Guest blogger Amy Felix says that when autism gives courage to stand, something beautiful happens. You may well agree after reading this post, which comes with a tissue warning.

When Autism Gives Courage to Stand

Growing up, my faith was weak. God used it, what little there was, but I always wished I could be more bold. Even now, I struggle with speaking up or standing out when I need to. My heart is on fire for Jesus, but putting myself out there is still hard; mostly because I feel unworthy and I worry about others’ opinions of me.

But, through God’s grace, my daughter is changing all of that.

I’ve learned, through having a sibling with severe epilepsy and parenting children with autism, that many look down on those with special needs. Some expect them to fail or see them as less than. Others pity them or try to justify treating them differently. I admit I used to do the same things when I was young, before the special needs community became such a huge part of my world. Before I understood a powerful truth.

A truth that my daughter has taught me and many others, just by being who she is.

In church towards the beginning of worship, when most people wait to be told to stand, I used to wait right along with them. Inside, I wanted to stand up and raise my hands and throw myself into worship with abandon. Outside, I was scared to be different. I didn’t want to stand out. It was a time for worshipping the very God who holds my heart, and I hesitated. All because I was focused on the opinions of those around me.

Not on my love for the One I was there to praise.

My daughter has always had a passion for worship. Her whole being is wrapped up in it. It’s her primary way to connect with a God who created her uniquely and perfectly. She worships without a care in the world. It doesn’t matter who’s watching or what others may think. The world around her seems to disappear; one of the many gifts given to her through autism. She’s intensely invested; all else melts away. The moment the music starts, regardless of what anyone else in church is doing, she is the first to stand. She is the first to raise her hands in worship. She stands and praises Him, even if no one else joins her.

In her love for worshipping her Savior, she is courageous.

She’s given me the courage to stand as well. She’s inspired me to push past hesitation and lose sight of the world and seek His face. To see nothing but His glory. To feel nothing but love for my Father, who has been so kind to me. The One who gave me a child who leads. A child who is different. A child who doesn’t need pity. A child who rises above. A child fashioned after the One who made her.

Not all of autism is beautiful and poetic.

It’s hard and it’s painful. But I am convinced God is working in and through it. There are incredible gifts woven throughout. One gift is inspiration to take a stand, both inside the walls of the church, and outside in my daily life. To fight the good fight. To be courageous.

To be more than I ever thought I could be.

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