See Jane Change Things Up

See Jane Change Things Up

by | Jan 17, 2014 | Mystery Update

Fall in Harding Co

Can it be that 4 months have passed since my wonderful September visit to Harding County? In my mind, those days of beautiful weather when the sun shone through the gold-tipped leaves of the cottonwood trees seem like only a week or 2 in the past.

But the calendar doesn’t lie. And it says 4 months.

Much has happened in those months. A work trip to Michigan. The first draft of Every Child Welcome written. Thanksgiving at our house. Oktoberfest and Black Friday editions of Camp Dorothy, helping our kids move, conducting a special needs ministry workshop in Nebraska with Katie Wetherbee, and Christmas, Christmas, and more Christmas celebrations from hither to yon.

All that jocularity–and recovering from it–meant the mystery novel was neglected for 4 months.

But not any more! Thanks to a couple weeks back in the saddle, Jane, the novel’s protagonist, and her story world saw the light of day again. Opening the file took a lot of guts, because during the 4 months just passed, I’d convinced myself the novel was no good. I was ready to scrap the whole manuscript and start from scratch.

But the main thing that changed while I read through the story was my mind.

Most of the manuscript actually held together, and the necessary changes can wait to be made until the first draft is complete. With a few exceptions. Two students, whose back stories have been lovingly prepared, from Jane’s primary class have to age 2 years and move into the intermediate classroom. And two intermediate students, who are presently strangers to Jane and me, must become 2 years younger and join her K–3 classroom.

This kind of change makes my former teacher’s heart–and Jane’s new teacher’s heart–cringe.

After all, Jane and I have gotten attached to those students! But the switch has to be made to simplify the cast of characters so people like you, dear reader, will be able to follow the plot line more easily. Therefore, once today’s quota of research for a newly contracted non-fiction book is reached and I’ve cleaned the bathrooms*, I’ll be writing back story for Beau and Beck, Jane’s new students. As well as back story for their grandparents and guardians, Burt and Verna Kelly. Now, if you’re wondering why Beau and Beck live with their grandparents, you’re getting close to the heart of the mystery.

My resolve to not provide any further enlightenment about that remains unchanged.

As does the purpose of this post. Which is to keep the project in the forefront of your consciousness, even when the author goes AWAL for 4 months, and to provide tantalizing hints that will compel you to purchase the book if and when it is published.

In the meantime, stay tuned for changes to come!

*Yes, an author’s life is really that glamorous.

4 Ways to Help Kids with Special Needs Adjust to Change

4 Ways to Help Kids with Special Needs Adjust to Change

by | Sep 27, 2013 | Different Dream, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting

4 Ways to Help Kids with Special Needs Adjust to Change

Guest blogger Liz Matheis went through a season of change after the birth of her third child several months ago. The lessons she learned can be used to help kids with special needs adjust to the changes that accompany a new school year, too.

4 Ways to Help Kids with Special Needs Adjust to Change

Change, change, it’s the season for change! It’s the start of a new school year and another phase of change in the life of your child with special needs. As a parent, I am happy for this transition back to school, although I am sad to say good-bye to summer. I’m ready for the routine and structure that school brings, but for many children, transitions are difficult and frightening. Sometimes a transition such as the winter break around the holidays can be a time of peaking anxiety. For some children, even daily transitions are difficult to process and are faced with much resistance. So, how do you as a parent help your child with an upcoming change in routine, season, holiday, or travel?  Anticipate and plan ahead, which will lessen the severity of the change and make it easier to accept.

Keep it the Same… As It’s Becoming Different

When my new baby was born 9 months ago, I knew that the change in our family life was not going to be well received. In the months before, I created a routine for my children and I stuck to it as much as I could. After my son was born, our routine was already in progress and I didn’t want to stray from it. So, we kept the same rules, same bedtime, same rules about TV, and my husband and I had the same behavioral expectations for our two older children. I was very tempted to extend bedtime or to give them an extra dessert because I felt badly that I wasn’t spending as much time with them as I used to, but I knew that I shouldn’t and so I didn’t.

With that said, when you are expecting an impending change in your schedule, stick to your routine so that your child can rely on the familiar amidst the unfamiliar.  Making a change to your routine takes another element of your child’s life and makes it even rockier. Don’t feel badly and don’t offer too many exceptions to the rules or special treats to make up for a guilty conscience!

Head to the Library

That’s right, take out your library card and drive on over to the place filled with books about… yes, change! Children tend to relate better to characters in books that are going through a similar experience or having a similar emotional response. Find books about the upcoming change, whether it is traveling on a plan for the first time, a new sibling, or whatever. Ask questions while you read the book like these:

  • Has that ever happened to you before?
  • The character feels __________.
  • How do you think you would feel?

Let your child relate his experience to the character’s and process with your child through simple questions about her fears and worries. If your child is struggling to answer your open-ended question, provide two choices and let her choose one.

Keep it Positive

As you are staying open to your child’s fears and worries, make sure to talk about one or two things that are positive about the upcoming change and keep it tangible! For example, although a trip via plane to Florida is scary, once you are in Florida, you will be able to see palm trees. Or, a new sibling will make things different, but your child will have a new person to play with!

Count Down…or Not

For some children, you may want to take out a calendar and get a count down going. For some children, the countdown may create more anticipatory anxiety, so it is up to you and how you think your child will react to this. Having a countdown helps to quantify and make the time that feels so long before the change happens seem more under his control. Add stickers, draw smiley faces, or whatever else your child seems to like.

As humans, we are creatures of habit. Many of us thrive on routine and familiarity, and dread a change. When I worried within the public and private school system, it took me about 2 weeks to adjust to returning to work in September. I cried about it more than the kids. (They adjusted in 1 week, by the way!) When thinking about a child with special needs, change is especially scary because of the unknown. By using some of the strategies I discussed, it will help take the unknown about what’s about to be new in your child’s life.

How Do You Help Your Kids Adjust to Change?

What are your best tips to help kids adjust to change, at the start of school or any other time of year? Leave a comment in the box.

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Dr. Liz Matheis is a clinical psychologist and school psychologist in Parsippany, NJ. She offers support, assessments, and advocacy for children who are managing Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral difficulties, as well as their families. She is also a contributor to several popular magazines. Visit www.psychedconsult.com for more information.

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Is It Time to Up our Homeowner Insurance?

Is It Time to Up our Homeowner Insurance?

by | Mar 25, 2013 | Reflections on the Past

The other day, II had lunch with a friend who’s a junior in high school. On the way to our favorite Chinese restaurant, we drove by the former site of Bryant Elementary School. It used to look like this:Bryant school

Now it looks like this:Bryant Lot

We both commented about how weird it was for the building where we had many good memories (I used to teach there) obliterated.

The conversation made me think of what’s happened to the other workplaces in my past. Sky Ranch for Boys, where Hiram and I worked from the late 70s through the early 80s closed a few years back. Several of those buildings have been bought and moved to different locations–a rather disconcerting thought.

One of the tan and brown buildings where I taught in Camp Crook from 1980–1985 has been replaced with a new grey building. Which needed to be done, But if they chose to replace only one building, couldn’t they have chosen the one I taught in for the least number of years?Camp Crook School

Also, my Grace Community Church Director of Discipleship and Assimilation digs–back in the days when the church rented downtown office space in the basement of the Livery–is now the kitchen of The Good News Room Coffee Shop. The owners have done a bang-up job with the space and decor, but it’s strange to order a cup of coffee and think, “Hmmm, right there where the sink is? That’s where my desk used to be.

Good News Coffee Shop Kitchen

All these changes take some getting used to, but I’m adjusting. Except for one thing. Considering the track record of my former workplaces and the fact that these days I work from home, do you think it would be wise for us to up our homeowner’s insurance?

house

 

 

A Digital Native I’m Not

A Digital Native I’m Not

by | Nov 30, 2012 | Daily Life

Digital native. A reporter used the term in her article in the November issue of our local community magazine.The story was about raising a family in the digital age, and while reading two things grew increasingly clear: A digital native I’m not, and parenting has changed from the the olden days when our kids were little.

The article made me think about how my Grandma Josie, who lived from 1896-1996, felt during the technological revolution that radically changed her daily life. In her 99 years, she witnessed the advent and widespread use of

automobiles,
airplanes,
tractors and other engine-driven farm machinery,
telephones,
electricity,
indoor plumbing,
moving pictures,
phonographs,
radio,
black and white television,
color television,
automatic washers and dryers,
dishwashers,
air conditioning,
electric sewing machines, irons, and small kitchen appliances,
electric and gas cook stoves,
ice boxes,
and refrigerators.

She saw the first man go into space, watched several astronauts walk on the moon, and was still alive when personal computers and cell phones first entered the market. For decades, I had wondered how the constant changes made her feel. I marveled at how she adapted to change after change, how she welcomed and embraced many of them.

Reading the article about toddlers using iPads, teens programming their Direct TV connection to update them about Fantasy Football, and entire families dependent upon laptops and smart phones, I finally understood why Grandma eventually quit trying to change. At some point in last few decades of her life the gap between her life as an agrarian native and the lives of the technological natives around her grew too great. She couldn’t keep up anymore. She had to quit.

The gap between this 1950s technology native and the digital natives now entering the world is widening, too. It’s not yet a distance too wide to be traversed, but it is wide enough to increase my admiration and compassion for how beautifully and how long Grandma Josie adapted to change.

One day, I realized, the gap could grow so wide I’ll dig in my heels and refuse to change. Then again, maybe that won’t happen. I may not be a digital native, but I can apply for citizenship and study to become one.

A digital version of the test, of course.
Downloaded on my iPad.
Exported to my lap top.
Backed up on my external hard drive.
With an audio version on my iPod.
The gap is shrinking.
Watch out digi natives, here I come!

image courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

No Need to Change; Just Pivot!

No Need to Change; Just Pivot!

by | Oct 8, 2012 | Daily Life

An article about cutting edge business buzz words in yesterday’s Des Moines Register gave me an entirely new outlook about change. The story explained why the business world prefers the word pivot to change this way:

When things didn’t go well, it used to be that you would have to change. But that word sounds so negative, doesn’t it? Instead just pivot. If you lost your job, you might say, ‘I was a teacher, but I’ve pivoted into fast-food service.

Wow! By changing one little word, people can eliminate negativity in their personal lives, too. Here are a few ideas:

  • No need for man or critter to complain about the past weekend’s cold snap and hard frost. Next time the deer along the walking trail stand with hooves planted in the frosty grass, their sides shivering with cold, just say, “Looks like the weather’s pivoting into winter.” Nothing like positive buzz words to warm a body up.
  • I can tell Hiram, “Let’s pivot the furniture in the living room,” or “The weather’s pivoting, so we need to lug the flowerpots from the porch all the way upstairs,” and the man of steel will want to do it, what with all the negativity taken out of the pivoting process.
  • When I look in the mirror and see more grey hairs, I can say, “Why Jolene, you’re pivoting into a new look.”
  • Likewise, my recently acquired status as grandparent can be considered a pivot into maturity.
  • Pounds gained from overeating during the upcoming holidays will be a pivot into a new wardrobe.

This word has pivoted my attitude toward change. The other words on the biz buzzword list – crowd funding, showrooming, cloud (as in the internet), BYOD (bring your own device), data mining, freemium (use this one quickly as it’s on the way out), social and mobile (for pitching business ideas), and lean start up – not so much.

But that’s okay. Adding one new buzz word to my vocabulary is all the pivoting I can handle. Though it’s important to make the pivot quickly ’cause you know what they say. The only constant is pivoting so get used to it.

Hmmm…oes that sound right to you?