by jphilo | Mar 15, 2012 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support
Yesterday, guest blogger Kathy Guzzo described how helpless she sometimes felt parenting her children with special needs and how God taught her to change her focus. Today, she’s back with an acrostic about what God taught her to do.
What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do, Part 2
Recently, I put down on paper four things I feel God taught me to do when I don’t know what to do and they are all based on L – O- V – E.
When Out of Options, Practice LOVE
L – I need to LISTEN to my heart, because a parent’s instinct is strong and because God speaks in a still small voice.
O – I need to keep my arms and my heart OPEN for unexpected encouragement and hugs that I can give as well as receive.
V – I need to be willing to admit and VOICE my feelings regarding the current situation to someone I trust will truly listen.
E – I need to EMBRACE the life I have each day regardless of it’s trials, because I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.
I Still Struggle
Even 10 years after our daughter’s diagnosis, in my heart I still struggle with wanting to do something for her, to make her illness go away, to take care of her, but in my head I know that isn’t possible. So I try to follow the formula for LOVE, God has given me, which helps me look at life and it’s trials differently.
Kathy Isn’t Alone
Listen
Open
Voice
Embrace
Good advice, don’t you agree? Thanks, Kathy for sharing what you learned. If you appreciate Kathy’s acrostic, leave a comment.
Part One
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by jphilo | Mar 14, 2012 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support
During the years guest blogger Kathy Guzzo parented young children with special needs, she often felt like she didn’t know what to do. In today’s post she describes those years and explains how she learned to change her focus.
What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do, Part 1
Looking back over the fifty plus years I’ve lived, there have been many times I was in a situation where I had no idea what to do. But, none of those times affected me then or now as much as when my child was seriously ill and I felt helpless. As their mom I always felt I should be able to make everything better, but I realized early on mothering just doesn’t work that way.
Feeling Helpless as a Mom
When our son was 6 months old he contracted a serious case of bronchitis that soon became pneumonia. For the next 2-½ years he was extremely ill. We went to specialists; he underwent extensive testing, hospitalization stays, yet the doctors didn’t know why his body could not flush out the bacteria that had caused the initial pneumonia. The nights when he coughed till he vomited, that he struggled breathing, or while he was hooked up to oxygen, I felt helpless, like a failure as a parent.
About the time he started to improve, our 6-year-old daughter began having seizures. So once again I endured the agony of watching a child be poked and prodded while answering the same questions doctors asked over and over again. She was terrified because she knew something was happening to her body, but she couldn’t control it. During this time it broke my heart to see her withdraw because once again other than what I was doing, I was helpless to stop the seizures.
We made it through those situations and were rolling along with 4 active children, when a different daughter started experiencing migraines at the age of 14. The cycle began again with doctors, testing and medications. Then at the age of 16 she contracted mono, had strep throat, then they told us she had mono again. For two years I watched my active, fun loving teenaged daughter become frustrated with life because all she wanted was to enjoy high school but she was missing more days than she could attend. Eventually, right before she began college she was diagnosed with systemic lupus and Epstein Barr Replication. However, having a diagnosis didn’t take away my feelings I had the previous years where I wanted to help her, to make everything okay.
Changing My Focus
In thinking back over these experiences, many times my only lifeline was my faith and prayer. When I had the overwhelming sensation to hold one of my children hoping that would make everything okay, I had to focus on the fact that my Heavenly Father loved them so much more than I did and He was able to meet their needs in a very special way and what He asked me to do in those times of helplessness was love my children and to love myself.
Do You Understand How Kathy Felt?
Tomorrow, Kathy will be back with a nifty little acrostic that explains what God taught her to do when she didn’t know what to do. Until then, leave a comment about times when you didn’t know what to do as a parent. If your years spent parenting a child with special needs were like mine, that shouldn’t be too hard to do!
Part Two
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by jphilo | Mar 12, 2012 | Books and Resources, Different Dream, Spiritual Support
I love bargains and love to pass them on to friends. Today, I’m passing along something better than a bargain – a free prayer guide from my book, Different Dream Parenting.
Why a 30 Day Free Prayer Guide?
This prayer guide, along with the other 6 in Different Dream Parenting, is a 30 day guide – a whole month’s worth. Our pastor hooked me on the concept years ago. A monthly guide, as opposed to a weekly one, doesn’t get so repetitive. And it’s much easier to catch up on a missing day in a daily guide compared to a yearly one.
Why So Much Scripture?
Praying Scripture is another thing modeled by our pastor. He encourages people to pray Scripture because we can pray confidently when we pray his Word back to them. So each entry in the guide begins with a Scripture followed by a prayer based upon the verse. Hopefully, the guide will be a tool you can use to draw closer to God. To download the guide, go to Free Stuff and click away.
More Free Stuff Coming
After you download the prayer guide, leave some feedback in the comment box. And check the free stuff page often because more freebies will be uploaded in the next few months.
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
by jphilo | Mar 7, 2012 | Books and Resources, Different Dream, Spiritual Support
Peter and Amy Julia Becker weren’t expecting a special needs diagnosis after the birth of their first child. When the doctor said he suspected their daughter Penny had Down syndrome, Amy’s life and her expectations for her daughter changed.
A Good and Perfect Gift: A Mother’s Memoir
A Good and Perfect Gift: Faith, Expectations, and a Little Girl Named Penny is Amy Julia Becker’s memoir about the first three years of her journey as the parent of a child with special needs. Becker describes the grief she experienced after the diagnosis. She details her reluctance acceptance of her role as Down syndrome advocate and expert, as well as her anger and frustration with the responses of well-meaning, uninformed friends and acquaintances.
Questions Pondered
The book also provides an accounting of the faith questions that plagued Becker during her daughter’s first months and years. Was Penny’s Down syndrome caused in part by Becker’s struggle with eating disorders in high school? Would her faith be strengthened or broken by this special needs diagnosis? Was God in control? Did Penny’s Down syndrome make her less perfect than other people? The author honestly recounts her thought processes, tracing her changing perspectives as she sought answers.
Beautiful Writing and Quiet, Intelligent Faith
Clear, beautiful prose mark this memoir. Becker writes transparently, sharing her doubts and feelings without becoming overly emotional or sentimental. She presents her faith quietly and intelligently, never shying away from complex theological dilemmas. She accomplishes this without being preachy or self-righteous. In fact, humility and brokenness pervade the pages of this memoir.
Thank You, Amy Julia Becker
I am thankful someone recommended Becker’s book to me. It is, perhaps, the best special needs parenting memoir I have read in either the Christian or general market. I will recommend A Good and Perfect Gift to friends whatever their faith affiliation may be. In fact, if you haven’t read it yet, I recommend you do so as soon as you can. If you have read it, what did you think of the book. Leave a comment about your response to Amy Julia Becker’s memoir about being the parent of a child with special needs, A Good and Perfect Gift.
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
by jphilo | Mar 5, 2012 | Different Dream, Special Needs Ministry, Spiritual Support
Guest blogger Ellen Stumbo shares a different perspective about special needs today. Rather than posting about parenting, she writes about how important people with special needs are at the church her family attends. Maybe her words will provide the perspective you need today, too.
Our Church Needs Brody
“We have a small church with good people and big hearts.”
Andy and I heard this statement when we first candidated at Orchard View Alliance. A sentiment that we now know to be true. Although we are only a few, I love to look around on a Sunday morning and see the faces of our new friends. I smile every time. In our church, disability is normal. Much like in our own family.
Last night, we had our first AWANA meeting of the year. Andy and I are learning the ropes of this children’s ministry, and along with Sandy, we are the Sparks leaders. And every time Sandy comes to church, Brody is with her.
Brody is a young adult with cerebral palsy. He has spastic diplegia, just like our daughter Nina. His voice is high and somehow it reminds me of Urkel from Family Matters. Yet once in a while when he speaks, his voice turns deep and you hear the man in Brody. Brody’s walk cannot hide the typical gait of CP, yet his servant heart does not stop him from carrying chairs around a room to make sure we all have a place to sit.
As we worked on memorizing John 3:16, Brody listened and participated intently along with the rest of the kids. One by one the children chose to go to the front of the room and try reciting the verse along with the hand motions we made up. After the kids had their turn, Brody asked to have a turn too.
Brody, a 20-something man in front of a room with kindergarten kids. He did the hand motions, he said most of the words. I looked at Sandy, and I knew she was proud. Brody has become like one of her own kids. I then looked at the rest of the kids. It is beautiful when you see children look past disability. There is something touching when you realize that they are not affected by the prejudice of our society. Brody is just Brody, and they too, were proud of him.
Our church needs Brody.
Every church, every ministry would be blessed with the Brodys of this world. Yet, there are so many parents of kids with special needs that do not feel welcome at church. So many adults with disabilities that wonder if they will fit in.
But not last night, not Brody.
Brody’s light extends beyond our AWANA nights. Brody, who by this world’s standards might seem broken, is spreading God’s word and shining his light. Brody is determined to share this verse with everyone he knows. Everyone. A few days ago, one of Brody’s care givers asked Sandy to please write down the verse Brody was trying to recite, so she can help him memorize and practice the hand motions. Brody meets with his friends, and he has something to teach them, a verse he learned at church. Brody gathers with his family, and he makes sure they all listen to John 3:16. The word of God, His promise, His sacrifice, shared by a young man that some might believe has little to contribute to society.
Brody’s light is shining. He is sharing the message. People are listening. His contribution might just be one of eternal relevance, and I just picture Brody standing before God when he hears, “Well done!” It humbles me. I have much to learn from Brody.
Our church needs Brody. Does yours?
Does Your Church Have a Brody?
Oops! Sorry I didn’t mention you might need a tissue while reading Ellen’s post. Once you dry your eyes and blow your nose, feel free to leave a comment about the Brody in your church. What is your Brody teaching you? Why does your church need Brody?
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
by jphilo | Feb 17, 2012 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support
Guest blogger Rebekah Benimoff is back today to complete this series about special needs lessons she’s learned in the midst of chaos. Today she writes about clinging to faith in the midst of a couple chaotic days with her son who has juvenile diabetes. Read on to see if it’s a lesson you learned or are learning in your life, too.
Belief in the Midst of Chaos
Having been in ministry for as long as I can remember, I am used to being the one serving. As a chaplain’s wife, I’ve lifted up many families in similar situations. Yet I am often reminded that we never outgrow the need to be ministered to- no matter where we are in life. It is incredibly valuable to learn to receive. Before saying good-bye, the chaplain shared that it was so good to be paged to visit a family who was getting better. She was blessed by serving, just as we were blessed by receiving.
There were many others who saw to our needs today, many reminders that God is with us. Roger’s chaplain friends stopped by. One stayed with Tyler while the other took me in search of gluten free options for Tyler who’d been cleared to try some food. She helped me carry my son’s needs and supplies and reminded me to see to my own hunger needs, as well. I was never so thankful for a breakfast taco! Prayers streamed in and the staff was more attentive than I could ever have asked for.
At the end of a long, tiring day, we headed home, weary but grateful. Quite ready to continue recovery from the comfort of home. In the mirror, I caught a glimpse of the shirt I had thrown on this morning in the dark.
Purple with little silver sparkles that spelled out B-E-L-I-E-V-E.
What I do believe? I believe that God was with us every moment, holding me and my precious boy. I believe He directed the staff with His wisdom, and that He sent many to minister to a troubled mother’s heart. And I believe that sometimes it is quite blessed to receive!
My prayer is that in the chaos that life throws our way, we will learn how to better receive from the heart of God and the hands and feet He sends our way!
Blessings,
~Rebekah
Part 1
Part 2
Lesson Three Complete
I don’t know about you, but God has to remind me often, especially in the hard times, that he’s with me and those I love. I know it’s true, but sometimes it is so hard to believe. How When you’re in the midst of chaos, how do you hang on to what you believe about God? What special needs lessons have you learned? Leave a comment so we can learn from you!
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
