Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered my PTSD

Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered my PTSD

by | May 22, 2015 | Different Dream, In Parents, PTSD

Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered my PTSD

Thank you for stopping by Different Dream to check out today’s post in our ongoing series about PTSD in parents of kids with special needs. In this post, Jolene dissects a headline that brought back memories of her newborn son’s hospitalization and threatened to trigger the PTSD she thought was long laid to rest.

Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered my PTSD

Yes, I admit it. This recent Huffington Post headline, Surprising Study Find that Newborns Feel Pain Just Like Adults, nearly sent me into a PTSD tailspin when I read it. Not because this topic is one I’ve pushed down deep inside. No, I talk about this topic when presenting workshops about medical trauma in kids. I’ve written blog posts about it. I spent a good portion of 2015 writing about how newborns feel pain in the upcoming book Does My Child Have PTSD: What to Do When Your Child Is Hurting from the Inside Out. Even so, that headline nearly triggered my PTSD. Here’s why:
  • The first line of the article. It begins like this. “Many doctors believe babies’ brains are not developed enough to feel pain…” The story gives the impression that this concept is a new discovery. But studies in the early 1980s conclusively proved that newborns feel pain. Conclusively enough that the American Academy of Pediatric Surgeons changed their surgery protocols in 1986.
  • The use of the word surprising. The fact that newborns feel pain is not surprising to any parent who has accidentally jabbed a newborn with a diaper pin or clipped a tiny cuticle with fingernail clippers. Nor should it be surprising to any medical worker who had drawn blood from a newborn or inserted an IV. We’ve all seen newborns respond to pain with screams and cries.
  • The words “new understanding.” As in “The new understanding of infant pain processing has some significant implications. For one, it suggests clinical guidelines for infants undergoing painful procedures should be revisited.” Instead of repeating what’s already been said, reread item #1 above.

How I Coped

I could go on. But in the interest of maintaining my mental health, I will instead explain how I coped with the headline instead of letting it trigger my PTSD.
  1. I showed the article to my husband. He agreed it showed a shocking lack of understanding of the medical advances about newborn pain in the last 3 decades. Knowing that my outrage was justified helped.
  2. I moved on to something else. Instead of dwelling on the article, I filed it in my blog post idea folder for later. Then, I thought about other, healthier things. Like my delicious new grandchildren. And preparing for speaking engagements.
  3. I returned to the article when I had a way to address it constructively. My way of addressing this trauma trigger was to write this post. To share with you this information in the hopes of helping families laboring under the misconceptions this article perpetuates.
  4. I looked for the positives. The biggest positive I identified was that my new book about PTSD in children is needed. Desperately needed. Realizing that truth renewed my resolve to share about the book whenever and wherever I can, even if people get sick of it. (If you are one of those people, please accept my sincere apologies.)

 How Do You Cope with PTSD Triggers?

Not every PTSD trigger is so easily dealt with, but I hope the above steps help you the next time you’re blindsided by a PTSD trigger. Now I’d love to hear how you cope when your PTSD is triggered. You can share your comments in the box below. Thanks!
Part 1: Special Needs Parents and PTSD Results Part 2: Special Needs Parents and PTSD–What About You Mom?
Part 3: PTSD in Parents–6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue
Part 4: 8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs Part 5: PTSD in Parents–Moving from Negative to Positive
Part 6: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing Part 7: PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool Part 8: Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered My PTSD
Part 9: Why Special Needs Parents with PTSD Should Watch Inside Out Part 10: Why Kids with PTSD Need Mentally Healthy Parents Part 11: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: Calling it Like It Is
Part 12: The Unseen Battle with PTSD
Part 13: Medically-Induced PTSD
 
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool

PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool

by | May 15, 2015 | Different Dream, In Parents, PTSD

PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool

Thank you for stopping by Different Dream for the latest post in our series about PTSD in parents of kids with special needs. Today’s post comes from Kim VanderSchelde. She’s mom to 3 great kids. Her daughter was diagnosed with pilocytic astocytoma in her brain stem at 17 months of age. Kim’s here to share a technique she uses to cope since her family doctor diagnosed her with PTSD.

PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool

When my family doctor suggested that I may be suffering from PTSD I thought that perhaps she had me confused with another patient that was in the military. I certainly had not been to war! She explained what PTSD was. Like many disorders and diseases that can’t be seen under a microscope, people sometimes have a difficult time accepting it a real. In my hours of reading up on it, I found articles by doctors who believe that the parents of children diagnosed with cancer can suffer from PTSD. I had trouble finding the same enthusiasm in Canada where I live. When I brought it up to a member of our daughter’s psychological team, I was told that Canadian research showed that parents have some of the symptoms of the disorder, but they were not severe enough to be classified as PTSD. My case was apparently was different because our daughter’s cancer diagnosis came while I was still grieving for my first husband who passed away suddenly 10 years earlier. After his death, I convinced myself that we would get through whatever life threw at us as long as we stayed positive. When my daughter was diagnosed with cancer, I had to stop focusing on everything all at once. We all know that there is no corner of our lives that our children’s illnesses have not affected. Finances, marriage, other children. The disappearance of friends and family. The more I thought about special needs parenting and PTSD, I realized that it truly is a disorder that involves war. Life is a fight each and everyday, regardless of the type of special needs our children have. They, too, are fighting a war against the monster within their bodies and we as parents are fighting all the symptoms of our PTSD. I learned to taking a deep breath before walking into the place where our life changed. Knowing that if I had a choice I would avoid going there again. The bad dreams. Closing my eyes only to be thrust back to that moment we first heard the word cancer and my child’s name in the same sentence.

Visualization: Four Steps Parents of Kids with Special Needs Can Use to Cope

I also I began using visualization, or imagery, a technique I had learned years before while trying to become pregnant. The best way I can find to describe it is “visualizing yourself somewhere that brings you peace.” You can use the same technique to cope with PTSD by following these steps.
  1. Find a place. Finding a quiet place to spend 20 minutes visualizing undisturbed is vital.
  2. Use music. If music is soothing to you, that can help while you are visualizing.
  3. Close your eyes and think of one place. Think of the one place where you are most relaxed. Or imagine yourself surrounded by your favorite flowers. Pretend you are lying on a blanket, picturing every detail of the blanket, as you stare up at the blue sky with white pillow-like clouds. So clear are those clouds that you can make out designs in them. You can hear, crickets or maybe bees flying from one flower to the next. Take a deep breath to smell the flowers you love.
  4. Take your time. Remember that visualizing is much like redecorating a room to your liking. So take some time to make it what relaxes you.
From one mom to every other parent dealing with the unique challenges of raising kids with special needs, I wish you peace of mind… even if only for 20 minutes at a time.

Tomorrow is going to come whether I am here or not. I am going to make my today play a part in the happiness of my family’s tomorrows. ~Kim VanderScheide

What’s Your Take on Visualization?

Have you used visualization to cope with the effects of trauma or PTSD? Was it helpful? How do you use it? What other coping skills do you recommend? Leave a comment.
Part 1: Special Needs Parents and PTSD Results Part 2: Special Needs Parents and PTSD–What About You Mom?
Part 3: PTSD in Parents–6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue
Part 4: 8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs Part 5: PTSD in Parents–Moving from Negative to Positive
Part 6: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing Part 7: PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool Part 8: Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered My PTSD
Part 9: Why Special Needs Parents with PTSD Should Watch Inside Out Part 10: Why Kids with PTSD Need Mentally Healthy Parents Part 11: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: Calling it Like It Is
Part 12: The Unseen Battle with PTSD
Part 13: Medically-Induced PTSD
 
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Kim VanderSchelde and her amazing husband are raising 3 strong children in Canada. Her daughter Olivia, age 10, was diagnosed with pilocytic astocytoma at 17 months and her prognosis was grim. Kim writes about her family’s journey at ourmilliondollarbaby.wordpress.com.

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PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing

PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing

by | May 8, 2015 | Different Dream, In Parents, PTSD

PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing

Welcome once again to Different Dream’s ongoing series about PTSD in parents of kids with special needs. (You’ll find links to the rest of the series at the bottom of the page.) Today’s guest post comes from Brandy Brow, mother of 7 children, one of whom has special needs. Her post provides hope for parents who wonder if they can ever heal from the trauma they experienced as special needs parents and suggests ways to prepare for it when it comes.

PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing

Before my daughter was born with complex medical problems, I loved being around people and willingly shared my personal experiences. After months of hospital admissions and doctors’ wrongful blame for her condition, I avoided people and shared nothing.

Four years later she was mostly outpatient with a new team in a different hospital and we could finally settle home, but I wasn’t the same. Whenever something required emotional engagement, I’d instinctively turn away inside and shut off. I’d become reticent and wanted to stay that way.

Perhaps this is you or someone you know. If so, please read on, because there is hope.

Why Should I Care Again?

Deep down, you don’t really want to feel nothing. You don’t even want to feel no more pain. What you really want to feel is happy and free again.

Yeah, right, you may be thinking. That’s long gone and not coming back.

I know how you feel. After I tried unsuccessfully to find solutions, I decided there wasn’t one, so the next best thing was to tamp down my emotions to keep pain at bay.

Sound familiar? But be honest—it doesn’t keep down everything.

Pain would periodically flash up through my careful defenses and sear me, and the more I clamped down, the more ruin it brought: I couldn’t work, communicate with people, or feel anymore, and it destroyed opportunities.

I couldn’t fix me and consequently lost hope, but that didn’t matter. Healing found me anyway.

This is why you should care again: Your healing is possible regardless of how you feel.

Relief In Brokenness

I always thought as a Christian that I was responsible to fix everything wrong in myself, but after life went so bad, I simply couldn’t. I was unable to do menial tasks, much less identify problems. That left me feeling like a bad person and a terrible Christian who was doomed to spend the rest of her life stupid and numb.

The truth is, sometimes we’re too broken to fix ourselves and we need someone else to put us back together. (And if any Christian thinks differently, consider, Jesus wouldn’t have died if people could atone for their own sins.)

That’s a vulnerable place to be, and the last thing we want to feel when we’re reticent, but it’s also freeing. It means we don’t have to fix something we’re incapable of fixing.

There Is Hope

Fortunately, we don’t have to search for healing. It comes on its own through unsuspecting people without needing our trust to do its work.
When I was most secluded, several people reached out to me in various ways that addressed inner problems I’d shared with no one. Their cumulative outreach breached my defenses and became liquid love dropping on the tundra of my heart. It brought out capsules of pain I’d been unable to see or handle, and they were shielded with that liquid love, which gave me the strength and support I needed to face, feel, and heal from the pain.

Neither they nor I could not have done that purposely. It was healing doing its work, sent from God above who alone knew my innermost thoughts and needs.
We may not be able to heal ourselves, but we can prepare ourselves to receive healing.

5 Ways Traumatized Special Needs Parents Can Prepare for Healing

  • Acknowledge Your Brokenness: Sometimes we don’t know we’re broken, can’t accept we’re broken, or we know we are but don’t want to admit it. You needn’t sound a trumpet about it, but be honest with yourself. If you aren’t working the way you normally would because of a trauma you sustained, admit it.
  • Release Yourself: PTSD is not your fault, and neither is that you haven’t fixed it. Let yourself be broken without condemning yourself for it. Struggles and needs is a sign of humanity, not sin.
  • Just Be: Quit striving. Be as you are, warts and all. You won’t stay this way forever because you’re alive and living beings change. Don’t despair if you can’t see it. Sometimes we’re like trees; our growth becomes apparent only after a lot of time passes.
  • Small Chunks: You may be able to take in only small pieces of information or do limited activities before you overload and shut off. That’s OK. Do daily what you are able within your means.
  • Rest in the Process: Healing takes time. Rushing it can stymy the process. You will find more peace if you accept and anticipate this, and let healing use all the time it needs to complete its perfect work.

I don’t know when your healing will come or how long it will take to complete, but prepare yourself and you’ll be ready for it. In fact, doing so may very well serve as its invitation.

Special Needs Parents, Do You Believe Healing Is Possible?

Do you truly believe healing is possible? What other questions do you have about self-healing and professional therapies for special needs parents? Leave them in the comment box.

Part 1: Special Needs Parents and PTSD Results
Part 2: Special Needs Parents and PTSD–What About You Mom?
Part 3: PTSD in Parents–6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue
Part 4: 8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs
Part 5: PTSD in Parents–Moving from Negative to Positive

Part 6: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing
Part 7: PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool
Part 8: Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered My PTSD

Part 9: Why Special Needs Parents with PTSD Should Watch Inside Out
Part 10: Why Kids with PTSD Need Mentally Healthy Parents
Part 11: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: Calling it Like It Is
Part 12: The Unseen Battle with PTSD
Part 13: Medically-Induced PTSD

 
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Brandy S. Brow’s seventh child was born with a chromosome disorder so rare it has no name: she’s one of four cases ever diagnosed and possibly the last living. Thanks to her, Brandy is the only family member who can drive from Vermont to Boston, Massachusetts, without GPS.
www.pinterest.com/brandybrow

Author Jolene Philo

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PTSD in Parents: Moving from Negative to Positive

PTSD in Parents: Moving from Negative to Positive

by | May 1, 2015 | Different Dream, In Parents, PTSD

PTSD in Parents: Moving from Negative to Positive

Welcome to Different Dream’s Friday series about PTSD in parents of kids with special needs. (You’ll find links to the rest of the series at the bottom of the page.) Today’s guest blogger is Kathy Guzzo. Her children are grown and on their own, but three of them dealt with special needs when they were younger. In this post, she explains how she’s turning her negative PTSD experience into a positive.

PTSD in Parents: From Negative to Positive

Thirty years ago just being the mom of four children under the age of six was reason enough to be stressed. Add into that mix, one child with chronic, severe respiratory issues and another who began having seizures and was diagnosed with auditory discrimination issues. Then, years later add another diagnosed with chronic and rare autoimmune diseases. Stress and trauma became the norm. Those tumultuous years have passed, and my children are doing extremely well as adults. I know I have so much to be thankful for, yet at times I wonder if the emotional affects of those years are over. I realized recently, when my grandson became ill, how quickly I can relive and feel the emotions I felt during each hospital stay, blood test, MRI, doctor’s visit, and long sleepless night. That emotional turmoil is still part of who I am, so could I have PTSD caused by illnesses my children suffered? Post traumatic stress disorder, a scary term most popular in the military world, is misused many times. But it’s very real. In fact, as I look back on how my children’s illnesses affected me emotionally, I see my own form of P-T-S-D, which attribute to the emotional feelings and flashbacks I have at times.

PTSD in Parents: Parental Pride

I was the parent. So whether the thought was conscious or unconscious, I felt that since God had blessed me with these children, I should be able to handle whatever happened in their lives. I allowed parental pride to mask emotions that would’ve been better handled as they developed.

PTSD in Parents: Tired

I wasn’t just tired, I was exhausted. Physically, emotionally and even spiritually, but I didn’t see it. I ran from appointment to appointment, cared for all the children, and got very little sleep for weeks at a time. My husband did what he could, but we were a one income family and he had to work. So I did what I figured all moms did. I kept on keeping on, allowing my pride to push down the true exhaustion.

PTSD in Parents: Sad

I felt sad. Some days more than others. Sad when I saw my children hurting and unhappy. Sad that many days I couldn’t really help them. Sad that caring for a sick child was taking time away from the others. And sad that so many times I felt alone,

PTSD in Parents: Devastated

I was devastated because day after day, week after week my children suffered. Devastated that life was so unfair, devastated that I felt God wasn’t listening. And devastated that the dreams I had for my children may never happen.

PTSD in Parents: From Negative to Positive

During those years, when friends or family asked how I was, my response was always I’m fine. Because not being fine would have indicated I wasn’t a good mom. Would have required a long explanation that I was too tired to give, resulting in an outburst of tears. And would have been a sign that I lacked faith in what God could do. I see now how the Parental pride, Tiredness, Sadness and Devastation I felt as our children experienced the emotional and physical pain of their illnesses, was traumatizing for me, yet I know with Prayer, Thanksgiving, Support and Determination I can create a positive P T S D.

How Do You Turn PTSD from Negative to Positive?

What strategies keep you from being dragged down by the negatives of PTSD? How do you stay positive instead? Leave a comment.
Part 1: Special Needs Parents and PTSD Results Part 2: Special Needs Parents and PTSD–What About You Mom?
Part 3: PTSD in Parents–6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue
Part 4: 8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs Part 5: PTSD in Parents–Moving from Negative to Positive
Part 6: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing Part 7: PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool Part 8: Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered My PTSD
Part 9: Why Special Needs Parents with PTSD Should Watch Inside Out Part 10: Why Kids with PTSD Need Mentally Healthy Parents Part 11: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: Calling it Like It Is
Part 12: The Unseen Battle with PTSD
Part 13: Medically-Induced PTSD
  Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Kathy Guzzo and her husband live in Northern Illinois and have 4 adult children. One of her daughters was diagnosed with lupus and Epstein Barr Replication as a young adult. Another began struggling with depression and OCD in her mid-twenties. She understands the need for her daughters to be able to make their own decisions regarding their health, but the nurturer in her sometimes has a hard time letting go. She desires to direct others to the peace and hope that God has abundantly available for them.

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8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs

8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs

by | Apr 24, 2015 | Different Dream, In Parents, PTSD

8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs

Welcome to Different Dream’s ongoing series about PTSD in parents of kids with special needs. (You’ll find links to the rest of the series at the bottom of the page.) Today’s guest post comes from Barb Dittrich, parent of a child with hemophilia and founder of Snappin’ Ministries. She’s here to share 8 truths she’s learned about PTSD as the parent of a child with special needs. See if any of them ring true for you.

8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs

Most of us have heard the expression “Physician, heal thyself.” While there is no similar phrase for parents, perhaps we should be embracing the wisdom of “Caregiver, care also for thyself.” I often speak of having my focus so much in caring for my children that I don’t lift my head enough to acknowledge my own needs. In fewer ways is this true than in dealing with my parental PTSD. Because of the subsequent traumas that ensued, the initial shock of having my son diagnosed with severe hemophilia the day after he was born never seems to fade. Each year at his birthday, I can feel the tingle of my face as if it were yesterday that the nurse erroneously exposed the results of our son’s cord blood test. April 12, 2000 will live in vivid technicolor in my mind forever. I can hear our pediatrician’s voice confirming our worst fears, see the melting ice wrapped around his little heel as he continued oozing from the prick of a bilirubin test, and feel myself sit in the rocking chair of the ICU with him as he received his first infusion of clotting factor. Fast forward over the years to his first hospitalization for a serious bleeding episode, and I can still smell that unmistakable, horrific, pungent odor of someone who is bleeding internally. I can see myself in a panic in my kitchen, crying on the phone to the doctor, who wouldn’t admit him overnight for something so frighteningly dangerous. I can see him sandwiched between the machines as I held his hand, trying to keep him still by introducing him to Sponge Bob for the first time on video, over an hour ticking by to get the images for his diverticulogram, praying that they might find the life-threatening source of the bleeding. Yet, the emotional horror that can never be extracted from my heart was his screaming in pain as I held him in restraint for his twelfth intravenous needle jab in less than 24 hours, “Dad! Help me! Make them stop! Oh, my God! Why aren’t you helping me? You’re my dad! You’re supposed to be helping me!” I can still feel the hot tears helplessly draining down my face as I did what needed to be done. My heart! How can I ever be expected to be the same again? Hemophilia is the type of chronic illness that can make life feel like you are continually walking through a mine field. You never know when a bleed might occur. The things you might think would be a problem, like having a tooth pulled, end without incident. Another day, your child suddenly gets into the car after school feeling pain in their upper thigh and is hospitalized that evening with a life-threatening hip bleed. Having walked through all of these things, here are some truths I can share with you about realizing that not only my son, but I too live with medically triggered PTSD:
  1. Your child’s trauma is separate from your trauma. While your child definitely deals with life-changing crises, your trauma is separate and distinct from your child’s. For example, while my child’s trauma is feeling the attack and powerlessness of being restrained to be jabbed with a needle, my trauma is restraining him, hearing him scream out in pain, and being unable to stop it. My trauma is seeing the pools of frank blood on our kitchen floor, covering multiple surfaces in our bathroom, or saturating bed linens and clothes.
  2. Prayer and Scripture are critical, but don’t forget that God moves through mental health professionals too. From little on, I taught my son to do deep breathing and memorize verses like, “Be anxious for nothing,” (Philippians 4:6) or “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) We would pray these through before we infused as a way to calm down. That is a good thing. However, as the number of crises increased, it became apparent we needed more help. Sadly, the Church (including us, its members) can forget that in addition to working through prayer and the Word, God also works through people. This includes medical and therapeutic professionals. I have been blessed to have worked with a number of competent, helpful psychotherapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists over the years.
  3. Your trauma will be triggered by things you expect and things you don’t expect. You will probably not be surprised to hear that writing this narrative for you opened my grief afresh. However, you may find yourself startled as I did that first time I discovered merely seeing the school’s phone number on Caller ID caused my heart to race with noticeable intensity. I had always downplayed the seriousness of what I faced, thinking that I needed to toughen up. Yet, something as simple as a phone call or a smell, or a sound, can propel a parent like me into the heart of that trauma once again in fractions of a second.
  4. Others may see it before you do. Because our children need us to be strong and activated, we often don’t see what these traumatic experiences have done to us. I first came to realize that I was facing PTSD every bit as much as my son, when a friend of mine who is a psychotherapist mentioned it. I had just shared with her and the rest of our Moms In Touch group my concerns regarding my son’s trauma at our weekly gathering. After listening to my prayer requests she said, “My goodness! You probably have PTSD too after everything you’ve been through!” Her shared epiphany validated the subtle signs fighting for recognition in my own life.
  5. It is not unusual to be re-traumatized. When we have a child who faces a lifetime diagnosis, traumatic experiences can and do reoccur. Each new treatment or hospitalization can constitute another emotionally jarring experience. Because this can be a distinct possibility with a chronic diagnosis, it is critical to have a preferred professional to whom you can turn at a moment’s notice. Even if you are feeling well and strong, a sudden episode with your child can make psychological help necessary in short order.
  6. This is not a quick fix. Be patient and kind with yourself. Trauma leaves deep, life-changing wounds. It is worth the time spent in therapy to heal your emotions and mental health. There may be times where you feel worse before you feel better, because you are exposing wounds that have been covered and buried deep out of a need to cope in the short-term. Don’t give up in the sorrow of healing. Just as a plant needs to be watered before it can grow, our tears need to be released to move forward in hope.
  7. There are a variety of options for treatment. Our son initially saw a child trauma specialist. She first used EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) with him. Guided imagery was also used with this therapist. I engaged in hypnosis, progressive relaxation and other psychotherapy with this same professional. Ultimately, our son moved on to receive CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) through a psychologist at our children’s hospital. Do your homework on these methodologies to see which you might be most comfortable with.
  8. There is life after trauma. While the real life terror of living through some of these experiences with our children can make us feel shaken and spun around at times, life can still be good. If you are willing to bravely address this tough issue in yourself and/or your child, the future can be bright. You need not live life in a perpetual state of tension, waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can begin to develop a joy for life and a positive outlook after addressing symptoms. I have been told in the past that PTSD never completely goes away. Not being an expert, I can’t confirm that is true. However, I can tell you that things can vastly improve so that trauma no longer holds you and your family hostage.
“Caregiver, care also for thyself.” It isn’t always easy. We must be very intentional about it. Still, if we acknowledge our need as parents and address this vulnerability with commitment, we will find ourselves renewed and refortified the way God intends.

What Truths Have You Learned about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs?

Have you collected some truths about PTSD in parents while raising your child? Please share them in the comment box. PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs  
Part 1: Special Needs Parents and PTSD Results Part 2: Special Needs Parents and PTSD–What About You Mom?
Part 3: PTSD in Parents–6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue
Part 4: 8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs Part 5: PTSD in Parents–Moving from Negative to Positive
Part 6: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing Part 7: PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool Part 8: Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered My PTSD
Part 9: Why Special Needs Parents with PTSD Should Watch Inside Out Part 10: Why Kids with PTSD Need Mentally Healthy Parents Part 11: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: Calling it Like It Is
Part 12: The Unseen Battle with PTSD
Part 13: Medically-Induced PTSD
  Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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The mother of three children, all of whom have a variety of chronic illnesses or special needs, Barbara Dittrich founded Snappin’ Ministries (Special Needs Parents Network) in 2002 and currently serves as its Executive Director.  The organization she leads was one of three finalists for World Magazine’s Hope Award for Effective Compassion in October of 2009, in conjunction with the American Bible Society.  With a unique vision for serving parents of children with chronic illness, disability, or special needs, she has led the SNAPPIN’ MINISTRIES team in developing an innovative parent mentor curriculum.  She lives with her husband of 20+ years in Wisconsin, writes, and speaks nationwide.

Author Jolene Philo

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PTSD in Parents: 6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue

PTSD in Parents: 6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue

by | Apr 17, 2015 | Different Dream, In Parents, PTSD

PTSD in Parents: 6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue

Welcome to the third post in Different Dream series about PTSD in parents of kids with special needs. Today, guest blogger and mom Rachel Olstad is here to tell her story of coming to terms with her PTSD that developed after the birth of 2 of her children.

PTSD in Parents: 6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue

I was 25 years old when my first child was conceived.
Trips to the teaching hospital, prenatal ultrasounds galore, packs of white coats.
Bad news.
Gloomy news.
Dire news. Not viable. Terminate. Abort.
Smart thing to do.
If he lives, it will be in a vegetative state.
We got to squeeze his little hand before they rushed a very blue baby off to a 12-hour surgery.

3 weeks and 3 surgeries later, we took home a medically fragile baby boy.
In the hospital more than home his first several years.
Around 30 some surgeries.
Oxygen. Heart monitor. IVs. 911 on speed dial.
First name basis with first responders.
Turning blue.
Vomiting. Aspirations. Pneumonia.
Ambulances and a medic flight.
6 hours of sleep a day in 15-minute snippets.
He’s coding.

Adrenaline rush, adrenaline rush, adrenaline rush.

I was young. I was strong. I was a Christian. I handled it all with aplomb. After years of living in crises, our son stabilized–mostly–and we learned to navigate our new normal of being parents of a child with disabilities. We had another son, then a daughter.

Baby Girl is in NICU.

Hibiclens. Nail scrubs. Gowning up. Pumping breast milk.
The smells.
The sounds.
What was happening to me?
My mental state was so concerning to the nurses that they asked if I wanted psychiatric help.

Fast forward a few years. Our son’s kidney shuts down. He goes septic and almost dies. Twice. What’s happening to me? I can’t even walk into the hospital anymore without throwing up. I can’t quit crying. I’m obsessing over healthcare routines. Irrational thoughts won’t stop going through my head, and my gastrointestinal system responds in immediate ways.

Insomnia. Anxiety.

I cry out to God for help constantly.
I dig into my Bible.
Why won’t God send relief?

Mornings I can function well enough to tend to my kids’ needs. I set dinner ingredients on the counter, knowing I won’t be able to think clearly enough by evening to put a meal together. My sainted husband regularly covers for me. I sit on the couch solving endless crosswords to keep my mind occupied on something else than those horrendous, irrational thoughts.

I know I need help.

I visit a practitioner specializing in stress and hormones.
With advice stemming from a naturopathic philosophy, I make progress back to the land of the living.
Am I cured?
No.

My daughter has a case of unrepairable supraventricular tachycardia that has resulted in ambulance trips and unsuccessful ablations. My oldest son still is disabled. I live on the edge with an undercurrent of constant anxiety.

Adrenaline rushes occur every time someone sneezes.

But I’m much better – sometimes thriving, sometimes struggling. How do I keep going day after day? Here are my top tips for moms dealing with PTSD or adrenal fatigue:

  1. Psalms for the Anxious: In the middle of one anxious night, I googled and found this list. I have one Bible that’s yellow-highlighted for those anxiety-filled moments, believing in God’s sovereignty and that ultimately, I am not responsible for how many days my kids will spend on earth.
  2. Quit the Caffeine Fix: My pot of coffee each day was too much. I’ve learned to be kinder to my body, cleaning up my diet, coffee being my particular poison. An occasional massage works wonders instead.
  3. Seek Professional Help: For me, it was seeking naturopathic and nutritional guidance. For others, it may be necessary to see a psychiatrist. If you have thoughts about harming yourself or your children, tell someone right now. Get immediate help.
  4. Find a Support Group: I belong to a special needs moms group. They get me. When I’m particularly struggling, I shoot a message, knowing they will lift me up to our heavenly Father. The peace I feel afterwards is amazing.
  5. Share the Responsibility: During emergencies my hubby does the ambulance rides if he’s available. I still love and care about my kids; I’m just relinquishing control-freak tendencies and accepting help for my own well-being.
  6. Turn Away from Negativity: If a TV show triggers anxiety, turn it off. Don’t finish that book if it’s making your stomach knot. Instead, watch Tim Hawkins on YouTube or tell your kids a joke. Force yourself to leave them and go see a play. I am always surprised at how much I enjoy myself once I’m removed from the immediacy of my situation.

While I hate the way PTSD makes me feel, believe it or not, I am grateful for it. Once a pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps kind of girl, I now know what it is to fully rely on God in my weakness, and I can now comfort those who journey behind me.

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. Psalm 71:20 (NIV)

What About You?

Do you see elements of your story in Rachel’s? Do you wonder if you, too, could have PTSD? Leave your thoughts or questions in the comment box.

Part 1: Special Needs Parents and PTSD Results
Part 2: Special Needs Parents and PTSD–What About You Mom?
Part 3: PTSD in Parents–6 Ways to Deal with Adrenal Fatigue
Part 4: 8 Truths about PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs
Part 5: PTSD in Parents–Moving from Negative to Positive
Part 6: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: 5 Ways to Prepare for Healing
Part 7: PTSD in Parents of Kids with Special Needs: Visualization as a Coping Tool
Part 8: Newborns Feel Pain: The Headline that Almost Triggered My PTSD

Part 9: Why Special Needs Parents with PTSD Should Watch Inside Out
Part 10: Why Kids with PTSD Need Mentally Healthy Parents
Part 11: PTSD and Special Needs Parents: Calling it Like It Is
Part 12: The Unseen Battle with PTSD
Part 13: Medically-Induced PTSD

 

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Rachel Olstad began her journey into the world of disabilities in 1990 when her oldest child was born with spina bifida and subsequently diagnosed with autism. She volunteers with Joni and Friends Southern Oregon, helping to meet the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of individuals and families affected by disability and encouraging churches to include all people. She was a contributing writer for both Special Needs Smart Pages and Nursery Smart Pages (Gospel Light), has been published in the Journal for Religion, Disabilities & Health, and was an assistant editor on Beyond Suffering: A Christian View on Disability Ministry. (Christian Institute on Disability)

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