5 Tips to Help Create an Inclusive Church Community

5 Tips to Help Create an Inclusive Church Community

5 Tips to Help Create an Inclusive Church Community

Different Dream is happy to introduce guest blogger Dan Vander Plaats to readers today. Dan works for Elim Christian Services in Palos Heights, Illinois, a ministry that exists to equip people who live with disabilities to answer God’s call on their lives. He’s also the creator of 5 Stages, a vehicle for changing attitudes about people with disabilities. Today, he’s here with some tips churches can use to create a more inclusive church community.

5 Tips to Help You Create a 5 Stages Inclusive Church Community

Over the last few years, I’ve spoken more and more often to groups of people that want to help their churches become more inclusive of people with disabilities. One of the questions I always hear afterwards is, “What do you do when your church has no interest in including people with disabilities?”

What a challenge it is to convince others to come with us on our journey, to care about people with disabilities! They have their own families, their own challenges, and their own causes. Why should they care about yours?

And there’s the rub, after all. Why should they care? And how will anything change until they do care?

Getting people to care was always a challenge for me too. I live with a speech disability, so the cause of people with disabilities has always been an important one to me. I spent many years trying to convince others to care about the issue as much as I did.

The 5 Stages was developed to allow easy self-assessment of attitudes. Used for that purpose, the tool will help users conclude that their attitudes about people with disabilities need to change. The point of The 5 Stages is that we “are all God’s handiwork, created… to do good works, which were prepared in advance” (Ephesians 2:10). And since we all have work to do for God’s Kingdom, then it isn’t optional. We all must change our attitudes. We must develop a “Stage 5 attitude” and see people with disabilities as “co-laborers” in the Kingdom.

So how can you help your church or other community become a 5 Stages community? The following is the process I’ve been pursuing in my own church, and in other places as well. The process requires patience, prayer, and persistence. But there’s one more thing. There’s also pay-off. So, here are 5 tips for creating a 5 Stages inclusive church community:

  1. Be convicted that progress only comes when attitudes get changed. Demanding rights and equality have achieved some changes to our sidewalks and buildings, but no matter how much we do on the surface, we don’t make real change unless it’s in people’s hearts. Getting a church to install a ramp can take years of convincing. How could that be different if we focused on changing attitudes first? If you are convicted that attitudes are the first priority in changing your community, then you have laid a foundation for progress.
  2. Develop a team that shares your goals. You can’t expect everyone to buy into your vision right away, but the more you share your hopes to ‘change attitudes’ in your church or community, the more you’ll find people who agree or are receptive to the idea. Help these partners capture the vision to change your community, and you are well on your way! There’s no ideal size, but it may be a good idea to get people that represent a cross-section of your community, if possible.
  3. Convince leadership of the importance of this vision. Once you have your group pulled together, enlist their assistance in helping your church or community leadership to see how this could change the church. Help your leadership understand that this does not need to compete with any other priorities, but that it can support all the community’s priorities (i.e.–if your church isn’t getting enough volunteers, what about equipping people with disabilities to participate and support what’s going on?)
  4. Identify goals. If you’ve got leadership on your team, it’s time to start addressing some specific needs. Here are some suggestions:
    •  Do an assessment of disability attitudes in your church
    •  Create more disability awareness by doing a 5 Stages presentation in your church’s education program or showing a 5 Stages video to your church council or to the education or missions team.
    •  Connect your church to a local group home or disability organization
    •  Identify specific special needs of members already in your church
    •  Investigate the creation of a Friendship group
    •  Consider including people with disabilities on your worship team or in leading prayers or scripture reading
    •  Think about the possibility of a respite group, or a support group for area families
  5. Accept setbacks and keep pressing. Okay, maybe this is two tips in one, but they go hand in hand. You won’t always succeed. A friend at Elim Christian Services, where I work, once told me that the best special education teachers aren’t those with advanced degrees or the best practicums or grades. They were the ones who were willing to try and fail. And try again. And keep trying until they made progress. You will run into obstacles, and into people who discourage you. You simply need to keep going.

I hope these tips were helpful and practical, even though they were intentionally broad. I also want you to know that there are lots of great resources out there for you. Feel free to share your favorites in the comments below. In the meantime, I hope the following resources will help you start creating an inclusive church community that sees people with disabilities as “co-laborers!”

Resources:
The 5 Stages: We provide a number of resources, including 10 different translations of The 5 Stages, from our website
Disability Concerns: Links to the disability ministries for the Christian Reformed Church in North America and to the Reformed Church in America
MNA Special Needs Ministry: Special needs resources offered by the Presbyterian Church in America
Friendship Ministries: Developers of Sunday School curriculum based on different special needs
Key Ministry: An online resource for learning more about a wide range of disability-related topics
Faith Inclusion Network: A fantastic ecumenical advocacy resource for people with disabilities
Rising Above Ministries: A phenomenal organization that helps churches build special needs ministries
All Belong (formerly CLC Network): Publishes of the GLUE manual and resources, along with being the working home of the late Barb Newman
Joni and Friends: This international ministry offers resources and lots of opportunities for your community to get involved.

What Do You Think?

Do you have questions for Dan? Or ideas of your own about creating more inclusive church communities? Leave your ideas in the comment box.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Dan Vander Plaats is the Director of Advancement at Elim Christian Services in Palos Heights, Illinois, a ministry that exists to equip people who live with disabilities to answer God’s call on their lives. He is also a member of the advisory committee for Disability Concerns for the Christian Reformed Church and the Equipping Team of the Chicago office of Joni and Friends. In 2009, he developed “5 Stages: Changing Attitudes” as a resource for Elim. The 5 Stages helps churches and individuals assess their attitudes toward people with disabilities. He is married to Denise (Hiemstra), and is father to Ben and Emma. They are members of Orland Park Christian Reformed Church in Illinois, where Dan also serves on the Disability Concerns team.

Author Jolene Philo

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Every Child Welcome: Cooking Up Special Needs Inclusion

Every Child Welcome: Cooking Up Special Needs Inclusion

Every Child Welcome: Cooking Up Special Needs Inclusion

Katie Wetherbee and I first met at a special needs ministry conference around 2010. She made a beeline to my book table and introduced herself. I attended Katie’s workshop and loved what she had to say. Before the end of the conference, we exchanged email addresses.

We quickly became good friends.

Maybe because we had a lot in common. We were both the parents of kids with special needs. We were both former public school teachers. We both had special education backgrounds. We shared a similar philosophy about inclusive education. We discovered that we had used many of the same strategies to create inclusive classrooms for our students. We also decided that if God had every granted us the opportunity to teach together, we would have been an administrator’s nightmare.

We also both loved to cook.

So we should have known, when we cooked up the idea to co-author a manual to equip children’s ministry volunteers to make every child welcome in their programs, that one of us would suggest using a dinner party theme to make the book hang together.

That someone was Katie. She’s the creative one.

After all, she explained (and I nodded my head enthusiastically), “Everybody eats. And chances are, church volunteers like Sunday school teachers and mid-week church club leaders and others who work with kids know a little bit about cooking and dinner parties.”

So the dinner party theme made sense to us.

But just because it made sense to us, it might not make sense to you. At least, not yet. So in the spirit of inclusion and with my teaching-to-different-learning-styles hat firmly in place, here’s a peek at Every Child Welcome‘s table of contents:

To read the rest of this post and to see just what Jolene and Katie look like, go to the Not Alone website at www.specialneedsparenting.net.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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7 Sunday Worship Tips for Kids with Special Needs

7 Sunday Worship Tips for Kids with Special Needs

7 Sunday Worship Tips for Kids with Special Needs

Easter is this coming Sunday. Guest blogger Sherri Dacon will be celebrating the birth of Christ. Thanks to the 7 worship tips for kids with special needs, every member of her family will attend church and worship together.

Special Needs and Church: 7 Worship Tips for Kids with Special Needs

Church is important to our family. When our son was diagnosed with autism, we were committed to staying involved, but it hasn’t always been easy.

The top priority for us is attending worship services together. Learning to navigate worship with a special needs child is a challenge, but it’s not impossible.

Here are some helpful tips we’ve learned along the way.

1. Make church a regular part of the routine.

If you aren’t consistent about regularly attending services, church will be more of a struggle for your autistic child. Children on the spectrum thrive on routine and structure. Knowing what to expect helps them organize their thoughts and expectations in order to cope. If they get to stay home most weeks and play with Legos, they will be all the more resistant to going to church on random weeks. Work toward consistency as much as possible. Make church attendance the norm, not the exception.

2. Bring a busy bag.

Include activity books or small (quiet) toys, as well as sensory fidget items. My son loves Thinking Putty, double stick tape, and sticker books. Perhaps include special “Sunday only” items that your child will look forward to. Don’t include electronic items, as these will detract from worship for both autistic and neurotypical children.

3. Decide on rules for worship service ahead of time.

Write them down or create a visual reminder. Carry the rules with you to church, preferably with a copy in your child’s bag and one for you. When my son was younger, we brought a notebook of social stories with us to church every week. We read them on the way to church, and we always reviewed the rules for worship. Our rules are:

  1. Stand when most everyone stands
  2. Sit when most everyone sits.
  3. Always use a quiet voice.
  4. I can open my bag when the sermon begins.

Feel free to tailor your rules to suit your family and your local congregation. Our focus in creating rules was to ensure that our child would be engaged in worship, but also have coping strategies available during the “boring” or “quiet” part of the service.

4. Use non-verbal cues as reminders.

Non-verbal cues are great for reminding children of rules and expectations. I’ve often used the ASL signs for “stop” and “walking feet.” I also hold up one finger to remind him of rule #1, two fingers to remind him of rule #2 and so on. These are quick visual reminders for him when he gets antsy or overly excited.

5. Make your child a “This is too hard” sign.

Pack it in his bag so that if things get unbearable, he has a way to communicate without throwing a tantrum. Discuss the seriousness of the card, that it is only to be used in extreme discomfort, but when he does use it, take him out immediately for relief.

One year our family missed church on the last week of Advent. When we returned the following Sunday, the Advent Wreath had disappeared. This upset my child tremendously, but being able to use his sign prevented a meltdown and helped him cope with his disappointment in an acceptable way.

6. Provide a simple worship guide for your child.

On a sheet of paper, write out simple questions like,

  • “What color is the pastor’s tie?”
  • “What was your favorite song today?”
  • “Name one thing you remember from the sermon.”
  • Include a tally sheet for children to count how many times they hear a certain word, such as “grace” or “Jesus.”

Having something to focus on during worship can be extremely helpful. You will be surprised what your child actually hears, even though he seems to be engrossed in his comic book or sudoku.

7. Allow your child to be comfortable.

This may mean wearing different clothes than you would prefer, taking shoes off during service, or pulling arms inside a sweater. It may mean stimming during worship, or plugging her ears when things get loud. Unless these are extreme distractions, allow your child to do some of these things in order to increase her comfort level. Worship should always be a positive experience.

Going to church regularly has been a huge blessing for our entire family, even though it it continues to be a challenge for my autistic son. Still, we have learned ways to help make it an overall positive experience.

Don’t give up, parents.

Being a part of a welcoming faith community is worth the hard work and dedication.

With some preparation and tools under your belt, church can be a wonderful part of your child’s life.

What Works for You?

What helps your child navigate church successfully? Share your ideas below. 

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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To connect with Sheri, visit her blog at www.sheridacon.com, or find her on Twitter, Facebook or Pinterest.

Author Jolene Philo

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Special Needs Respite: How to Start a Program

Special Needs Respite: How to Start a Program

Special Needs Respite: How to Start a Program

Special needs respite should be a component of every special needs caregiver’s life. Unfortunately, finding good respite care is difficult in many parts of the country. In the final post in Cameron Doolittle’s series about special needs respite, he shares many ideas and oodles of resources churches can use to create respite programs right where you live.

Special Needs Respite: How to Start a Program

We hear from senior pastors that often someone in their church wants them to ‘do something’ about special needs. But the pastor says, ‘My plate is so full. I’d love to do something, but I just can’t add one more thing.’ So how can we make this easy for your pastor and a huge win for your church?rEcess

God is using Jill’s House to bring respite and renewal to families affected by disability in the DC area and across the country. But this did not happen overnight. Here are a few of the resources we relied on as we built our programs. I hope they help prepare your church to ‘do something’ about disability ministry.

Step 1: Recruit Special Needs Respite Volunteers

First, you’ll need a group of committed volunteers. No matter the level of their enthusiasm and passion, one or two people will not be able to sustain an effective disability ministry. One way to inspire volunteers is to take them on a missions trip where they can work with people with disabilities. Jill’s House Weekend Adventures provides an opportunity for groups or individuals to spend a weekend learning about God’s heart for disability and seeing disability ministry in action. They’ll return to your home church ready to apply what they’ve learned. 

Step 2: Locate Special Needs Respite Coaches

Second, you’ll need advice. I recommend two amazing ministries (led by two friends of mine) that coach churches on building very doable, impactful ministries to families of children with disabilities: Matt Mooney at 99 Balloons and Marie Kuch at Nathaniel’s Hope. Check out Matt Mooney’s piece about rEcess or Marie Kuch’s amazing Buddy Break. By following their guidance, you’ll find that providing a high-impact ministry to families in your community is easier than you think!

Step 3: Learn from Special Needs Respite Pros

Third, you’ll need to learn from the pros. As your program grows, you should know there are some great “sherpas” out there who would be happy to guide you along the path. Jackie Mills Fernald at McLean Bible Church’s Access Ministry has put together some great tips for pastors. Joni & Friends was doing disability ministry before it was cool, and they have awesome resources to help churches. I particularly recommend Five Myths About Starting a Disability Ministry.

God hasn’t taught us to heal children with autism or genetic abnormalities, but He has given us the tools and resources we need to support their families. Our prayer is that as we serve them in Jesus’ name, they come to know—or trust more fully in—His infinite love for them.

Your Special Needs Respite Questions?

Do you have questions about how to start a special needs respite program where you live? Leave them in the comment box for Cameron to answer. Thanks!

Part 1: Special Needs Respite & Jill’s House
Part 2: Special Needs Respite: Camps

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Cameron Doolittle has been President & CEO of Jill’s House since it opened in 2010. He loves that families find physical and spiritual rest through Jesus, and that Jill’s House is helping prepare a new generation of leaders to love children with special needs as God does. Before he came to Jill’s House, Cameron was the “new business launch guy” at Corporate Executive Board. He’s a graduate of Stanford University and holds a JD/MBA from UC-Berkeley. Cameron and his wife, Carolyn, live in Falls Church with their four young children.

Author Jolene Philo

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Special Needs Respite: Camps

Special Needs Respite: Camps

Special Needs Respite: Camps

Special needs respite is one way parents of kids with special needs can recharge their caregiving batteries. In part 2 of this series about special needs respite,  Cameron Dolittle, director of the respite facility Jill’s House in the Washington, DC area, is here to share his vision about how to provide respite all over our country.

Special Needs Respite: Camps

After serving abroad with the military, Greg returned home to Colorado. His wife, Samantha, was grateful to have him home and to have his help raising their son with special needs. But just as Greg was beginning to settle in, he was diagnosed with cancer. Their marriage had stayed strong despite distance and war. But could it survive cancer and parenting a child with special needs? More than ever this couple wanted and needed to spend time together, but that time was a luxury they couldn’t afford. They needed God to give them that time. And He did.

Special Needs Respite Camps

God gave Greg and Samantha the time they needed by bringing Jill’s House from DC to CO. In 2012, we began looking for ways to bring overnight respite to other parts of the country. We knew that trying to replicate our building in each new location would be slow and expensive. We needed a program that was mobile and low-cost. So we created Jill’s House National Programs weekend respite camps.

This program is similar to our weekend program at Jill’s House. Parents still get two nights of respite, but their kids, instead of staying in a facility, stay in cabins at Christian camps. They enjoy camp activities—like high ropes course, archery, canoeing, campfires and s’mores—while their parents get the respite they need.
It was through our National Programs camp in Colorado that Greg and Samantha got to spend an entire weekend together without the responsibilities of caring for their son. When we asked Samantha what she did while her son was at camp she said, “Sit by my husband’s hospital bed without having to leave.” God is using these programs to give couples like Greg and Samantha the time they need to rest and connect.

Special Needs Respite Missionaries

God is also using these camps to train his people how to care for children with special needs. The weekend is supervised by a few Jill’s House staff members and a group of missionaries. These missionary groups spend the entire weekend serving as a buddy to one of our campers. The missionaries bond as a team, learn about God’s heart for disability, and return to their home churches ready to apply what they’ve learned.

Through this camp program, parents get a break, kids have a great weekend at camp, and missionaries get to experience the challenges and joys of disability ministry. We’re operating these camps in Virginia, Maryland, Texas, Colorado, and Southern California and will soon be in Washington State. By 2020, we hope to be operating a Jill’s House respite camp in 20 locations. We’re working to change the face of disability ministry in America so that God’s people are known for their compassionate remembrance of those who are often forgotten and overlooked.

But to accomplish this goal, we’ll need help. These programs cannot survive without the support of a strong disability ministry. Next week, in the last post in this series, I’ll suggest a few resources that will help you start or grow the disability ministry in your church.

What Do You Think of Special Needs Respite Camps?

What’s your opinion of the special needs missions trip concept? Has your child participated in one? Would you like to start one in your area? Leave a comment to share your thoughts.

Part 1: Special Needs Respite: Jill’s House
Part 3: Special Needs Respite: How to Start a Program

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Cameron Doolittle has been President & CEO of Jill’s House since it opened in 2010. He loves that families find physical and spiritual rest through Jesus, and that Jill’s House is helping prepare a new generation of leaders to love children with special needs as God does. Before he came to Jill’s House, Cameron was the “new business launch guy” at Corporate Executive Board. He’s a graduate of Stanford University and holds a JD/MBA from UC-Berkeley. Cameron and his wife, Carolyn, live in Falls Church with their four young children.

Author Jolene Philo

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Special Needs Respite & Jill’s House

Special Needs Respite & Jill’s House

Special Needs Respite & Jill’s House

 Petting zoo outside Jill’s House on a respite weekend

Special Needs Respite & Jill’s House

Parents of kids with disabilities need a break now and then. Cameron Dolittle, director of the respite facility Jill’s House, is passionate about providing quality respite for parents in the Washington, DC area and about training teams to do the same thing all over the country. In the first post in a series about respite for families of kids with special needs, Dolittle introduces you to Jill’s House and one of the families they serve.

Waverly was four years old and Oliver was 15 months old when they were diagnosed with Sanfilippo syndrome. The life expectancy for someone with Sanfilippo syndrome is 12 to 18 years old. During their short lives, Waverly and Oliver will meet a few developmental milestones but then slowly lose them all. Their parents, Matt and Shannon McNeil, were forced to adjust their expectations for their children. Shannon explains, “Playdates and sleepovers became physical therapy sessions and doctor appointments.” Like so many other parents raising children with special needs, they had to grieve the loss of the what-should-have-been to embrace the what-is.

The staff of Jill’s House loves Jolene Philo’s book, A Different Dream for My Child, and particularly the part in which she describes parents, like Matt and Shannon, who had great dreams for the children. She writes, “When their children became ill and their dreams changed, they slowly, and sometimes painfully, embraced the different dream God had fashioned for their children and found joy.” This is an important process for parents raising children with a disability, or a chronic or fatal illness.

How Special Needs Respite Supports Parents

At Jill’s House, we have the privilege of supporting families through that process. Jill’s House is a short term overnight respite facility for children with intellectual disabilities between ages 6-17. While not many families hope to have a child that qualifies for our programs, God has provided a place of hope and healing for the ones who do. Located just outside of Washington DC, our 42,000 square foot building holds 45 beds, an accessible playground, computer lab, gymnasium, library, and indoor pool. The children stay overnight and their parents get a break.

This break renews the entire family. Parents of children with special needs experience 60% more stress than the rest of the population and are 80% more likely to get divorced. Since we opened in 2010, we’ve been proving empirically that an overnight break drastically lowers a family’s stress level. Shannon explains that while Waverly and Oliver are at Jill’s House, “We have an opportunity to connect and feel refreshed, to re-center ourselves to deal with the never-ending stress of parenting two terminally ill children.” These short breaks help caregivers be better spouses and parents.

How Special Needs Respite Supports Kids

These breaks are also good for the kids. Shannon explains, “We try to accept that Waverly and Oliver will miss out on so many milestones in life, such as their first dates, driving a car, and getting married. But they have also missed out on so many quintessential childhood activities.” At Jill’s House, kids like Waverly and Oliver have the opportunity to experience those childhood activities. Shannon says, “Jill’s House opened our world back up. Waverly and Oliver finally have a place of their own. Jill’s House was made for kids just like them. Every room and activity is modified to allow them active participation. Sleepovers and playdates are possibilities once again.”

Waverly is now ten years old and Oliver is seven. Matt and Shannon know that the next few years are going to be extremely difficult for their family. Shannon says, “We are grieving, but thanks to Jill’s House, our children know only joy and unconditional love.” (To follow the McNeil family’s journey, visit their blog, Exploring Holland.)

Jill’s House serves hundreds of families like the McNeils in the DC area. But we know that there are thousands of families affected by disability across the country who need respite. In next week’s post, I’ll share the steps we’re taking to meet that need. You’re going to love what God is doing!

Your Special Needs Respite Story?

What’s your special needs respite story? Are you able to access it? Are you trying to find it? Leave a comment about your experience in the comment box. And come back next Monday for Part 2 in the special needs respite series.

Part 2: Special Needs Respite: Camps
Part 3: Special Needs Respite: How to Start a Program

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Cameron Doolittle has been President & CEO of Jill’s House since it opened in 2010. He loves that families find physical and spiritual rest through Jesus, and that Jill’s House is helping prepare a new generation of leaders to love children with special needs as God does. Before he came to Jill’s House, Cameron was the “new business launch guy” at Corporate Executive Board. He’s a graduate of Stanford University and holds a JD/MBA from UC-Berkeley. Cameron and his wife, Carolyn, live in Falls Church with their four young children.

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