5 Special Needs Tips for a Happy Holiday

5 Special Needs Tips for a Happy Holiday

by | Dec 8, 2014 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

5 Special Needs Tips for a Happy Holiday

Guest blogger Sylvia Phillips knows that happy holidays aren’t a given for special needs families. In this post she shares 5 special needs tips for a happy holiday she has used successfully with her daughter, Bethany. They are yours to tweak so your Christmas season is as happy and blessed as it can possibly be.

5 Special Needs Tips for a Happy Holiday

Many families with special needs members dread the coming of the holiday season. Changes in routine, traveling, large and crowded family gatherings, noisy celebrations, and even unfamiliar smells coming from the kitchen or other people can all wreak havoc on our kid’s sensitive systems triggering extreme sensory overload and major meltdowns.

My special needs daughter Bethany, is an extreme creature of habit and a total control freak! She wants her routine to always be the same, and she wants every person in her life to always be in the place that she has designated to be theirs.

Changes in routines–hers and everyone else’s can throw her into an anxious, angry, and aggressive tailspin. She can barely stand it when her sisters have to go to work. In her mind they should be up in their rooms studying. All. The. Time. When her brother is not sitting in his usual place playing games on his computer she goes looking for him. She even tries to control where the cat can and can’t roam!

By now you’ve probably guessed that celebrating holidays is hard Bethany and even harder on the rest of us. If it was just Bethany, my husband, and I, we might resign ourselves to having a quiet holiday at home with the most minimal of changes changes to our routine. But since we have eight other kids and one absolutely adorable grandson to consider, we can’t, nor would we ever even want to exclude them from our holiday festivities just for the sake of avoiding a difficult day. That would be just too darn sad for all of us.

Over the years we’ve tried different coping strategies in our attempt to keep holiday anxiety and meltdowns to a minimum. Without a doubt these are my greatest tried and true, Bethany-approved, special needs happy holiday tips.

Tip #1: Stay home for the holidays. Bethany is most comfortable in her own home so staying home affords us the best chance of having the happiest holiday possible.

Tip #2: Prepare ahead for the big day with a personalized holiday social story. A couple of weeks before the big day write a social story using pictures or words (if your child is a reader) describing what will happen on the holiday. Go over the story with your special someone at least once a day. Be sure to include any changes in routine that may happen and who holiday visitors will be. We want to eliminate as many surprises for our kids as possible.

Tip #3: Plan ahead to eliminate potential meltdowns. Designate an area of the house as a “calm down” spot where your special needs loved one can retreat to in case the celebration proves to be more than they can handle. Be sure to inform holiday visitors ahead of time what area of the house will be off limits and explain why so they won’t be offended.

Tip #4: Declare some items off limits. Does your special child have a favorite toy or other item that he might be anxious about visiting kids getting a hold of? Make this day one time that he or she will not be required to share and let visiting families know ahead of time what items will be off limits. Again, explain why so they understand and hopefully will not be offended.

Tip #5: Decide upon a reward or incentive. Lastly, together with your special needs loved one decide upon a reward of some sort as an incentive to try their very best to successfully tolerate, endure, and dare I say, even enjoy the holidays without having an anxiety attack or major meltdown!

Your Special Needs Tips for a Happy Holiday?

Do these special needs tips for a happy holiday work for you? Or have you discovered others that make your holidays much happier? Share your ideas in the comment box.

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Holiday Stress Relievers for Moms of Kids with Special Needs

Holiday Stress Relievers for Moms of Kids with Special Needs

by | Nov 24, 2014 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Holiday Stress Relievers for Moms of Kids with Special Needs

Kids with special needs aren’t the only people who need holiday stress relievers. Moms of kids with special needs could use a few, too. Guest blogger Liz Matheis offers 3 holiday stress relievers for busy moms and other caregivers, too.

I know you know that the holidays are coming. You know that the holidays are coming. The holidays are great, but…. It throws off everybody’s schedule, including yours, which means higher stress, lower frustration tolerance, less sleep, and an unhappy holiday season. Not good.

This time around, you’re not going to hear about how to make the season manageable for your children. Rather, this time, it’s about you, the parent! So, let me offer a few strategies to help you get through the season, and maybe even enjoy it!

Holiday Stress Reliever #1: Wrap It Up Early

Nobody ever meant for this season to be so hectic and unenjoyable. Unfortunately, we dread the intense shopping and running around so much that we tend to put it off. But, what if you started early?

You can make this season easy by creating a list of who you have to shop for. Next, take a look for these items on-line and/or in store. Then, put it on your agenda to shop for 2-3 items or 1-2 people every 2 weeks starting now. For teachers, encourage class parents to collect money from each student and offer one class present instead of having to buy your child’s teacher a little something that takes you out of your way. The other moms will thank you also.

As you buy it, wrap it, and put it away. By the time it’s time, you will be ready.

Holiday Stress Reliever #2: Stick to Your Routine

You have a routine that you know your child with special needs thrives on. No need to change it just because it’s holiday season. If there are going to be deviations to the schedule, put it on the calendar and let your child know that things will return to business as usual the next day.

If you have holiday parties to attend, hire a babysitter and let your child continue on with the evening’s schedule so you are not trying to anticipate needs, meltdowns, and entertainment for your child. This also gives you the opportunity to enjoy a holiday party, and actually enjoy the season!

Holiday Stress Reliever #3: Work It Out

Trying to balance the holiday season with your job may be another part-time position. If you know that a big deadline or project is coming up, anticipate ahead (just as you did for the shopping list), and start working on your project in small chunks early. Gather the information you need, create a template, work on small parts of it each day so that you are not working late nights or starting super early.

These three strategies will help keep your stress level down which means that your family will not likely feed off of your anxiety and become increasingly anxious as well. Keep it slow and steady. That’s how you’ll make it through the holiday season!

What Are Your Holiday Stress Relievers?

What do you do to avoid, reduce, and relieve stress during the holiday season? Leave your ideas in the comment box…but only if it doesn’t stress you out!

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.

Author Jolene Philo

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Happy Thanksgiving, Little Town on the Prairie

Happy Thanksgiving, Little Town on the Prairie

by | Nov 19, 2014 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Happy Thanksgiving, Little Town on the Prairie

 Main Street of my little town on the prairie: Camp Crook, South Dakota in 2007

My husband and I weren’t looking forward to our first Thanksgiving as parents of a baby with special needs. The little town on the prairie where we lived was 750 miles from the University of Nebraska hospital in Omaha where our son had already had 2 surgeries, the first when he was less than 24 hours old. The surgeon insisted on scheduling a follow-up appointment before releasing our son after the second surgery. My husband and I couldn’t afford to miss any more work, so the appointment was set for the day after Thanksgiving. We couldn’t afford to travel by plane because of mounting medical bills.

That meant a 15 hour car trip.
On Thanksgiving.
With a 5-month-old who ate through a feeding tube.
Who was allergic to every form of nourishment except breast milk.
Which I had to pump.
During a 15 hour car trip.
On Thanksgiving.
With a 5-month-old who ate through a feeding tube.

Our first Thanksgiving with our baby boy was shaping up to be the worst holiday ever.

Until some friends said they were planning a benefit for us. These friends were also parents of the students in my classroom, the other teachers in the small school. my husband’s co-workers, and our son’s babysitter. In small towns, everybody wears lots of hats. Mostly cowboy hats in this particular town only 2 miles from the Montana and 20 miles from North Dakota. Mostly dusty hats in the drought-stricken years of the early 1980s when every road coming into the town was gravel. Even the state highway.

We soon learned our friends and co-workers wore fund-raising hats with style.

The remainder of this post can be found at the Not Alone Special Needs Parenting website.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Special or Sad Holidays for Kids with Disabilities?

Special or Sad Holidays for Kids with Disabilities?

by | Nov 13, 2014 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Special or Sad Holidays for Kids with Disabilities?

Special or sad? That’s the question guest blogger Brittany Miller asks as the holiday season swings into full gear. In today’s post, she answers her own question with ideas she uses to keep from letting her daughter’s special needs make her too sad at this time of year.

Special or Sad Holidays for Kids with Disabilities?

Fall is in full swing, and every holiday from Halloween to New Year’s has been displayed in stores in all their grandeur. I love it, I admit it. My hands twitch at the prospect of adding fun holiday events and parties to our calendar. I start decorating and my house looks like a cluttered, happy holiday mess exploded inside. My kids love it, I love it, and there is just a special feeling in the air. Cheesy but it is a true fact in our household. We love the holiday season. But, sometimes at the very back of all of this joy and thanksgiving is the sadness that we special needs parents tend to compartmentalize. Our Christmases are often numbered, and for our disabled children, the presents and gifts given can often make their disabilities all too apparent. You know what I am talking about.

While grateful, we often dread the slew of ridiculous amounts of clothing as well as developmentally inappropriate toys that are often given to our special needs kids. And the stuffed animals! My little Brooke has over 100. Good intentions, sure, but where do we store all of those cuddly mementos that she cannot even play with? Clearly we appreciate the generosity for the kind gestures, but giving a school age child a baby rattle has a way of putting things into a harsh light. Christmas can be hard. The reminders that things are so different, that our special needs children will never have a normal Christmas. can often let those tender feelings of sadness and loss creep up during a time that should be full of making merry memories.

Special or Sad Memories?

So what can we do? How can we experience the holidays with our families and focus on the joyous blessings we do have without letting the sadness get in the way? Honestly, we cannot make those tender moments completely disappear, as they are part of the grief cycle we go through as special needs parents. However, we can focus on the joy they bring to our lives. They are here now. We can make wonderful, tender memories that are even more precious because we know these seasons are numbered. It may seem sad to recognize or admit, still I need this reminder because it helps our family focus on cherishing our time together. Let’s be honest, our children have a way of bringing a sweet spirit to our homes every day of the year, and the holiday season their preciousness is magnified.

One of my favorite holiday memories was made last year, holiday season 2013. We took our girls to North Pole Experience in Flagstaff, Arizona. My youngest and our special sweetie, Brooke (4), was chosen by NPX to be an Honorary Elf. She is globally delayed, has Aicardi Syndrome, epilepsy and is visually impaired. She was anonymously nominated through social media by a special person who was touched by her sweet smile and story. We received this special weekend as a gift from North Pole Experience. Despite Brookie’s disabilities and her inability to walk, talk, or participate in all of the weekend activities, the joyous smile on her face when she met Santa was all we needed to know she was happy. It was a Christmas to remember.

Special or Sad Gifts?

Friends, fellow parents, our children do not need a mountain of gifts or sweets and candies, they need love. They spread that love and touch those they come in contact with in such a miraculous way. The reality is, that is a precious gift, something real and magical. This busy, oh so wonderful holiday season can be joyous, we just have to let it. Sure, times for tears may come, but please do yourself a great service and let them be happy ones. These wise little souls may not dive under the tree, looking for presents, or join in on all of the fun festivities this wonderful time of year has to offer… but those moments are not the most precious ones of the season. And we all know it.

This year, this time of year make a promise to yourself to be together, be happy, be joyful, be present, and try not to be sad. (And maybe give your well meaning friends and family a few appropriate gift ideas for your special sweetie, lest you be overloaded with rattles and stuffed bears.) The holidays are a time for happiness, togetherness, and love. And guess what, our children can do all of these things! I pray we all can have a special holiday season and make many happy memories… a different season… maybe, and that is okay with me.

Special or Sad Holidays for You?

Are the holidays special or sad for you? How do you deal with that sadness? What do you do to stay positive? Leave a comment in the box below. And check out more of Brittany’s special needs journey at her blog, www.brookiethebrave.com.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Brittany Miller is mom to three daughters: Audrey, Brooke, and Juliette. Brooke was diagnosed with Aicardi Syndrome when she was five weeks old.

Author Jolene Philo

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Happy Special Needs Fourth of July!

Happy Special Needs Fourth of July!

by | Jul 3, 2014 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Happy Special Needs Fourth of July!

 Photo Credit: nuttakit at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Guest blogger Kimberly Drew has learned a few things over the years about how to create a happy special needs Fourth of July for her daughter, Abbey, who lives with multiple special needs. Today, she offers three tips about how to craft good special needs fourth of July memories for the entire family.

Happy Special Needs Fourth of July!

I grew up in a small town and state where it is legal to buy and set off fireworks. Every year we had a cookout and then went to a neighboring town for a Fourth of July fireworks show. We followed up that show with sparklers and small fireworks to do as a family at home. I loved it! After a long night of celebration, we would collapse into bed and sleep in the next day. When I became a mom, this was a holiday I couldn’t wait to celebrate with my own children. It’s funny how something that seems so simple can turn into such a hurdle when you have a child with multiple disabilities.

Special Needs Fourth of July Tip #1

For starters, cookouts can be a nightmare for a child with chewing and swallowing problems. Abbey once had to have emergency surgery because she helped herself to a slice of watermelon at a friend’s house. Don’t even get me started on hot dogs and chips! Now we bring “Abbey safe” food with us wherever we go. Parents with children with food allergies understand this as well. The last way you want to spend your holiday is in an emergency room with worry and question weighing on your heart.

Special Needs Fourth of July Tip #2

If we can get past the cookout, we have to get through the fireworks show. A lot of children are extremely sensitive to the loud noises associated with a fireworks production. That doesn’t mean you have to skip the show, but it does mean you have to do some research about where you can park your car, or sit as a family that is far enough away to see the show without the big booms. The first few times we tried fireworks with Abbey she was terrified. We watched one year from the car, and now that she is older she loves them. This is true for a lot of kids. It’s nice to know some things they will outgrow!

Special Needs Fourth of July Tip #3

Last, we had to let go of fireworks at home. The last thing I need is a burn from a sparkler or an accidental fly away that she doesn’t have the reflexes to avoid! This was a happy memory for me, so I felt a little sad that we wouldn’t get to continue this tradition, but over time you learn to let go of the less important traditions in order to preserve the big ones. It helps that we eventually moved to a state where fireworks are illegal anyway. But if you are in a neighborhood like the one I grew up in, maybe you can just drive a little further away for the fireworks show so that your kiddos are too tired to think about it when they get home?

The good news is this: Holidays are going to look a little different in your house, but they can still be celebrated! Don’t stay home this Fourth of July!

Your Special Needs Fourth of July Tips

How does your family make a happy special needs Fourth of July for your family? Leave your ideas in the comment box.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s  desire to write. In addition to being a stay at home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.

Author Jolene Philo

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Happy Father’s Day to Special Needs Dads

Happy Father’s Day to Special Needs Dads

by | Jun 13, 2014 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

Happy Father’s Day to Special Needs Dads

Father’s Day will be here on Sunday, so guest blogger Stephanie Ballard stopped by today to deliver a poem to honor dads of kids with special needs. Enjoy her words, and as is often the case with Steph’s writing, have a tissue handy.

A Father’s Heart on Father’s Day

A man walks through the double doors
His eyes tell quite a story
Although he has grown weary
He still gives God the glory.
His child lives within these walls
As many children do
Look high up on the sign, you’ll see
That it says…ICU.

The nurses nod as he walks in
And sets down all his things
Although he knows what to expect,
Somehow it always stings.
He bends to kiss his sleeping child
His hands stroking soft hair
And everyday the nurse can hear
This tired father’s prayer.

Lord, please watch my child today
And let him know you’re here
Give him strength so he can fight
And calm his every fear.
Wrap your arms around him
The way I wish I could.
Remind him just how much he’s loved
Remind him life is good.

I feel so very helpless
Not sure what I can do
I cannot even comprehend
The things that he’s been through.
Give me strength to fight for him
And help me understand
Help me to accept your will
No matter what the plan.
Lord, I know you’ll answer me
And yes, I know you care
Thanks again for hearing
One father’s heartfelt prayer.

If someone stopped to ask him
Are things going all right?
He’d feel no need to mention
He didn’t sleep all night.
If we were given just a glimpse
If we could see in part
What thoughts and hopes are there to find
Within this father’s heart?

A father’s voice…

My child was born fragile
Its my job to be strong
And tell my wife things will be fine
(And pray that I’m not wrong)
And still the bills need to get paid
And things need to be done
And it’s so hard just sitting here…
I want to hold my son!

I lean down as I watch him breathe
Keep fighting is my plea
I thought I’d teach you to be brave
But son, you have taught me.
I hear the beeping of machines
That help my child to live.
I wish that I could take his place.
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t give
To have the faith and strength I need
To hold back all my tears.
To say “I know he’ll be okay,”
Despite all of my fears.

I’ll only lose composure
When no one’s here to see
I will be the strong one
As I’m supposed to be.
A daddy says, “Come to my arms
I’ll chase all those monster’s away”
I cannot change God’s plan for him
But I can hope and pray.

A daddy needs to cry sometimes,
And God must see right through,
That tough daddy exterior…
For He’s a daddy too.

~Stephanie Ballard

Father’s Day Shout Out Time

Steph’s poem is a shout out to her husband. Now it’s your turn. Please feel free to leave a shout out in the comment box for the special needs father in your child’s life this Father’s Day.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

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