We’re More Alike Than Different

by jphilo | Oct 29, 2014 | Different Dream, School/Education, Special Needs Parenting

We’re More Alike Than Different

We’re more alike than different. That’s what guest blogger Jennifer Janes discovered during her middle school years. As you will see, God was preparing her for life as the parent of a child with special needs long beforehand. Perhaps her story will encourage you and get you thinking of how God prepared you for your parenting journey.

Finding Refuge in a Self-contained Special Education Classroom

I was in the eighth grade when my world fell apart for the first time. An extended family member I was very close to found himself in the middle of a legal issue that was devastating and very public. I quickly found out who my real friends were and who wanted to talk about my family behind my back. And then there were the two boys who taunted me face-to-face for over a year. School was torture because they were always there, and I had no choice but to attend.

Then God gave me refuge in the self-contained special education classroom.

I don’t remember how it all came about, but somehow I received permission to escape when I became overwhelmed with the situation or the teasing. The teacher and I got along well, I was able to help her some, and I got to know my classmates who were students in that class. I didn’t know what their diagnoses were (although I can guess some of them now). I had only spent time with these kids in P.E. class and on occasional field trips. I was a little uncomfortable at first because I didn’t really know these kids, but I had heard other students talking unkindly about them. I knew how that felt, so I figured they deserved a chance.

We’re More Alike Than Different

Although a tragic situation led me to their classroom, something else kept me there long after the legal situation ended over a year later. That something was friendship. As I spent time in the self-contained classroom, I became friends with my classmates there, and I learned something that changed my life and how I interact with people with special needs: we’re more alike than different.

As I got to know my classmates, I learned their likes and dislikes. I found out what they hoped to do when they grew up. They shared their jokes with me, and I laughed along with them and learned to love their sense of humor.

So yes, we were more alike than different. But they were also different in all the ways that mattered. I was hurting, mixed-up, and confused by my family drama, but my classmates were friendly, accepted me unconditionally, and seemed to enjoy my company as much as I enjoyed theirs.

Awareness Campaigns Make a Difference

To thank them for their friendship and kindness to me, I launched a little awareness campaign on behalf of my new friends. In the situations where we were all together, instead of leaving them off to one side with the aide, I went over and spoke with them, listening to their latest jokes and what they were doing in their other subjects. I introduced them to some of our classmates who were open to making new friends.

I wanted more of the students outside that special classroom to see what I found there: a young woman who loved dressing in bright colors and pretty jewelry, with a heart of gold that gleamed in her smile; a young man who wanted nothing more than to be accepted by the students outside of the self-contained classroom; another young woman who expressed genuine concern for those in distress; and a brilliant young man trapped in a body (and motorized wheelchair) that belied his intelligence, sense of humor, and zest for life.

Some of them never got it, but a few did. And we were all better for it.

Your More Alike Than Different Experience?

When did you discover kids with special needs are more alike than different from other kids? Tell your story in the comment box.

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Jennifer A. Janes lives in Arkansas with her husband, two daughters, a few cats, and a couple of gerbils. She spends her days homeschooling her kids, writing, reading, crocheting, traveling to therapy and specialist appointments with her younger daughter, and enjoying time with friends and family. She shares about her faith, family, and parenting and homeschooling a child with special needs at jenniferajanes.com.

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Special Need Breakthrough Just Around the Corner

Photo Credit: jscreationz at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Many parents learn patience while waiting for the special needs breakthroughs that mark progress for their kids. Guest blogger Rebekah Hallberg spent much of the summer waiting for a special needs breakthrough and nearly gave up. In this guest post, she encourages parents…and kids…to hang in there. Because, she says, the special needs breakthrough you’re hoping for may be just around the corner.

Special Needs Breakthrough Just Around the Corner

As special needs parents, we often operate on a different timeline. We know that milestones may get hit, but probably not in the typical time frame. We know that friendships may happen, but not necessarily in the most normal pattern. And we know that skills will become acquired, but your guess is as good as mine as to just when that might happen. But that’s the thing – we never know what’s just around the corner. We must press on, we must keep giving it our all, no matter how hard the situation may be, for we never know what milestone, friendship or skill may be just around the corner.

This year, we did not have Extended School Year (ESY) services, meaning we had the summer “off” from therapy. I was looking forward to that, because it meant I could catch my breath a little. We had a few activities planned for the end of June and early July, but after those activities, my son’s behavior started to plummet. It looked as though we were hitting a major regression.

I got so worked up because he had been doing so well for so long. So long. And here it seemed to all be unraveling in front of me. We were back to being in the trenches, and we haven’t hung out there for a long time. We were back to some of the most basic techniques we’ve tried with him in times past.

I was heartbroken.

It just so happened that I bumped into someone within the special education department at our school when I was attending a parent volunteer meeting. This woman is just lovely – she doesn’t just view the kids as a case load, but really as individuals. She asked how our son was doing.

For a split second, I debated saying that he was doing well. I mean, he was healthy, he had gone to a week of sleep-away camp, he had successfully completed several other activities, and had been generally happy…until the structured activities ended. I thought back to the last few weeks when screaming, crying, and yelling had become the norm for him – where movement consisted of what seemed like stomping in 20-pound work boots, rather than just walking across the room.

And so I told her the truth – that things had gone moderately well, until all the structured activity was done. And then…and at that point, it seemed like we lost our happy son. She asked what he had done, how his school skills were, and somehow we landed on talking about his writing. He’s 10 years old, and can write, but doesn’t write much – hence, many of the therapies he has. She looked rather shocked. He struggles in many areas, and one of them is writing. She promised to get in touch with his Special Education teacher as soon as possible, and before long we had a back-to-school transition plan in place.

When I talked with the lady from the school, I had no idea what was just around the corner. I had told her, in no uncertain terms, that my son can write, but that we can’t get him to do it, no matter what.

And then it happened.

My son sat down one day to work on a school assignment (to write a letter) and he produced an entire hand-written page. It was beautiful. It took a long time for him to do it, but he did it! He threw a little of his own flavoring into it and I didn’t even cringe (which, I think, surprised him)!

When it was done, he looked over it and proclaimed, “It’s a whole page of ME!”

Complete and utter perfection – just 10 days after I told someone that he can write, but doesn’t.

Friends, we have no idea what’s just around the corner. The end of July and the month of August were some of the hardest times that I’ve faced in a long time. His actions, his behaviors, they hurt – physically, emotionally, and they sent me back to God asking, “Why?”

God’s answer was consistent – just keep loving Him. He is mine, and even when you don’t understand, I have every hair on his head numbered, and he hears my voice.

Maybe you’re facing a tough time with your child. Please share that with us so we can be praying with you. And please, just keep loving your child. We don’t know what’s around the corner – we don’t know when that breakthrough is going to come. Like me, you may not even realize it’s in process. But remember, ultimately, these children – all our children – are a precious gift from God, entrusted to us for a season. Keep walking; keep watching for what’s just around the corner.

Special Needs Breakthrough Shout Out Time

Want to brag about your child’s most recent breakthrough? Leave a comment in the comment box so we can celebrate with you!

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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