Resolving Past Trauma from the Inside Out Through Therapy

Resolving Past Trauma from the Inside Out Through Therapy

Resolving Past Trauma from the Inside Out Through Therapy

Welcome to the final post in the Inside Out Special Needs Parenting series. The purpose of the series has been to equip parents to recognize and resolve their own past traumas so they can parent their children effectively. The previous article in this series, Resolving Past Trauma from the Inside Out Through Self-Understanding provided parents with resources they can use to process past traumas.

Sometimes, parents need a professional to help with accessing and resolving past trauma. Thankfully, several new treatments for trauma have recently been developed and tested and have been proven to be very effective. Effective treatments have one thing in common. They rely on more than talk to access and process past events. Here are a few promising therapies linked to more information about each one.

  1. Somatic Experiencing
  2. Guided Imagery, Creative Visualization, and Hypnosis
  3. Neurofeedback
  4. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

Each of these methods is explained in greater detail in Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal by Donna Jackshon Nakazawa. It’s an informative and interesting read. Another book that provides the most thorough summary of the history of trauma treatment and reviews each treatment method in great detail is The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. And here’s a final reminder about the book that led to the inside out parenting series–Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel Seigel and Mary Hartzell.

Checking out these resources and resolving past trauma through therapy may seem like a daunting task. But remember, your primary motivation for doing the work is to raise kids who thrive. But as you work to make life better for them, the self-understanding you gain will make your life better, too.

Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 1
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 2
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 3
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 4
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 5
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 6
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 7
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 8

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Attachment Categories in Children & Inside Out Special Needs Parenting

Attachment Categories in Children & Inside Out Special Needs Parenting

Attachment Categories in Children & Inside Out Special Needs Parenting

Welcome back for another installment in Different Dream’s occasional series about special needs parenting from the inside out. So far the series has looked at basic functions of the parts of the brain, high road and low road parenting, the difference between implicit and explicit memory, and the brain’s 7 instinctual responses to perceived danger. Those posts provide basic background information about how the brain works.

Today’s post moves on from how the brain reacts to trauma and looks at how those brain responses affect behavior. One of the things I learned during the research for the book, Does My Child Have PTSD? What To Do When Your Child Is Hurting from the Inside Out, was the important role parents can play in helping their children process traumatic events. The ability of parents to assist children in trauma recovery often depends on the parents’ own experiences as children. Those experiences can affect the parents’ relationships with children and children’s relationships with their parents.

Four Attachment Categories in Children

Psychologists categorize these relationships into 4 basic categories of attachment in children. (Attachment is the word used in the world of psychology for “love” or “bonding.”) In their book, Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive, Dr. Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell describe 4 attachment categories in children, as does Alison Gopnik in her fascinating book, The Philosophical Baby. These attachment categories in children affect how they view and respond to the world.

Secure Attachment:

When parents are attuned to their children’s needs, children feel connected. This allows children to develop internal balance that leads to emotional regulation and flexibility so that they have a sense of coherence in their minds. Secure attachment enables kids to seek proximity to parent, go to parent as a safe haven, and makes their relationship with the parent a secure base and a model to follow.

Avoidant Attachment:

Not all parents are able to connect with their children enough to create a secure attachment. If the parent or primary caregiver is often unavailable and/or rejecting, either by choice or circumstance, a child may become avoidantly attached. These children avoid closeness and emotional connection with parent because they know that interacting with the parent often leads to more misery instead of comfort.

Ambivalent Attachment:

Other parents are available to their children, but communicate with them inconsistently. Sometimes they’re attentive, understanding parents. At other times, they’re aloof and dismissive. Or they might also become critical and demanding. In this situation, children become anxious and uncertain because they’re never sure if they can depend on their parents. And they don’t know what to expect from them. These children are often insecure and anxious.

Disorganized Attachment:

In the two previous categories, children have at least some positive interaction with parents.  But, if a parent becomes the primary source of alarm and confusion in a child’s life because the parent’s behavior is repeatedly frightening and chaotic, a child has no safe place. The person who is supposed to be the source of security is a source of terror, someone to turn away from rather than to. In that situation, the child is stuck and develops a disorganized attachment. These children are at exceedingly high risk of being traumatized.

Your Attachment Category?

With those categories in mind, now’s the time for you to reflect upon your childhood experiences and which attachment category best describes you. The next post in this series will discuss how childhood attachment affects a person’s parenting ability.

Your Thoughts about Attachment Categories in Children?

Do you have insights or questions about any of the attachment categories in children? Feel free to share them in the comment box.

Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 1
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 2
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 3
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 4
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 5

Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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7 Ways the Brain Responds to Traumatic Events

7 Ways the Brain Responds to Traumatic Events

7 Ways the Brain Responds to Traumatic Events

Have you ever wondered how the brain responds to traumatic events? Thanks to decades of research and the advent of medical imaging techniques, mental health care professionals have more answers to that question than ever before. This month’s video for Rising Above Ministries summarizes seven ways the brain responds to traumatic events or perceived danger.

To watch the video click on 7 Ways the Brain Responds to Traumatic Events.

You can find more information about this subject in the Different Dream blog post, A Look Inside: The Brain’s Response to Childhood Trauma.  For even more information, check out  Does My Child Have PTSD? which has a chapter devoted to the topic.

For the rest of the RAM videos in this series, check out these links:

Episode 1: Special Needs Parenting Is Different Dream Living
Episode 2: Childhood Trauma by any Other Name Is Still Traumatic
Episode 3: Myths about PTSD in Children, Part 1
Episode 4: Myths about PTSD in Children, Part 2
Episode 5: The Surprising Causes of PTSD in Children

Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Inside Out Special Needs Parenting: 7 Stages of Trauma Response

Inside Out Special Needs Parenting: 7 Stages of Trauma Response

Inside Out Special Needs Parenting: 7 Stages of Trauma Response

Today’s post is the fifth installment in a series about special needs parenting from the inside out. The series is the result of what I learned while researching Does My Child Have PTSD? What To Do When Your Child Is Hurting from the Inside Out.

The Seven Stages of Trauma Response

Our brains go through seven stages of trauma response when we can’t escape a perceive danger. These seven stages are explained in the Intensive Trauma Response (ITR) model developed by Dr. Louis Tinnin and Linda Gantt, the founders of Intensive Trauma Therapy (ITT), an outpatient trauma clinic located in Morgantown, West Virginia.

These stages are automatic and instinctual for newborns, infants, toddlers, children, adolescents, and adults who go through trauma. This post focuses how each trauma response is experienced in those under age 18. Parents familiar with these seven stages will better equipped to deal with their kids’ behavior during and after traumatic events.

Trauma Response #1: Startle

Startle is the quick, intense response which puts the body on high alert. Baby fingers splay, arms go rigid, and the babies cry. Toddlers, children, and teens tend to jump and gasp. Their hearts pound and their palms turn sweaty about things that adults shake off.

Trauma Response #2: Thwarted Intention

After the initial startle, the body releases a surge of hormones to prepare for fight or flight. When fight or flight aren’t possible, the thwarted intention response kicks in. As kids grow, they become strong enough to hide from perceived danger, to pitch magnificent fits, or to fight back. But babies can’t do any of those things. Therefore, the younger or more helpless children are in any given scary situation, the more like they are to reach the stage of thwarted intention.

Trauma Response #3: Freeze

When intentions are thwarted and there’s no hope of escape, the brain enters the freeze state. The body goes numb and immobile, at least for a moment or two. Children who experience similar, repeated traumas go through the two previous steps so quickly and automatically they may appear to have skipped them completely. They may freeze at the slightest hint of threat. No jump. No gasp. No attempt to fight or run. Their brains freeze and go offline for a while.

Trauma Response #4: Altered State of Consciousness

If the freeze state lasts for more than a few moments, the brain enters an altered state of consciousness. Adults often describe this state as watching a movie of themselves or the feeling of shrinking deep inside their bodies. When threatened, babies disengage and shut out the threat often through gaze aversion. Older children enter this stage by telling themselves, “This can’t be happening. It must be a dream.” Many children escape the situation through daydreaming.

Trauma Response #5: Bodily Sensations

These bodily sensations can be experienced during different stages in the ITR model. All of them are stored as non-verbal memories in the right brain. They remain there as sensations that can’t be put it into words. This step is especially risky from birth to age three because young children have no words. The memories are like terrifying movies playing over and over inside the brain. As children get older, their rational mind can’t explain these sensations, so many adolescents think they’re going crazy.

Trauma Response #6: Automatic Obedience

This instinctual response causes a person to automatically obey a perpetrator’s demands in order to survive the immediate threat. For children in life and death situations, automatic obedience is an appropriate survival response. Therefore, babies undergoing hospital procedures learn to lie quietly when people hurt them. Toddlers surrender when grown-ups touch their private parts. Young children do whatever their parents say to avoid a beating or verbal abuse. Automatic obedience is often the only survival weapon children have until their old enough or big enough to fight back.

Trauma Response #7: Self-Repair

After the threat passes, children tend to the emotional and physical wounds of trauma. Children instinctually seek out a favorite blankie, a stuffed animal or people they trust to comfort them. Sleeping, eating, rocking, going to a quiet place, and washing are other forms of self-repair. Young children revert to sucking their thumbs again or using a bottle instead of a sippy cup. Older children regress to baby talk or demand a nightlight at bedtime. These behaviors are attempts to return to a safer, more comfortable time before the trauma happened.

Hope for Traumatized Kids

Keep a few things in mind while reflecting on these seven stages. First, all children face perceived threats and go through these stages. But research shows that children who have a compassionate, calm parent or caregiver to help them process the event are much less likely to experience long term mental health issues. Second, children dealing with unresolved trauma or PTSD that develops from it can be successfully treated by trained trauma treatment professionals.

The next post in this series will look at symptoms of PTSD in children from birth to age 3, ages 4 to 6, 7 to 12, and 13-18. Until then, you can learn more about the seven stages described above in The Instinctual Response and Dual-Brain Dynamics: A Guide for Trauma Therapy by Dr. Louis Tinnin and Linda Gantt, and in Does My Child Have PTSD? What To Do When Your Child Is Hurting from the Inside Out by Jolene Philo.

Your Thoughts?

Do you have insights or questions about the seven stages of the ITR model? Feel free to share them in the comment box.

Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 1
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 2
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 3
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 4

Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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The Surprising Causes of PTSD in Children

The Surprising Causes of PTSD in Children

The Surprising Causes of PTSD in Children

Who wants to believe that kids, even very young ones, can develop PTSD? I certainly don’t. But as my family knows, many children do develop PTSD. And because children are small and vulnerable and dependent, the causes of PTSD in children can be very surprising. The latest video in my series at Rising Above Ministries (RAM) about PTSD in children takes a look at what can cause PTSD in infants, toddlers, school-aged children, and teens.

To watch the video click on The Surprising Causes of PTSD in Children.

You can find more information about this subject in the Different Dream blog post, What Causes PTSD in Children? Causes of PTSD in children is discussed in even greater detail in the book, Does My Child Have PTSD?

For the rest of the RAM videos in this series, check out these links:

Episode 1: Special Needs Parenting Is Different Dream Living
Episode 2: Childhood Trauma by any Other Name Is Still Traumatic
Episode 3: Myths about PTSD in Children, Part 1
Episode 4: Myths about PTSD in Children, Part 2

Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Inside Out Special Needs Parenting: Implicit and Explicit Memory

Inside Out Special Needs Parenting: Implicit and Explicit Memory

Inside Out Special Needs Parenting: Implicit and Explicit Memory

This Different Dream post is the fourth installment in a series about special needs parenting from the inside out. The series is the result of what I learned while researching Does My Child Have PTSD? What To Do When Your Child Is Hurting from the Inside Out.

Today, we’re taking a look at the two kinds of memories present in all of us: implicit and explicit. The day I learned about implicit and explicit memories was an “aha” moments for me. Once you understand the basics of implicit and explicit memories, you’ll see why some of the things your kids say and do push your buttons and lead you down the low road of special needs parenting.

Implicit Memory and Special Needs Parenting

Have you ever heard someone state that children don’t remember anything that happens to them from birth to about age 3? My husband and I were told that often during the hospital stays and surgeries that were part of our son’s life for about four years, starting the day he was born. That was in 1982, and since then much has been learned about the true nature of memory in young children.

The truth is that we all remember what happened in the first few years of life. Child psychiatrist Daniel Siegel explains how this happens Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive.

Siegel describes implicit memory as “a form of nonverbal memory that is present at birth and continues throughout the life span.” People aren’t aware that they are recalling something from the past because the events aren’t remembered as events but as emotions, bodily sensations, and perceptions.

Explicit Memory and Special Needs Parenting

Explicit memory begins when a part of the brain called the hippocampus begins to create new circuits sometime after kids turn one. Explicit memory has two components. The first is factual memory, which develops around a year and a half. Young children use it to record names of things like flower, cow, and kitty. The second component of explicit memory is “autobiographical memory, which begins to develop sometime after the second birthday.” When we talk about our earliest memories, these are the ones that come to mind–the first few frames of the movie that is the story of our lives.

Implicit Memories Can Mess with Your Head

An explanation of implicit and explicit memory reveals why people sometimes take the low road and have no idea why. Because we’re all nonverbal until around age three—about the same time explicit memory kicks in—most of our early memories are stored as images, smells, and sounds. Including the frightening, wordless ones buried inside us. Once triggered by situations involving our kids and the actions of our children, even the best moms and dads can flip their lids and land on the special needs parenting low road…and deeply regret those behaviors later.

The next post in this series will look at the Intensive Trauma Response (ITR) model, which explains what goes on inside the brain when frightening memories are triggered, in people of all ages. Until then, you can learn more about implicit and explicit memory in Daniel Siegel explains how this happens in Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel Siegel and Does My Child Have PTSD? What To Do When Your Child Is Hurting from the Inside Out by Jolene Philo.

Your Insights?

Did today’s Inside Out Special Needs Parenting post result in any “aha” moments for you? Feel free to share them in the comment box.

Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 1
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 2
Inside Out Special Needs Parenting, Part 3

Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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