagine that!
I can be tough after all.
I have this drill down pat.
My child wants what he wants now.
He does not like to wait.
I see this trait within myself.
I can indeed relate.
He thinks that he will change my mind
With loud, persuasive tears.
And yet, this seems to be the way
That I bring God my fears.

In the moment…

I watched him swimming in the pool,
All giggles, kicks, and splashes.
And i could see my life with him,
A thousand tiny flashes.
And when we read his favorite book,
He turned each page with care.
I thought about my hopes for him,
While knowing life’s not fair.
He wrapped his arms around my neck,
Lips puckered for a kiss.
I know I’d give all I have
For more times just like this.

He may not always be with me;
Life isn’t always kind.
Then I will have just memories
Etched in the depths of my mind.
“Take things one day at a time,”
Someone once said to me.
But I would give most anything
To just have…certainty.

And as we walked along the beach,
His tiny hand in mine,
I thought, “I love these moments
When everything is fine.”
He plops onto the sandy shore
And scoops a handful of sand.
Somehow I know God’s watching
This life he so carefully planned.
I know there are no guarantees
Of what tomorrow holds,
But I am filled with gratitude
As each new day unfolds.

These moments make it all so clear.
And no, I’m not wise or stronger.
I am just God’s child myself
Always asking, “Please just a bit longer?”

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Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

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Keep Hoping for Our Children with Special Needs

Keep Hoping for Our Children with Special Needs

Keep Hoping for Our Children with Special Needs

Guest blogger Maggi Gale shares a word of hope for a future and a fortress for our children with special needs. Enjoy!

Keep Hoping

Be careful what you hope for! There are times though, that it’s even more important to be careful to keep hoping than to be careful what you hope for!

So what are you hoping for?
Hoping for the day he will come home from hospital…
Hoping the nightmares will stop…
Hoping for her to go to a “normal” school…

Or, as in the case of our friends whose daughter has been diagnosed with pervasive refusal syndrome, hoping for her to be willing and able to start living her life again.

We recently visited a fort, surrounded by the craggy Hajar mountains, bleak and foreboding in the relentless Arabian heat. Built in the late eighteenth century, the thick mud brick and stone walls made it a secure retreat. Standing on the lookout, I could almost hear the cry of the enemy advancing and see the arrows being fired through angled slat windows.

This fortress was a place of security.

The windows were too narrow to allow ammunition inwards. Here, there was no need to fear. A confined place, but one of safety.

Comfortable?
Not at all.
A place to wait for danger to pass.
A place essential for survival.

We've all been told to be careful what we hope for. But, guest blogger Maggie Gale reminds us that it's even more important to keep hoping for our kids with special needs.

Zachariah speaks of hope as a fortress. “Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.”

If hope is a fortress, it’s one we can choose to retreat to by holding onto the promises that God has spoken to us. To confine ourselves within the framework of His word and to an awareness that despite every, everything, there is a loving God.

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
 so great is his unfailing love.
 He does not willingly bring affliction
 or grief to anyone.

The alternative to hope is as hostile as the Hajar mountains.
Today, be careful that you keep hoping.

We've all been told to be careful what we hope for. But, guest blogger Maggie Gale reminds us that it's even more important to keep hoping for our kids with special needs.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Maggi is a wife and mother of two daughters. She is a primary school teacher, having worked in Africa for 14 years before moving to the Middle East. Her passions are her animals and art. Her youngest daughter was born with tracheoesophageal fistula (TEF). This birth condition was to be the start of an arduous journey, impacting the whole family for several years. Through writing, she hopes to turn her experiences into encouragement for others on similar paths.

Author Jolene Philo

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When Special Needs Parenting Brings Too Much New

When Special Needs Parenting Brings Too Much New

When Special Needs Parenting Brings Too Much New

Our family moved in January. Since the day we left the community we called home for 25 years, I’ve struggled to regain my equilibrium. I’ve finally pinpointed the malady causing this lack of balance and affectionately named it…

Too Much New.

Some of the new is time-consuming:
New address notifications,
new routes to new stores and services,
new routines to create and perfect.

Some of the new is expensive:
New curtains and shades,
new gadgets,
new paint and trim.

Some of the new is delightful:
New scenery,
new walking trails,
new trees and flowers in a new yard.

The constant navigating of too much new–both what’s delightful and what’s not–leaves me exhausted at the end of each day.

I haven’t felt this off-kilter in a long time. Not since when we were 25, and our our first child was born. In a heartbeat, we were parents of a child with a medical diagnosis we hadn’t known existed. We were knocked completely off balance as we arrived in the land of…

Too Much New.  

Some of the new was frightening:
New medical terms and procedures,
new chances for survival–or not,
new complications and set backs.

Some of the new was expensive:
New doctor bills,
new prescriptions and supplies,
new travel and food costs.

Some of the new was delightful:
A new baby,
new milestones as he overcame health challenges,
new unexpected friendships.

To read the rest of this post, visit this link at Key Ministry’s special needs blog for families.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Discovering a New Normal after a Special Needs Diagnosis

Discovering a New Normal after a Special Needs Diagnosis

Discovering a New Normal after a Special Needs Diagnosis

Discovering a new normal after a special needs diagnosis. Guest blogger Kathy McClelland’s addresses that aspect of special needs parenting, along with many others, in her new book, Beauty in Broken Dreams: A Hopeful Handbook for the Early Years as a Special Needs Parent. Today, she’s graciously sharing an excerpt from the book with Different Dream readers. Enjoy!

Discovering a New Normal After a Special Needs Diagnosis

After my second son was born with severe disabilities I knew my life would never be the same. I expected to have another perfectly typical child, but when he was born I quickly learned that our life would never be “normal.” This process involved grieving the life I was expecting and all the dreams I was imagining. My life, and my son’s life, had to be re-imagined into something more beautiful than I saw at the outset of his diagnosis.

Discovering a New Normal One Day at a Time

Accepting a new normal doesn’t happen quickly, at least it didn’t for me. Once I realized that I didn’t need to accept everything about my son’s disabilities immediately, I felt more free. I didn’t want my fear of the future to rob me of sweet moments with my baby. After all, you can’t get that first year back. So I tried to adopt a “one day at a time” mentality. Enjoying today. Doing what I needed to do to make it through today and trusting God for what I needed in the future.

This has been something I’ve had to preach to myself over and over again. I tend to live in the future. I’m constantly trying to plan and prepare for what’s to come. For me to live in the moment and deal with the present is much harder. And honestly, I didn’t think there was much good that could come from a baby with special needs, especially as he got older and I envisioned all of the extra effort and resources he would require. I realized if I didn’t stay in the moment, then life was going to pass right by before I could even enjoy what I was preparing for.

During that first year of Nathan’s life I reconnected with a friend of mine who had a child with Down syndrome. I wanted to tap into all of her knowledge and experience and emotions that come with having a child with special needs. Shortly after we reconnected, she got a devastating diagnosis. Breast cancer. The worst kind. Her diagnosis hit me especially hard. Not just because she was my friend whom I loved, but also because it enforced a truth I already knew, but didn’t want to believe. That is, there is no cap on the amount of hard things that you may have to endure during your lifetime. You don’t reach a quota and then you stop dealing with hard things.

The Fear of the Future is Often Worse Than the Experience Itself

Once again it put me in that place of fearing the future and not engaging the moment. However, in the midst of her illness she said some things I will remember forever. One is that “the fear of the future is often worse than the experience itself.” This is true because we can build something up to be such a monster in our heads. It’s awful and terrible and scary. And God is not there in that imaginative nightmare we’ve created. Psalm 42 says that God is an ever present help in trouble. He’s in the moment you’re living presently. He’s gone before you too but you are not omnipresent like God. You are able to only live in one place at a time. And that’s right now.

Are you looking for a new normal since your child's special needs diagnosis? Kathy McClelland's new handbook was written to help parents in your situation.

There is an Upside to Every Circumstance

The second thing she told me that has stuck is “there is an upside to every circumstance.” After her chemotherapy, she said, “I’d rather have hair, but there are upsides to not having hair.” And I’ve translated that to “I’d rather have my child eat by mouth, but there are upsides to a g-tube.” He can eat in the car. I can feed him overnight. I can easily hand him over to someone else to hold since I’m not nursing him. I don’t have to cook elaborate baby foods or cut up food into super small pieces. There are upsides.

Things that aren’t normal eventually become normal to you because you do them over and over again. You master them and incorporate them into your life and routine. And it works for your family. If you can get past the stares and the judgments of other people, then you can embrace the beauty of different and see God’s blessings in your new normal.

You make known to me the path of life:
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11 (NIV)

 

 

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Kathy McClelland is the author of Beauty in Broken Dreams: A Hopeful Handbook for the Early Years as a Special Needs Parent. Her second son was born with a rare (1 in 50,000 births) chromosomal disorder which catapulted her into the world of special needs parenting. A former marketing manager, she is a regular contributor to PreemieBabies101.com and has published on TheMighty.com and EllenStumbo.com. She lives with her husband and sons in Austin, Texas. You can find her on Facebook at Kathy McClelland and on Instagram at kathy_allthingsbeautiful.

Author Jolene Philo

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