by jphilo | Aug 2, 2010 | Daily Life
Almost three years ago, I compared an undignified plop into the tube tied to our friend’s pontoon boat to my first ploppy attempt at blogging. My desire was for a slow, sedate ride in both endeavors. Hence the title of the post: That’s Fast Enough.
Yesterday, I went tubing again. This time the tube was tied to my cousin’s speed boat. The ride was anything but slow and sedate, at least according to my idea of speed. The ride made me think about family events which, in my eyes, have occurred at lighting speed during the three years between tube rides. Here’s the short list:
- Mom is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Moves in with my brother’s family in 2007. Her house sells in March of 2008.
- I get contract for A Different Dream for My Child in February of 2008. Deliver manuscript by January 1, 2009 deadline. Discovery House Publishers releases it in September of 2009, and the next several months are dedicated to promoting it – all over Iowa, with trips to Minnesota, California, West Virginia, and Florida thrown in for a change in scenery. I also start second blog, www.DifferentDream.com, a companion website for the book.
- Son leaves monastery and is treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) caused by early childhood invasive medical trauma. Finds old sweetheart, new job and own apartment, in that order. Engaged in July 2009, married April 11, 2010.
- Daughter meets boyfriend in spring of 2009. Engaged in November 2009, married July 11, 2010.
- Discovery House offers me a new contract for Different Dream Parenting on April 12, 2010, one day after son’s wedding, two months and twenty-nine days before daughter’s wedding…proof that God has a sense of humor. Book deadline is April 1, 2011.
Whew! Over the past three years, things have moved way too fast. So far there hasn’t been time to reflect upon them. So I’m hoping the rest of this year will be like me at the end of yesterday’s tube ride. The boat stopped moving, I finally had time to strike a pose, smile, and enjoy my day in the sun.
With that in mind, could the Guy in charge please slow down my wild ride so I can think for a while, then grab a pencil and start writing? In fact, could He stop the boat? For a month or two, that would be plenty fast enough.
by jphilo | Jul 13, 2010 | Daily Life
After a week of wedding company, Hiram and I took only a day to adjust to having the house to ourselves again. So imagine our surprise this morning when we discovered an unexpected guest on our doorstep.
I mean that literally. When I went to shut the French door in the dining room, which I’d opened earlier to let in some fresh air, a chubby, warty toad graced our doorstep, frantically trying to reach the patio. His original plan to spring out the joint was a no go, since he had neither the weight or momentum to bust through the screen door. Now and then he hopped up high enough to cling to the screen, a la Garfield the cat, and hang suspended. Highly entertaining for us, but Mr. Toad didn’t laugh.
We should have expected the warty visitor. Toads have been especially abundant this summer. I’ve shooed a fair number of toads out of the screened porch and garage. Even before the wedding crowd arrived, the yard’s been awash with other wanna be house guests – a bat or two in the attic, some small critter using the screened in porch as an outhouse, a muskrat under the porch, and wasps in the garage. Yesterday twin fawns decided the coast was clear, escaped from their mother, and gamboled about our quiet yard for several minutes. Then Mom arrived and put an end to their fun, leading them to the woods where they disappeared.
But back to the toad hanging on the screen door. I was not happy to see him as I’m done hostessing for the time being. And how do you show a toad hospitality anyway? Are they big on small talk? Where do they like to sleep? Do they use hand towels? Remember to flush? What do they eat? I have no answers to these questions and don’t want to do the research.
Finally, we showed the little fella some mercy and opened the screen door so he could hop free. He didn’t move. Finally, Hiram gave him a little toe nudge and our house guest ran, er, hopped for the hills. Of course we don’t have hills, just a gently slopping brick patio, but “hopped for the hills” sounds so much more dramatic and uses alliteration, so I couldn’t resist.
Hopefully Mr. Toad will spread the word.
This house is no fun.
The party’s over.
The food is bad.
And wedding crowd, if you had a good time here and plan on coming back some day, please keep your mouths shut about the weekend fun.
Especially around toads.
by jphilo | Jun 28, 2010 | Daily Life
When I was teaching school, raising kids, riding herd on defective canines, serving on too many church committees and taking graduate classes every summer I always had my windows washed by the middle of June. So how come, seven years post-teaching career, with the kids grown, the dog shipped off to my brother and his sweet wife, my church work pared to the bare minimum and no more sitting at the feet of professors, it’s June 28th and the windows still aren’t washed?
Correction. One window is washed. One measly kitchen window, the one pictured above, which I washed this morning because I could no longer stand the dead soy beetles that cascade down whenever I open the window.
I’m thinking the wedding guests might find the rain of the soy beetle corpses a tad bit gross, too, so the top item on this week’s to do list is WASH WINDOWS. Yes, the words are written in all caps. And yes, they shout at me every time I consult the list.
Now I know what you’re thinking. This woman is a compulsive nut. Her daughter’s getting married in two weeks, and she’s washing windows. That’s what you’re thinking.
But you are wrong! This item has been on the list since April, and every week I’ve calmly transferred it to the next week – or the week after that – depending on my schedule and the weather, which has not cooperated for the past two weeks. Such flexibility and good humor does not describe someone in the grips of compulsivity, now does it?
With this week’s forecast for sunshine and mild temperatures, this is my Carpe Diem opportunity. It’s time to seize the day, and wash a couple easy windows every morning before sitting down to write. It’s time to seize the husband in the evenings so he can help with the hard to reach windows, including the one covered with bird droppings which is adjacent to the oak tree under which the sweethearts will be married. It’s time to seize the week and clean to my heart’s content, banishing the soy beetle corpses to a watery grave.
Some of you may consider all this seizure activity as further evidence of compulsiveness. I prefer to describe it as concern for our house guests. Whatever way you look at it, one fact remains. With one window down and twenty-nine to go, it’s time to seize the windows.
By the fistful.
by jphilo | Jun 14, 2010 | Daily Life
These days, I’m worrying about the yard. First, the warm April weather fooled the summer flowers into blooming two weeks early even though May turned cold. Now, a week of heavy rain and predictions of more to come put the whole state under a flood watch. So I’m looking for someone or something to blame for my daughter’s unshakable decision to have her wedding in our yard on July 11.
You see, the wedding has become a constant source of yard angst for me. Will all the flowers be done blooming before the wedding? If the rains continue, will the yard be a yishy, squishy mess? Will the creeping Charlie be too noticeable? Will the weeds in the flower beds take over? Will the weather be too hot, too cold, too wet, too dry, too windy, too still?
I found the perfect outlet for my yard angst. It’s the young red oak in our yard. We planted in during Anne’s childhood. She waited year after patient year for the sapling to get big enough to climb, which she did frequently once her dad declared it a tree. Since then, it’s gotten big enough to cast a respectable amount of shade on hot, summer days. And on cool fall afternoons, it glows red and glorious. Despite its usefulness and beauty, between now and the wedding, I plan to blame it for my yard angst every single day.
After all, it’s a perfect whipping post. When I start railing about the wedding, it can’t walk away. It can’t spout off a snappy comeback or argue with my logic. It’s too flexible for straight line winds to snap it, too deeply rooted for a flood to wash it away, and too far from the house to fall on it during a tornado.
Ahh, I’m beginning to understand why Anne fell in love with her tree. Not enough to climb the darn thing (no need for height angst to keep the yard angst company), but enough to go along with her romantic whim. At least until the next round of yard angst sets in.
How much longer until July 11?
by jphilo | Jun 1, 2010 | Daily Life
Yesterday was one of those days. You know the kind. You wake up and make your to do list, realizing it’s slightly ambitious but confident that if you just put your mind to it, you can work your way through it and get to the really important stuff, like getting ahead on writing because you’re going to be out of town later in the week.
My list started with laundry, which I started as soon as I got out of bed. I moved on watering the flowerbeds and outdoor pots, moving the hose each time I finished a lap of my walk. As soon as that was done, I hung clothes on the line and was feeling pretty pleased with myself until the phone rang. Someone who bought a copy of A DIfferent Dream for My Child at Mom’s Memorial Day Reunion wanted to stop by and buy ten more. Who could say no to a deal like that? Quickly, I cleaned up, ate breakfast and counted out the books.
The phone rang.
The same lady was one the line, spelling out names for the inscriptions on the books. Once those were ready, I hung more clothes on the line, sent in the monthly Melaleuca order, and posted the day’s blog.
The phone rang.
This time, it was a friend from South Dakota, calling to make sure we would be at the Sky Ranch Anniversary celebration later this week. Of course we had to talk for awhile, and by the time we ended the conversation, I wondered if there would be time in the day to get ahead on the writing so I can leave for the reunion Thursday as planned.
The doorbell rang.
It was the book buyer. Once the sale was complete, I raced to the grocery store and came home to unload them.
The phone rang.
The eye doctor’s secretary called to remind me of an appointment tomorrow. I thanked her and eyed my to do list. So much to do before getting to the writing stuff.
The phone rang.
It was someone from a hotel where I’d attended a college reunion some years back. Were we interested in planning another one? I said no, hung up and went outside to take most of the clothes off the line, folded them and ate a quick lunch.
The phone rang.
A friend from church had been to the daughter’s wedding website and had an enigmatic shower gift question about their superhero kitchen theme. She wouldn’t say much about her plans, and I ended the call, very curious indeed. I took the last few clothes off the line, came back inside and started writing.
The phone rang.
Someone from Des Moines inquiring about a speaking engagement, but it didn’t work out. I went back to writing, but my mind kept wandering to the Bryant School Open House later in the day. Bryant was my kids’ elementary school, and my Camelot for so many years. It’s closing at the end of this school year, and I’m going back for one last visit before the doors are locked forever.
I didn’t really have time, not with that unfinished to do list.
But the sounds of Bryant School rang in my ears – happy voices of children playing outside, chanting multiplication facts, and singing Christmas carols, my former co-workers laughing in the teachers’ lounge, their tears when tragedies struck, their encouragement when life grew hard, and their good-byes at the end of each school year.
I didn’t really have the time to go, but I went anyway. The to do list could wait. Saying good-bye for the last time could not.
Good-bye, Camelot. Good-bye.
by jphilo | May 27, 2010 | Daily Life
First the iPod, next the iPhone, now the iPad. Kinda makes you wonder what Apple will come up with next.
Well, I found out when a sturdy, but beautifully designed (like all Apple products) envelope arrived in our mailbox a week after my new laptop computer came to live at our house. The envelope was from the Apple Fulfillment Center. Yup, that’s what the return address and the letterhead and all the fancy designs said: The Apple Fulfillment Center. Think Santa’s Workshop for big people.
Wow.
With trembling fingers, I opened the envelope. What could it be? My own personal dream come true? A Make a Wish Foundation for adults, even ones who are healthy? A swimming pool for the back yard, complete with someone to clean it every day all summer? A ten year free pass on the airline of my choice? My mind was a chaos of possibilities as I reached in and pulled out…the AppleCare Extended Service.
Wow.
That’s Apple’s idea of fulfillment? An extended warranty document? If so, then I think the stereotypical image of computer people – a bunch of geeks who think computers are good for whatever ails a person – is true. Their concept of fulfillment makes me feel sorry for their spouses. I can see them opening birthday cards from their strangely fulfilled mates. I bet the cards are written in binary code. And for Christmas, they get extended warranty documents with a note saying, “Fulfilling your dreams for the next 1095 days. Please keep this card as your receipt.”
Wow.
The way I look at it, Apple has a big marketing problem now. I mean, where do they go from here? If their customers are fulfilled, they won’t want anything else, right? Unless, of course, they come out with every kid’s dream gift – the iPony, and every adult’s dream spouse – the iPerson, programmed to be at one’s beck and call 24/7 until the three year warranty runs out. I could use one of those.
Wow.
