Plane trips from here to there and back again have lost their luster in the last few years. Maybe because airlines are cutting amenities right and left. Maybe because more of my travel is for business rather than for fun. Maybe because I’m getting older and crankier. But I’m hoping this list of the top ten things to take on a plane trip will put the glitter and shine back into my next up, up, and away adventure.
10. A five day food supply. Airline snacks aren’t enough to keep Barbie and Ken alive, much less full-sized humans. So it’s best to take enough for the time in the air plus enough to keep me going for a few days in case of delays in the airport.
9. A personal assistant. Take someone along to organize boarding passes and itineraries, know the whereabouts of my picture ID at all times, carry luggage, watch my carry-on bag while I use the bathroom, and keep me from acting like a crazy person when things don’t go according to plan. Not that I’ve ever acted like that before, but it’s always good to be prepared.
8. Pilot speak translation program. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a little gizmo to plug in when the pilot’s voice comes over the intercom? Imagine being able to understand what he or she says?
7. Odd Couple DVD. For reference purposes when my sinuses start acting up. That way I can practice and imitate Felix’s “Mmmah. mmmah” and then make everyone suffer with me.
6. Spanx or a girdle. Because the seats on the airplane keep getting smaller and smaller. Plus I want to look my best for the full body scan at security.
5. Airsick bags. Anybody else notice the absence of these essential items from the seat pocket? Ever since a friend of mine told how she became the recipient of the contents of her seatmate’s stomach, I pack my own bag, just in case.
4. Drool catcher. I’m working on the prototype for this. A small, kidney-shaped bowl that can be suction-cupped below the lower lip. It could save a lot of embarrassment for messy nappers.
3. Hidden camera. To record those who use items listed in #5 and #4.
2. Hazmat Suit. In case I need to use the bathroom on the airplane.
1. A sense of humor. Essential if you want to make new friends instead of alienating fellow travelers.
What’s on your list of top 10 things to take on a plane trip? Leave a comment!
