How Can 31 Years Ago Seem Just Like Yesterday?

by jphilo | May 23, 2013 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

How Can 31 Years Ago Seem Just Like Yesterday?

Thirty-one years ago today, our first child was born at 12:35 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Like all mothers, I remember the details of that day at Lookout Memorial Hospital in Spearfish, South Dakota with perfect clarity. But my memories are different than those of many other new parents. The joy of the memory of our son’s arrival is tinged with sadness and gratitude.

I remember breakfast being interrupted with the news that our son was having trouble breathing.
I remember the food going tasteless when the doctor advised transferring him to Rapid City Regional Hospital for tests.
I remember being alone when the pediatrician from Rapid City called a few hours later with a diagnosis.
I remember wishing my husband hadn’t gone to take a shower at a friend’s house.
I remember the doctor saying the words tracheoesophageal fistula for the first time.
I remember telling that stranger to life flight our newborn to the University of Nebraska Hospital in Omaha for immediate surgery.
I remember crying so hard my husband could hardly understand my words when he returned.
I remember him taking my hand and praying for our son while tears streamed down my face.
I remember when the call arrived that our son had survived the trip.
I remember the surgeon calling at midnight to say Allen was doing well after surgery.
I remember my relief and more tears when once again, I relayed the doctor’s words to my husband.

For thirty years now, I have relived the events of that day every May twenty-third. I glance at the clock throughout the day and think the same thoughts.

This is when the doctor interrupted breakfast.
About now, the call came from Rapid City with a diagnosis.
Allen took his first airplane ride on an afternoon like this.
He went into surgery about now.

The rest of this post can be found at the Not Alone website.

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Sing!, the second book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in November of 2022.

Author Jolene Philo

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This Is for Special Needs Mothers Who…

Mother’s Day is almost here. In honor of the day and for special needs mothers, guest blogger Stephanie Ballard is here with a poem for all of you.

Here’s for the Special Needs Mothers Who…

Once upon a time I rocked my baby doll in a pink plastic cradle that my grandmother had bought me for Christmas. I dreamed of the day that I would get married and have children of my own. I never imagined in any of my daydreams that I would have a child with special needs. In the eight and a half years since my son Braeden was born, I have met countless mothers who have walked a path similar to my own. Some face coming to terms with their child’s life-threatening illness, as we do, others have learned to live with the diagnosis of autism or behavioral issues (we’ve been there too). We share a common bond, an invisible thread that connects in inexplicable ways. May God bless each of you this Mother’s Day.

This is for the mothers…
(Each mother that I’ve known)
Whose greatest hope was someday
To have children of her own.
For those who proudly rocked their dolls
And kissed them each goodnight.
This is for the mothers
Who were told, “Something’s not right.”

This is for the mother
Who when faced with such a trial
Sits beside her child’s bed
Just praying all the while.
For those who learned of patience
In ways that no one should.
For mothers who know all too well
Life isn’t always good.
When dreams of all the oohs and ahhs
As doting friends arrive
Become instead…a battle
To help their children thrive.

This is for the mothers
Who refuse to sit in silence,
Advocating for their children
With constant love and guidance.
Appointments fill their busy lives
It’s time to go again
With feeding pumps, and specialists
A tank of oxygen.
And people stop…to look their way
Just wondering…what’s wrong?
I’ve seen that look, a hundred times
They’re thinking I am strong.
The oohs and ahhs don’t matter.
Now life seems much more clear.
I’m lucky I’m his mother….
I’m blessed to have him here.

This is for the mother
Whose shaking hands release
The child that she loves so much
(And then she prays for peace)
“We will take good care of him,”
The nurse says carefully
This mother’s thoughts are simple,
“Lord bring him back to me.”
His life no longer in her hands
She wonders what’s in store.
This is for the mother
Who has walked this road before.

This is for the mother
Whose worst fear comes to light.
“We’re still not certain what went wrong,
We’ll watch her through the night.”
For mothers who sit powerless,
Praying…please let her survive.
For mothers who go on somehow
When their miracle doesn’t arrive.
As some wake up on Mothers’ Day
To kisses, cards and laughs,
Others have just memories and well-worn photographs.

This is for the mothers
Who knows that it’s a treasure.
To have a child…love a child,
There is no greater pleasure.
For runny eggs and blackened toast
Arranged upon a tray
With a bunch of wilted dandelions.
“Mom does it taste okay?”
For every busy restaurant
And every crowded mall,
The words “I love you mama,” are…
The greatest gift of all.

~Stephanie Ballard
With a Hopeful Heart

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms of kids with special needs!

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.