by jphilo | May 17, 2013 | Family
Camp Dorothy is the place to be after a rocky start yesterday. Late Thursday morning, Mom and I thought we had the world by the tail after the doctor’s office completed her appointment and blood draw in record, painless time. We hopped in the car and headed to Ames for lunch.
Mom wanted to go to a restaurant that serves breakfast because a) she hadn’t eaten breakfast because the doc wanted a fasting blood draw, and b) she always wants to eat breakfast when we go out. Mom was practically salivating when we entered the Ames establishment, which shall remain nameless, at noon. We were seated quickly, and things went downhill from there.
- When the waitress brought our coffee, she brought only one cup and a pot full of decaf for me. Nothing for Mom because, the waitress explained, they’d just started a new pot of regular. It would be done in a jiffy.
- Then she said a different waitress was taking over our table.
- Five minutes later, when the new waitress came to take our order, she didn’t bring Mom’s coffee. Mom looked as pathetic as possible while I explained how hungry AND THIRSTY my frail, elderly mother was. Our histronics made little impression on the waitress.
- Five minutes later, Mom finally got coffee.
- Five minutes after that, our orders came, and we dug in.
- One minute later, I realized the cheese hadn’t been left off my salad as requested.
- One minute after that, the waitress took my food back to the kitchen.
- Ten minutes later, my new salad arrived just as Mom finished her meal.
- While Mom watched me eat, she decided the strawberry-rhubarb piekin pictured on the table display looked mighty tasty, so she flagged down the waitress and ordered one for each of us.
- Five minutes later, the strawberry-rhubarb piekins made us forget all about the rocky start to Camp Dororthy. While we ate them, we decided to go to breakfast at The Dutch Oven Bakery in Boone on Friday morning.
Because the camp director decided breakfast is the obvious theme for for this session of Camp Dorothy. To paraphrase what my then three-year-old son said to his daddy the first time they walked to the bottom of a roadside ditch to pee, “Camp Dorothy is gonna be fun!”
by jphilo | Jan 7, 2013 | Daily Life
Our little stairway to hell’s heaven’s been a long time coming, but this week it’s one step closer to completion. The current remodeling project began with the words, “It won’t take long or cost much to replace the flooring in the stairway and the upstairs hall.”
That sentence reflects the total break from reality required to begin any remodeling project–at least at our house. Take a look a the timeline of the project thus far to get an idea of how far from reality those words were:
Late April, 2012–Hiram removes the grungy carpet from the stairs and second floor hallway in just one weekend while Jolene is gone.
Early May, 2012–We spend a few weeks reassuring one another that the stairs are in pretty good shape, in need of just a little woodwork sanding, paint, and carpet runner to look good. We need the reassurance because the hallway floor is ancient oak plank, complete with square nails. It needs new subfloor before the hardwood floor can be laid. Plus, we have to locate hardwood to match the two boxes left over from laying the living room and dining room floor 6 years ago.
Late May, 2012–Hiram blows a disk in his back. All remodeling on hold.
Late June, 2012–While recovering from back surgery, Hiram does an internet search and finds a place to order the hardwood. It costs an arm and a leg, which hardly seems fair when we’re already paying for Hiram’s new back. But since it will take 2–3 months to get here, we have time to pay off at least one body part before it arrives.
Late September, 2012–The flooring is almost forgotten as we anticipate the arrival of our first grandchild. When we remember and Hiram thinks his back is strong enough to carry boxes, he calls the store. They say the order’s been there for 3 weeks. Maybe their phone only takes incoming calls?
Late October, 2012–We forget to call the flooring guy after the arrival of our new grandchild. Since everyone will be at our house for Thanksgiving, we tell the carpenter not to come until after Thanksgiving.
Late November, 2012–The carpenter calls. He’s a hunter. He can’t come until the weekend before Christmas.
Weekend before Christmas, 2012–The carpenter gets half the floor laid. It’s the weekend of Camp Dorothy. Mom’s nap is quite interrupted. She is not amused. But she doesn’t complain. Much.
Weekend before New Year, 2012–Floor is completed. It looks great. All that remains is to complete our stairway to hell heaven is sanding and painting woodwork, picking out and installing a carpet runner. We try to reassure one another that the work’ll be quick, easy, and inexpensive.
Sigh.
by jphilo | Dec 24, 2012 | Family
Thanks to Winter Storm Draco, the winter session of Camp Dorothy started a day late. Things finally got rolling Saturday afternoon, after Hiram brought Mom to our house. The first order of business was lunch, followed by baking caramel rolls for the neighbors. Dorothy participated in the first, but declined the second, choosing instead to take a nap.
The nap ended before the rolls were done.
So Dorothy staked out her spot on the sofa and amused herself by reading a novel and working a few crossword puzzles. Hiram stepped in as activity director and organized a rousing Uno tournament that was enjoyed by all. Evening activities included supper, caramel rolls, Wheel of Fortune, and requests by someone for lap blankets and a footstool before camp goers watched the Coen remake of True Grit. Not everyone lasted to the end of the movie. At breakfast, I told Mom that Mattie Ross lost her arm, but lived to see another day, thanks to Rooster Cogburn.
Of course, I left out the gory details since we were eating.
Sunday was busy, what with left over caramel rolls to eat at breakfast, a morning nap while the camp director and activity director went to church, watching the camp director make apple crisp for dessert after lunch, naps all around in the afternoon, novels to read, and a spot on the sofa to guard from interlopers. Apparently, that spot is the Camp Dorothy version of Mom’s favorite red chair at home.
If you ever go to visit her there, DON’T SIT IN THE RED CHAIR!
All in all, a good Sunday even though Vanna, Pat, Judge Judy, and Alex Trebek all take the day off. Which, when considered in the right light, is good news. Because on Monday afternoon, after Camp Dorothy ends, those perky television personalities will be well rested and raring to go when Mom settles back into the red chair for hours of viewing pleasure.
Back to you, Pat Sajak.
by jphilo | Dec 21, 2012 | Family
Well, well, well, Winter Storm Draco is certainly living up to his enemy-of-Harry-Potter namesake. With a second day of school closings, Draco’s evil, icy tentacles have stilled any remaining visions of sugar plums dancing in the heads of central Iowa elementary students looking forward to today’s school Christmas parties.
Not only that, nasty old Draco pushed back a whole bunch of Philo phamily phun by a day. Camp Dorothy, scheduled to run from Friday through Monday, won’t start until tomorrow. Hiram called once he got to work this morning and said the roads are still nasty, too nasty for 84-year-old women and their wimpy daughters to tackle.
Camp Dorothy’s namesake took the news in stride. “Better safe than sorry” were her exact words. Her reply might have been different had she known we’re having pork steak and apples, one of her personal favorites, for supper tonight. Then again, the cook where she lives said he’s making several kinds of soup for tonight. If one is oyster stew, Mom’ll be smiling.
But enough chit chat. Draco delayed Camp Dorothy until tomorrow, but the preparations commence immediately: pillows to plump, applesauce to inject with giggles, weekend schedules for Wheel of Fortune to check, Uno decks to locate, and much, much more.
Expect a full report Monday. Unless the weekend festivities leave the activity director utterly spent and speechless–an event Camp Dorothy’s namesake says she’s never witnessed since the day her second daughter spoke her first word.
by jphilo | Jul 27, 2012 | Family
I’m not sure how to break this to all you Camp Dorothy fans but the Happy Birthday to Dorothy’s Daughter Camp, scheduled to begin today, has been cancelled. I know, I’m disappointed, too.
No Jeopardy.
No Judge Judy.
No Wheel of Fortune.
No listening to Mom relive the details of my birth while I blow out the birthday candles.
But, I find solace in knowing London and the International Olympic Committee are throwing a great big party in my honor. They’re calling it the 2012 London Olympics Opening Ceremony, but I like to think of it as my personal birthday extravaganza.
Now, don’t get the wrong idea. I know the Olympic Committee isn’t pulling out all the stops just for me, an obscure Iowa woman who wants to celebrate her birthday with a maximum of hoopla. They’re throwing it for me and Dorothy Hamill.
You know Dorothy Hamill.
The American figure skater who won Olympic gold in 1976.
Who happened to be born on July 26, 1956.
So our mothers tell birthing stories that happened only 24 hours apart.
I feel kinda bad that they’re throwing our party on my 56th birthday instead of hers. After all, she’s the Olympic champion. I would have gladly agreed to hold the party a day before my birthday instead of the day after hers. But that pesky Olympic Planning Committee didn’t even consult with me about the date. They probably didn’t check with Dorothy either.
But we birthday girls aren’t going to dwell on that. Instead, we’re going to enjoy all the international attention and thank God for blessing our lives with more goodness than either of us deserve.
Happy birthday to us…and let the games begin!
