by jphilo | Oct 11, 2011 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting
Halloween will be here soon, and kids are are already vibrating with excitement. Parents, well, maybe not so much. Especially parents of kids who experience autism, deal with sensory issues, or struggle to overcome behavioral issues. Today and tomorrow, guest blogger Amy Stout offers strategies for a successful Halloween fun for everybody.
A Special Needs Halloween: Creating a Successful and Purposeful Holiday, Pt. 1
Halloween was never my favorite holiday. I never had a store bought costume and never really desired one. My siblings/friends and I always just threw something together (there were LOTS of cowgirls and cheerleaders roaming my neighborhood). Oh sure, I loved Halloween for the candy I received, but I didn’t have any special memories.
That is …. until Halloween of 2005.
You see, Halloween of 2005 is when Dan and I were invited to accompany our birth parents to the ultrasound that would declare the gender of our baby. I remember holding my breath waiting to hear (and just praying they would be able to distinguish). After an agonizing eternity, the nurse finally told us that we had a “turtle” (aka: a girl). I cried for joy – I had wanted a little girl so much!!
Dan and I had previously decided that WE wanted to know the gender of our baby, but we did not want to communicate it to anyone else until the actual birth. It was the hardest secret of our lives!! It nearly killed us not to tell. So, to keep from slipping, we named the baby “Boo”. It was so much fun!
From that moment on, any updates we gave to family and friends about our baby or the progressing adoption always included how Boo was doing. At the next ultrasound, one of our friends gave us a Halloween card and wrote inside “Hope you get a peek-a-boo” (during the ultrasound) – I thought that was sooo clever!!
Since that special day, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Halloween and the memories of meeting our “Baby Boo” for the first time.
While Halloween is now a special day to us – it has the potential to be a very upsetting day for any child who experiences autism or special needs. Like most holidays, Halloween is a multi-sensory event. There is much stimuli to be processed if you attempt to participate in the activities of the season. Our family learned a lot in our first few years of celebrating this holiday and wanted to share with you things that have helped us have a purposeful and successful holiday.
Strategies For A Successful Special Needs Halloween:
Costumes: Make sure your child WANTS to dress up. Check costumes for comfort level and eliminate any discomforting areas of the costume. Make sure children have clear vision and breathing passages through masks. This seems common sense, but it is amazing to me how many children struggle on Halloween while caregivers are oblivious.
Set your child’s expectations: Tell your child what kind (scary, cartoon, etc) of costumes they might see, let them know that they will be safe with you. Let them know it is ok to feel nervous but that you will be right with them. If your child will allow it, hold their hand (especially when crossing driveways and streets). If they won’t allow you to hold their hand, I suggest loosely holding the back collar of their shirt (where the tag is).
Route: Make sure to map out your route ahead of time. Choose locations that meet your child’s particular needs. In our family, we go to a different neighborhood entirely. If we tried to trick or treat in our neighborhood, our daughter wouldn’t understand that it is a once a year event. Each day she would attempt to knock on our neighbors’ doors expecting candy.
Diet: Eat a good dinner before starting and be sure to monitor your child’s sugar intake. Plan ahead for a way to distract your child (bring along books, a flashlight, glow in the dark toys or spinners and/or etc to keep their hands busy. Give them sugarless gum to chew or offer them a chewy tube). Make sure they stay hydrated.
Schedule/Time: Be sure to watch your child’s endurance level. If they are tired, give them permission to take a break or stop altogether. Be sure to attend to your child’s restroom/diapering needs.
Weather: Be prepared for inclement or cold weather. Be sure to wear appropriate footwear. Keep an umbrella in your vehicle.
Lighting: Choose a location that is well lit.
Know your child’s fears and phobias: Don’t choose the holiday to conduct therapy or teach your child a lesson in overcoming their fears.
Help your child be prepared: In the state that I live, it is tradition for children to tell a joke when they knock on someone’s house. If your child is verbal, help them to memorize a joke or two to have ready. If your child is nonverbal, you may want to create joke cards to hand to the person who answers the door. Either way, make an effort for your child to be included in the local traditions. EVERY activity can be adapted.
Reinforce Halloween etiquette: Only knock on doors whose outdoor lights are on, only walk on sidewalks (not on grass), follow the time allowed for trick or treating (do not arrive early or keep going after end time).
What Strategies Help Your Kids?
Amy’s special needs Halloween ideas, as always, are practical and doable. If you’ve discovered other strategies that work for your family, leave a comment. And come back tomorrow for Part 2 of the series where Amy will present strategies for a purposeful Halloween. Until then, check out Amy’s blog at http://histreasuredprincess.blogspot.com/.
Part Two
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by jphilo | Jun 17, 2011 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting
Guest blogger Scott Newport called the other day and asked, “Do you need something for Father’s Day?” When I said yes, he sent this sweet poem. He wrote it two years ago when Evan’s health was failing, and Scott knew his remaining Fathers Days with his youngest child were numbered. So in memory of Evan, read on.
Scott’s Note to Readers
Another Fathers Day is fast approaching and, this week, I wrote a poem about it. I am looking forward to celebrating Father’s Day with all three of my children. Recently, Chelsea and Noah have been doing well but Evan has been sick for about a week and is unable to come off the vent.
Unfortunately, the last couple of illnesses have really uncovered the progression of Evan’s disease—something that makes me embrace every day with my kids. Evan’s most recent illness has reminded me again that Evan will never be a father.
The poem expresses that all fathers are also sons; but that, unfortunately, not all sons have the chance to become fathers.
I hope you and yours have a great Fathers Day.
Scott (father of three)
Two Sides
By Scott Newport
To have and to be
Is known by me
To be seen and to see
Is a part of me
To listen and to tell
That makes us well
To hold and to be held
Makes the perfect weld
To be loved and to love
Is like our father above
To be a boy or have one
The meaning of “son”
Fathers day has two sides:
One is to have, the other is pride
Your Fathers Day Thoughts?
Do you have Fathers Day thoughts to share? A father to honor? Please leave a comment!
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by jphilo | Nov 24, 2010 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting
Do you need help finding something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving? This story by guest blogger Scott Newport may give the encouragement you need.
The Thanksgiving Tree
It is Thanksgiving weekend here in Michigan. The weather is cool. The sky is
blue.
I am standing at the picture window, looking out at our front yard. And
there it is-the small tree Penni and I planted three years ago. A few
wilted leaves hang on, but soon they will be blown off. It’s just a matter
of time.
The Day She Brought the Thanksgiving Tree Home
I remember the day Penni brought the tree home. As she pulled up in the
driveway, I saw a big grin on her face. She got out of the car, producing
the scraggly runt of a tree. She’d found it in a dumpster behind our local
garden center. The tree’s leaves were wilted, Its roots were crowded, and
the pot it was in was so very dry.
Being an optimist, I began to smile. “We will bury it in good soil,
fertilize it, and water it every day,” I said. “We can save this tree.” Penni agreed. We decided to plant our little tree right in the center of our
front yard for everyone to see.
Penni and I prepared the soil, lowered the tree into the ground, covered its
roots with dirt, and watered it.
Big Dreams for Our Thanksgiving Tree
As we worked, we talked about how
beautiful our tree would be someday. We dreamed about the shade it would
provide for our house once it was big and tall. We imagined hanging a rope
swing from its limbs. Lofting a tree house in its branches. We had big
dreams for this little tree.
In the fall of that year, I decided to prune some of the branches to give it
a great start for next spring. To be honest, our tree looked pretty sorry.
As neighbors walked by, they’d see our tree and chuckle. “Why bother with
that poor tree?”
And I’d ask myself, “Why am I such an optimist? Why am I trying to save this
tree?”
Thinking back to my early years, I remember playing basketball. I went to a
small school and we had a terrible athletic program. In the years I went to
school there, we never-not once-won a game.
Not basketball.
Not football.
Not baseball.
Nothing.
But I remember playing each and every game until the end as though we were
going to win. Some of the guys would give up as they realized we we’d lose,
but I never did. As we’d walk off the court and I’d look up at the
scoreboard, I was always surprised to learn that it wasn’t even a close
game.
I still don’t know why I’m like this but I think it’s a good characteristic.
Not Looking Great
Getting back to the tree, in the years since we planted our tree, it still
does not look great. But I like that tree. I mean, it could have given up.
Or I could have given up. But we didn’t. Maybe someday that tree will be big
and beautiful and the people passing by will admire it.
But even if that
doesn’t happen, it’s okay because there is much more to life than meets the
eye. It’s called hope. I like to hope. It’s kinda what keeps me going and I
think that’s a good thing also.
Hope and the Thanksgiving Tree
My son Evan is 22 months old. When he was born, the doctors told us that he
might not make it. They said, “He’s not perfect. He has a lot of medical
problems.” After 252 days in the hospital, Penni and I brought him home. We
look at Evan and we see potential. We take him and love him and care for
him-just like our little tree.
People look at Evan and you can see the look in their eyes-it’s the same
look they give the tree. But we put Evan right out there in front and show
him off. We have hope that someday he will be big and strong just like the
tree. But even if that doesn’t happen, it’s okay because life is full of
imperfect things.
If we give up, we lose. But if we hope, if we try to
overcome.
If we say, “We can do it,” that’s when we win.
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by jphilo | Aug 13, 2010 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting
The fireworks and flags are long gone, but the holiday’s been on my mind ever since.
Meet Chloe Downey
The pre-occupation began with a post at Chloe Downy’s CaringBridge page. She’s a teenager who recently completed successful treatment for High Risk Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL). Though she’s pretty much done with doctors and hospitals, her mom often posts thoughtful items about other families they know.
Hospitals and Minor Holidays Like the 4th of July
Her entry about a family in the hospital over the 4th of July weekend. After describing how the girl was fighting cancer, she went on to say this:
“His side comment has haunted me: ‘July 4th’s were very tough. We watched a lot of fireworks from a hospital room.‘
Hospital staff does very well with the traditional holidays for children, but they have yet to approve indoor fireworks to ohh and awe over.
There is nothing like the world outside having a party, being invited, but having to be someplace where you don’t want to be at all that is very difficult on a family’s soul.”
How Can We Help?
Ouch. Those words hurt. They left me wondering how to raise awareness among friends of families of sick kids. How can they help until hospitals pick up the slack and have indoor fireworks for families watching the celebration from their hospital rooms. Here’s what I came up with:
- Take a 4th of July picnic to the hospital and eat with the family.
- Have a parade in the hallway.
- Have an indoor beach party, complete with kiddie pools full of sand.
Not very impressive, is it? And with another minor holiday, Labor Day, on the horizon a few more ideas would be nice. If you have ideas or stories about how you celebrated minor holidays in the hospital, would you please leave a comment? Maybe we can come up with a bigger list to FB and tweet about the week before Labor Day.
Get to Know Chloe
If you’d like to know more about Chloe, click on this link to visit her CaringBridge site. To learn more about the family who watched fireworks from the hospital, you’ll find a link to their page at Chloe’s July 3 journal entry.
I look forward to reading about your great holiday celebration ideas!
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by jphilo | Nov 27, 2009 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting
The holiday season is here. And one aspect of the season – whatever your faith background – is reaching out to the less fortunate with a helping hand. But with all the the seasonal hubbub, how do you get your home ready for the holidays and find time to minister to others? In this post, I’ll share three ways you can help others without losing control of your schedule.
Multi-Task
The first strategy is to multi-task, which allows you to help a special needs family and meet your own family’s needs at the same time. Here are a few examples:
- Take baking supplies to the house of a family with special needs kids and do your holiday baking there. Leave some of the treats with them and take some home.
- Whenever you make a casserole, triple the recipe. Serve one casserole for supper, freeze one for later, and take one to a family in crisis.
- If your child has a classmate with special needs siblings confined in the home, offer to videotape the Christmas program so the siblings can later watch the program together.
Use Service Clubs to Serve
In this strategy, think of ways the clubs you or your children belong to could minister to others. Maybe you could:
- Suggest a caroling party for your club’s December meeting. Visit the homes of families with special needs kids and spread some cheer.
- Go caroling at a residential facility for special needs kids, if our area has one. Arrange to have cocoa and cider s and play games with the children afterwards.
- Adopt a family with special needs kids and help them decorate for the holidays. While your club members decorate and watch the kids, the parents could do their Christmas shopping.
Focus Your Fun
Think of ways to use the hobbies you love to get special needs families involved in the holidays:
- Organize a scrap booking party in the home of a scrappy mom who has a special needs child. You could do the same witha card-making party and work on Christmas cards together.
- If you have a nice camera and an eye for photography, take pictures of loved ones with special needs kids at home. The photos can be your Christmas gift to them.
- If woodworking or construction is your hobby, build a Christmas present that adapts furniture or alters something in the home so a child can be more mobile or care is easier.
With these three strategies and a little creativity, you can find ways to help families with special needs kids during the holidays without neglecting your own loved ones. If you have more ideas, please leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you.
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