Last night my sister and I went to the Minneapolis Guthrie Theater production of the comedy classic, Arsenic and Old Lace. You know, the one with the two little old lady maiden aunts who take in lonely, old men as borders. Once they determine the denominational affiliation of the boarders, they offer them elderberry wine laced with poison. Then, they bury the bodies in the cellar, after conducting a funeral service in keeping with the deceased religious leanings. The aunts and their nephew, Teddy, call the cellar Panama. Cause Teddy believes he’s Theodore Roosevelt and obediently digs graves in Central America whenever the aunts turn up another yellow fever victim.
Of course, the Guthrie’s production was just a wee bit better than the high school and community theater productions I’ve seen. The Guthrie troupe added an extra dash of excitement when the loudspeaker system aired a tornado warning part way through the first act. True professionals, the actors finished the act without missing a beat. The audience members stayed in their seats, as instructed by a loud speaker announcement once the actors left the stage. I don’t know why the others didn’t head to lower ground, but the penny pinching roots my sister and I share kept us in our seats. We intended to get full value from our discounted, rush seats, by golly. Periodically, reassuring updates came over the loudspeaker.Once in a while my sister said, “I want to go to Panama.” Other than that and a vigilant watch for airborne old ladies riding bicycles, we weathered the storm with great dignity. Once the storm passed, the performance resumed, and a good time was had by all.
At least until I remembered my previous theater-going experience in April. During a performance at our daughter’s college, we heard rain pounding on the roof. Then my cousin received a text from her husband at home 20 miles away: Tornado warnings & hail all around. Check weather before u come home. The bad weather missed us, but I see a disturbing trend developing here? So what do you think?
Should I warn people who invite me to the theater?
Or should I deflect bad weather by suggesting we skip theater and rent Red Box movies?
Or should I register as an early weather alert system?
I could notify the nearest National Weather Service any time a theater performance is on my schedule. Then they could issue a tornado warning and suggest that everyone immediately seek shelter in Panama.
It has possibilities, don’t you think?
