Unexpected Traditions and the True Meaning of Christmas

Unexpected Traditions and the True Meaning of Christmas

Unexpected Traditions and the True Meaning of Christmas

A year ago, my left hand was in a cast to recover from surgery to reconnect the thumb tendon I’d severed in a kitchen accident. A back injury had incapacitated my man-of-steel husband. As a result, we wisely decided to forego decorating the house for Christmas. “It’s only for one year,” we told each other. “We’ll do things up right next year.”

Those were, dear readers, our most Famous. Last. Words.

A month ago, we stumbled upon a house that satisfied every condition on our someday-we’d-like-to-downsize-and-live-in-a-house-with-the-following-features list, and we bought it. We’ll be moving sometime during the holidays, and our Christmas decorations are too big and too numerous for the new home. So we donated our tree and half our decorations to Good Will. And we decided not to decorate for the holidays for the second year in a row.

That, dear friends, is how unexpected holiday traditions begin at our house.

Parents of kids with special needs are all too familiar with holiday traditions of the unexpected kind. We know too much about canceling holiday plans because a medically fragile child spikes a fever, changing travel routes from Grandma’s house to the hospital for emergency Christmas surgery, or arriving late for family gatherings and leaving early to lessen the likelihood of meltdowns in kids who are sensory sensitive.

That, dear parents, is how unexpected holiday traditions begin families like ours.

Two thousand years ago, an unexpected tradition began one starry night when a young woman gave birth to the Son of God, assisted only by her husband.

To read the rest of this post, visit Key Ministry’s blog for parents of kids with special needs.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

Loved Beyond All Measure

Loved Beyond All Measure

Loved Beyond All Measure

Loved beyond all measure. That’s how guest blogger Stephanie Ballard felt about the dolls she received each Christmas. Much as she loved them, caring for those childhood dolls didn’t prepare her for the challenges of caring for her son with special needs. Neither did it prepare her for the fierce love she has for him.

Loved Beyond All Measure

So many Christmases ago
When I was little too,
I’d wait so ever patiently
My turn would come, I knew.
The presents were ripped open–
The best was saved for last.

A doll, my doll!  Yes, every year,
The same as each year past.
We’d go into our playroom,
(We dressed our babies there.)
And play a game that we called house.
What will my baby wear?

Baby Alive came one year.
I’d mix up that slimy green goo.
Baby Alive always opened her mouth
And happily swallow and chew.
No feeding tube to contend with.
No pump to beep, “All done.”
A spoon held to her willing mouth
Wow, feeding time was fun!

Baby Soft Sounds came the next year.
She cried when not held tight.
Luckily, I could still sleep
Since Mom turned her off each night.
No wires left me powerless
To hold my child near.
No doctors rounded daily.
I had nothing to fear.

Next came Baby All Better,
With thermometer, to play.
Just a little cool water
And her fever went away.
No countless calls to the hospital
No trips to the ER.
A splash of water–all was well!
No need to drive so far.

Rarely did our games include
Our babies getting sick
But if and when this did occur
A shot would do the trick.
Out came the Fisher Price medical kit.
It had all of the tools we needed
To take all the owies away.
Motherhood was easy.
It ended for the night
By tucking our sweet babies in,
Then kissing them goodnight.

Perhaps life just isn’t that easy
And childhood dreams go unfulfilled,
Locked away for a season,
Then refound in the eyes of my child.
No, this isn’t the life I imagined
While rocking my doll with a smile.

I never imagined that being a mom,
Could come with a heart-wrenching trial.
But, I am thankful for this child.
He truly is a treasure.
I am the mom of a special needs child
Who is loved beyond all measure.

~Stephanie Ballard

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

He Has Come: When the Divine Meets Diagnosis

He Has Come: When the Divine Meets Diagnosis

He Has Come: When the Divine Meets Diagnosis

Guest blogger Kimberly Drew and her husband found their faith tested when their new daughter received a life-changing diagnosis. In this post, she explains how her struggles during this Christmas season led her to a place of rest.

He Has Come: When the Divine Meets Diagnosis

I’m sitting across from a beautiful neurologist. She’s trying her very best to deliver difficult news. I hear her say, “I believe we are headed in the direction of cerebral palsy.”

I smile and tell her something like, “It’s okay. That’s what we were expecting,” that I wasn’t surprised.

My parents are with us for the visit, and I can feel the mood in the room change, so I quickly started assuring everyone, “I’m okay. It will be okay.”

It’s amazing how fast I can change gears from being parent to daughter to wife. A quiet hand squeeze in the elevator between my husband and I and that was that.

I slept like a baby that night and didn’t give it a second thought. I told a few people about how the visit went and thought all was well in my soul. Then I found myself in a staff meeting at the Christian school where I teach. During prayer requests, I decide to mention it.

That’s when the wall goes down. I’m in tears and trying very hard to pull it together.
I do my best to process, but when the day closes I find myself in absolute hysterics. I turn up the music and water in the bathroom so no one will hear me crying. But at a certain point, I realize that if I don’t stop crying I might actually be sick.

Time to go to bed. I lie there and the questions start rolling. What if I can’t do this again? What if my marriage can’t handle two children with special needs? What if I get depressed or my anxiety comes back? What if I gain more weight trying to cope with the stress of doctors and insurance and the unknowns? What if, what if, what if…

I think that questions will continue to roll in, and only time will quiet my fears. In these moments I feel so far from where I need to be as a human being, and I have so much to learn. A quiet thought settles my spirit. I think of how the answer to every fear and question can be discovered in one simple phrase. He has come.

In Luke 1:68 Zechariah prophesies the birth of Christ, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because He has come to his people and redeemed them.”

In the Christmas season, we remember and celebrate the birth of Christ. We remember and celebrate that He has come to his people and redeemed them. He has comeHe has come for me. He has come to redeem, and what He redeems heaven will restore.

I will will find rest in that. I choose to find rest in that. When the “what ifs” try to steal my joy and rob me of moments that I can never get back, I will repeat the words He has come to myself. I’ll do my best to pursue the One who came as an infant King in a dirty wooden manger all the way to a bloody wooden cross in order to pursue me. And when I can’t understand, or process, or breathe, I’ll remember that Christ has come.

Friend, if you’re reading this you probably know exactly how I feel. I just want you to know that I understand. What you’re feeling is real, and validated, and so very hard. But I hope you will take a minute to think about the fact that Christ came for you. Out of a desperate love and desire to see you redeemed, he came for you.

 

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email.

By

Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s  desire to write. In addition to being a stay at home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

Special Needs Family Camp: A Princess, a Promise, and a Prayer

Special Needs Family Camp: A Princess, a Promise, and a Prayer

Special Needs Family Camp: A Princess, a Promise, and a Prayer

Earlier this summer, guest blogger Amy Stout and her family attended a special needs family camp at Hidden Acres Christian Center in central Iowa. The event had a Different Dream connection because Jolene was on the Wonderfully Made Family Camp (WMFC) special needs family camp planning board. When Jolene asked Amy if she’d do a guest post about her family’s experience to share with Different Dream readers, Amy said yes without hesitation. Here’s what she says was her favorite part of the camp. You might want to have a tissue handy while you read.

Special Needs Family Camp:
A Princess, a Promise, and a Prayer

I could tell you that my favorite part of Wonderfully Made Family Camp was the amazing lodging with a queen bed and 5 pillows–it was so luxurious. Kylie loved playing on the upper bunks and making a “tent” (partition) to sleep behind on the lower bunks. Also, our room was surprisingly sound proof. We were on the end of a hall and that was a blessing because of our daughter’s sleep issues.

Or …I could tell you that it was the food. I can hardly believe I am raving about camp food, but it was that yummy! Did you know that Hidden Acres chocolate chip camp cookies (4C’s) are famous and people actually order them for postal delivery?

Or… I could share about our experience with 40 foot tall zip lining, the climbing wall and giant swing. All were firsts for my girl–how brave she was. What confidence that gave her!

Special needs family camp was a wonderful experience for Amy Stout and her family. Her story about her favorite part of camp comes with a tissue warning.

Or…I could share about the first night’s breakout session on marriage with Gary and Barb Rosberg of America’s Family Coaches, where my husband Dan won sex tapes. (Actually it is a set of 4 DVDS called “The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women” and the companion study guide.)

Or… I could tell you how exciting it was on the last day to have our name drawn to receive a door prize. It was a beautifully wrapped basket full of massage goodness–bath salts, candles, sugar scrub, soaps, bubble bath, hand massagers, a loofah, and a gift certificate for a massage.

Or…I could tell you how amazing it was for Dan and me to have breakfast together 2 mornings in a row… ALONE–In a room full of people, of course, but without childcare duties because Kylie was still sleeping. Her Buddies stayed with her so we could eat together.

Or… I could tell you it was the many social opportunities that were presented for both us as adults but especially for our daughter where she was loved, cherished, protected, and accepted.

Or… I could tell you it was the pool hours. We loved being able to swim late at night.

However… none of those things were our favorite thing. Our favorite thing about the special needs family camp were Kylie’s Buddies, Lydia and Sophia. I knew this in general as we left the camp but I fully realized it on our way home. I’ll explain why later

When we arrived at camp and were connected with Kylie’s Buddies. Yes, “Buddies” is plural. Due to Kylie’s “out-of-the-norm needs” we were assigned two. I was a bit concerned that they were teenagers. It was hard enough to hand my child over to a perfect stranger, but it was even more difficult handing her over to young girls. It was especially hard to let go because our child has communication issues and cannot tell us when something happens or goes wrong. How were these girls going to be able to understand her or meet her needs?

Within 5 minutes, I knew my fears were all unfounded. Kylie warmed up to them right away, and they were already speaking her language. As Kylie initially met her Buddies, our Disney Royalty-obsessed daughter introduced herself as “Princess Kylie.” Immediately the girls tailored their communication style to accommodate her Royal Highness. Once again, God had planned things in advance and paved the way to provide the perfect Buddies for Kylie.

Lydia and Sophia rocked our world that weekend. They were such servants to our entire family. They were not just Kylie’s Buddies; they were our Buddies as well. But more than being our Buddies, they quickly became close friends.

We loved chatting with them over meals and as we walked to the various scheduled events. We learned funny, quirky things like Lydia has goats at her house because her dad has a side job as a goat judge, and she loves the camp cookies. Sophia loves Croc shoes and writing letters. We learned that Lydia loves turquoise and Sophia loves yellow.

But then, our talks turned more intimate and we learned their hearts’ desires for their future and how they longed to follow God’s will for their life. How they are growing in their faith and cautious about moving too fast, stepping out of His perfect will or become impatient for answers. How they are learning every day to press into Him and not make decisions based on worldly pleasures or desires. After a meal with these two, I was encouraged like I hadn’t been in months! These girls were so fired up for God.

We were only with them for 1 full day and 2 partial days, but they served us tirelessly. They stayed with Kylie while she slept, so Dan and I could eat. When we were all able to enjoy a meal together, they cleared our trays and took them to the kitchen. They helped us carry luggage, they hand-fed Kylie, helped her with her toileting needs, Googled information for us about the towns nearby and how to find the nearest ATM Machine. They checked on our itinerary and gave us directions around the camp. Lucky for us, the girls both had experience with the zip line, climbing wall and giant swing and gave Kylie the courage to try. They were aware of and attended to Kylie’s anxieties – her sensitivity to light and sound and her fear of food.

On our second day, we had 3 hours to kill before our time slot at the giant swing, so we all hopped in the car and drove to a nearby town for ice cream. It was a glorious time of fellowship! These girls were full time summer staff at the camp and had just come off of a week of counseling campers (with no air conditioning in their cabin) and working in the kitchen. These girls were TIRED before we ever even arrived. And yet, they pushed through their own needs to attend to ours- to love on our precious girl and to pour into her life.

But this is what secured in our minds that Lydia and Sophia were our favorite part of camp: On the last day, Dan and I gave each of them a thank you note with a little gift inside. Nothing big, just a little token of our appreciation. I was stunned when they handed us a letter and each of them gave Kylie a letter. I decided to save the reading of their letters for the ride home, so we gave them big bear hugs (we’d been together so much that we felt like they were family), took a few final pictures, and we got into the car.

As I settled into my seat for the long car ride home, I began to read their letters. We weren’t but a few miles from the camp and I was a blubbering mess as I read the words they gifted my daughter with. As a mom, you always hope your child will be surrounded with God-honoring people who will point them to Him with their words and deeds, but when you experience Autism, there just aren’t many people pounding down doors to fellowship with our girl. It is a lonely and isolating world for children who experience special needs. We have to work at making friends.

In their words, Lydia and Sophia invested in our daughter in a meaningful and lasting way. They each gifted her with a Promise and a Prayer.

“Beautiful Princess Kylie: You are a princess of the one true King and that is the most beautiful princess you could ever be. Kylie, I pray that as you go home and throughout your life, you will grow to become a God-fearing, loving, and confident woman in who God has created you to be. 2 Corinthians 6 tells us that we have God as our Father which makes us daughters of Him as well. Psalm 139:14 promises us that God made us wonderfully and fearfully, Ephesians 2:10 is my prayer that you would walk in the path God has for you: ‘For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good work, which God prepared before-hand, that we should walk in them’”

“Dear Princess Kylie: …You are truly a princess to the One True King, Kylie. God loves you so very much. His love will never leave you, it’s a forever love. He created you so pretty and He is pleased with you. I pray that as you go home and for the rest of your life you learn more and more about your Heavenly Father, and grow to be confident in the Lord. That you’ll love with all your heart, soul and mind (Matthew 22:37) Never forget that God is there for you at all times. It’s a promise that God didn’t make any mistakes when He created us. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!! Never forget that! Psalm 139:14: ‘I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well.’”

They also made her some beautiful artwork. On the first, they put her name in the center of the page and surrounded it with these words in beautiful fonts:

Wonderful
Adored
Cherished
God’s Princess
Treasured
Loved
Blessed
Created by God for a Purpose
Beautiful.

On the second they wrote, and decorated with beautiful fonts and flourishes, these words:

You are a daughter of the KING!
Galatians 3:26

Yes, I can confidently say that Kylie’s Buddies, Lydia and Sophia, were definitely our favorite part of the special needs family camp at Hidden Acres. What a gift they were to our daughter and to our entire family. God, once again, went before us and worked everything for our good.

This experience will stay with us for a lifetime. We feel refreshed, renewed and reminded that God is for us. He has a purpose in every aspect of our life and we can do anything in His strength. (Philippians 4:13)

Has Your Family Attended a Special Needs Family Camp?

If so, we’d love to hear about your experience. So give the camp a shout out in the comment box if you want. Thanks!

Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

 

By

Amy Stout is a wife, mother, and free-lance writer. You can visit her website at His Treasured Princess.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

The Heart of a Special Needs Mother

The Heart of a Special Needs Mother

The Heart of a Special Needs Mother

Mother’s Day will be here in a few days. In honor of the day, Different Dream guest blogger Stephanie Ballard, mother of a child with significant special needs, is with us. She’s written a poem sharing the heart of a special needs mother. Grab a tissue before you start reading.

The Heart of a Special Needs Mother

I have been your mother
Long before you came,
When I first heard your heartbeat
And thought about your name.
When I looked at a monitor
And watched you move your hands
I thought, “Hey, I’m your mommy,”
And I started making plans.

I didn’t plan for anything
Except–the life you’d live,
The cute outfits we’d dress you in,
And all the love we’d give.
But life, it holds no promises.
This wisdom I impart:
Life’s most important lessons
Are those learned from the heart.

Now every day when I wake up,
I say a little prayer.
“Lord, watch over my child today
And let him know your there.
Give me the chance to show him
What it means to be part
Of this world we live in.”
This is a mother’s heart.

I watch my child growing up.
Each day brings something new.
Most people can’t imagine
All the things he has been through.
Each scar that he still carries
Can’t easily be missed.
I can no longer doubt it:
Miracles exist.
I have loved this child, Lord,
Right from the very start,
And I will remain hopeful.
This is a mother’s heart.

Sometimes it is not easy,
And faith becomes our guide.
For we live in the present
Hoping time is on our side.
They tell me that my child is
A “medical pioneer.”
But surely these are not the words
A mother hopes to hear.
Most mothers envision that their children
Will be kind, and successful, and smart.
I picture a thousand tomorrows.
This is a mother’s heart.

I see him playing in the park
And swimming in the pool,
I see him grasping my hands tight
On his first day of school.
I see him chasing fireflies
on a starry summer night
I see his life before me.
He is precious in God’s sight.
As I imagine all these things
My mind can almost chart
The well-laid plans I have for him.
This is a mother’s heart.

And if the time should ever come
That I must let him go.
Please help me to accept the fact
That I can’t watch him grow.
My blessing, my sweet miracle
His life, like precious art–
Each memory a brush stroke
on the canvas of my heart.
I have been his mother
Right from the very start
Nothing can ever break this bond
This is a mother’s heart.

Give a Special Needs Mother You Know a Shout Out!

When you’re done wiping away your tears, give a special needs mother you know a shout out for Mother’s Day in the comment box. And yes, that special needs mother can be you. We’d love to hear your story here at Different Dream.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

The Angels Stood By

The Angels Stood By

The Angels Stood By

Christmas 2015 is now a memory, but guest blogger Steph Ballard is here with a poem that reminds parents that their kids with special needs are gifts they can see every day. If you’re a Steph Ballard fan, you know this poem comes with a tissue warning.

The Angels Stood By

‘Twas the night that you joined us
All eyes were on earth
Awaiting with joy
for our sweet child’s birth.
The angel’s stood ready
For each need and care
But all of them knew
That the Lord would be there.
And I squeezed Daddy’s hand
Knowing that he was scared.
While we waited, and wondered,
Asking, “Are we prepared?”
See…we knew you were special,
But so very sick.
Yet hope had grown in me
With every kick.

Soon it was time,
Into this world you came.
I heard a soft cry
then I called out your name.
God held your small hands
While the angels stood by.
Since I could not hold you
they hushed your soft cries.
One small angel looked
to the Father and smiled,
“Can you truly teach hope
through such a small child?
An infant so helpless,
a life so brand new,
Oh please tell me Lord
is this what you will do?”

God looked from the angel
to the infant’s sweet face,
“Through him, my young charge,
they will learn about grace.
I penned this child’s journey
quite a long time ago
And through every challenge
This family will grow.
Every hair on his head
has been numbered, you see.
It’s my hope that his life
will teach them to see Me.
Each battle they face
Has already been won,
They will lean on each other
They will lean on my Son.”

“So little one, we welcome you
And love will see you through.
See look, that is your family,
They’ve been waiting for you.
I send you to their warm embrace.
For a time, we’ll be apart;
But always I’ll be with you
For I live within your heart.”

And so we held you in our arms
And thanked our Lord above
For we see in you the miracle,
of His undying love.
So when it’s Christmas morning,
And I watch my children play
I’ll need no great reminders
For I see my gifts each day.

Your Thoughts?

Are you done crying? Want to leave a message for Steph about her poem? Check out the comment box.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts