Special or sad? That’s the question guest blogger Brittany Miller asks as the holiday season swings into full gear. In today’s post, she answers her own question with ideas she uses to keep from letting her daughter’s special needs make her too sad at this time of year.

Special or Sad Holidays for Kids with Disabilities?

Fall is in full swing, and every holiday from Halloween to New Year’s has been displayed in stores in all their grandeur. I love it, I admit it. My hands twitch at the prospect of adding fun holiday events and parties to our calendar. I start decorating and my house looks like a cluttered, happy holiday mess exploded inside. My kids love it, I love it, and there is just a special feeling in the air. Cheesy but it is a true fact in our household. We love the holiday season. But, sometimes at the very back of all of this joy and thanksgiving is the sadness that we special needs parents tend to compartmentalize. Our Christmases are often numbered, and for our disabled children, the presents and gifts given can often make their disabilities all too apparent. You know what I am talking about.

While grateful, we often dread the slew of ridiculous amounts of clothing as well as developmentally inappropriate toys that are often given to our special needs kids. And the stuffed animals! My little Brooke has over 100. Good intentions, sure, but where do we store all of those cuddly mementos that she cannot even play with? Clearly we appreciate the generosity for the kind gestures, but giving a school age child a baby rattle has a way of putting things into a harsh light. Christmas can be hard. The reminders that things are so different, that our special needs children will never have a normal Christmas. can often let those tender feelings of sadness and loss creep up during a time that should be full of making merry memories.

Special or Sad Memories?

So what can we do? How can we experience the holidays with our families and focus on the joyous blessings we do have without letting the sadness get in the way? Honestly, we cannot make those tender moments completely disappear, as they are part of the grief cycle we go through as special needs parents. However, we can focus on the joy they bring to our lives. They are here now. We can make wonderful, tender memories that are even more precious because we know these seasons are numbered. It may seem sad to recognize or admit, still I need this reminder because it helps our family focus on cherishing our time together. Let’s be honest, our children have a way of bringing a sweet spirit to our homes every day of the year, and the holiday season their preciousness is magnified.

One of my favorite holiday memories was made last year, holiday season 2013. We took our girls to North Pole Experience in Flagstaff, Arizona. My youngest and our special sweetie, Brooke (4), was chosen by NPX to be an Honorary Elf. She is globally delayed, has Aicardi Syndrome, epilepsy and is visually impaired. She was anonymously nominated through social media by a special person who was touched by her sweet smile and story. We received this special weekend as a gift from North Pole Experience. Despite Brookie’s disabilities and her inability to walk, talk, or participate in all of the weekend activities, the joyous smile on her face when she met Santa was all we needed to know she was happy. It was a Christmas to remember.

Special or Sad Gifts?

Friends, fellow parents, our children do not need a mountain of gifts or sweets and candies, they need love. They spread that love and touch those they come in contact with in such a miraculous way. The reality is, that is a precious gift, something real and magical. This busy, oh so wonderful holiday season can be joyous, we just have to let it. Sure, times for tears may come, but please do yourself a great service and let them be happy ones. These wise little souls may not dive under the tree, looking for presents, or join in on all of the fun festivities this wonderful time of year has to offer… but those moments are not the most precious ones of the season. And we all know it.

This year, this time of year make a promise to yourself to be together, be happy, be joyful, be present, and try not to be sad. (And maybe give your well meaning friends and family a few appropriate gift ideas for your special sweetie, lest you be overloaded with rattles and stuffed bears.) The holidays are a time for happiness, togetherness, and love. And guess what, our children can do all of these things! I pray we all can have a special holiday season and make many happy memories… a different season… maybe, and that is okay with me.

Special or Sad Holidays for You?

Are the holidays special or sad for you? How do you deal with that sadness? What do you do to stay positive? Leave a comment in the box below. And check out more of Brittany’s special needs journey at her blog, www.brookiethebrave.com.

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