This blog post is directed to the yahoo who buried the pig head carved from a coconut in my doll collection. Yes, it’s pathetic that I finally noticed if over a month after you “won” it in the white elephant gift exchange New Year’s weekend. In my own defense, the ploy worked when Elliot hid ET, surrounded by Drew Barrymore’s stuffed animals, in plain sight.
For your information, Hiram didn’t notice it either.
Of course, no one ever accused either of us of being particularly observant, and maybe that’s what you were counting on. How many of you were in on the subterfuge? Have you been calling each other up and sniggering about it? Did you have a betting pool going to see how long it would take us to find it? If so, whoever has February 7, 2011 at 6:00 AM is the winner. (That would be the day after the Packers won the Super Bowl, in case you’re wondering.)
Personally, I think it’s pretty pathetic that you didn’t take the gift I pawned off to your own home. After all, I sucked it up and carted home the elf fart I won last year. Not only that, I kept track of it for 12 months and rewrapped it so some other sucker could take it home for 2011.
For your information, this raises the stakes for next year’s white elephant gift exchange. You will see the coconut pig head again, along with the Bonanza Christmas CD I relocated the other day. If you win that puppy, it’ll come with headphones, and you’ll be forced to listen to it. All of it.
Start choosing your own white elephant weapons. Unless you want to appease me by forking over the squirrel underpants. Then I’ll forget the whole thing.
Otherwise,
this
is
war.
