Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs: 7 Ways to Connect

Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs: 7 Ways to Connect

by | Mar 9, 2015 | Different Dream, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs: 7 Ways to Connect

A little more than 2 years ago, my husband and I became grandparents. He, and now his new baby sister, live 4 1/2 long, long hours away. Ever since our first grandchild was born, I’ve fought the urge to crawl to my children’s grandparents on my knees to apologize for the emotional pain we inflicted on them by living far, far away from them when our first child was born.

And for having to use the phone to keep them up-to-date on all the cute things he did.
And to break the news, more times than I could count, of his latest special needs setbacks and surgeries.

Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs from a Distance

As a mom, I know both how hard it is to parent babies and toddlers, with or without special needs. As a grandma, I know how hard it is to live far, far away from grandkids, unable to help out in practical ways or to connect with these children who stole my heart the first time I saw them. So when the first grandchild was nearing his second birthday, right around the time he started remembering us between visits, I decided to come up with a way to connect with him across the miles. Several months later, we are closer than ever.

Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs: 7 Ways to Connect

These 7 ideas are so simple, they can help grandparents everywhere be involved in their grandkids lives, too.

  1. Find out what interests your grandchild. Listen to what the child’s parents say about their child’s likes and dislikes. When you visit, watch for your grandchild’s favorite toys, books, activities, and topics of conversation.
  2. Do stuff together. During visits, be as actively involved as you can as early as you can with your grandchild. Read, go on walks, get on the floor and play, sing, dance, and create as many memories as you can.
  3. Pick up the phone. When my kids were little, the grands only called on Sunday afternoon when phone rates were low. Even though cell phones make it possible to call whenever and where ever, we do it on Sunday afternoons, after our grandson gets up from his nap. Now that he “gets” talking on the phone, we ask about his favorite things or mention things we’ve done with him.
  4. Take advantage of technology. Skype and Facetime are wonderful inventions. Use them now and then so your grandkids can “see” and remember your face.
  5. Send weekly notes and trinkets. Phone calls, Skype, and Facetime are wonderful, but surprisingly, writing a card to our grandson every week has been the most effective way to connect with him. It’s just a short note about the weather, what we’ve been doing (especially if stories about tools we’ve used because our grandson loves tools), remembering things we did with him, and talking about projects to do together during our next visit. I also slip in a few stickers, because he likes crafts. Very often, he uses the stickers to make something for us or to send to his great-grandmas.

These 5 ideas will go a long way to strengthen your ties with grandkids who live far away. Grandparents of kids with special needs can add two more.

  • First, accept grandchildren as they are and love them unconditionally.
  • Second, learn more about a grandchild’s specific special need. Ask parents where to start researching and how you can assist them.

Parenting kids with special needs can be very isolating, so a grandparents unconditional acceptance and active involvement is not only a wonderful gift but also a powerful way to draw closer to both grandkids and their parents.

Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs: Your Ideas?

Whether you’re the parent or grandparent of a child with special needs, I’d love to hear how you foster the grandparent-grandchild connection. So share your ideas in the comment box. Thanks!

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

Author Jolene Philo

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Ten Reasons to Be Grateful for the Internet

Ten Reasons to Be Grateful for the Internet

by | Nov 18, 2014 | Top Ten Tuesday

internetThe internet gets some pretty bad press and for good reason. But it’s a neutral medium, as is any technology. When it’s used the right way, it makes life much easier as this top ten list shows.

10.  YouTube how to clips take the pain out of DYI projects . It’s also handy for finding funny clips to dress up speeches. And the technology is simple enough for digital immigrant authors to create videos about their books.

9.  Much as I like to handpick gifts at real stores, online shopping makes life easier in a pinch. As does printing out coupons and then shopping at real stores. I can just about here my grandkids talking about the olden days when grandma was a girl, and she had to hunt for newspapers and cut coupons.

8.  What’s not to like about online Bibles with hot link cross-references? Clicko, presto, and the verse is right there. Can you say time saver?

7.  Email means book proposals and manuscripts can be sent to agents and editors as attachments. No more printing hard copies, preparing them for mailing, driving to the post office, and paying an arm and a leg for postage.

6.  The internet makes research fun and fast. Want to know if your latest book idea is unique? Do an Amazon search. Need to know the date of the Saturday before Thanksgiving in 1977? There’s a website for that. Or how about the television viewing schedule for October 1988? It’s all online!

5.  Recipes, recipes, recipes.

4.  Online conferences and church services make it possible for people who can’t leave home to not only watch a worship service, but also to interact with other worshipers.

3.  Netflix = 0 commercials.

2.  Mapquest and Google Maps means never having to ask for directions again.

1.  Facebook is a wonderful place to create community among parents of kids with special needs–parents whose caregiving duties make it hard for them to get out of the house. Thanks to Facebook, a few years ago I met other parents of kids with the same condition my son was born with in 1988. To find someone who totally understands your parenting journey is a gift beyond measure.

Autism Overload and Elephants in the Room, Pt 1

Autism Overload and Elephants in the Room, Pt 1

by | Jul 17, 2014 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

Autism Overload and Elephants in the Room, Pt 1

 Photo Credit: Jerome von Oostrom at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Autism is part of life for guest blogger Sarah Broady and her family. But sometimes her concern for her son with autism oozes into every facet of her life. In the first post in her series about autism overload, she describes how autism is always on her mind.

Autism Overload and Elephants in the Room, Part 1

Autism Overload on Facebook

I had my Facebook page open on the computer recently and my husband needed to use it. He scrolled through and noticed the autism pages that I like and follow. Some are small groups I’m a part of made up of only parents of autistic kids, some are faith/autism centered, and some are pages just like mine that are personal pages about families living with autism. “Wow. You have a lot of autism ‘stuff’ on here.”  His next comment hit me in a funny way. He said, “You just can’t get away from it, can you? You can’t do something without autism being involved?”

My response? No. Not really.

I bet that whatever is most important to a person is most talked about and represented on their Facebook news feed. Mine does include lots of autism posts and memes. Wanna know why? Because autism is kind of a major deal in my life. My son is autistic. That is not something I can ever get away from.

Autism Overload on Dates

My husband and I have been on at least one long getaway together, several overnighters, and many dates alone while parents and friends have blessed us with babysitting. While my mind might off the kids while watching a movie or spending time with my sweetheart wherever we are, autism is still there. I wonder how Sam is doing. Autism moves to the forefront when I get a phone call asking how to handle a meltdown when they’re in Target and he wants a toy that was over the budget I had set for him. (The answer, by the way, is to just give him the toy. It makes everything so much smoother for everyone involved, so long as he shows appropriate behavior and calms down before being obliged.)

Autism Overload Every Stinkin’ Day

The point is, I am usually thinking of autism for a good portion of my day. Every day. 

Every. 

Stinkin’. 

Day.

 I have this blog so I can get those thoughts out of my head. I’m writing a book, so various themes and ideas run through my mind and out into one of the many journals I keep for brilliant idea-writing. As I scroll through my news feed, I read the struggles of other parents–mostly moms like me.  Of the fifty+ autism articles, I typically read a few. The articles jump start my thinking on that particular topic, or reminds me of something else about autism. That leads me to talking things out in my blog, or in a few sentences on Facebook to get a conversation going.

Autism Overload When I’ve Had Enough of It

Despite all of this, I (sometimes) don’t mind all that much. Don’t get me wrong here. It doesn’t mean I like it. I still have my moments when I have just had ENOUGH of autism. Then I call one of my good autism mom friends, and we talk about how we’ve had enough of autism. Even in doing so, we’re still talking about autism. Because it’s part of our lives, and it will not just disappear. All we can do is try to cope the best way we can. We try to talk about other things, but we can only ignore the elephant in the room for so long. We can’t chat long before one of us whips out Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy for our son in the middle of the conversation. We don’t even say, “Hold on.” There’s no time. We just start talking to our kid while the other person realizes they are no longer being listened to and waits patiently. Because we get it. And then we laugh, and we sigh. . . or cry. . .

Do You Understand Autism Overload?

Can you relate to Sarah’s situation? If so, leave a comment about when autism overload invades your life. And come back tomorrow for the rest of her post about autism overload and the elephant in the room.

Autism Overload and Elephants in the Room: Part 2

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Sarah Broady and her husband have three boys. Their second son is autistic. Sarah is an autism advocate and has spoken to state capitol committees to secure better services on behalf of families living with autism. Her greatest joy comes in being an encouragement to other parents who are walking the same road she is walking. She blogs about their life raising a son with autism as they hope and delight in God at Hope in Autism. and interviews people involved with disabilities and special needs at A Special Hope Podcast. She is also writing a book that gives hope in Jesus on the special needs path. She speaks at Christian-related special needs events to reach parents on a more personal level. You can contact Sarah through her blog or by email at sarah@hopeinautism.com.

Author Jolene Philo

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JoLo and J Lo: Do You Like?

JoLo and J Lo: Do You Like?

by | Oct 4, 2013 | Current Events

Facebook_like_thumb

A few days ago one of my dearest, wackiest friends left the following message on my Facebook page:

Jolene, WHY did I not think of this before NOW? Every celebrity goes by a Hip mini abbreviated version of their name. YOU are a celebrity on so many levels and I have the perfect name for your author wing dings and speaking engagements. Take the first from your first name and the last from your last name… TA DA… Ready…… JO LO!!!! I love it!! Jo Lo … JoLo What do you think?

To which I responded:

It is perfect. Especially since so many people already confuse me with J. Lo!
As in, “Excuse me, are you J. Lo? Can I have your autograph.” Because me and Jenn look so much alike. Which you probably already noticed. Which is why the idea came to you:)

To which he responded:

Yes, there is an uncanny resemblance between you and J Lo!!!! You must check your geneology I have a feeling you two are distant cousins!!!

To which I responded:

Hmm, my steely-eyed German and Scandinavian ancestors never mentioned hot, Latin blood. Maybe the Irish side of the family learned to tango.

All of which has me wondering if my ancestors, who I’ve always considered more dour than dancers, tangoed with those of Latin descent. Perhaps, dear readers, your observations can put an end to my wild speculation.

So, here’s J Lo:

Jennifer Lopez

and here’s JoLo:

Jolene Blue dress

Click “Like” if you think we look enough alike to be related.

Diversionary Tactics

Diversionary Tactics

by | Dec 7, 2008 | Out and About

For the past few days, diversionary tactics have been the name of the game for Allen and me. Decorating the tree with Brenda was just what I needed. Her tree had a theme and is color coordinated to match the living room. My tree at home is a sentimental collection of thirty-two years worth of decorations which match nothing and make me cry when I take them out of their boxes.

Allen’s diversion was Facebook. Once he got past the culture shock of online social networking – along with the idea of iPods, iTunes and all sorts of technology that developed during his five years in the monastery – he made rapid progress. He set up and account and located numerous old high school and college friends. One of them gave him a crash course in Facebookology, and my son is now more proficient at it than I am.

We’re both ready for the diversions to end and the hard work of therapy to begin. Please pray for Allen as he begins. From all we’ve read, it will be emotionally exhausting and life-changing, so pray for his courage and strength to face what is ahead. Pray that I respond to him as a twenty-six-year-old man and provide the right mix of support and independence.

We leave Bowling Green around noon, with a 5 – 6 hour drive to Morgantown. The weather, which was snowy and windy yesterday, is calm and sunny today, and we’re glad. It’s a new week and a new adventure. Hi, ho Silver, away!