This Thanksgiving I’m Grateful for Grief

by jphilo | Nov 25, 2024 | Different Dream, Grief, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting, Spiritual Support

This Thanksgiving I’m Grateful for Grief

This Thanksgiving I’m grateful for grief. That statement is going to make family members scratch their heads when we celebrate the holiday together and I announce that this Thanksgiving I’m grateful for grief. Chances are, those words are making you, as a family caregiver well acquainted with grief, scratch your head as well.

Five years ago, grief wouldn’t have topped my thankfulness list. Not because I lacked experience with grief…

…starting as a child in a home where caring for an ill father was our family’s chief concern,

…then as young parent caring for a medically fragile baby,

…and finally, as one of three adult children managing our mother’s care as her health failed.

During those days of constant caregiving, grief was my frequent companion. I had little time or energy to address it. Only now, with both my parents released from long suffering and our son an independent adult, have I been able to reflect upon my grief. What I have discovered in the process is yielding a cornucopia of blessings that explain why this Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for grief. I’d like to share just 3 of them with you.

My dad lived with multiple sclerosis for 38 years. For 24 of them he lived in the home where my siblings and I were raised. When his needs grew too much for Mom to handle, he resided in a long-term care facility for 14 years. Every day he lost something to his terrible disease. Dad could have complained about what he could no longer do. Instead, he joked about his fumbling fingers. He grinned wide at visitors and caregivers when he couldn’t remember their names.

To read the rest of This Thanksgiving I’m grateful for Grief, visit the Hope Anew website.

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Photo by Mon Esprit on Unsplash

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly with Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dig!, the fourth book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2024.

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The Power Names Have for Kids with Disabilities and Special Needs

The power names have for kids with disabilities and special needs is rarely given the attention it deserves. In this post, guest blogger Heather Braucher reflects upon the positive and negative power names associated with our children and their disabilities have on them.

The verb form of the word “name” means to be given a name or named.

When something is given a name, the significance is anything but temporary. In fact, it has compounding effects.

The word name, though simple and common, is included in many significant expressions. Their implications, however, aren’t simple. For example…

“I can’t put a name to it…”

“I need to clear my name…”

“I want to make a name for myself…”

And the simple and most universal one—

“What’s your name?”

Names carry weight and power. I think that’s why parents take painstaking efforts when deciding what to name their children.

We named our first son with my husband’s middle name, we named our youngest son after the city where we met, and we named our firstborn daughter Gracelyn to ensure that we would never forget to parent with grace.

We are raising our children to know the meaning of their names and their significance. We have also been teaching them about our surname—Braucher.

We want them to know that their family name brings with it a place they belong, endless love and values. We want them to know what it means to us and ultimately what we hope it will mean to them.

Our children have experienced many other names. Some received. Some digested. Some deflected. Always impactful. Here are a few:

- Sensory Processing Disorder
- ADHD
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- Anxiety
- Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
- Bilateral Sensorineural Hearing Loss
- Deaf and Hard of Hearing
- Usher’s Syndrome
- Cochlear Implant Recipient
- Other Impairment
- Special Needs
- Disabilities
- Extra
- Dysfunctional

These names brought heartache, relief, and peace.

Heartache when the diagnosis brings news like this: “Your son’s hearing loss is caused by a genetic syndrome that also causes vision loss.”

As strange as it sounds, the names also brought relief. After years of speech therapy with no progress and not knowing what to do, a name brought with it direction and support!

The Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis brought peace when the puzzle symbol for Autism brought with it a whole new meaning. The name brought clarity to the collection of diagnoses from previous years. And an unexpected release from the condemnation and all too common advice that “his behaviors will change if you just discipline more.”

As parents, our hearts long to understand our children, to help them see their strengths, and support them in their weakness. We want to raise them this way so they will recognize their strengths and weaknesses on their own. We seek medical advice, spiritual guidance, nutritional support, and wise counsel and use it all to gain wisdom and understanding in an effort to care for our children to the best of our ability.

All that we learn becomes a continuum. What we knew about our children earlier might be different from what we know now because we have been exposed to new information or other methods.

We also remember that these names attached to our children have power.

The power to help, to heal, and sometimes to acquire life-changing support.

The power to hurt, and stigmatize, and limit one’s view if used without love and wisdom.

My prayer is…

that no matter what you or your children have been named, you will all find your identity in the God who created you,

that you let the name of God be the one that leads you and your children,

that the power names have for kids with disabilities is rooted in the name that matters most—Child of God.

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Heather Braucher is a member of the “Braucher Bunch” aka her energetic family of 5. The bunch includes her husband and their three children, all of whom are dominant and extroverted and are going to change the world (if she can keep them alive!) She has always held a passion for writing, but motherhood has given her a reason to share her experiences, heartaches, and victories with others. In her writing you will hear stories of hope as well as grief, as her family has navigated life in ministry in the US and overseas, all while discovering that 2 of her children have special needs. Her desire is to provide others with connection, understanding, encouragement and laughter, all washed with the love of Christ.