Special Needs Transparency Dilemma: To Post or Not To Post

by jphilo | Sep 28, 2016 | Books and Resources, Different Dream, Spiritual Support

Special Needs Transparency Dilemma: To Post or Not To Post

2016 has been an exciting year for guest blogger Kimberly Drew. She and her husband adopted a baby girl this summer. This fall her new book Refresh: Spiritual Nourishment for Parents of Children with Special Needs, co-authored with Jocelyn Green. Today Kimberly divulges the social media special needs transparency dilemma that came to light when Kimberly cracked open a copy of her new book and began to read.

Special Needs Transparency Dilemma: To Post or Not To Post

I recently co-authored a devotional for parents of children with special needs with my dear friend, Jocelyn Green. The project was was labor of love that was years in the making. When the box of books arrived at my doorstep, my heart pounded with excitement! I opened the box and there were fifty copies of a beautiful book with my name on the cover.

I waited until the kids went to bed to crack a copy open and enjoy the finished product.
As sat with my coffee reading words I wrote, I started to feel a little bit of panic. Wow! I was very honest about what life raising a child with disabilities has looked like for our family. I suddenly felt that maybe I was too transparent. People I know are going to read this book and see right into my thoughts and heart.

I had to take a moment and reflect on the purpose of this devotional book. The purpose is to encourage parents spiritually who, like me, are on a sometimes overwhelming, lonely, and unique journey. Each devotional is filled with stories of families with children with special needs. They share some intimate moments with the reader and then point the reader to Scripture and what the Bible can teach us about how our circumstances and experiences do not define our beliefs. However, our beliefs can help us to define our experiences in a way that changes our hearts and lives for the better.

This realization made me think about living in a culture obsessed with social media and transparency. On social media it’s important to think about the why behind a post. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has read someone’ Facebook status and thought, “That is really more information than I needed to know.” I can’t be the only one who hides certain individuals from my news feed because they continue to post inflammatory, embarrassing, or private information about their family life online!

Before I post something online, I ask myself two questions: Is it helpful? Is it kind? If the post can’t pass my litmus test of appropriateness, then I usually keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. If it’s an honest thought or moment in my life that could be expanded into something that might help another person, then I might blog about it.

So what about the ranting and raving we so often see on social media? I think the need to vent online is a reflection of lack of intimacy in personal relationships. This is a very easy trap to fall into when you have children with special needs because it’s often hard to find the time to develop deep meaningful relationships. Even so, I encourage you to make the time for yourself to have these kinds of friendships. You have no idea how many embarrassing and inflammatory posts the world has been spared because I picked up the phone and called my sister-in-law Lori instead of answering the Facebook question, “What’s on your mind?” These real life relationships can help us sort out the things that cause us to feel stressed, angry, or upset.

In the end, I solve the special needs transparency dilemma by going back to Philippians 4:8. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

If what I have to say isn’t any of those good things, I shouldn’t say it…let alone share it. In a devotional book for parents of kids with special needs. Or online.

How Do You Handle the Special Needs Transparency Dilemma?

Leave a comment or tip about how you solve the special needs transparency dilemma in the comment box. Thanks!

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Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s desire to write. In addition to being a stay at home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.

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Cultivating Kindness Toward Children with Special Needs

Author Karen Whiting is visiting Different Dream today with some ideas from the new book she wrote with co-author Doreen Hanna. Raising a Young Modern-Day Princess is all about growing fruits of the Spirit in little girls. In this post, she shares strategies she learned from experience about cultivating kindness toward children with special needs.

Cultivating Kindness Toward Children with Special Needs

Learning to Help a Brother with Special Needs

Growing up with a brother who was developmentally delayed helped me understand some of the special needs and extra time it takes for some children to learn. But their hearts are often so big and loving. One of my brother’s friends spoke about children being unkind to her. She wasn’t holding a grudge, but said that she didn’t worry about their words because she knew God and her parents loved her. She felt accepted and valued. Those are key to growing the Fruit of the Spirit.

I recall when my mother asked me to teach my brother about money. I took coins and we worked slowly each day on one concept at a time like changing a nickel with five pennies or 2 nickels for a dime. I made up games we played for days at a time until a concept or skill clicked. I knew he could learn but not the same speed or way I learned.

Helping Your Child Understand Kindness

The same ideas work with faith lessons. We want the Fruit of the Spirit to grow in our children, but for special needs children the growing season is longer and parents needs to have those fruits grow in them too, including to continue to be kind when feeling depleted and frustrated.

To grow a fruit we must plant a seed. In cultivating kindness, we must be kind to our children. We can introduce one trait, plant one seed, at a time to our children and not worry about moving to the next until the one clicks. Let’s look at kindness. It’s hard for young children to grasp the idea of being kind to someone.

Identify the trait. When a family member does a kind deed say. “That’s was kind of you.” Or “That shows kindness.” Picture kindness by posting pictures of kind actions. Move on to let your child identify kindness. Use yes and no signs your children can hold and state an action (or hold up a picture) and ask the children if that was kind. Children can hold up the yes or no sign.

Illustrate kindness with touch. Have children touch a pompom or stuffed animal and talk about the softness. Then touch a rock and talk about the hardness. State that being kind is like giving someone something soft, like a word that makes them smile while not being kind is like giving hitting a person with a rock that hurts.

Remember the three Rs of Teaching Children

Reinforce kindness by praising children with hugs, words, or actions when they shows kindness .
Use kindness in your routines. For example, tuck children in bed with kind words and a kind hug and state, “I love being kind to you.”
Remind children that God loves kindness by reading a Scripture related to kindness each morning, such as Ephesians 4:32 or Acts 28:2.

Hopefully, a child with special needs will receive a little kindness and you will, too, by cultivating kindness in your children!

Do you like what you see at jolenephilo.com/? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.

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Karen Whiting is a mother of five and grandmother of 12. She is also the sister of an adult brother who has developmental disabilities. She has other family members with special needs including vision impairment, ADHD, and autism spectrum. She writes to help grow wholesome families. She’s written twenty-two books. Her newest books are Raising a Young Modern Day Princess: Growing the Fruit of the Spirit in Your Little Girl (Focus on the Family) and Christmas is Coming: Waiting is Hard (Abingdon Press). Her minor study in college was child development with an emphasis in child pathology.