A Valentine’s Day Love Story

A Valentine’s Day Love Story

by | Feb 14, 2024 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting, Spiritual Support

A Valentine’s Day Love Story

A Valentine’s Day love story, if present day culture is to be believed, is all about candlelit dinners, chocolates, diamonds, and declarations of undying devotion. This Valentine’s Day love story is about loving a little boy who lives with anxiety, ADHD, and high-functioning autism just as he is.

“Grammy,” said our 8-year-old grandson Tad when he entered our kitchen. “Someone did something terrible in the bathroom. Come see.”

His little sister followed us into the bathroom where thick rivulets of hand soap ran down the mirror above the sink. The sister denied having had anything to do with it. Another look at the miserable expression on my grandson’s face, and I sent her out of the room.

“Did you do this, Tad?”

“Yes,” he said with tears in his eyes.

“Why did you lie?”

He began to cry. “Because I didn’t want you to get mad at me. Are you mad at me Grammy?”

“I’m not mad at you, Tad.” I hugged him. He hugged back. “Just disappointed. Mostly because you lied, and it’s hard to trust someone who lies. You know that, right?”

He nodded.

“Let’s clean this up together.”

We talked while mopping hand soap off of the counter, the faucet, the sides of the vanity cabinet, and the wall.

“What made you do it?” I asked.

“My mind quit working, and I couldn’t stop.”

“Did you know what you were doing was wrong?”

His lip trembled. “Yes, but the naughty part of me took over.”

I took a few seconds to decide what to say. “Everybody, even grownups, has to fight against choosing naughty things. The only human who chose the right way every time was Jesus. He did it because he was completely human and also completely God. You’re not Jesus and neither am I. We’re humans who choose to be naughty sometimes, and Jesus still loves us.”

To read the rest of A Valentine’s Day Love Story, visit the Hope Anew website.

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Photo by Victoria Aleksandrova on Unsplash

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Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dance!, the third book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2023.

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See Jane Dance! Is Coming Along

See Jane Dance! Is Coming Along

by | Aug 11, 2022 | See Jane Dance!

Book 3 in West River Mystery Series is in the works. Learn how See Jane Dancer! is coming along and why Jane is taking square dance lessons.

See Jane Dance! is coming along. As in, I hope to finish the first draft in the next month to six weeks. So while you’re engrossed in See Jane Run! or eagerly waiting for See Jane Sing!’s release this fall, my head is all See Jane Dance! all the time. Since first drafts are hell, this is not my head’s favorite place to be. I’m escaping confinement briefly to let you in on a few details.

  • See Jane Dance! is the third book in the West River Mystery Series.
  • The publisher, Midwestern Books, originally hoped to release it in January of 2023. Because we now realize that was a bite too big for the writer and the publisher to chew, the release date has been pushed back to late fall of 2023 or early winter of 2024.
  • The cover is amazing and will be disclosed sometime in 2023. There is a fiddle on the book’s cover, hence the picture of the fiddler for now.
  • The reason for the fiddler is that square dance lessons are a main driver of the plot in Book #3.
  • Part of the research for See Jane Dance! involved a long weekend at a square dance center and campground near Lolo Springs, Montana.* I interviewed the owner and the square dance caller about the progression of steps taught during beginner lessons. The interview was necessary because we remember very little about the 8 weeks of square dance lessons Hiram and I took 40 years ago when we lived in South Dakota.
  • The one thing Hiram and I do remember is the song the teacher used each time we practiced a new step––There’s Something About You Baby I Like.** The song does appear in See Jane Dance!
  • Readers will find nods to the old Vander Meer Bakery in Le Mars, Iowa, South Dakota’s frigid winters, and school Valentine’s Day parties.***
  • Squeamish readers should be aware that this book includes more blood than previous books, including one human death, several dead cattle, and a taxidermy shop.
  • As of this posting 36 of 50 chapters in the first draft are written.****

Enough avoiding returning to the rough draft. It’s back to See Jane Dance! for me.

*The campground is closed this summer due to a death in the family, and their website is no longer there.
**Those who click on the You Tube video can thank me later for the ear worm.
***For which elementary school teachers deserve sainthood.
****Not that I’m counting or anything, but this means that 14 chapters of hell remain.

The One in One Hundred Child

The One in One Hundred Child

by | Feb 14, 2018 | Advocacy, Different Dream, Special Needs Parenting

The One in One Hundred Child

Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to remember the one in one hundred child born with a heart defect. In her heartfelt poem, guest blogger Stephanie Ballard profiles some of the one in one children born with heart disease and the families who are their advocates.

The One in One Hundred Child

You came home with a big red heart
That you had made at school
You wrote your own name in the middle
You asked me, “Mom isn’t it cool?”

“It’s beautiful,” I said to you
As pride swelled in my chest.
“When it comes to paper hearts
Yours really is the best.”

The glitter and lace
A mirrored reflection
So carefully placed
In sincere perfection.

I think about your real heart
On the inside, where others can’t see.
It won’t ever be perfect.
You have a CHD.

You are that one in one hundred–
We’ll never know what to expect.
Our lives have been forever changed
By the words heart defect.

A precious baby girl was born
In nineteen eighty-four
Her mother surely held her
Not knowing what was in store.

Her hopes and dreams were shattered
By the words that would be spoken.
Her tiny, brand new baby girl
Was born with a heart that was broken.

Things were different in that time.
Options weren’t as clear.
Although the baby did not live,
She is a pioneer.

Her mother named her Stephanie–
You can still read her story today.
She received the first baboon heart.
We call her “Baby Fae.”

She was the one in one hundred
Her family decided to give
So medical science could progress
And future heart children might live.

A mother and father get out of their car,
Taking their son’s tiny hand.
The little boy shifts restlessly,
Too young to understand.

Mommy has fresh flowers
Dad has a shiny new balloon
He doesn’t know they’re for his brother
Whose young life was taken too soon.

His small hands touch a well worn stone.
He says, “Wish you were here.”
His parents kneel beside him
Wiping away every tear.

Their child was one in one hundred,
And now they are living apart,
Countless children die each year,
Due to a broken heart.

The technician tells her to relax
The gel should still be warm
She rubs her pregnant belly
Discomfort is the norm.

Her husband smiles back at her
As she gives him a quick wink
Soon they will have their answer
Will it be blue? Or will it be pink?

The tech starts to look a bit nervous
In a flash there are doctors and chatter
She looks at her husband with tears in her eyes
Asking, “What do you think is the matter?”

They are the one in one hundred
How could they ever expect
The child they have been waiting for,
Would have a heart defect?

We are the one in one hundred,
We did not make this choice,
We share, reflect…remember,
We are our children’s voice.

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Stephanie Ballard is the mother of two sons, her youngest son, Braeden, was born with Kabuki Syndrome and congenital heart defects. Her oldest son, Colin is in the military. She enjoys writing poetry and life lessons about her journey in life.

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How Will You Feel Loved this Valentine’s Day?

How Will You Feel Loved this Valentine’s Day?

by | Feb 8, 2018 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting

How Will You Feel Loved this Valentine’s Day?

How will you feel loved this Valentine’s Day? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself often as I listen to couples raising kids with special needs talk about their relationships during interviews for Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities. The other question that comes to mind is equally important: How will my spouse feel loved this Valentine’s Day?

Dr. Gary Chapman, identifies the 5 love languages as gifts, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch. Many years ago, Chapman’s 5 love languages quiz confirmed what I already knew. Acts of service and words of affirmation are the ways I receive love. Next comes quality time. But gifts and physical touch mean very little to me. Conversely, the best way to show love to my husband is through physical touch, followed closely by quality time. Acts of service weighs in at number 3. Words of affirmation and gifts mean next to nothing to him.

If only, my husband and I have often told one another, we had known about the 5 love languages early in our marriage. Those were the years when caring for our son with special needs comprised the bulk of every day. We had little time to work on our marriage as we fought to keep our baby alive.

When we did try to communicate love to each other, our efforts fell flat. He would hug me or try to hold my hand, which meant a great deal to him but very little to me. I tried to be helpful and praise him for what he did for our family, but my efforts barely penetrated his consciousness.

If we had known about the 5 love languages in those days when we were constantly exhausted and stressed, we could have used that information to energize one another. He could have garnered my undying love by clearing the table and doing the dishes or folding the laundry. I could have made him fee cherished and loved with a kiss and a hug before he went to work and a back rub while he held our baby in the evening.

Over the years, we’ve learned to speak each other’s love language. So this Valentine’s Day won’t involve exchanging expensive gifts because that language means little to either of us. Instead, he’ll speak my language by taking me out to dinner so I don’t have to cook that night. I’ll speak his language by holding his hand on the way to the restaurant and snuggling in bed before we drift off to sleep.

What we didn’t know then, I want you to know now while you’re in the thick of caring for your child. You are exhausted and stressed, and you need every available tool to safeguard your marriage this Valentine’s Day. So if you haven’t yet determined your love language or your spouse’s, I encourage you and your spouse to take this online quiz right away.

Once you know your love language and your spouse’s, you can find a creative way to express love to one another clearly and effectively. And once you do that, you will both feel loved in ways you never have before even while you’re engrossed in caregiving and parenting. What are you waiting for? Take the quiz and make this Valentine’s Day the best ever for you, for your spouse, and for your children.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. The first book in her cozy mystery series, See Jane Run!, features people with disabilities and will be released in June of 2022.

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What I Love About Special Needs Parenting

What I Love About Special Needs Parenting

by | Feb 9, 2017 | Different Dream, Encouragement, Spiritual Support

What I Love About Special Needs Parenting

Special needs parenting often gets a bad rap on social media. Posts about the complexity and stress associated with raising kids who have special needs are everywhere and can crowd out what’s good about parenting our kids. So in honor of Valentine’s Day, this post is dedicated to what I’ve learned to love about special needs parenting since our son was born in 1982.

Top Ten Things I Love about Special Needs Parenting

10. Special needs parenting changed my husband’s career path and mine too. We lived 70 miles from the closest hospital when our son was born with a medical condition. So my husband became an EMT. That training motivated him to become a nurse. When I launched my writing and speaking career after 25 years as a teacher, anything I wrote about special needs parenting resonated with readers and led to 5 books about raising kids with special needs. We love the way special needs parenting has changed our careers for the better.

9.  Special needs parenting shows that we are not in ultimate control of our children. Parents of typical kids usually learn this during the teen years. They struggle to let go of their children. My husband and I learned we weren’t in control the day our son was born. The lesson stood us in good stead during his trying teen years.

8. Special needs parenting teaches us to be grateful.  Grateful for the privilege of raising children-even when our days with them are few, grateful to the medical community, grateful for the kindness of friends and family and strangers, grateful for crazy family fun, grateful for difficult times, grateful for every the grace God pours into our lives.

7.  Special needs parenting increases empathy and humility. We know the heartache of lost dreams and of watching our children struggle. We know the joy of new dreams and watching our children make progress. We know how to come alongside new parents with practical help and physical hugs. And we are humbled by our ability to hurt and rejoice with them.

6.  Special needs parenting changes our priorities. We learn very early on to cherish the small things–rocking our babies, playing games with toddlers, picking our kids up from school, listening while our teens vent–and to view them as the important and eternal things that deserve the majority of our time and energy.

5.  Special needs parenting strengthens our relationships. It can bond husbands and wives who survive the fire together. It can strengthen families and church families whose members learn to prop one another up when weary. It can deepen friendships with those committed to being true, rather than fair weather, friends.

4.  Special needs parenting forges new friendships and a new community. We are members of a club we never wanted to join. But once initiated into it, we develop unique and valuable friendships with amazing people we would not have known otherwise. We become part of a community we love to call “home.”

3.  Special needs parenting increases our ability to value life. We know that every life, no matter how short or compromised, can change the people touched by it. We know this because we have been changed because of our children’s lives.

2.  Special needs parenting changes our perspective on death. Many of us have watch a beloved child struggle with pain every day of life, struggle to breathe, struggle to find energy to smile when they see us. Those who’ve seen these things no longer fear death. We know death released our children from pain as God walked them from this life into the next. Parents who are followers of Christ rest in His promise of a new, pain-free life for our children, in His presence.

1.  Special needs parenting can grow our faith. While raising our kids, we can do 1 of 2 things. We can either reject a God who allows our children to be born with special needs and shoulder our burdens alone. Or we can hold fast to His promises, trust that He is active in our circumstances even when we can’t see Him, and cling to His hand. My husband and I made the second choice and after 3 decades of seeing God work in amazing, unexpected ways, our faith continues to grow.

What Do You Love about Special Needs Parenting?

What would you add to the list? Leave a comment!

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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