Unexpected Traditions and the True Meaning of Christmas

Unexpected Traditions and the True Meaning of Christmas

by | Dec 23, 2016 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Unexpected Traditions and the True Meaning of Christmas

A year ago, my left hand was in a cast to recover from surgery to reconnect the thumb tendon I’d severed in a kitchen accident. A back injury had incapacitated my man-of-steel husband. As a result, we wisely decided to forego decorating the house for Christmas. “It’s only for one year,” we told each other. “We’ll do things up right next year.”

Those were, dear readers, our most Famous. Last. Words.

A month ago, we stumbled upon a house that satisfied every condition on our someday-we’d-like-to-downsize-and-live-in-a-house-with-the-following-features list, and we bought it. We’ll be moving sometime during the holidays, and our Christmas decorations are too big and too numerous for the new home. So we donated our tree and half our decorations to Good Will. And we decided not to decorate for the holidays for the second year in a row.

That, dear friends, is how unexpected holiday traditions begin at our house.

Parents of kids with special needs are all too familiar with holiday traditions of the unexpected kind. We know too much about canceling holiday plans because a medically fragile child spikes a fever, changing travel routes from Grandma’s house to the hospital for emergency Christmas surgery, or arriving late for family gatherings and leaving early to lessen the likelihood of meltdowns in kids who are sensory sensitive.

That, dear parents, is how unexpected holiday traditions begin families like ours.

Two thousand years ago, an unexpected tradition began one starry night when a young woman gave birth to the Son of God, assisted only by her husband.

To read the rest of this post, visit Key Ministry’s blog for parents of kids with special needs.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

Loved Beyond All Measure

Loved Beyond All Measure

by | Dec 22, 2016 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Loved Beyond All Measure

Loved beyond all measure. That’s how guest blogger Stephanie Ballard felt about the dolls she received each Christmas. Much as she loved them, caring for those childhood dolls didn’t prepare her for the challenges of caring for her son with special needs. Neither did it prepare her for the fierce love she has for him.

Loved Beyond All Measure

So many Christmases ago
When I was little too,
I’d wait so ever patiently
My turn would come, I knew.
The presents were ripped open–
The best was saved for last.

A doll, my doll!  Yes, every year,
The same as each year past.
We’d go into our playroom,
(We dressed our babies there.)
And play a game that we called house.
What will my baby wear?

Baby Alive came one year.
I’d mix up that slimy green goo.
Baby Alive always opened her mouth
And happily swallow and chew.
No feeding tube to contend with.
No pump to beep, “All done.”
A spoon held to her willing mouth
Wow, feeding time was fun!

Baby Soft Sounds came the next year.
She cried when not held tight.
Luckily, I could still sleep
Since Mom turned her off each night.
No wires left me powerless
To hold my child near.
No doctors rounded daily.
I had nothing to fear.

Next came Baby All Better,
With thermometer, to play.
Just a little cool water
And her fever went away.
No countless calls to the hospital
No trips to the ER.
A splash of water–all was well!
No need to drive so far.

Rarely did our games include
Our babies getting sick
But if and when this did occur
A shot would do the trick.
Out came the Fisher Price medical kit.
It had all of the tools we needed
To take all the owies away.
Motherhood was easy.
It ended for the night
By tucking our sweet babies in,
Then kissing them goodnight.

Perhaps life just isn’t that easy
And childhood dreams go unfulfilled,
Locked away for a season,
Then refound in the eyes of my child.
No, this isn’t the life I imagined
While rocking my doll with a smile.

I never imagined that being a mom,
Could come with a heart-wrenching trial.
But, I am thankful for this child.
He truly is a treasure.
I am the mom of a special needs child
Who is loved beyond all measure.

~Stephanie Ballard

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

He Has Come: When the Divine Meets Diagnosis

He Has Come: When the Divine Meets Diagnosis

by | Dec 21, 2016 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

He Has Come: When the Divine Meets Diagnosis

Guest blogger Kimberly Drew and her husband found their faith tested when their new daughter received a life-changing diagnosis. In this post, she explains how her struggles during this Christmas season led her to a place of rest.

He Has Come: When the Divine Meets Diagnosis

I’m sitting across from a beautiful neurologist. She’s trying her very best to deliver difficult news. I hear her say, “I believe we are headed in the direction of cerebral palsy.”

I smile and tell her something like, “It’s okay. That’s what we were expecting,” that I wasn’t surprised.

My parents are with us for the visit, and I can feel the mood in the room change, so I quickly started assuring everyone, “I’m okay. It will be okay.”

It’s amazing how fast I can change gears from being parent to daughter to wife. A quiet hand squeeze in the elevator between my husband and I and that was that.

I slept like a baby that night and didn’t give it a second thought. I told a few people about how the visit went and thought all was well in my soul. Then I found myself in a staff meeting at the Christian school where I teach. During prayer requests, I decide to mention it.

That’s when the wall goes down. I’m in tears and trying very hard to pull it together.
I do my best to process, but when the day closes I find myself in absolute hysterics. I turn up the music and water in the bathroom so no one will hear me crying. But at a certain point, I realize that if I don’t stop crying I might actually be sick.

Time to go to bed. I lie there and the questions start rolling. What if I can’t do this again? What if my marriage can’t handle two children with special needs? What if I get depressed or my anxiety comes back? What if I gain more weight trying to cope with the stress of doctors and insurance and the unknowns? What if, what if, what if…

I think that questions will continue to roll in, and only time will quiet my fears. In these moments I feel so far from where I need to be as a human being, and I have so much to learn. A quiet thought settles my spirit. I think of how the answer to every fear and question can be discovered in one simple phrase. He has come.

In Luke 1:68 Zechariah prophesies the birth of Christ, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because He has come to his people and redeemed them.”

In the Christmas season, we remember and celebrate the birth of Christ. We remember and celebrate that He has come to his people and redeemed them. He has come…He has come for me. He has come to redeem, and what He redeems heaven will restore.

I will will find rest in that. I choose to find rest in that. When the “what ifs” try to steal my joy and rob me of moments that I can never get back, I will repeat the words He has come to myself. I’ll do my best to pursue the One who came as an infant King in a dirty wooden manger all the way to a bloody wooden cross in order to pursue me. And when I can’t understand, or process, or breathe, I’ll remember that Christ has come.

Friend, if you’re reading this you probably know exactly how I feel. I just want you to know that I understand. What you’re feeling is real, and validated, and so very hard. But I hope you will take a minute to think about the fact that Christ came for you. Out of a desperate love and desire to see you redeemed, he came for you.

 

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email.

By

Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s  desire to write. In addition to being a stay at home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

4 Ways to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 2

4 Ways to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 2

by | Nov 10, 2016 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

4 Ways to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 2

Would you like to hunker down for the holidays with your family this year? Barb Dittrich, Founder and CEO of Snappin’ Ministries and mom of 3 kids with special needs, has discovered several ways to make that happen. Yesterday she shared her first tip, and today she’s back with 3 more.

4 Reasons to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 2

Special Needs Holiday Tip #2: You Cannot Have It All

You can’t be guaranteed that your child is not going to have a complete sensory meltdown when you take them to an unfamiliar setting in close quarters, with lots of noise, maybe having to wear fancy clothes, and being offered strange foods. There are no promises that extended family will not say awful things about your challenged child whom they only see on rare occasion. Compassion for the fact that you may have just survived a hospitalization is not even a reasonable expectation.

When it comes to the holidays, we have to remember that there is a trade-off for everything. If we are going to bravely venture into the large family obligations, we will pay a price. Asserting our boundaries and saying “no” to certain invitations will also have a cost. Just realize that each action will have an equal and opposite reaction. We realized that it worked best for us to have our own separate family visits with grandparents and then another one perhaps with an aunt or uncle, rather than attending the large extended family gathering. This caused friction at first. It was hard to feel a bit left out when everyone else was together in the same place. But after a year or two of this new tradition, we discovered that this rhythm was much better for everyone.

Special Needs Holiday Tip #3: Turn Down the Volume

Being intentional about quiet time during this season is more important than any other time of year. Prayer and scripture helps parents like us to gain discernment as we walk through the challenges of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.

Becoming minimalist in our activities, spending less, and cuddling more can increase the quality of the year-end beyond what we ever could have imagined. These are sacred moments that we can store up in our hearts to carry us through the more difficult times of life. Watching the flickering of a candle or Christmas lights, gentle seasonal music, and slowly savoring a favorite treat or beverage with our children can usher us into a holy, hushed, meaningful space together. Couldn’t we all use that in our hectic lives?

Special Needs Holiday Tip #4: Write Your Own Holiday Story

Now that my children are older, nothing warms my heart than hearing them laugh and say, “Remember when…?” Because we asserted our boundaries and began our own traditions when our children were young, our kids are now left with their own cherished memories. We have our own family story to share.

Some of these quiet traditions are things that define us. The Advent calendar book where we look behind giant lift-the-flap doors to read the Scripture for each day; the laying of an old, enormous comforter in front of a roaring fireplace while we watch certain movies; laying under the Christmas tree and looking up the trunk at all of the reflective ornaments; paging through photo albums of years past, are just a few of the things that define us as a family of five. Reflecting on these moments make me so grateful that we did the hard work of hunkering down for the holidays in our own, quirky sort of way.

While setting our own tone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holiday celebrations can be stressful, it ultimately sets better expectations for the years ahead. Know that you are not alone in your struggle to adapt to the special needs of the children you love most.

For More Special Needs Holiday Ideas

Snappin’ Ministries’ Holiday & Special Needs Pinterest Board
4 Reasons to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 1

Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

The mother of three children, all of whom have a variety of chronic illnesses or special needs, Barbara Dittrich founded Snappin’ Ministries (Special Needs Parents Network) in 2002 and currently serves as its Executive Director.  The organization she leads was one of three finalists for WORLD MAGAZINE’S Hope Award for Effective Compassion in October of 2009, in conjunction with the American Bible Society.  With a unique vision for serving parents of children with chronic illness, disability, or special needs, she has led the SNAPPIN’ MINISTRIES team in developing an innovative parent mentor curriculum.  She lives with her husband of 20+ years in Wisconsin and writes and speaks nationwide.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

4 Ways to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 1

4 Ways to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 1

by | Nov 9, 2016 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

4 Ways to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 1

Do you want to hunker down for the holidays with your family this year? Barb Dittrich, Founder and CEO of Snappin’ Ministries and mom of 3 kids with special needs, has discovered several ways to make that happen. Today she shares 1 tip, and she’ll be back tomorrow with 3 more.

4 Ways to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 1

Before the frost has even begun to kiss the pumpkin patch, the conversations begin. Dread creeps in, heavier than the Halloween fog as families start to contemplate their upcoming holidays with a child who has special needs. Times like these taunt, reminding parents that their home life has far more complications than the typical household.

If you are feeling less-than-festive about the approaching holiday season, you are not alone. So many caregivers just like us cringe while thinking about family obligations where demands are high and understanding is low. Will there be gluten-free options at Thanksgiving? How will the noise level of so many people under one roof affect sensory processing? And if we do end up with a hospitalization, will anyone even miss us?

What Holidays Have Taught Me

Time has mercifully improved our family holiday celebrations, but it wasn’t always that way. The pressure of expectations and desire to make others happy nearly crushed us. We had to take a deep breath and figure out how to end the madness. Here are ways we’ve learned to hunker down for a special needs holiday and an improved Thanksgiving and Christmas season:

Special Needs Holiday Tip #1: What Is the Main Thing?

Are the holidays about making grandparents happy? Are they about seeing people you only get to visit with once a year? Is making memories with your children primary? Until you make this determination, you cannot move forward. If the holidays are about making grandparents happy, that may mean making your children less than joyful.

Uncomfortable clothes and difficult settings may be required. For our family, we were committed to both the meaning of each holiday as well as enjoying the company of our small brood. This helped us to move towards those goals with the decisions we made.

Alternately, there were some years where seeing certain relatives took precedence. That required us to put ample planning into how we would handle issues with our sometimes uncooperative children. Whatever the primary focus for that year, we kept the main thing the main thing.

Come back tomorrow for 4 Ways to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 2.

For More Special Needs Holiday Ideas

Snappin’ Ministries’ Holiday & Special Needs Pinterest Board
4 Ways to Hunker Down for a Special Needs Holiday, Part 2

Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the monthly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email.

By

The mother of three children, all of whom have a variety of chronic illnesses or special needs, Barbara Dittrich founded Snappin’ Ministries (Special Needs Parents Network) in 2002 and currently serves as its Executive Director.  The organization she leads was one of three finalists for WORLD MAGAZINE’S Hope Award for Effective Compassion in October of 2009, in conjunction with the American Bible Society.  With a unique vision for serving parents of children with chronic illness, disability, or special needs, she has led the SNAPPIN’ MINISTRIES team in developing an innovative parent mentor curriculum.  She lives with her husband of 20+ years in Wisconsin and writes and speaks nationwide.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts

How To Create a Special Needs Advent Celebration

How To Create a Special Needs Advent Celebration

by | Nov 2, 2016 | Different Dream, Holidays, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

How To Create a Special Needs Advent Celebration

Welcome to guest blogger Karen Whiting, author of Christmas Is Coming, but Waiting Is Hard, a book about celebrating Advent with kids. She’s here with some ideas about how to create a special needs advent celebration for kids who have special needs.

How To Create a Special Needs Advent Celebration

Christmas can mean over-stimulation and sensory overdose for a special needs child. Keeping things simple can be more meaningful and less stressful. But, as a parent you want to be sure your child understands the importance of the birth of Jesus. That boils down to making choices that focus on Jesus without overdoing it.

Advent can be an ADVENTure that’s simple, fun, and focused. Try these ideas to make it manageable:

  • Use an Advent wreath or simply decorate one large candle to light each day of Advent. The four candles represent four different themes.
    Candle 1: The prophecy candle represents HOPE.
    Candle 2: The Bethlehem candle represents LOVE.
    Candle 3: The Shepherd candle represents JOY.
    Candle 4: The Angel candle represents PEACE.
  • Choose to make it a routine with a time to light the candle each day.
  • Repeat the same verse for a few days, or for an entire week, such as the message of peace the angles sang out at Christmas for the angel candle (Luke 2:14).
  • Choose one song for each week of Advent and sing it while the candle is lit.
  • Find a short, simple Christmas book that tells the story of the birth of Christ. Read this often before Christmas or with lighting the candle.
  • Use an Advent book, but choose just the activities, readings, or scriptures that your child can enjoy. You don’t have to do everything. Focus on what few things will be doable.

A few ideas to keep the season simple:

  • Take short five minutes breaks each day to de-stress and relax.
  • Choose one way to help your child focus on being generous. It might be giving a toy to a needy child, making a gift for a family member, or working on one character trait as a gift for Jesus.
  • Keep wrapping simple with gift bags or even pillowcases.
  • Give promise notes of time or gifts in the New Year if there’s no time or money to do all the desired shopping before Christmas.
  • Don’t stress about putting up every decoration you own. Put up the most meaningful ones and start rotating what other ones to use each year.
  • Save a few educational gifts for New Year’s Day. It can be a simple way to start the New Year and a time children can focus on learning toys. Christmas Day already has enough sensory gifts to open, so moving a few to a later date can keep things easier and allow time to enjoy individual gifts more.


Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

By

Karen Whiting is an international speaker, former television host, and the author of twenty-two books. She grew up with a special needs brother and now enjoys time with her grandchildren, including a few who have special needs. Her advent book Christmas Is Coming, but Waiting Is Hard shares a daily journey to Christmas with lots of activities to choose from to focus on Jesus.

Author Jolene Philo

Archives

Categories

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene

Related Posts