by jphilo | May 23, 2024 | Family
The sad and glad of Memorial Day is pressing on my heart this year as never before. The mix of emotions is due the passing of the people in the picture above.
Aunt Donna died in September of 2022.
Mom died in June of 2023.
Uncle Jim died in October of 2023.
This Memorial Day we will be honoring these strong, hard-working, exasperating people who loved their family above all else in this world. Our memories of them will not be enough to fill the holes riddling our hearts in the aftermath of their passing. Yet those memories and the emotions accompanying them are their legacy to their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. And so this Memorial Day…
We’re sad to be without them.
We’re glad they and my dad are together again.
We’re sad they can’t enjoy bouquets of irises and peonies this spring.
We’re glad they taught their children to love and grow them.
I’m sad they will never read the the 5th book in my mystery series, in which characters based on them are prominently featured.
I’m glad for the rich fodder of adventures they took us on that make writing their scenes glorious and funny and joyful.
I’m sad knowing we will never visit and reminisce and eat together again.
I’m glad to have talked with each of them in the months before they died.
We’re sad. I’m sad.
We’re glad. I’m glad.
Above all, we are blessed to have been loved by them and to love them in return.
by jphilo | Mar 8, 2018 | Different Dream, Self-Care and Stress, Special Needs Parenting
10 Reason to Celebrate My Husband’s Special Needs Parenting Skills
My husband’s special needs parenting skills have been a gift to our children and me. So today, our family is celebrating the gift of him on his 62nd birthday. Here are 10 special needs parenting skills he’s perfected since our first child was born in 1982.
- Bodily fluids don’t bother him. From pee to poop, from projectile vomiting to fountains of blood, from oozing wounds to regurgitated bile–he took it all in stride from the day our son entered the world. Which was good because even perfectly normal poopy diapers made me gag, and I may have been the one doing the projectile vomiting on occasion.
- Calm is his middle name. Seriously, emergency situations do not rile him. At least not when they are happening. Time after time when the crisis ended and his calmness dissolved into worry, my long term planning skills kicked into action.
- He is patient beyond patient. With his kids. With his wife. With whiny kids. With an impatient wife. You get the picture.
- He compliments the cook. Even when the exhausted cook, who spent all night nursing a fussy baby, burns frozen pizza. Or slams a box of macaroni and cheese on the table and runs crying to the bedroom. Even then, he compliments the cook for planning supper so he didn’t have to.
- Sleepability is his forte. As in, he can sleep in the recliner. While jiggling a fussy baby in his lap. Night after night. For months on end.
- Forgiveness comes easily to him. That was good news for a new mom caring for a child with a life-threatening condition. I often said things that should not have been said, and he forgave me. Every. Single. Time.
- Hard work doesn’t bother him. Often when our children were young, he said he wished I could stay home with the kids. But the insurance coverage and other benefits provided through my teaching job meant I taught for 25 years until our son was an adult and on his own. Furthermore, though he could retire at 62, he’s chosen to work 3 more years because of the insurance coverage and other benefits provided by his nursing job.
- Faith and faithfulness define him. Because he is a man of faith who wants to please God, he chooses to be faithful day in and day out. Not just to me, but to his family, his friends, and his church. To never have to doubt his faithfulness has been an immense gift while raising a child with special needs.
- He encourages me and our kids to follow our dreams. He has more faith in our abilities than we do. He listened to our kids dream big and always believed in them, whether or not their dreams were realized. He encouraged me to leave teaching to write and speak even though doing so meant a much lower income. “It’s not about money,” he once told me. “It’s about ministering to other parents raising kids like ours.”
- When our son was born and immediately whisked away for surgery at a hospital 750 miles away, I was a basket case. When I asked my husband what we were going to do, he looked at me quizzically. “We’re going to love him,” he said, “for as long as we have him. Just as he is.” His love for his son, and for his daughter born 6 years later, has never wavered.
My husband turns 62 today, and I am keenly aware of the gift he has been to our family. We’ll celebrate the day with presents and his favorite meal, but whatever we do can’t compare with what he’s done for us. Happy birthday, dear husband. And happy birthday to us!
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Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.
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by jphilo | Aug 16, 2016 | Top Ten Tuesday, Uncategorized
Every day is an educational adventure with a sixteen-month-old in the house. Here’s what he’s been teaching us lately.
10. Clothespins are fascinating, so a wise grammy learn to check for them in her shoes before going for a morning walk.
9. Grammy’s walking shoes are also fascinating, so when the shoes aren’t on the rug by the door, they are most likely in the empty spot on a low kitchen shelf. With a clothespin cleverly hidden inside one shoe.
8. There’s nothing better than a rousing game of “I’m gonna get you.”
7. There’s nothing worse than being told “No!” Even and especially when it’s for your own good.
6. Baby gates are an invitation to start climbing.
5. Being allowed in Grammy and Papoo’s bedroom to feel the soft, blue blanket on their bed is enough to make a grown 16-month-old quiver with delight.
4. All food tastes better after it’s been thrown on the floor and sniffed by the dog.
3. Making loud noises and screeching is oodles of fun for a baby. But when a grown up makes the same sounds, it’s very scary.
2. The days when Papoo uses big machines right outside the living room window are very good days.
1. Receiving a big hug and a slobbery kiss from a sixteen-month-old is a precious gift from God.
What lessons have you learned from a wee one lately? Leave a message.
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by jphilo | Aug 15, 2016 | Daily Life, Family
The Summer of 2016 will go down in history as a most exciting one. The Man of Steel’s basement project, with its main components being large dirt piles, big holes, and large equipment, has been an ongoing source of wonder for our three young grandchildren. (The above action shot, the action being the dirt pouring out of the bucket, was highly appreciated by the 3 1/2-year-old.) The Wonderfully Made Family Camp (WMFC) at Hidden Acres, the trip to Latvia to be part of a special needs camp, and family camp in Idaho each had their own exciting elements.
But, as the summer winds down I have to say that our adventures in multi-generational living, which began on May 20 when our daughter, our son-in-law, and grandson moved into our upstairs, leave all others in the dust.* All in all, the transition has gone well. The fact that the upstairs consists of three large rooms and a full bath that is completely their space, makes the arrangement easier. But, we’ve learned, and are still learning, much about how to live together in shared spaces: the kitchen, the laundry room, the dining room, and sometimes the living room.
Over the next few months, the daughter and I will be sharing our perspectives about what has worked, what hasn’t, and how we’ve resolved what doesn’t. To start things off, here are four systems we’ve put in place that make multi-generational living much easier.
First, a command center is a must. Ours is a giant whiteboard in the kitchen. It’s a monthly calendar where everyone posts their work and travel schedules. Once that’s in place, we decide who’s going to cook each night and plan menus. We also record financial reminders about what’s owed for groceries and utilities and payment due to the daughter and son-in-law for projects we’ve hired them to complete. Honestly, without this system, we couldn’t function.
Second, compile grocery lists. This one took a couple months to get in place, mainly because I was gone so much it was hard to plan menus. We now have 2 lists, 1 for our local grocery store and 1 for Costco, Trader Joe’s and a Mennonite market where we purchase hard-to-find baking ingredients. Everyone knows where the grocery lists are and they are encouraged to add items that are running low or used up. We visit the local grocery store weekly. I make the Costco/Trader Joe’s/Mennonite market run about once a month, usually after a visit to Dorothy since those stores are 45 minutes from our Gravel Road, but only 20 minutes from her.
Third, get a joint credit card for groceries. This card is used only for what’s on the menu and each family pays half the bill. This simplifies finances immensely.
Fourth, only one joint meal is served per day. That meal is usually supper, though depending on schedules, it is sometimes lunch. The freezer, fridge, and pantry are stocked with breakfast items and everyone serves themselves. The same is true for lunch, at which leftovers are also fair game.
From my point of view, these four systems are life savers. We’ll see what the daughter has to say at a future date. It could be interesting!
*Please note: The use of this idiom was deliberate in light of the name of this blog.
Do you have a multi-generational living arrangement? How do you make it work? Leave a comment.
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by jphilo | May 31, 2016 | Top Ten Tuesday
Since our daughter, son-in-law, grandson, and dog moved in a week or so ago, our house has been in a state of flux. Here are ten changes we’ve made, most of them to accommodate the most adorable 14-month-old baby in the house.
10. Though our fireplace is unused, it is irresistible to 1-year-olds. So the Man of Steel temporarily blocked it off with a cedar chest turned upside down and crowned with a wooden storage box built by the Man of Steel’s grandfather in the 1940s.
9. Other temporary baby-proofing efforts, which will eventually be replaced with proper gadgets, include wooden stools shoved against every bottom cupboard door, keeping closet and bathroom doors shut tight, and moving all live plants to the sun porch. Thank goodness it’s spring.
8. The refrigerator is fuller than normal and empties faster. More because of the baby’s parents than because of the baby. Except for humus, which the little one devours in copious amounts.
7. The laundry room is doing a brisk business. The baby wears cloth diapers. Need I say more?
6. Toys are everywhere. Some are the boy’s. Some are the dog’s. Some they share. Quite nicely, I might add.
5. Did you know red rocks red fit perfectly into tiny fists and are light-weight enough to be toddled from hither to yon? Which explains why the landscaping rocks outside the kitchen door are all over the sidewalk, in the grass, and on the cement ledge framing the herb garden.
4. Our home now suffers from a spoon shortage. Because when a certain child has to come inside without a lava rock in each fist, spoons are a good distraction. By mealtime, all the spoons are on the floor or where ever they have been deposited with logic that makes no sense to anyone over the age of 14 months.
3. A certain writer finds herself taking frequent breaks because her grandson insists she is the only adult in the house fit to play “I’m gonna get you” with him. While the writer’s novel is suffering, her grandson is not.
2. The house is full of baby squeals, especially during a game of “I’m gonna get you.”
1. Those squeals are accompanied by an infectious smile that sets both the Man of Steel and a certain writer to grinning so much their cheeks hurt.
How has your house been changing lately? Leave a comment.
