Preventing Burn Out While Parenting a Child with Special Needs

by jphilo | Oct 10, 2019 | Different Dream, Self-Care and Stress

Preventing Burn Out While Parenting a Child with Special Needs

Preventing burn out while parenting a child with special needs is crucial for both parent and child. Dr. Liz Matheis, today’s guest blogger, shares 2 strategies caregiving parents can implement to stay mentally and physically strong for their kids.

As a parent of a child with special needs, you are on duty 24/7 with no sick or vacation days. Days become weeks and weeks become years and burn out becomes inevitable if you don’t take care of yourself.

I know what you’re thinking. Easier said than done.

But preventing burn out while parenting a child with special needs is just as important as caring for your child. If you are sleep-deprived, fatigued, or feeling anxious or depressed, your ability to tend to your child is compromised. So, if you need momentum and motivation to come from your child, here it is! Take care of yourself so you can take care of your child. These 2 strategies can help.

#1: Ask For Help

If you have social or family support that is available to you, I encourage you to take advantage of it. If you have a friend or family member who is offering to help in the care of your child, take it. Set up a schedule where a family member cares for your child while you care for your other children. Or take time to run errands by yourself or read a book at your local coffee shop.

I’ve heard parents say, “I don’t like to ask for help. I think I can do it all by myself,” too often. You need to leave this mindset behind and ask for help. If you do not have help from a person who lives outside your home, set up a system with your partner. Tag team who is on duty and who needs to take a break for the sake of each other’s sanity! For example, divide a task that is labor intensive, like bed time, so you are rotating each night or every two nights.

#2: Take a Daily Break

Quiet time is important for you and for your family members because it gives the physical signal that the day is coming to an end, but it also gives you time to disconnect from the day and all of the stimulation that came with it. This may be your time to process the day so that you are not waking up in the middle of the night thinking of solutions or worrying about a situation or potential situation. To make quiet time happen, decide on a time to shut down the house and set aside time to decompress every evening.

You may choose to do this as a family or as the adult(s) in the house. For example, you may decide that by 7 in the evening, you will stop making lunches and washing dishes, dim the lights, and engage in an electronic-free activity.

Your self care is just as important as the care of your child. Preventing burn out while parenting a child with special needs requires investing in yourself as much as you invest in your child. Asking for help and taking a daily break are ways of making small investments that pay big dividends for you and your child.

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Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.

Author Jolene Philo

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Is Being a Special Needs Parent Worth It?

Is being a special needs parent worth it? Guest blogger Mark Arnold answers the question from his vantage point as parent to James, his son with significant special needs. Read on to see what this 17 year veteran caregiver has to say.

Is Being a Special Needs Parent Worth It?

This question lurks in the heart of every special needs parent. We keep it down, out of sight. But every now and then when we are tired beyond our ability to cope, knocked down by bad news, clearing up something we hoped to never see again, the question sneaks out of hiding and yells, “Is being a special needs parent worth it?”

Perhaps never before has humanity lived in such a self-centered, self-obsessed, self-serving, narcissistic society as we do now. Advertising is filled with slogans such as “Because you’re worth it!” and “It’s all about you!”

What does any of this have to do with parenting children with special needs?

Well, parenting is life changing. It alters everything. The focus of our lives becomes less about ourselves and more about the child we’ve brought into the world. The level of care required, the sacrifices that need to be made, the time invested, and increases exponentially.

Our son James is 17. His special needs require a level of care that would be typical for a 3-year-old. He cannot be left unsupervised, has no real sense of danger, and requires a high level of personal care. A great deal of juggling is required to get through each day. In our world the self-centered, self-obsessed advertising is irritating white noise; irrelevant and without a place in our situation. Our focus simply cannot be on ourselves. It has to be on our children, particularly James as his needs are so much greater.

However we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jesus’ message of selflessness, putting others first, serving others, loving others, is also counter-cultural in today’s society. As Matthew puts it in his gospel, “Be like the Son of Man. He did not come to be served. Instead, he came to serve others. He came to give his life as the price for setting many people free.” Matthew 20:28 (NIV)

Serving our child, loving our child, self-sacrifice for the benefit of our child–Jesus is the model we follow as special needs parents. The narrative of Jesus is more relevant, more inspirational, more aspirational, and more needed than the cultural obsession with self that surrounds us.

What about you? Where do you see yourself in this? Are you on the same journey?

Whatever your context, the counter-cultural message of Jesus shines through. Put your children before yourself, love your children for who they are, be self-sacrificing, serve their needs.

Let’s continue to be counter-cultural, revolutionary, rejecting the narcissistic, selfish, self-obsessed, self-serving culture that society would have us embrace.

Let’s be better people, the people we should be, the people we are called to be, loving each other, serving others not ourselves. Let that be the case for the children we care for, whether they are our own or not–because they are worth it!

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Mark Arnold is the Additional Needs Ministry Director at Urban Saints, a leading national Christian children’s and youth organization. He is co-founder of the Additional Needs Alliance, a national and international advocate for children and young people with additional needs or disabilities. Mark is a Churches for All and Living Fully Network partner, a member of the Council for Disabled Children and the European Disability Network. He writes an additional needs column for Premier Youth and Children’s Work (YCW) magazine and blogs at The Additional Needs Blogfather, He is father to James, who has autism spectrum condition, associated learning disability, and epilepsy. To find out more about how Mark’s work can help you, contact him at: marnold@urbansaints.org or @Mark_J_Arnold.