St. Practice Day Wisdom

St. Practice Day Wisdom

St. Practice Day Wisdom

In honor of two important people in my family, Happy St. Patrick’s Day! The first person is my maternal grandmother, Josephine Estelle Newell Hess. She was named after her father, Joseph Newell, who immigrated from Ireland to Canada to Iowa where he became a successful farmer. The second person is my three-year-old granddaughter. She can hardly wait for St. Practice Day to arrive.

That’s right. She calls it St. Practice Day. 

None of the four adults who live at our house can bear to correct her. In fact, we encourage her to say St. Practice Day at every opportunity. The more she does, the more firmly I believe her pronunciation is an apt metaphor for the past year spent waiting for the pandemic to end and for life to return to something akin to normal, which is taking much longer than most of us anticipated.

Back to St. Practice Day.

Waiting is a huge part of being a writer. For a doer like me, waiting made me crazy when I entered the profession. Sometimes it still does. But not as often as before because I changed the way I think about it. Waiting, I’ve come to understand, is practice. That perspective has made me view the past 12 months, which decimated my 2020 speaking and book sale income, with a sense of anticipation.

2020 became, at least for me, a St. Practice Year.

There was time to practice writing fiction and find a publisher to launch the West River Mystery Series. There was time to convert teacher training workshops to a virtual format and practice the technology required. There was time to explore the possibility of creating an undergraduate or graduate level education class about trauma in children. Because 2020 was a year of waiting–make that practicing–those 3 ideas are becoming 2021 realities.

I encourage you to reframe the past year, to view it not as a year of waiting, but as a year with time to explore new ideas. To practice new skills. To discover that you’re now equipped to do something brand new and unexpected.

What are you waiting for?

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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What Did Mary Worry About?

What Did Mary Worry About?

What Did Mary Worry About?

What did Mary worry about after her baby was born? 

Gasp and sacrilege! How dare I entertain the idea of the mother of God worrying about the divine child entrusted to her care. Until I remember that though this baby boy was fully divine and fully human, his mother was not.  

The divinity of Jesus came from the Holy Spirit who is God. The humanity of Jesus came from Mary, who was wholly human. 

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit didn’t have to worry–it’s a perk of being the triune God. 

But Mary–she’s a different story. Especially in light of her story.

She was a first time mom. An unwed teenager.
She endured a grueling donkey ride late in her pregnancy.
She went through labor and delivery in a stable without electricity or running water.
Her baby slept in the manger where hungry animals bellied up for breakfast.

Other than those immediate, trifling matters, what did Mary worry about when they took their baby home?

Infanticide. The Magi had told Herod the Great that they were going to worship a great king born in Bethlehem in Judea. To stomp out the competition Herod the Great, ruler of Judea, ordered the slaughter of all baby boys in Bethlehem ages 2 and younger (Matthew 2:16). 

Illegal immigration. God warned Joseph of what Herod was about to before it happened, so Joseph and his family fled to Egypt. (Matthew 2:13-14). The same Egypt where the Israelites had been enslaved before God appointed Moses lead them to freedom. Perhaps not a country that welcomed Jewish illegal aliens.

To read the rest of What Did Mary Worry About?, visit Key Ministry’s blog for special needs parents.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream websiteSharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Home for the Holidays 2020

Home for the Holidays 2020

Home for the Holidays 2020

Home for the Holidays 2020 has an unusual meaning. What Dr. Seuss wrote in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is true.

Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand.

2020 that’s taken much from us, yet caused us to rethink priorities and be grateful for family, friends, and making memories with each other. These ideas for special needs families can create joyful, fun, and happy memories during this unique home for the holidays Christmas season!

Home-Based Fun

Every year, we bake and decorate cookies any way we want. Then we have a “backwards dinner” and eat them before our meal! We also make crafts, ornaments, and read Christmas books together. This year we are adding candy-making, a tradition from my late Gran-Gran. 

More home-based ideas:

  • Christmas cards: Send homemade cards to senior living facilities, far away family members, or soldiers overseas.
  • Cookie bake: Bake cookies for a local charity or a family in need.
  • Christmas Caroling: Go door-to-door as a family and stand 6 feet away from neighbors while singing carols at the top of your lungs.
  • Crafting Search online for easy, simple Christmas crafts.

Drive-Through Delights

We live in the south where there are many quaint country towns notorious for their holiday markets, art shows, and extravaganzas. This year, we will search online and read the guidelines for mask use and social distancing beforehand. 

More drive-through ideas:

  • Laser Light Shows: These can be great options for children with sensory challenges who don’t like loud noises. They can remail safe in their quiet car looking out at the fun. 
  • Christmas Lights: Finding the best Christmas light display in town is fun and free. You can map out your route, pack cookies and hot cocoa, and crank up the Christmas music. There’s something about lights against a star-filled sky that’s refreshing, peaceful, and hopeful. Check out Christmas Designers Virtual Light Tours.
  • Nativity Scenes: These displays remind of why we celebrate Christmas and can help us to recognize His blessings of hope, especially in 2020. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

Virtual Events

Our family recently took virtual walking tours past historical monuments and locations, saw a German Christmas market, and watched the Rockefeller Christmas Tree go up. Children can see the world from the comfort of home without loud crowds and noise. The Explore Travel + Leisure’s website is offering Virtual European Christmas Markets.

More virtual ideas include hosting a cookie decorating contest, an ugly sweater contest , or gathering online to eat holiday dinners together, a virtual ugly sweater contest. 

Make Home for the Holidays, 2020 Meaningful

Remember what’s important this Christmas. Make it a point to enjoy being with each other. To spread joy, and kindness. To remember why this season is special, even as we stay home for the holidays.

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; 
he is the Messiah, the Lord.
Luke 2:11

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Marnie Witters was a technical writer and editor for more than 20 years until she resigned to homeschool her sons when they were young. When they went back to public school, she began to write. Recently she began teaching writing for a virtual school in the Atlanta, Georgia area. She’s been married for 20 years, serves in an amazing church, loves to garden, and enjoys spending time with her family. 

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Thriving During the Holiday Season

Thriving During the Holiday Season

Thriving During the Holiday Season

Thriving during the holiday season, traditionally a time of stress that results in a feeling of depletion once they’re over, can be tricky.  This year there’s additional component of COVID-19 to factor in. Many of us are fearful about gathering with family members, becoming ill, or passing on the virus to others.

Our children and adolescents are feeling the effects of the pandemic. The number of children and adolescents who are anxious and fearful of the outside world is growing, and they crave normalcy. So how do we make thriving this holiday season possible? Here are 3 ways to make the season enjoyable by creating new traditions and changing the way we celebrate.

Shift Your Focus

It is so easy to think about activities or traditions in which you may not be able to partake rather than using this time to create memories that you and your family will look back on for years to come. In my house, I want to hear, “Remember in 2020 when we….?”

Even though it feels like the holidays will be different, different doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be bad. Think about this year as an opportunity to sit with each other, to listen without the need to rush on to next thing. Enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other again. This pandemic gives parents the chance to see what daily routines look like and to understand what their children are doing each day. Couples can reconnect. Siblings can enjoy each other’s company. Perhaps it’s not all that bad, right?

Create Your Plan of Comfort

Since the pandemic began, many of us have created our “quarantine bubble.” We have decided how we were going to visit with our older family members: masks on or off, inside or out, hugs or no hugs.

Planning for the holidays is no different. Think about the number of people you would like to gather with and split up the meal. Many are gathering in smaller groups over several homes in order to keep the number of people inside one home small. 

Others have decided to keep it nuclear only and celebrate with their own children. This creates a great time for families to bond without the pressures of entertaining. They can make a special dessert that may take longer to prepare, or play games they normally wouldn’t be able to play with more people. Whatever you choose, it is the right plan for you and your family.

Create Traditions for Thriving During the Holiday Season

Now is a really great time to sit down with your family and create a list of all the activities or things each member would like to do between now and the end of the year. Think about the activities that you would like to do but perhaps didn’t have time for in past years because of extracurricular activities, travel, or other events that consumed your time. Make a list and identify what you want to do with either immediate family, extended family, or both. Then set the dates and write them on your calendar. Here is a small list of inexpensive, fun activities that you can do together:

  • Bake cookies
  • Prepare your favorite holiday foods throughout the season together
  • Decorate your house–inside and out
  • Drive around and look at holiday lights
  • Watch holiday movies
  • Bake pies
  • Build a snowman
  • Create your own presents
  • Read holiday stories
  • Watch a series together through the entire season
  • Create holiday crafts
  • Attend religious services, virtually or in person

Although 2020 has been much different than any of us expected, thriving during the holiday season is possible. You can make it whatever you want it to be. Who knows, the traditions you establish this year may carry on into 2021 and beyond!

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.

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Creating a Joyful 2020 Holiday Season

Creating a Joyful 2020 Holiday Season

Creating a Joyful 2020 Holiday Season

Creating a joyful 2020 holiday season during a pandemic will be challenging but not impossible. Check out guest blogger Jessica Temple’s suggestions for a memorable and happy holiday for you and your kids with special needs and disabilities.

“Holidays will be weird,” I said to my mother.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“COVID.”

Mom hadn’t expected to go the whole year without being able to have the whole family together during any holidays. She was shocked and that got me thinking. As much as we hoped and prayed that the pandemic would be behind us, it is not. What does this mean for the holidays? How can we manage this scenario, and still create a wonderful holiday season?

The first thing to understand is that during this pandemic, our safety needs are not being met. This leads to fear that our security and well-being are at risk. Therefore the first step to creating a joyful 2020 holiday 2020 is to focus on our safety needs. After that the focus can shift to establishing a sense of normalcy, a proper perspective, and intentional mindfulness.

Creating a Joyful 2020 Holiday Season: Safety Needs

For goodness sake, please take care of yourself! This may take the form of fun activities with the family. Or engaging in self-care such as a walk, exercise, eating and sleeping well, listening to music, playing a game, or reading. The more self-care we engage in, the less stressed we are and the happier our family is. Take breaks every day. Remember that children need breaks too, so plan them into their days. Lastly, pace yourself. During the holidays allow yourself to slow down and forgive yourself if things do not go according to plan.

Creating a Joyful 2020 Holiday Season: Normalcy

Stick with the familiar as much as possible to create some sense of normalcy. Keep a comfortable routine. Cook meals similar to those of previous years. Decorate the house as usual. Practice beloved at-home traditions and rituals to make the holidays feel more normal. We are often overloaded and overwhelmed during the holidays even without the stress of COVID. So keep it simple! Try not to over-do it or make elaborate plans. Remember what is important: yourself, family and friends, love, fond memories, and good health. Focus on that rather than purchasing elaborate gifts or stressing about how to see distant family members.

Creating a Joyful 2020 Holiday Season: Perspective

We need to keep a proper perspective during the upcoming holiday season. Collaborate with your immediate family about what COVID safety measures are comfortable for you. Many children with special needs are at a higher risk for complications from the disease. We need to protect them and ourselves. This may mean no visits or setting necessary boundaries with families coming from afar. You might have a Zoom holiday or a socially distanced meal outside if you live in a warmer climate. Limitations of the pandemic mean we can’t run on automatic. We need to stop, think, plan, and adapt. Think about what you want your family to remember and hold dear 20 years in the future and be open to change. Perhaps this is a time to incorporate what you and your children love into new, fun, and manageable traditions.

Creating a Joyful 2020 Holiday Season: Mindfulness

Principles of mindfulness are key to a happy life. We can choose to focus on the joyous and the positive in each day and to create small moments of joy: snuggles with the kids, driving to see Christmas lights, playing in the snow, cooking together, watching a favorite movie, playing games, or anything that makes your family happy. We are all struggling. We cannot perform perfectly. When things don’t go as hoped, we need to practice compassion, view ourselves or our children with understanding and kindness. This can improve the moment and the season instantly. The 2020 holiday season will look different than ever before, but it may be our best one yet!

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jessica Temple, PsyD, ABPP-CN, is a board-certified adult clinical neuropsychologist. She has two children who have special needs. She and her husband, Lewis, host a podcast called Thriving in The Midst of Chaos, where they talk about all aspects of special needs including getting a diagnosis and treatment, self-care, relationships, transitioning to adulthood, school, and finances. They created Thriving in The Midst of Chaos to offer support to others in the special needs world as well as to provide an easy way to find the most useful resources. They aim to share helpful resources with others, advocate for improvement, change in the special needs world, and offer a different perspective on parenting.    To find out more about how Jessica’s work can help you, contact her at fubarpod@gmail.com or @midstofchaospod on all social media platforms.  

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We’re Cooking Up a Happy Pandemic Birthday

We’re Cooking Up a Happy Pandemic Birthday

We’re Cooking Up a Happy Pandemic Birthday

We’re cooking up a happy pandemic birthday for my mom who turns 92 years old today. Her residential care facility has been closed to visitors since March, so a big birthday bash is out of the question. Even so we’re cooking up a happy pandemic birthday celebration like none other. I’m sharing the recipe in case you’d like to alter the ingredients as needed and whip up a party for someone you love, too.

Ingredients:

1 birthday girl who had to have her teeth cleaned every three months because she doesn’t like to brush her teeth anymore
2 of the birthday girl’s children who care about their mother’s original set teeth, which are all intact
1 global pandemic
1 shut down of all but essential services1 residential care facility devoted to protecting residents from COVID
1 reopened dentist office rescheduling appointments far into the future
1 Culver’s restaurant drive through window
3 face masks
3 party hats
1 bottle hand sanitizer
1 package sanitizing wipes
2 smart phones

Assembly directions:

  1. Call the dentist office as soon as your governing body allows dentist offices to open. Ask to reschedule your mother’s teeth cleaning as soon as possible because she missed her previous appointment.
  2. Discover that the first available slot is three months in the future. Reluctantly schedule the appointment, which happens to fall on your mother’s birthday when you discover the next available slot is several weeks after that.
  3. Tremble violently when you think about breaking the news. It’s not going to be pretty because your mother she hates going to the dentist.
  4. Wait until the realization dawns that taking residents from the care facility to medical appointments is the only way to spend considerable time in the presence of your mother, so you will actually be together on her birthday.
  5. Dance with joy, then call your mother and tell her about the appointment. Before she can complain, tell her, “We’re cooking up a pandemic birthday celebration.” When that doesn’t impress her promise that after she gets her teeth cleaned, she can have ice cream. Agree when she says, “That’ll be nice.”
  6. A few weeks before the appointment, tell the care facility staff about it. Run around like a crazy person taking pictures of family members and whatever will be of interest to her: flowers, house projects, scenery, etc.
  7. Join your sibling at the care facility. Put on face masks and party hats before a staff member brings your mother to the entrance. Sing happy birthday when she arrives. Offer her a party hat and put it away when she refuses.
  8. Drive to dentist office and while waiting in the car until she can go in, show her pictures on the phone.
  9. Before she goes inside, remind her about the ice cream so she’ll be nice to the dental hygienist and dentist.
  10. When the appointment is over, immediately drive to Culver’s and order her a dish of ice cream, also known as frozen custard.
  11. Use hand sanitizer while waiting for the order to be filled.
  12. After picking up the order, wipe the dish and spoon with sanitizing wipes, and hand it to the birthday girl.
  13. Find a shading parking place and open all the car windows so she, but no one else in the car, can remove her mask and enjoy her ice cream.
  14. While she eats, show her any remaining pictures on your phone.
  15. When she’s done, drive back to the care facility. Tell her you love her. Share family stories while waiting for a staff member to pick her up.
  16. Sing happy birthday again when she’s picked up at the door and keep singing until you’re pretty sure she’s returned to the memory care unit and can’t hear you anymore.
  17. Drive home and instead of getting mopey because your mom’s birthday wasn’t a perfect celebration, be grateful that God made a way when there was no way for you to be with her when she turned 92.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is both parent and daughter of loved ones with special needs and disabilities, as well as a former educator who worked with children for 25 years. She’s written several books about caregiving, special needs parenting, and childhood PTSD, including the recently released Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilties, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman. She speaks internationally about caregiving and parenting children with special needs and blogs at www.DifferentDream.com. Jolene and her husband live in central Iowa.

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