A Special Needs Prayer: Just a Bit Longer

by jphilo | Jul 12, 2017 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

A Special Needs Prayer: Just a Bit Longer

The special needs prayer of one parent may be different from the prayer of others. But for parents raising kids with complex medical problems, their prayer is similar to the request their children make when it’s time to leave the park or the pool or other play. Please, please. Just a bit longer? Guest blogger Stephanie Ballard explores that prayer in this poem.

A Special Needs Prayer: Just a Bit Longer

A picture perfect summer day
Spent playing at the park.
Soon it’s time to head on home,
It’s starting to get dark.
And so, I yell, “It’s time to go,”
(My child starts to cry.)
He looks at me with pleading eyes,
And then he asks me, “Why?”
Of all the answers in my mind,
None seems quite adequate.
I prepare for what I know will come:
A full blown crying fit.

He throws himself onto the ground,
Forgetting Mommy’s much stronger.
I lift him up into my arms.
He wails, “I wanna stay longer!”
And ask we walk on toward the car
He says, “Oh, Mommy, please?”
I say, “I’m sorry, sweetheart,”
Then give his hand a squeeze.
Strapped in his car seat,
We’re leaving the part of the day.
He’s giving me that petulant look
That says, “Why can’t I have my way?”

And as I’m driving homeward,
I think, “Imagine that!
I can be tough after all.
I have this drill down pat.
My child wants what he wants now.
He does not like to wait.
I see this trait within myself.
I can indeed relate.
He thinks that he will change my mind
With loud, persuasive tears.
And yet, this seems to be the way
That I bring God my fears.

In the moment…

I watched him swimming in the pool,
All giggles, kicks, and splashes.
And i could see my life with him,
A thousand tiny flashes.
And when we read his favorite book,
He turned each page with care.
I thought about my hopes for him,
While knowing life’s not fair.
He wrapped his arms around my neck,
Lips puckered for a kiss.
I know I’d give all I have
For more times just like this.

He may not always be with me;
Life isn’t always kind.
Then I will have just memories
Etched in the depths of my mind.
“Take things one day at a time,”
Someone once said to me.
But I would give most anything
To just have…certainty.

And as we walked along the beach,
His tiny hand in mine,
I thought, “I love these moments
When everything is fine.”
He plops onto the sandy shore
And scoops a handful of sand.
Somehow I know God’s watching
This life he so carefully planned.
I know there are no guarantees
Of what tomorrow holds,
But I am filled with gratitude
As each new day unfolds.

These moments make it all so clear.
And no, I’m not wise or stronger.
I am just God’s child myself
Always asking, “Please just a bit longer?”

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By

Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

Author Jolene Philo

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This year I decided to give up snacks for Lent. With my efforts failing more often than not, I’ve come up with a long list of what I wish I’d given up instead. 10. House cleaning. This one I would willingly doing for Lent and beyond. 9. Being an unpublished fiction writer. I’m working diligently on this one. But parts of accomplishing it are beyond my control. 8. A sentimental attachment to stuff. My closets would be much happier if this had been my choice. Plus, it would make #10 more feasible. 7. An illogical desire for a swimming pool. It’s a luxury I can do without and an unwanted, extra task since the Man of Steel’s take on it is, “Go ahead and do it…as long as you’re the one who cleans it.” 6. Messy closets and dresser drawers. See #8. 5. Impatience. Except I want to give this one up immediately, as in right now, rather than spend 40 days grinding away at it. 4. Self-righteousness. Mom used to call it a tendency to pat myself on my back. But there’s more to it than that. Like a tendency to elevate myself at the expense of others. A tendency I wish was easier to shake. 3. Guilt. The unfounded, irrational kind that sucks away energy that could be better spent on lifting others up rather than mentally beating yourself down. 2. Worry. The ever-present companion of all parents. Even after their kids are grown, gone, and on their own. The slightest sniff of distress in their lives and the worry meister rears its ugly head. 1. A divided heart. Each time we or friends and loved ones leave, whether from town to town or from this world to the next, my heart breaks. A piece of it is left behind where we once lived or travels on with those leaving me behind. Forty days of Lent spent contemplating what Jesus gave up for the world are not enough to repair the brokenness, nor should they be. Instead these 40 days call me to contemplate the glory yet to come. The eternal day when all who hope in Christ will be reunited and every divided heart will be made whole. What do you wish you’d given up for Lent? Leave a comment.

Fantastic Friday: What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

by jphilo | Apr 17, 2015 | Family

This post from 5 years ago caught my eye while searching the Gravel Road’s archives. Why? Because this April our family is celebrating the birth of a grandchild, I’m attending a conference in Virginia right now, and I’m looking forward to a book release on April 27. Events as momentous as the events of April 2010 which included…well, you’ll find out as you read this week’s Fantastic Friday post.

Yeah, that’s me in the back row with the oh-no-what-have-I-gotten-myself-into expression. The other two are my brother and a cousin. There’s another cousin kneeling in front, but I can’t get her to show up. (Sorry Nell!)

When the good people at Discovery House Publishers emailed on April 13 to say they accepted my proposal for Different Dream Parenting: Raising a Child with Special Needs, my response was similar to the one in the picture. It was the day after we returned from our son’s wedding so my energy level and brain functions were nil at the time.

Needless to say, it took awhile for the news to sink in. Once the old brain cells revived, my first response should have been of the whoop-and-holler-of-joy variety. But no. It was more of the what-have-I-gotten-myself-into and why-did-I-think-I-could-write-a-book-on-this-subject variety.

After a few calming breaths and some positive self-talk, the panic subsided, at least until I printed off the chapter summary that was part of the original proposal. After reading the plan written last December, panic returned, along with self-doubt. I felt as poorly trained and utterly inadequate for the task at hand as I had each August of my twenty-five year teaching career.

But over the next several days, God calmed me down, patted my head, and held my hand. Every Bible passage I read was about how God prepares his people for his work. Every book I opened contained valuable resources. Visions of experts and parents I’ve met in the past few years – many since Different Dream was released – came to mind.

“Write them down,” a voice whispered inside my head. “Make a plan.”

I started a list of people, books, websites, and organizations. In minutes, the list was two pages long. Their expertise matched many of the subjects to be addressed in my book, though a few holes remained. In the next few days, previously unknown experts appeared on my radar screen. The timing was uncanny.

The voice in my head was clear and insistent. “You’re not in this alone. I’ve spent my life preparing you to do this. You take the logical next step and leave the rest to me.”

Living by faith. Writing by faith. That’s what I’ve gotten myself into.

Let the adventure begin.

Fantasic Friday: Impatient People Like Me

by jphilo | Feb 27, 2015 | Daily Life

Friday on this Gravel Road means it’s time to dig through the archives for a past post worth another read. This one hails from February of 2013. Reading it was a bit discouraging, as it showed my impatience hasn’t increased much in the past 2 years. Anyone else suffer from this affliction? Leave a comment R-I-G-H-T N-O-W so we can start a support group pronto!

This past Wednesday was not a good day.

First, I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee in the morning and because I’d written the time down wrong, got there a half hour late. Being an impatient person, I hate to keep others waiting.