PTSD, Stress and Moving On as Special Needs Parents, Pt 8

by jphilo | Feb 11, 2016 | Different Dream, In Parents, PTSD

PTSD, Stress and Moving On as Special Needs Parents, Pt 8

The Different Dream series about PTSD, stress, and special needs parenting is ready to address a conundrum common to many parents. Simultaneously dealing with stress and moving on as special needs parents and as children growing up with special needs.

Before taking a look at child psychologist Dr. Matheis’ answer to the question, here’s a run down of what the series has covered so far:

Post One: Series Introduction
Post Two: The Difference between Trauma and PTSD.
Post Three: Can the Stress of Raising a Child with PTSD Result in a Parent with PTSD?
Post Four: Hypervigilance as a Cause and Symptom of PTSD
Post Five: Coping Mechanisms for Anxiety and Traumatic Memories
Post Six: How to Explain Secondary PTSD to Friends and Family
Post Seven: Finding Balance while Raising a Child with Special Needs

With those topics under her belt, Dr. Liz is more than prepared for this week’s question: How can I allow my child to move on without trauma, but remain aware of the physical issue is part of her DNA and continues to influence her life?

The good news is that even though your child (and maybe you) have been traumatized, you will both heal enough to move on. You won’t ever forget your experiences, but you don’t want to keep them vividly alive either. Rather, you and your child want learn to incorporate your experiences into your lives, and use them as a way to understand other people’s struggles and sensitivities.

You can have a conversation with your child about strengths and weaknesses. Identify the strengths, what makes your child unique, first. List your child’s trauma as strengths as badges of courage and bravery.

Although your child’s physical issues will be dealt with often and may be considered weaknesses, remind your child that all of us have special needs of some sort. Some of us are nearsighted, some of us have nut allergies, some of us have food allergies. The list goes on. The important thing for you and your child to remember is that though each person has an ailment (physical or emotional) of some sort, those ailments do not define us as people. They are part of us, but not all of us.

A helpful exercise to help your child visualize this truth, write the physical ailment on a piece of paper. Have your child fold it as small as possible and then hold it in his hand. Next, have a conversation about how a physical condition is a part of a person, a small or big part that won’t be forgotten, but there is much more to a person. This visual can be helpful if you and your child sometimes feel the physical issue is bigger than everything.

Your experiences also give you and your child incredible perspectives. Never again will your child smirk at or avoid children with visible disabilities. You will both become more embracing and accepting–a wonderful gift to give to another person. Giving is a great way to heal. It will build strength, compassion, and perspective. You and your child will understand that a person can have a disability but still be artistic, competitive, passionate, and just plain old AWESOME!

How Do You Handle Stress and Moving on as Special Needs Parents?

Have you been able to handle stress and moving on as special needs parents? How do you help your children with special needs do the same? Leave a comment so we can learn from you.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.

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Finding Balance in Special Needs Parenting and Stress, Pt. 7

Thanks for stopping by Different Dream for another post in our series about special needs parenting stress, trauma, and PTSD. Today we’re discussing the importance of finding balance in special needs parenting and the stress that often accompanies it.

Here’s a quick recap of what’s been covered so far.

The first post introduced the series, while the second post explained the difference between trauma and PTSD. The third post answered two questions: Can the stress of raising a child with PTSD result in a parent with PTSD? What other kinds of parenting trauma can lead to PTSD? In the fourth post, child psychologist Liz Matheis explained how hypervigilance can be both a cause and a symptom of PTSD in stressed-out parents of kids with special needs. Post number five offered excellent advice from Dr. Matheis about tools or coping mechanisms to use when anxiety build or when something triggers memories of traumatic events. The sixth post in the series asked for an easy way to explain secondary PTSD to friends and family who think it only happens to soldiers.

Dr. Liz tackles a series of questions every parent of a child with special needs has asked at one time or another: How can I find balance in while raising a special needs child? It’s as if the special needs issues are screaming constantly but others are whispering at the same time. How can I deal with the whispers so I’m not just focused on the screaming special needs issues?

Finding balance in your life is a journey and a pursuit as your needs and your child’s needs change over time. However, with special needs children, their needs precede yours almost constantly. Children are unique in their strengths and weaknesses. It’s very easy to stay focused on the need, the one that’s screaming out all the time. But ask yourself, “What are some of my child’s strengths? Where can I challenge my child so that he does not think that ‘he can’t?’ How do I respect my child’s special needs while still holding her to standards?”

Maintaining respect is hard no matter what kind of mother you are! Our natural instinct is to protect our children, and keep them happy and pain-free. We anticipate our children’s needs and act before they even arises. (How many of you pack a snack or Bandaids ahead of time?) We anticipate our children’s needs and plan ahead so that when the need arises, our kids are not too uncomfortable for too long.

However, part of our job is to allow our children to struggle a bit so they can build a sense of self-efficacy–a sense of “I can even though I thought I couldn’t.” To do this, assign your child a chore at home. Even though you know it may be difficult, don’t hesitate to assign the chore. Don’t take it back. Allow your children to surprise you or themselves. Let them have a victorious and amazing “I did it!” moment.

To further answer your question, try this exercise. On a piece of paper, write down what the screaming need(s) are. Next, write down the whispers. Then, think of ways to use your child’s strengths to build up the whispers to give your child and yourself the experience of success and self esteem.

How Do You Find Balance in Special Needs Parenting and Stress?

Do you have something to add to what Dr. Liz said about how to find balance in special needs parenting and stress? Share your thoughts in the comment box. We’d love to hear from you.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.