Special Needs Holiday Lesson 2: Pray Through It

Special Needs Holiday Lesson 2: Pray Through It

by | Nov 26, 2013 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Special Needs Holiday Lesson 2: Pray Through It

Welcome back for Part 2 of guest blogger Rebekah Benimoff’s series about ways to make the holiday season enjoyable and meaningful for families raising kids with special needs. In today’s installment, Rebekah explains how prayer gives her a different perspective when holiday stress invades her spirit.

Special Needs Holiday Lesson 2: Pray Through It

Since my family has quite a few special needs beneath one roof, our family does things differently than others I know. My husband has PTSD, and he has difficulty dealing with crowds, so he does not attend large group holiday events. Everyone else is with their spouse, but there are times when half of me is missing.  I feel sad, and I’ve realized in recent years that there is a grieving that must be done. Some of our differences are still hard, and giving myself permission to be sad is not only freeing, but healthy.

One way to be set free from overwhelming stress and regret is simply to address the issue. We have chosen to do things differently than how it was done when I was growing up—for our own wellness. I’ve learned to own that choice, while admitting the sadness, and to surrender each and every issue through focused prayer.

My prayers look like this: Father God, I am feeling sadness because _________. I also feel __________________ (left out, lonely, stressed, etc.) Help me to admit these feelings and release every fear. Show me what you want to deal with now, in this moment.

I list out each fear, each sadness, each concern that comes to mind. Then I visualize an altar. I make the conscious choice to place everything on that altar (sadness, anxiety, people pleasing, perfectionism, etc.) being very specific—and then I visualize surrendering each issue God, one by one.

Then I visualize God’s big, capable hands gently lifting everything and tenderly cradling me to his heart. I recognize that God has called me to walk a different path and I claim peace with my decision to choose the path he has carved out for me as I care for my special needs family.

How does prayer give you a different perspective about God and holiday stress? Leave a comment.

Special Needs Holiday Lesson, Part 1
Special Needs Holiday Lesson, Part 3

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Rebekah Benimoff is the wife of a husband with PTSD and the mother of two young men, both of whom grew up with medical and special needs. She blogs at In the Chaos…. and In the Calm (justmemama.blogspot.com).

Author Jolene Philo

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Special Needs Holiday Lesson 1: Simplicity

Special Needs Holiday Lesson 1: Simplicity

by | Nov 25, 2013 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Special Needs Holiday Lesson 1: Simplicity

With Thanksgiving almost here and Christmas not far behind, guest blogger Rebekah Benimoff is gearing up for the holidays. As the parent of two boys with special needs and a husband with PTSD, she’s learned valuable lessons about managing the holidays. Today’s post is the first installment of a three-part series about how she makes the holidays enjoyable for her family.

Special Needs Holiday Lesson 1: Simplicity

This time of year, it is easy to get sucked into the whirlwind of activity, and especially to be ransacked by perfectionism. The holiday season can be especially stressful for families with special needs.  I work all year long to care for my special needs family, and the holidays sometimes seem to offer only a flurry of more things to do. I lose sight of the reason for the season when I get caught up in perfectionism and people pleasing.

It creeps in, and often I do not even realize it. I think, “I am just trying to meet all my family’s needs.” Yet quite often it’s not necessary to bombard my already full plate with EVEN MORE.  For example, I may think that my son with a gluten intolerance MUST have an entire menu of homemade (from scratch) gluten free options for Every. Single. Extended Family Gathering. But the truth is, he is okay with just bringing along his favorite gluten free foods from our nearest health conscious grocery store.

Special Needs Holiday Lesson 1, for me, is that sometimes what I think I have to do is motivated by that inner drive of perfection, when simplicity meets the needs just as well, while encouraging my own peace of mind. I don’t have to do all and be all. My husband and kids will be better served if I let go of the extraneous, and so will I–even if our life does not look like something out of a magazine.

How do you encourage simplicity during the holiday season? Leave a comment.

Special Needs Holiday Lesson, Part 2
Special Needs Holiday Lesson, Part 3

Photo Credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net

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Rebekah Benimoff is the wife of a husband with PTSD and the mother of two young men, both of whom grew up with medical and special needs. She blogs at In the Chaos…. and In the Calm (justmemama.blogspot.com).

Author Jolene Philo

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Special Needs Travel: Just Do It

Special Needs Travel: Just Do It

by | Nov 15, 2013 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Special Needs Travel: Just Do It

The holidays are upon us, and for many families that means traveling season has arrived. Guest blogger Kimberly Drew is back with advice about how to travel with kids who have special needs.

Special Needs Travel: Just Do It

Travel? YUCK!

Twelve and a half hours in a car, approximately 6 children’s movies, 4 stops, 2 meals, countless snacks, and 600 plus miles of road stand between me and the house I grew up in. When my husband and I started dating during college, we could do the trip between Indiana and New Jersey in 10 1/2 hours. Now that we have three kids, we laugh about those days.

Although, my competitive husband still likes to do whatever he can to shave off the minutes.

We moved out near my husband’s family in New Jersey when Abbey was around 18 months old. We’ve been racking up the miles on our vehicles ever since. I’m not just motivated by the faces of my family members and the miles and miles of corn waiting for me, sometimes you just need to get away. How about you? Do you need to get away? I encourage you to just do it.

Just do it.

Don’t let the challenges keep you from going home, going on vacation, going somewhere new, going anywhere! Life is too short to keep a checklist of things that make it too difficult to take a road trip. There are places to explore, sights to see, and memories to make with your family that are only a few hours away. I know that taking a child with special needs in a car for any amount of time requires planning, but it’s worth sitting down and making a checklist. I’ll get you started—a piece of paper, a pencil, a destination.

There you go, you can thank me later!

In all seriousness, it’s so worth it to get away. I know our daughter thrives on routine, but sometimes that routine can make me feel like I’m going crazy. The walls of my house start to close in on me and I feel trapped. We have even gone just a few hours from home to get a hotel room and do nothing. We swam in the pool, ordered pizza to the room, and watched TV in bed. Maybe that sounds like a lot of work for just two days and one night, but for us it was a much-needed break. Not to mention, my husband and I always have the best heart-to-heart talks while in the car on a trip.

With a little extra planning, maybe you and your family could take a small road trip this fall?

If just the thought of going somewhere overwhelms you, it’s probably all the more important that you get away. Maybe start with just your spouse, or one of your parents, or a best friend. Work up to a trip with your child, but don’t delay getting away. It’s so good for your mind and body to have a break.

Just do it.

What’s Your Special Needs Travel Story?

How do you handle travel with your child who has special needs? Leave a comment with your best tricks and tips.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop-up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s desire to write. In addition to being a stay-at-home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.

Author Jolene Philo

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How Can 31 Years Ago Seem Just Like Yesterday?

How Can 31 Years Ago Seem Just Like Yesterday?

by | May 23, 2013 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

How Can 31 Years Ago Seem Just Like Yesterday?

Thirty-one years ago today, our first child was born at 12:35 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Like all mothers, I remember the details of that day at Lookout Memorial Hospital in Spearfish, South Dakota with perfect clarity. But my memories are different than those of many other new parents. The joy of the memory of our son’s arrival is tinged with sadness and gratitude.

I remember breakfast being interrupted with the news that our son was having trouble breathing.
I remember the food going tasteless when the doctor advised transferring him to Rapid City Regional Hospital for tests.
I remember being alone when the pediatrician from Rapid City called a few hours later with a diagnosis.
I remember wishing my husband hadn’t gone to take a shower at a friend’s house.
I remember the doctor saying the words tracheoesophageal fistula for the first time.
I remember telling that stranger to life flight our newborn to the University of Nebraska Hospital in Omaha for immediate surgery.
I remember crying so hard my husband could hardly understand my words when he returned.
I remember him taking my hand and praying for our son while tears streamed down my face.
I remember when the call arrived that our son had survived the trip.
I remember the surgeon calling at midnight to say Allen was doing well after surgery.
I remember my relief and more tears when once again, I relayed the doctor’s words to my husband.

For thirty years now, I have relived the events of that day every May twenty-third. I glance at the clock throughout the day and think the same thoughts.

This is when the doctor interrupted breakfast.
About now, the call came from Rapid City with a diagnosis.
Allen took his first airplane ride on an afternoon like this.
He went into surgery about now.

The rest of this post can be found at the Not Alone website.

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Sing!, the second book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in November of 2022.

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This Is for Special Needs Mothers Who…

This Is for Special Needs Mothers Who…

by | May 10, 2013 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

This Is for Special Needs Mothers Who…

Mother’s Day is almost here. In honor of the day and for special needs mothers, guest blogger Stephanie Ballard is here with a poem for all of you.

Here’s for the Special Needs Mothers Who…

Once upon a time I rocked my baby doll in a pink plastic cradle that my grandmother had bought me for Christmas. I dreamed of the day that I would get married and have children of my own. I never imagined in any of my daydreams that I would have a child with special needs.  In the eight and a half years since my son Braeden was born, I have met countless mothers who have walked a path similar to my own. Some face coming to terms with their child’s life-threatening illness, as we do, others have learned to live with the diagnosis of autism or behavioral issues (we’ve been there too). We share a common bond, an invisible thread that connects in inexplicable ways. May God bless each of you this Mother’s Day.

This is for the mothers…
(Each mother that I’ve known)
Whose greatest hope was someday
To have children of her own.
For those who proudly rocked their dolls
And kissed them each goodnight.
This is for the mothers
Who were told, “Something’s not right.”

This is for the mother
Who when faced with such a trial
Sits beside her child’s bed
Just praying all the while.
For those who learned of patience
In ways that no one should.
For mothers who know all too well
Life isn’t always good.
When dreams of all the oohs and ahhs
As doting friends arrive
Become instead…a battle
To help their children thrive.

This is for the mothers
Who refuse to sit in silence,
Advocating for their children
With constant love and guidance.
Appointments fill their busy lives
It’s time to go again
With feeding pumps, and specialists
A tank of oxygen.
And people stop…to look their way
Just wondering…what’s wrong?
I’ve seen that look, a hundred times
They’re thinking I am strong.
The oohs and ahhs don’t matter.
Now life seems much more clear.
I’m lucky I’m his mother….
I’m blessed to have him here.

This is for the mother
Whose shaking hands release
The child that she loves so much
(And then she prays for peace)
“We will take good care of him,”
The nurse says carefully
This mother’s thoughts are simple,
“Lord bring him back to me.”
His life no longer in her hands
She wonders what’s in store.
This is for the mother
Who has walked this road before.

This is for the mother
Whose worst fear comes to light.
“We’re still not certain what went wrong,
We’ll watch her through the night.”
For mothers who sit powerless,
Praying…please let her survive.
For mothers who go on somehow
When their miracle doesn’t arrive.
As some wake up on Mothers’ Day
To kisses, cards and laughs,
Others have just memories and well-worn photographs.

This is for the mothers
Who knows that it’s a treasure.
To have a child…love a child,
There is no greater pleasure.
For runny eggs and blackened toast
Arranged upon a tray
With a bunch of wilted dandelions.
“Mom does it taste okay?”
For every busy restaurant
And every crowded mall,
The words “I love you mama,” are…
The greatest gift of all.

~Stephanie Ballard
With a Hopeful Heart

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms of kids with special needs!

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

Author Jolene Philo

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My Un-birthday and How to Keep our Birthdays Fun

My Un-birthday and How to Keep our Birthdays Fun

by | Sep 4, 2012 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

My Un-birthday and How to Keep our Birthdays Fun

Un-birthday or birthday? That is the question for Laurie Wallin. Her recent birthday celebration wasn’t quite what she expected. So after the fact, she came up with seven tips to keep next year’s big day from becoming a big pain. Maybe you can use them, too.

My Un-birthday and How to Keep our Birthdays Fun

by Laurie Wallin

I don’t know why, but somehow I’ve got it in my mind that my birthday is supposed to be fun. The sun comes up, I awake, and my mind fills with images of breakfast in bed, shiny balloons, and not having to cook for 24 hours.

Un-birthday or Birthday?

Which isn’t what happened yesterday on my birthday. Not that my oldest daughter intentionally tried to make me miserable. It was just the unfortunate byproduct of marrying a “big family day” with her bipolar, anxiety, developmental disabilities (and let’s not forget the delightful tween hormones).

It looked a little like this:
“Mom, let’s have a special breakfast for your birthday!”
“Sounds great! What shall we do?”
“Ooo, let’s make eggs and pancakes. You love those!”
“I really do. Let’s do it!” I scoop up her younger sister, who just emerged from upstairs. This distraction unnerves my oldest because it’s a deviation from the plan.
“Mom, we NEED TO START COOKING.”
“Yep, let me just say hi to the other girls, then we’ll get started…”
“NO! IT’S TIME FOR BREAKFAST. THEY CAN WAIT!! IF WE DON’T MAKE IT NOW, EVERYONE WILL GET HUNGRIER AND GRUMPY AND THEN IT WON’T BE A GOOD BIRTHDAY FOR YOU!!!“

This happened for every meal. And when she ran out of tape while wrapping my present. And when we decided to go to my favorite park and then I changed my mind (which just wasn’t an option). Each time crumbled into a major tantrum, none of our usual interventions working, and her ending up in her room.

Well, at least I can’t say it was an unmemorable birthday! Then again, most “big days” for the family have that tendency. Perhaps you can relate?

How to Avoid an Un-birthday

I let my guard down that day (due to the above mentioned delusions), but on a better day, there are a few tools that help keep “big days” from becoming “big pains.”

  • Write out the schedule and post it on the fridge. Yes, this takes some of the spontaneity out of the day, but it takes some of the emotion and tantruming out, too.
  • Communicate what you need and expect to someone who can actually make it happen. For me, it meant asking my husband to have ice cream instead of cake (which I despise since I’ve had to make probably 1000 cupcakes for my combined 4 daughters’ birthdays over the years!)
  • Plan down time periodically throughout the day (for you). Walk the dog, take a power nap, read a favorite magazine or book… something that gives your mind and body (and stress hormones) time to relax and recharge.
  • Sprinkle parts of the celebration over a few days so it’s not ONE big day. There’s merit to the concept “too much of a good thing.” When it comes to children with mood, behavioral, and developmental disorders, “too much” is smaller than we might think.
  • Keep the usual behavior expectations in place and stay consistent with consequences. It was a bummer that I had to discipline my daughter so much on my birthday. But really, her growth is my priority and I can celebrate getting old any day of the year.
  • Don’t expect your kids to be excited about the day. If special days are consistently difficult for the family, set up a dinner out with your friends sans kids sometime near the big day. I end up doing this every year, and it’s becoming a fun tradition!
  • Laugh it off. The next day, my husband gave me the best gift ever—an hour of his time to vent, get dramatic, and blow off my post-special-day steam. (I love that man!) Whether it’s with your spouse, a good friend, your neighbor, God, your journal or your facebook page… laugh it off. A good laugh releases endorphins that heal and relax you. So use laughter liberally!

More than anything else, know that it’s okay to have and celebrate your special days. Like anything in our families, that may require a little more creativity and planning. However that looks, do what YOU need so your special days can still be fun and memorable. Your kids may not thank you for having birthdays, but they’ll certainly notice your happiness and sense of fulfillment!

~Laurie

Have You Had an Un-birthday?

This is your chance to try Laurie’s seventh tip and laugh off your unbirthday. Just leave a comment telling the story of your unbirthday disaster so we can laugh with you. So start typing and release those endorphins waiting to help you heal and relax.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Laurie is the mom of four daughters–two adopted with developmental delays, mood disorders, and ADHD. A former junior high teacher turned speaker and life coach, she loves to learn, laugh until their sides hurt, and help women be courageous in life.

Author Jolene Philo

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